Sex On (1)Once when I was speaking at a campus event at a Big Ten University, a couple approached me. He was a football player—all but worshipped in a town where the blood runs the same color as the team uniforms. Proud as could be, he stood beside his girlfriend to tell me that they were using his “celebrity” status to encourage purity on the sex-saturated campus.

“Whenever we get the chance we share our philosophy?” he beamed…with a little too much pride, I might add.

Noticing a look of distinct shame on her face, I felt the need to clarify.

“What is your philosophy?” I asked.

“We just stick to oral sex,” he said.

She burst into tears.

Let’s shoot straight. There’s a lot of sex going on out there.  And depending on where you go to college, it’s going to be harder or easier to live out your sexual convictions whatever they may be. Here are three things every college-bound high school student—and their parents—need to consider.

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GRACE“I’m just not seeing the message of grace presented in these purity and modesty movements,” a woman recently wrote to me. “Why did Jesus die on the cross? We are righteous because of Jesus, not because of our works. … I am all about …waiting to have sex until marriage and using common sense in dressing in a manner that is respectful to yourself and those around you. But these are conversations that play such a minor role in the fabric of our lives. The Gospel is about Jesus and God’s grace, it’s not about purity.”

Her inquiry is deserving of consideration. Frankly, I was deeply troubled by it and wanted to right myself if I’ve been wrong. My heart pondered this question: “Is the way I teach modesty and purity—or the way you teach it or live it out— in contradiction to the powerful grace of God?”  After a lot of prayer and study, I have an answer. Let me start with the ugly part…

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globehandsMy Facebook, Twitter and blog comments were recently riddled with reference to “the missionary position.” The sarcastic comments suggest that the reason I’ve spoken out against erotica is because I’m incapable of having a creative sex life…being a Christian woman and all. These seem to be prompted by an article entitled “Evangelicals Offer to “Trade Your Shades” for “Christian Perspective” Intimacy Book which People Magazine published about the book, Pulling Back The Shades, which  I co-authored with Dr. Juli Slattery.

Thanks, to writer Mariah Haas and People, for being fair and sticking to the facts and not name-calling. But since that’s what some have stooped to, let’s go there.

I just happen to be out of the country on a missions trip of sorts right now. That makes me a missionary at the moment. So, let me give you a missionary’s position on sex. Here are three things you need to know about sex from my point of view.

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Fifty-Shades-of-Grey-1-Office-Window“Mr. Grey will see you now,” touts the posters and trailers leading up to what promises to be a block buster movie. I probably don’t need to tell you the name (unless you’ve been living under a rock).

Maybe you’ve already decided you will not see it. But maybe you stopped by my blog post today because you are wondering. Let me tell you how I made my decision.

I was introduced to this conversation by my husband. (Relax. It’s not like that!) He’d been hearing about it in the media buzz. One night he couldn’t take it anymore, and the conversation we had changed the way I responded to this whole tidal wave of erotica.

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Can spiritual women also be sexually satisfied? It’s a sad question to have to ask, but the incomplete manner in which the Church has answered sexual questions does mandate that we discuss it.

If you’re one of my more modest followers, please don’t be disappointed but this article isn’t for you. However, if you’re a spiritual woman trying desperately to make sense of sexual desires and often finding answers outside of the Church, read on! I don’t want you to find yourself falling for counterfeits in the quest. A lot of women have. (And you could win a free book that will help if you keep reading.)

The sales of the Fifty Shades of Grey series has sold over 100,000,000 and the series has had a seat on the New York Times Best-seller list for 100 weeks straight. Now it will be a blockbuster in the movie theaters with Fandago presales setting records already. Let me be honest: the book has revived the sexual appetites of many women. But is that good?

I’d like to suggest that it’s not so great and that the best way to a vibrant sex life might just to become an “official church lady!”

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