Girls, we can’t wear anything we want. God’s words says that if we love him, we will obey him and he wants us to wear certain things and not others. And HE…not the guy…is the ultimate reason we live modestly. I realize that all too many books on modesty & purity risk suggesting that if you’re just a good Christian girl who wears her chastity belt and a silver ring on her left index finger, your prince charming will come. Without even realizing it, you might make a deal with God: I’ll give my heart to You, and You send a husband my was. But RESPECT FOR GOD, not a guy is the goal. The point of modesty and purity is not to showcase yourself for a godly guy, but to showcase GOD to the world!
The feminine modesty texts are about sexual allurement and direct a woman to demonstrate self-control and respect in the way she presents herself. But does this mean men are off the hook? And am I saying that if women dress modestly, men will not lust.
Girls, it’s great if you read this, but today I want to talk to guys. And moms of guys. And girlfriends of guys. And sisters of guys. And any woman that can influence one.
If any guys happen to be reading this I should probably start with this: don’t dress like the Abercrombie guy and for the love of all things decent pull your pants up over your boxers!
(Imagine deafening eruptions of cheers from the women reading this!)
But that’s not what I really want or need to communicate today.
Because it’s not what God’s word instructs me to say.
Here’s what I really have to say, guys: your lust is your responsibility. Period.
Is Christian culture sometimes formed more by secular lines of thinking than by biblical truth. Third wave feminism has posited the thought that teaching purity and modesty is a form of misogyny BECAUSE it is largely directed at women. They have even gone on the record that teaching modesty promotes rape culture. Does teaching modesty promote “rape culture”? A better question to begin with is this: does “rape culture” even exist?
Last year, a TIME Magazine article declared that it was “Time To End Rape Culture Hysteria.” Writer Caroline Kitchens championed the report of the nations leading anti-sexual violence organization, RAINN, which rebuked the overemphasis on the concept of “rape culture” as a means of preventing rape, citing that 90% of rapes on college campuses are committed by 3% of the male population. RAINN argues that rape is the product of individuals who have decided to disregard the overwhelming cultural messages that rape is wrong.
The fact is rape crime is on the decline. The National Crime Victimization Survey indicates that rape occurrence in the 1980’s was 2.4 per 1000 people. Now it is .4 per 1000. Even RAINN reports that sexual assault has fallen by more than 50% in recent years. That makes it no less vile, but it does mean we aren’t living in a rape culture.
The “modesty promotes rape culture” idea is a feminist dogma. It is scripture that should be informing the Christian conversation on sexuality, modesty, purity, and sex crimes; not the leading voices of third wave feminism.
Respect is at the heart of God’s intention for sexual expression. Lean in while I unveil to you one of the best-kept secrets in the Bible: a single word. The Hebrew word for sex. The Old Testament uses the word yada for sex. It means “to know, to be known, to be deeply respected.”
God’s very definition of sex transcends the physical act and emphasizes emotional knowing and an exchange of respect. Respect of others, and even of ourselves, requires self-control. This is one, though not the only reason, that our sexual lives must be characterized by self-control.
Morality aside, sex thrives in an atmosphere of control and respect. A study referenced in Sex in America found those having both the hottest and most frequent sex were not college co-eds with a variety of sexual partners but middle-aged people who embraced mutual lifetime monogamy out of respect for themselves and their partners. Another study concluded having more partners in their lifetime actually predicted less sexual satisfaction for men. Sexual self-control makes sense for both moral and practical reasons. You wanna have a great sex life? It’s got to begin with self-control.
I’m tickled silly pink to partner with Cedarville University to bring you an event for teen girls and their moms who want to grow closer to each other and closer to Christ. It’s also going to be a great event for women who lead youth groups to bring girls to in an effort to reduce boy-craziness and facilitate God-crazy leaders in your church. (We have group rates just for you.)
On-line dating is a $2.5 billion industry and with mediums like Seventeen magazine (largely read by middle school girls) introducing on-line dating to teens. That’s nuts! It’s imperative that we talk to teen girls about delaying virtual dating. I, in fact, advocate delaying the real thing, too. As the creator of Secret Keeper Girl, (Hi, I’m Dannah Gresh if we haven’t met) I’m always encouraging girls not to be boy-crazy but to be God-crazy. Moms and youth leaders who agree will want to get their tickets to my twelve-city tour this fall. The Pure Freedom Tour is based on this sentence from my latest book for teen girls: “A girl needs to get so lost in God that a guy has to seek Him to find her.”
While I don’t think a lot of Christian teens and middle school girls are using eHarmony or Match.com, it’s a conversation parents need to begin to have. If you just let your daughter or mentee follow the normal pattern of dating, she’ll jump on the boy crazy train and get lost in the wrong kind of love. This tour is a call to parents, youth pastors, and godly teens to join forces to cultivate God-crazy young women who are lost in Christ’s love.
Stephanie Skipper grew up under my ministry. She toured as a part of the Secret Keeper Girl team prior to kicking off her solo career. Having her and Tim be a part of this tour is very meaningful me. She waited for Tim. It had its ups and downs, but getting lost in God’s love helped her have staying power. She’s a great role model for today’s teen girls—one I want my own daughters to follow—and today’s girls need good role models.
Here are a few details about the event. I hope you’ll join me!
Your daughter will love the worship band we’ve put together to help her enter in the presence of God. Our worship team doesn’t just lead worship, it teaches teens to worship and invites them in with skill and interaction!
We know that open hearts are a great place to plant biblical truth, so we use interactive contests and games to get the audience laughing. Charmaine Porter, lead teacher for Secret Keeper Girl, or Erin Davis, author and blogger, will fill the role of emcee. They’ll even get some moms and daughters on stage to win prizes!
SOLID BIBLE TEACHING ON GOD’S LOVE & PURITY
I will open the word of God and challenge your daughter to be God-crazy not boy-crazy. Your daughter will be invited in to an on-line ten-day love feast (through my blog or social media if she is old enough to be on Facebook) in which teen girls take guys off the table and enter in to an on-line international devotional experience with other God-crazy girls across the nation to grow in their love for Christ as they wait in faithful purity for his plan concerning earthly love to be revealed one day.
What’s one of my events without a modest fashion show? But this one is like none other! We’ve designed something special and fun to remind your daughter to work on her inner garments and to let nothing distract from the good works she does.
The event targets 13-17 year olds and is appearing in the following cities in September and October and is powered by Cedarville University who will be offering multiple giveaways throughout the night!
Be sure to get a VIP ticket so you and your daughter can join me for dinner and a bonus teaching.
(Those tickets are limited so get them early.) See details below.
General admission provides general seating to live event with doors opening one hour in advance. The goal of the night will be to ask each attendee to join with me in a ten-day love feast in which guys are taken off the table and girls are invited to feast on God’s love together. I’ll will use the Internet to provide daily devotions and worship music videos to guide girls through the love feast. We’re going to turn the Internet into a good tool, fostering love for Christ through daily spiritual meat and a call to love God. A bonus of the night is drawing moms and daughters closer to each other, too.
VIP admission includes advance seating, private autograph session with me and Copperlily, and dinner with either me or Copperlily. I will have dinner with the mothers and present this can’t-be-missed bonus teaching: “How To Raise Sexually Pure Kids”, a workshop sponsored by Cedarville University. Copperlily will have dinner with the teen daughters and present an acoustic song to them and then answer Q&A’s. I know some girls will want to ask about their music, Nashville, and the industry but I’m going to be pushing the questions to be about their relationship. There’s no better example of a God-directed love than Tim and Stephanie Skipper. They are great role models for today’s teen girls!