Click Here For A Good Time (For a while anyway)

I’ve devoted the last fifteen years of my life to studying sexuality and I know what the research says. More porn and erotica—the twisted sisters of visual and written sensuality for the express purpose of arousal— equals less real sex. That doesn’t sound exciting to me. It sounds very “vanilla.” (Aptly, that is the word used by many readers of Fifty Shades of Grey to describe leader character Christian!) But because some of you don’t believe me—and some of you really do and what to share the information—here are a few sources for you to begin your own study of the impact of porn and erotica on the sex lives of humankind. Keep in mind that more has been done to study porn than erotica, but I believe they are similar and function the same in terms of brain chemicals and consequences. Beware. These sources can be a little bit steamy, so don’t click for more unless you’re mature enough to handle it.

Most research on porn and erotica follows the impact of men. However, SELF Magazine’s study on the sex lives of women revealed that “if you’re regularly using [porn] to satisfy your sexual needs alone, your habit could end up replacing actual sex,” and that “a woman may also worry that after watching the actresses in a porn video, a partner will judge her body negatively.”

New York explored The Vanishing Male Libido in a rather racy article that revealed that when it comes to porn and masturbation versus a real woman, a real woman has a hard time winning the war in an addicted man’s brain. A man tends to want less real sex when he’s consumed by erotic pictures.

This Italian study revealed that men who used a lot of porn had trouble becoming aroused.

In the TED talk below Philip Zimbardo explains that porn creates an adrenaline addiction (as opposed to a substance addiction). While a substance addiction makes a person want “more”, an adrenaline addiction makes a person want “different.” This means that porn and erotica will always lead you way from what you already to know (read: current partner) to a different sexual experience to sustain arousal.

A myriad of studies out there would point to this same conclusion. While porn and erotica seem to provide an initial jolt to a mudane sex life, they eventually lead you away from having a great sex life with a partner. That’s a risk that I don’t think is worth taking.

For a more comprehensive view on how the brain is impacted by the casual treatment of sex, be sure to get a copy of Hooked: New Science On How Casual Sex Is Impacting Our Children by Dr. Joseph McIlhaney who founded the Medical Institute For Sexual Health.

 

 

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12 Comments

  • Oh this is good. And so true. My first marriage was destroyed because my husband was addictied to porn. It got so out of control he was into rape porn and raped me often. WE had gone to counselling through our Pastor and even tho he would stop with the porn and hurting me both physically and emotionally and even verbally for a tme he always went back. And when he did it got worse and worse. He eventually admitted to me he was so into porn he couldnt have a normal sexual relationship anymore. Our marriage ended after a agreement we had that if he raped me again I was done. Well I was newly pregnant with our last child. I just got out of the hospital from needing iv’s for having hypermesis and he raped me that night. He was not sorrowful, just angry at me because i was hurt.

    This needs to get out some more on the affects of porn and what it leads to. My Ex husband was addicted to it from teens on up. Any teenage boy can turn into my ex husband and ruin a gals or two life.

    Now years after the divorce he is searching for certain race of young girls to marry him. He is obsessed and always was with a certain race of young girls. I am scared for my children that I had with him. They see him do this online and think its normal. They have even spoken to these girls. It scares me.

    Im urging anyone who reads this to speak out and take action especially for your sons. If your sons dont be enlightned with the truth some future girl or girls will be hurt. Dont just think of your son’s future but think of the women he will come in contact with as well.

    Thank you for this Dannah.

    Robin

  • Thanks Dannah! I will be sharing this stuff at my girls group also. =) I admire the strength God has given you to abstain from certain things even though it may sometimes make you seem like the odd one out…after all we are not called to conform to this world but to go against the grain so the rest of the world can see a difference in us. I see a beautiful difference in you and it encourages me as I have in my life gave in and said yes so it sometimes makes it all the more difficult to say no now. But God has been helping me the last three years and through your ministry I understand my sexuality better, so both of you help me say no all the more. Thank you again!

  • Dannah, I am so proud of you and the ministry you are pouring your life into. My husband and I are a young married couple, new parents and even newer youth pastors. I am coming to your website over and over for resources, support and ideas. I want to cry almost every time I read a blog from you because you courage is inspiring. Keep up all the awesome things you are doing!!!

    I hope I can meet you one day 🙂

  • Love this, Dannah! My girlfriend and I just had a conversation about this on Sunday, and I am so thankful for your passion in sharing this so unabashedly! Our marriages can only be stronger when we submit to wise counsel and encourage one another in Godliness. I know she and I are both trying to honor God, our husbands, and our children by walking against the trends in this regard, so thank you for your encouragement!

    In Christ-Julie

  • A few years into my marriage, an older man who stopped by the yard sale I was holding shared a joke. Two elderly men were catching up and one asked the other about his sex life. The first guy responded that he got ‘the Social Security’ kind. ‘What is that?’, the other guy asked. ‘You know, I’m lucky if I get it once a month.’ I laughed, slightly embarrassed, and cried a bit to myself because, though I was still in the first couple years of marriage, it described my relationship with my husband. It was only a few years later that I learned why, his pornography addiction.

    Dannah, I appreciate all of the research you have done and the materials you’ve made available. It has helped so much and I am using it with my soon-to-be 13 yo daughter. Thank you!

  • The interesting thing about 50 Shades of Grey is that even pron-consuming secular society views it as porn.

    Thanks for calling it like it is; keep it up.

  • Is there an email where I can send you a link to an interesting critique of 50 Shades? I don’t want to publish it here. Thanks.

  • Thank you for your information and for helping to spread the truth that pornography is harmful. I am not reading 50 shades of grey. ever.

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