“I feel like I am giving God the finger,” a young mother wrote to me recently. Her struggle was birth control. She was using it, and had a sense in her spirit that she was telling God she didn’t trust him and that He was not in control of her life.
She’s not alone.
Many Christian young women begin considering birth control as early as their college years, not because they are sexually active but because the evangelical world is re-thinking its opinion of The Pill. Did the Catholics have this birth control thing right?
When you think about it, was the mail order bride service our forefather’s used that different from eHarmony or Christian Mingle? Ok, ok! I know I just stepped on some feminists toes and I get that. There weren’t, as far as we know, mail-order husbands. So, let’s just get to the point of my brain’s meandering today and level the playing field while we look for some top quality husband-material for you.
Let me start with a question: what single quality most attracts you to a guy? (No really. Answer the question before you read on.)
My guest blogger Chanel Murray chose life in so many ways. I’ve witnessed the tears and even some shame, but what I will remember most is seeing God’s grace rush in as his Church surrounded her with love and gave her courage to make good choices. She is about to graduate from high school and her son, Noah, is one year old. Recently, she read this list of “ten things I didn’t plan” at her senior project presentation. Not a dry eye in the house as our hearts leaned in and learned. Maybe we learn best in the unplanned.
Once when I was speaking at a campus event at a Big Ten University, a couple approached me. He was a football player—all but worshipped in a town where the blood runs the same color as the team uniforms. Proud as could be, he stood beside his girlfriend to tell me that they were using his “celebrity” status to encourage purity on the sex-saturated campus.
“Whenever we get the chance we share our philosophy?” he beamed…with a little too much pride, I might add.
Noticing a look of distinct shame on her face, I felt the need to clarify.
“What is your philosophy?” I asked.
“We just stick to oral sex,” he said.
She burst into tears.
Let’s shoot straight. There’s a lot of sex going on out there. And depending on where you go to college, it’s going to be harder or easier to live out your sexual convictions whatever they may be. Here are three things every college-bound high school student—and their parents—need to consider.
“I’m just not seeing the message of grace presented in these purity and modesty movements,” a woman recently wrote to me. “Why did Jesus die on the cross? We are righteous because of Jesus, not because of our works. … I am all about …waiting to have sex until marriage and using common sense in dressing in a manner that is respectful to yourself and those around you. But these are conversations that play such a minor role in the fabric of our lives. The Gospel is about Jesus and God’s grace, it’s not about purity.”
Her inquiry is deserving of consideration. Frankly, I was deeply troubled by it and wanted to right myself if I’ve been wrong. My heart pondered this question: “Is the way I teach modesty and purity—or the way you teach it or live it out— in contradiction to the powerful grace of God?” After a lot of prayer and study, I have an answer. Let me start with the ugly part…