Are You Boy Crazy?

Are you boy crazy? Well, take my little test to find out. Have you ever…

•Ditched a friend for a guy?

•Prayed endlessly that God would make a certain guy notice you?

•Changed your relationship status before you knew how he felt for sure?

 

•Posted a profile picture that had just a touch of the porn look?

•Posted a profile picture that had an obvious porn look?

•Had more than one guy in the mix at a time?

•Daydreamed about what your life would be like as Mrs. (fill in the blank.)

•Dated someone your parents disapproved of?

•Cried because you’re single?
•Expected something from your husband that only God can give?

•Filled your journal with more thoughts about guys than God

If you said yes to one or more of the above…baby, you have the craving.

The violent craving.

You have it. Your friends have it. Your mom had it. Your grandma had it. Your great grandma had it. It’s been around a while.

Thousands of generations of woman have experienced it.

The craving is a part of the Curse, which means it dates all the way back to Eve. After she and Adam sinned, God showed up to explain that things would never be the same. To Eve, he talked about the craving. Genesis 3:16b reads:

Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

The word desire is critical here. Two respected theologians  once said that the Hebrew language evokes a “desire bordering on disease.” They also said that the desire might best be called a “violent craving.”[i] In the original language of the Bible, God used some pretty expressive wording to describe what women would experience in relation to men after The Fall. We simply hunger for them.

Feeding The Craving

There is hope. I’ll share it with you in my upcoming release, Get Lost: A Girl’s Guide To Finding True Love. But first, to quiet the craving, you’ll need to recognize how it’s manifesting in your life. The craving makes us all insatiably hungry for the attention of a guy, but each of us feeds it in a slightly different way.

I asked college-aged women who follow my blog to share how the violent craving has shown up in their life. I think you’ll agree that that feeding it hasn’t helped them:

I have felt the violent craving expressed as jealousy toward my peers that have boyfriends. How foolish I felt, to feel jealous instead of happy, when a friend started dating a guy I DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO DATE..

“… elementary school to high school, I didn’t get the attention I wanted. I was the chunky monkey that everyone went to for a good laugh. It wasn’t until I got to be around 16 I got the attention from guys, and it got the best of me and took one of the most valuable things from me—my virginity. I lost it to a friend who liked my sister and respected her, but thought I would be the easier choice. And he was right.”

My main regret would be that I haven’t spent my time enjoying my singleness.

That “violent craving” led me to pornography, which is definitely a regret I have in my life. It controlled me for years and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t beat it.”

My craving started at the age of 12 when my dad passed away. I longed for a man to notice me. I wanted that attention. I dressed to attract men and wanted a man’s approval.

They shared countless such stories, each expressing a sense of “eureka” at finally having a name for their ailment! Of all the voices who offered examples of how they express, deny, loathe, live in, and ache from the craving, it was a sweet seventeen-year-old girl whose experience mostly closely described the effects of the Genesis 3:16 curse. She wrote:

I’m seventeen. Raised by a very liberal mother and an extremely conservative father. That marriage didn’t work out. It ended when I was seven. Since then, I’ve always been very angry about marriage and cynical of love, due to it causing much pain, loneliness, and anxiety in my life. I swore I’d never marry. But even with all that confusion and anger, I still desperately wanted to be noticed and passionately loved by a man. I wanted someone to see and know me. The first guy I had any real relationship with, I clung to for four years, desperate for his attention and love. During those four years, I made many mistakes. I gave him everything I could physically and emotionally just to keep him around (except the actual act of sex). He was a need. A necessity. But why? I hated marriage, yet wanted a man.

She “hated marriage, yet wanted a man.” I believe that’s the modern-day aftermath of the Fall. The consequence of Original Sin—and all that’s been done by women since then to rebel against God’s design— results in both a hatred of God-designed marriage and an insatiable longing for the presence of a guy. (The craving may not cause you to actually hate marriage, but you may hate God’s specific design and purpose for it.  A lot of us are struggling with that!)

But Song of Songs reveals the antidote for what ails us.

Solomon and the Maiden demonstrate that love restores balance and brings healing that transforms the very nature of the desire.

Dr. Daniel Estes asserts that in this scene “their intimacy has progressed to the extent that it functions to counteract the damaging effects on marriage that were introduced by the curse.”[ii]

Love Crushes The Curse

In the closing scene of Songs we find a, powerfully haunting reference to the ultimate result of the Curse: death. And agape’s ability to crush it.

From the day that little piece of fruit was plucked from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, all of humanity has been destined to know and experience death. Because we sin. We choose to act against God’s intended design for creation. Lying. Greed. Jealousy. Mean girl moments. Laziness. Porn. Cutting. Pride. Those sins result in death, in separation from the God who created us and loves us.

But here, at the end of the story, we find relief from even that.

“Love is as strong as death,

… as fierce as the grave.”

(Song of Songs 8:6) 

What? You should be saying to me. You’re suggesting that human love can overturn the sentence of death that came through The Curse? Nope. Not at all. In her song about Solomon’s love, the Maiden is actually describing a greater reality. She points to God as the true Source of this love she has found in Solomon. Let’s look at the broader context of her song:

“Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is as strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.”

Song of Songs 8:6,7

She finally sees that her love for Solomon and the love she receives from him are flashes of fire from the “very flame of God.” Let me be clear: they are both so rooted in God’s love that their love is an extension of it. This girl has gotten so lost in God that only a guy seeking Him could find her heart.

You have these choices before you, and I want you to actually CIRCLE one in this book so you can remember what you’ve chosen.

A.)  You can fight the craving for a guy with legalistic, rule-based methods. I think God’s gentle spirit has nudged me not to specifically name any. But you’ll know legalism by its taking away of something (dating, for example) without replacing it with something that can fill the hole. It’s defined by withholding—losing something.

B.)   You can feed your craving. You’ve probably been there and done that. Did it work? You physically gain something, but not what you were really needing.

C.)  Or you can give the craving to God and let Him satisfy you with Himself. If He gives you a guy too, then you’ll know how to fully appreciate the gift! If he doesn’t, you’ll be OK.

If you have chosen C, you’re ready to Get Lost. Watch for my book in April!

 


[i] Carl Friedrich Keil and Franz Delitzsch, Biblical Commenatry on the Old Testament: Genesis Chapter 3, [1857-78], at sacred-texts.com, retrieved September 27, 2012

[ii] Fredericks & Estes, 397

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13 Comments

  • Wow! Great blog! I always wondered what God ment when he said those words to eve….Now I know why girls can have cravings for guys.

  • Dana – I just finished reading “How to Keep the Little in Your Girl” and really loved it. I am working through the “8 Great Dates” with that girl I am committed to keeping ‘little’, and loving every moment of connectedness it has offered. Any such kit in the works for us to do with our sons? Or for Dads and sons? Eight great “man-dates” for us and our ‘little’ men? Could ya get Bob and Rob in on the action??

  • I LOVED this blog post! As a teen myself I can definately relate. I wish so badly that somehow I could get this message across to girls everywhere. I have a blog for teens, and I hope to gain a larger audience so I can share these powerful words with teens everywhere. theleadingfollower.wordpress.com

  • I loved this post! As a teen myself, I am quite aware of all these emotions, thoughts, and feelings. The message you displayed in this blog post really spoke to me, and its something all girls should hear. I will be attending the Pure Freedom event today, and this got me even more excited about it. I have a blog myself, (theleadingfollower.wordpress.com), for teens and I hope that we teens can change this generation, reject who the world wants us to be, become followers of God, and leaders of the world!

  • I have had my fair share of the symptoms of the violent craving. I was much too shy or overweight to even think of boys until 17. Even then I felt forced to go for a guy. I did yearn for a man, thinking it would complete me. Then I went off to bible school and was surrounded by men seeking after God. That’s where my violent craving took up a big root. Now that I’m in my thirties, and still single, I found your book to be just what I need. I always thought God needs to be number one. Now I know that the only way for my craving to be filled is to accept the unfailing love of God.

  • Im a high school student . Desperate for physical intimacy and to be held . im frustrated!!!!! .im such a romance movie.Its kinda hard to talk about it with God . Struggle with this desperation so much .

    • Single and desperate, maybe you should start talking to someone other than God! I know that sounds so wrong, but the fact is…he has given us each other for encouragement and accountability. It sounds like you need a big dose of that and a lot of hugs! Maybe getting loved and hugged in a healthy platonic way will ebb the ache a little and I know you need some accountability and encouragement. Who can you reach out to and talk to today?

  • Yes I agree with you on all that you are saying .Although ive tried talking to people about it /similar thing and they say “God has someone for you” ,you need to make a choice to stop(sex scene watching on youtube) im going to be truly honest , the wait is hard . I Know i am obsessed with marriage and intimacey Are these feelings okay? i see couples and think i wish that was me . Dont get me wrong i really want to do things Gods-ways and im never going to try purposely go out and sleep with a guy . I Hope it doesnt offend you but reading books on purity they arent enough for me only to an extent . even though they work for others . I Do think they are good though I Think 7 sexual purity book is excellent . i hope you aren’t offended . i do really appreciate what you are doing to help teens its fantastic 🙂 i hope you hear my heart . thankyou dannah

    • Hey single and desperate. How old are you? Maybe you need a book on love, not purity. Have you read GET LOST: A Girl’s Guide To Finding True Love? I think you’d like it and it might redirect the romantic desires to a place where you find what you really need!

      • 17. Its my last year of school this year . I will read the book ,thanks for the recommendation . and will think about i how i can get lots of physical touch but in a healthy way which will hopefully calm the crave .and will try seek out a mentor ,even though i don’t know who yet . Thank you Dannah for your help ,its much appreciated

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