Do You Think Erotica Is Good For You?

christie_brinkley_divorce Supermodel Christie Brinkley and husband Peter Cook  (pictured at left) allegedly viewed pornography together “to get the mood going.” But then Brinkley found out that her husband was viewing porn to the tune of $3,000 a month, had an affair on-line and paid off a teen mistress to the tune of $300,000. What seemed to be fueling the fires of their marriage bed, turned out to ultimately burn down their home.

It doesn’t matter if you’re married or single, there are a lot of people using porn and erotica (written porn such as Fifty Shades of Grey). And many of them defend their choice. Married people say it stimulates their desire and draws them closer to their spouse. The unmarried claim that it relieves their sexual desire so they can control themselves. But growing evidence suggests that the risks are just too high.

AshleyMadison.com, an extramarital affair dating site, discovered a 50% boost in members confessing to indulging in  bondage role play with lovers NOT husbands and wives, after reading Fifty Shades of Grey. They claim 62% of all new members signed up because they were interested in trying BDSM and feared their spouse would be shocked if they suggested it. This and other studies seem to suggest that the risk associated with any temporary increase in desire (or decrease for the unmarried) that comes from the use of erotica or porn may not be worth it.

My great concern is that the advent of Fifty Shades of Grey releasing in America is normalizing the use of erotica the way that the Internet normalized the use of porn for men. And, I’m certain that it’s going to harm more marriages and individuals than it’s going to help. I’m currently working on a project with Dr. Juli Slattery to examine the impact of erotica on women—both married and unmarried. And I’d like to hear your story if you have one. Please tell me —if you have chosen to use porn or erotica—what the impact has been in your life. I may contact you to hear your story first hand if I think it could help our investigation.

Sources: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/07/02/brinkley-trial-begins-300_n_110515.html, http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/07/10/sex-fifty-shades-of-grey-effect-bondage-trend_n_1662122.html

 

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  • I did not read that 50 shades book. Once I learned what it was about, I knew that I would not read it out of respect for my husband. I fully believe things such as that lead to extra-martial affairs. Unfortunately, anywhere that sells books has that series displayed in a “well seen” location.

  • I grew up as an avid reader. It was one of my favorite past times, but one day while walking through the library at about 12 I found a cute book for young teens. It was pretty innocent, but each book in the series got worse. Reading this series started me on a journey I now regret. When I was about 14 I started wandering through the adult section at the library. I found an adult romance book which I checked out and read very quickly. I no longer consider those kinds of books romance; they’re lust; they’re porn. For several years I read those books without my parents even knowing. Once the whole Twilight craze began, I started reading porn books about vampires. I also found websites with “fanfiction”: stories about the Twilight characters, just so much more graphic, often including BDSM. This even lead to me watching porn. Yes, I’m a girl and I watched porn. I was equally disgusted and fascinated. Growing up in a very sheltered Christian home, this was my way of acting out. To this day my parents have no idea I did that. I have begged God for forgiveness, and He has delivered me, but it is so much harder for me to forget those thoughts and those things I saw/read.
    Folks, I am here to say reading erotica is NOT good for you. I am an 18 year old girl, and while I have never had sex or even a kiss, I have done it in so many different ways in my mind, which I think is worse. Those thoughts are always in my mind. I can’t seem to forget them, and I know they have an impact on me and on my future husband, whoever he may be. So no, I haven’t read 50 Shades, but I have read many stories exactly like it, so I am speaking from experience.

    • Bethany, I know what you’re talking about! I am also an avid reader and there were so many books I read that we’re just what you said – porn books. And we don’t need to be polluting our hearts and our minds with those kind of thoughts or images. Even one page in an otherwise “clean” book that describes sexual relationships is cause enough to put the book down. I can’t believe I’m typing these words even as I am because as a 23 year old covered in tattoos and a proud owner of all 8 seasons of Will and Grace I never thought I would be so conservative. But after years of polluting my heart and mind I now am stuck with the consequences, the after effects, the images, the lust, the desire for my future husband – not because of who God made him to be but because of what he can give me. And it’s not worth it! It’s just not worth it.

      Especially as a young Christian girl these kinds of books and movies are so intriguing because nobody is talking about these things in other forums. I BEG Christian mothers and small group leaders and Sunday School teachers to be bold and available for the girls they are discipling. It may be uncomfortable at first, but I can’t help but wonder if I had had a healthy discussion about sex and lust (and maybe some of Dannah’s books!) when I was in middle school and high school how much purer my mind and heart would be today.

      Like you also said, Bethany, God is quick to forgive and quick to restore. But those images we put into our hearts and minds don’t just go away. And now I know it’s not worth it.

    • I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I also read those sorts of books. I too have had those images in my mind. I guess your story and mine are very similar. If God had not intervened in my life in my freshman year of high school, I would probably still by reading those books, watching pornography, and considering suicide (to rid the world of one more “sick, disgusting person” as I viewed myself). If anyone struggles with an addiction to pornography, masturbation, or erotica, I am here to say that I have been there and God can rescue you too.

      I can say now that, though I still have to face who I was and continue to battle thoughts that pop into my mind, I am not a slave to sin anymore. I am serving God. I will not bow to any other; I will not serve any other. Now? Now God is using me to transform my school (although sometimes it feels like He’s taking forever!).

      Moral of the story: Don’t read those books. But if you have or are, God is always willing and able to help you and give you a freer, more abundant life.

  • What part of the first 10 commandments have we as Christians not read??? My belief is that we are to keep ourselves pure and the marriage bed undefiled. That is why God strictly forbids divorce and we are joined together as a three stranded cord that can not be easily broken. As the man of the marriage, he should be the one leading the example of how Christ would want him to lead. By relying on the world’s standards of pleasing ourselves, we go astray from God’s word. The woman should also be submissive and wanting to help her husband by maintaining her true beauty from the inside out as many wives let themselves go either by choice or neglect from the husband. Both should be finding every effort to keep themselves for each other and not wanting what everyone else has as the grass is not always greener on the other side. I know many couples who have been married for many years even up to 78 years and they all say it gets sweeter with time when you walk the same road together. Really, who wants to see someone else naked behind that is seriously air brushed and not the real thing being that the trashbag has been around the town and stinks to high heavens! As of my recent divorce due to porn, extra-martial affairs and abuse of our teenage daughters, I have vowed to God to remain “Pure” until God gives the right man for me to marry and I have kept that commitment to this date without dating or laying eyes upon any man even to the point I now shake hands with any male even though they are great Christian Brothers. It has been 13 years which is not easy but I trust my God to be my strength and shield to lead me in the way I must follow.

  • I’ve been reading romance novels for years, since my marriage first started falling apart. I wanted an escape from reality. I wanted to imagine that some man out there heaved the way they did in the books. I quit reading them a few months ago after reading a similar article and am now realizing that a huge part of my frustration had nothing to do with my husband, and a lot to do with my imagination and the expect ions that are far too high for him to reach. So frustrated.

  • I know that visual pornography played a huge role in the lives of those that abused me, and even when they tried to incorporated it into the abuse, it never had as much of a lasting effect as running across erotica. That has been something I’ve struggled with even as a child. I have found it more difficult to erase the memories or written material than that of visual material. I am not married, but I fear the effects that erotica (both “stumbled upon” and willingly read) will have on my future marriage and with my future husband. I definitely believe that pornography in any form leads to relationship issues, whether it be extramarital affairs, furthered abuse, or being in situations you feel obligated to be in as a spouse.

  • Cannot believe this is becoming mainstream. Just when I think it can’t get much worse, it does. Many teens here have read 50 Shades, and it grieves me because foundational understanding of sex and sex ed is not even taught or understood. So this perverted view is the education for many. I saw signs of BDSM coming months before the book hit (during research), but I wouldn’t blog it or mention it because it was TOO “out there”. I thought SURELY this won’t become mainstream. Then it did. Getting the teaching out on how God intended sex is the only way to combat this.The best way. Thank you for the work you’re doing!!! Holly

  • I was first exposed to pornography at the age of about 6, and by at the age of 22 I was planning my suicide because it had overtaken every facet of my life, I just couldn’t escape. Thank the Lord he saved me in one single instant one fateful night, breaking all the chains and I have never looked back! This trash has no place in our society and it saddens me to my very core that is seen as so acceptable.

  • My porn addiction started young, with seemingly innocent things like Harlequin romance novels and the like. It grew and with the advent of the internet, my addiction exploded. Erotica specifically has had a HUGE impact on my life and that of my marriage. When I couldn’t access porn sites (internet filters), I would download books on Kindle or Nook. What started out with seemingly “innocent” harlequin books soon wasn’t enough and I would read “harder” books. Just like a drug addict or an alcoholic, it took more to get the same “high”. There is so much more I could say and I’d be willing to share on the subject.

  • I got my hands on my first “romance” book at about 9 years old. At this point in my life I had no idea what sex was, and reading about it created a fascination in me to learn more. Even at that age I hid when reading a “romance” book, something in me knowing it was wrong. Erotic romance novels became an addiction to me and remained so for almost 20 years. After God brought me flat on my face after a failed relationship almost 4 years ago, I finally started wholeheartedly crying out to God to help me. He miraculously set me free of my addiction! Do I still have my times of struggle? Yes, occasionally, but I am no longer fascinated. I am no longer without hope. God’s calling on my life is now to speak to other women and girls about Purity. True Purity, not just virginity. I praise God for His saving me out of the miry pit I was in, and I want my story to help others who are struggling .

  • I am an avid reader. I must admit that I read 50 Shades before I knew what all the media hype was about. I read the trilogy three times. Reading this opened the window of curiosity to many other books like these.
    Before you are quick to judge~ let’s all be reminded that we are all prone to temptation. I just didn’t realize what these books would lead to. I am a devout Christian. We attend a very prominent church in our community. My husband and I have been marries 14 years. We homeschool our kids and hold influential positions in our community. I must say that my husband does not know that I ever read any of these books. But believe me, he felt the effects.
    Because of reading these books, my life turned upside down. I became very unsatisfied in my marriage and obviously became very distant with God. These books consumed me. I knew it was wrong for me to read them. I knew it grieved Gods spirit in me. Yet it was almost like an addiction that I didn’t know how to break. My life motto had always been, “live a transparent life” ~ and now I was living a lie and hating myself. I preach purity to my three girls. I went into a nine month period of living hell in my life. I singlehanded almost ruined my family. I won’t mention other temptations that transpired from this. I have repented and have truly been set free. I never want to go down a path like this in my life again. If you think you can read these books and not be affected, you are mistaken. I pray now that God can use my horrible experience to not only speak against these things, but to give hope and assurance to those who have fallen victim that there is freedom in God.

  • I would LOVE to help you with your research!! I was once addicted to erotic romance novels but I soon came to realize that not only was it dishonoring to god but to my future husband as well. I have never watched visual porn, my struggle was never with that, it has alway been and always will be erotic love novels. I’m sure your research will show that it does in fact ruin current and future marriages and again I would love to be as much help as I can.

    • Sarah, do you mind sharing a bit more of your story here with us? What was the outcome? How did you realize it was dishonoring to God? Assuming you are still single? Would love more detail.

  • I have read the book (only about half of it because I got so bored with it) and watched adult movies before. Reading the book got me to try new things with my husband, nothing super crazy of course, but we did some. I would NEVER think of trying them with someone else. My husband knows me and knows everything about me and trying new things would never shock him in any way. As a matter of fact, he would be and was totally into it. I can’t say whether it helped or hindered our marriage and sex life, but it was an interesting experiment and it is nice to be able to be so open with my husband about that stuff.

    I have also watched adult movie before and I don’t like the way they make me think. It’s like you are trying to be like those people when you watch it and those people are having meaningless sex, they are getting paid and that’s not what I want out of my marriage. Fortunately, the relationship ended with the person I watched those movies with. He cheated.

    • Porn Harms,
      Studies by Dr.John Court found that in Australia Queensland did not allow easy distribution of pornography but South Australia allowed easy and accessible pornography.He compared the rape rate of 100,000 at risk for more than a 13 year period and found Queensland had no increase in their rape rate,but South Australia’s rape rate increased 6 times! In 1974 Hawai allowed easy distribution of pornography and their rape rate increased,then they restricted it and the rape rate went down,and then they allowed wide distribution again,and the rape rate went up again and then when they restricted again,the rapes decreased!

      Sociologists Larry Baron and Murray Straus also did a state-state circulation rate of pornographic magazine sales and the connection to states with the highest sales of these magazines including playboy and the rape rate in those states.And in Alaska and Nevada is where the pornographic magazines sold the highest,and those 2 states also had the highest rape rates compared to any other states.They repeated this study the next year and the findings were exactly the same,even when they controlled for other causes,and it was only sexual assault that increased not other crimes.

      And,

      Linnea Smith By Patricia Barrera

      http://www.talkintrash.com/SmithInt.html

      Linnea Smith is your average woman of the 90s. She has a satisfying family life, rewarding career in mental health and interests that include traveling with her husband, spending time with her daughters, babying her dogs and reading pornography. Yes…reading pornography–and using her professional skills and expanding international network to fight it. Like most of us, she never really thought about pornography as a critical social issue until a 1985 media conference where she learned about past and present research on pornographic materials. And what she learned shocked and angered her.

      As a psychiatrist, feminist, and woman, she was well aware of the personal and societal consequences of battery, rape, and child sexual abuse. The results of the studies delivered at that fateful conference were an indictment to the connection of pornographic materials, both directly and indirectly, with these violent sex crimes. For Smith, pornography became an issue of public health and human rights that needed to be addressed.

      As every critical thinker should, Smith went straight to the source to see for herself what was going on. She turned to Playboy, the nation’s first pornography magazine to earn mainstream acceptance and support. By 1984 Playboy had 4.2 million subscribers, and was selling 1.9 million magazines at newsstands (Miller, 1984).

      The results of her extensive investigation of the magazine (from the 1960s on) are presented in three brochures. “It’s Not Child’s Play” is a disturbing brochure that outlines the specific ways in which Playboy sexualizes small children and presents them as sexual targets for adult males in their magazine. The collection of cartoons and pictorials is damning, and made even more so when juxtaposed against pathetic statements made by Playboy representatives denying they ever used children in their publication. Smith very well could have called the brochure “Playboy Exposed”.

      Right alongside their claims that “Playboy never has, never will” publish such offensive imagery (Playboy, December, 1985), Smith placed pictures the magazine did indeed publish- of children in sexual encounters with adults and references to girl children as ‘Playmate’ material. In December of 1978, for example, Playboy published a picture of a five year old girl with the caption “my first topless picture,” and in March of that same year published a cartoon in which Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz is pointing out the Lion, Scarecrow, and Tin Man to a police officer as having just raped her on the yellow brick road.

      Smith did not limit her investigation to the use of children in Playboy. She found jokes about sexual harassment, abuse, manipulation, dehumanization and avoidance of intimacy by men toward their partners and callousness toward women in general, and the promotion of sexual conquest over women instead of sexual intimacy with a woman.

      In another powerful and well documented brochure, “As Sex Education, Men’s Magazines are Foul PLAY, BOYS!,” Smith once again had Playboy do the talking for her. The brochure featured Playboy cartoons that dehumanized women like the one in which a man was shown holding a pornography magazine over his girlfriend’s face and body as they are having sex (Playboy, August, 1974), and another featuring a taxidermist calling a man to come and pick up his wife, who had been stuffed (Playboy, April, 1995). Was she hunted down and killed, too?

      Smith’s brochures include extensive documentation and commentary by recognized scholars and researchers addressing the impact of pornography on our society. There are chilling statistics, like the finding that 100% of all high school aged males in one survey reported having read or looked at pornography, with the average age of viewing the first issue being 11 years old (Bryant, testimony to the Attorney General’s Commission on Pornography Hearings, 1985).

      In another study she lists, three per cent of the women in a random sample and 8.5 per cent in a survey of college undergraduate women reported being physically coerced into sex by someone inspired by pornography. Ten per cent of the nonstudent and 24 per cent of the student respondents answered yes to the question of whether they had ever been upset by someone trying to get them to do something out of a pornographic book, movie, or magazine (cited by Anderson in Lederer and Delgado, eds., 1995).

      Also included is a study conducted by Mary Koss on 6,000 college students in which she found that men reporting behavior meeting legal definitions of rape were significantly more likely to be frequent readers of pornography magazines than those men who did not report engaging in such behavior (Koss and Dinero, 1989).

      Smith is one of few people to expand her analysis of pornographic magazines to include the presence of drugs and alcohol, especially important today considering the almost epidemic level of drug and alcohol use by adults and teenagers in this country, Smith agrees that drugs and alcohol are contributing factors to high risk and coercive sex, and that the relationship between them within pornographic materials is an overlooked, and greatly needed, area of research.

      As Smith explains ” . . . No [other] reputable publication brought positive drug information within easy reach of juvenile (or adult) consumers. Since 1970, Playboy has been glamorizing intoxication as a mind-expanding, sexually-enhancing experience. It is difficult to conclude these magazines have not played a major role in popularizing ‘recreational’ drug consumption and the myth of its being fun, risk-free, and even sexy. What greater reinforcement for drug taking behavior than to eroticize it?”

      In “Drug Coverage in Playboy Magazine,” a brochure she developed for the NCAA (National Collegiate Athletic Association), Smith compiled a plethora of cartoons that favorably paired sex with drugs and alcohol. Cartoons, articles and columns advise readers on how to use drugs for sexual enhancement. References to negative effects were usually humorously presented and so, easily dismissed.

      Playboy’s depiction of underage users of drugs and alcohol even included their own version of the Official Boy Scout Handbook in (Playboy, August, 1984). Their suggestions for Scout Merit Badges included “Water Safety” for the scout who ordered his Johnnie Walker whiskey straight up, and “Free-Basing” for the scout who smoked cocaine. A similar feature in 1979 stated that “Today, ‘boyhood fun’ means cruising and scoring; overnight adventures’ involve Ripple and car stripping; and ‘survival skills include cocaine testing, bust evasion and cutting into gas lines” (Playboy, December, 1979).

      Once Smith contacted the NCAA about her serious concerns, media attention and public scrutiny increased. Playboy denied any wrongdoing, claiming they were only reflecting a “major cultural phenomena”, but they did scale back the more obvious pro-drug and alcohol features in the magazine. damage control campaign resulted in a politically correct editorial statement on the magazine’s position on drug abuse in the May 1987 issue as well as a few anti-drug articles. To counter Smith’s NCAA attempts, the magazine also courted collegiate sports information offices with a mass mailing of a hastily compiled slick, glossy booklet “The Dangers of Drugs”, explaining their “real” position against substance abuse. However the magazine still includes covert messages glamorizing substance abuse and pairing sexualized alcohol consumption with easier prey. According to Smith, “we succeeded in exposing yet another dimension of the destructive nature of pornography, and, at the very least, cost Playboy some time and money.”

      It may also cost Playboy the niche they are trying to carve out for themselves in organized sports. Playboy’s strategy for commercial success has been to include respected and well- known public figures in their magazine, an old tactic for aspiring to legitimacy. That way the magazine may be looked at as more of a credible news journal than just a porno rag. Readers too, can feel better about their consumption of pornographic pictures of women when they are “wrapped” in articles about current social issues. It made business sense to Playboy to seek out an alliance with athletes who, in some countries, are accorded hero status.

      So they came up with an annual pre-season award for college level athletes and coaches, the Playboy All-America Award. The nominated players and coaches receive an all-expenses paid trip to a luxury resort for a weekend party, photo session and public relations blitz.

      The team selection process is unorthodox at best. It is not a panel of sports officials but rather Photography Director Gary Cole, doubling as sports editor when needed, (Playboy, March, 1996, p.117) who chooses players and coaches for the award. The prerequisite is not athletic ability but rather who agrees to be photographed for the magazine. Again, a common tactic for legitimacy. Playboy rejects players unwilling to have their pictures associated with the magazine- -its content and underlying messages–and keeps making “awards” until the sufficient number of players and coaches agree to the photo sessions. The event hit some legal snafus as well. Complaints were officially lodged with the NCAA which included the presence of professional agents at the photo sessions. This charge, like the others, was also denied by the magazine in a letter to the NCAA.

      Go to Part II

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        WAVE: Women Against a
        Violent Environment

        Porn Insidiously Devalues Women

        by Barbara Kasper and Barbara Moore

        Originally published in the October 27, 1994 Democrat and Chronicle (Rochester, NY)

        There has been much discussion about the airing of the public access show on cable television called Life Without Shame. While many in our community do not want the show to air, there seems to be little we can do to stop it. There are so many rights in the way: the right to adult etertainment, the right to sexual expression, constitutional rights of free speech, and the rights of business owners.

        One right which has been given little attention in this debate is human rights — specifically the rights of women.

        We feel that pornography is harmful to women and that as women we have the right to live in a society free of this harm. Pornography degrades women. It defines us through our body parts. It encourages self-hatred in women because we can never “measure up” to the women seen in pornography. We dare not grow old or become overweight. In pornography, women are rewarded for fulfilling males’ fantasies — being either the passive “good girl” or the insatiable whore.

        More importantly, pornography frequently eroticizes violence. We do not believe that every man who watches Life Without Shame will become a rapist or beat his wife or girlfriend. However, we do feel that misogynistic sexual entertainment for men portrays the humiliation of women as “sexy” and presents women as two-dimensional beings.

        In a world where women are being raped, stalked, beaten, and killed in epidemic proportions, pornography conditions too many men to “get off by putting women down.” Eventually, viewing enough pornography can desensitize all of us so that we do not even question the devaluation of women in our society.

        We believe that the number of rapes and assaults on women would be drastically reduced — but not entirely eliminated — if pornography were to disappear. We believe that pornography often serves as a cultural backdrop, if not actually a catalyst, for the sexual exploitation and abuse of women.

        Pornography sells. Men spend more than $8 billion a year on pornography. What is sells is lies about women and their response to sex. Pornography frequently portrays women as mindless, childlike and submissive. We are “pets” or “playmates.” Other forms of pornography depict women who enjoy being raped, spanked, tied up or mutilated.

        Would there be any real need for debate if viewers of cable television were exposed to programming that featured the consistent abuse and humiliating of Jews, African Americans or the elderly? Would everyone who objected to such programming be encouraged to simply “change the channel”? Yet when women are the victims, issues surrounding censorship and First Amendment rights are raised impeding progress toward real solutions.

        Many young males state that their first sexual experience was masturbating to pornography. Think of what this pornography then says to these men — that women like to be treated like objects, treated with contempt, and enjoy eroticized violence. Women in pornography never say “no,” or if they do, they don’t really mean it. Women in porn are really men’s property — always available and ready. pornography, therefore, reinforces inequity in relationships. It is difficult to believe that men can use pornography and at the same time truly respect the women in their lives.

        Far too many people believe that they have the right to control those to whom they feel superior. We know rape is not a crime of passion but rather an act of power and control. The same is true of domestic violence, sexual harassment and incest.

        Who benefits from pornography? Who finances pornography? Who is behind the camera? Who buys it?

        Who has the power?

        We need to stop the lies that pornography tells about women and sex and tell the truth. The truth is that pornography supports a larger culture that hurts, exploits and discriminates against women. Unfortunately, far too often when we tell the truth we are accused of taking away rights. As Catherine MacKinnon and Andrea Dworkin, who have written books against pornography, state: “Take away wrongful power and you will be accused of taking away rights. Often, this will be true because the law, under the guise of protecting rights, protects power.”

        Whose rights should take precedence? Is it the pornographers who produce Life Without Shame? Or is it the majority of us who want to live in a society which does not allow the subordination, degradation or violation of women?

        Contact us:
        info@rochesternow.org
        P.O. Box 93196, Rochester, NY 14692

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          STUDY PROVES “PORNOGRAPHY IS HARMFUL”
          by LifeSiteNews.com

          Tue Mar 12, 2002 12:15 EST

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          “Findings are Alarming”; 12,000 Participants in Study

          CALGARY, March 12, 2002 (LSN.ca) – A new study has found that viewing pornography is harmful to the viewer and society. In a meta-analysis (a statistical integration of all existing scientific data), researchers have found that using pornographic materials leads to several behavioral, psychological and social problems.

          One of the most common psychological problems is a deviant attitude towards intimate relationships such as perceptions of sexual dominance, submissiveness, sex role stereotyping or viewing persons as sexual objects. Behavioral problems include fetishes and excessive or ritualistic masturbation. Sexual aggressiveness, sexually hostile and violent behaviours are social problems as well as individual problems that are linked to pornography.

          “Our findings are very alarming”, said Dr. Claudio Violato one of the co-authors of the study. Dr. Violato, Director of Research at the National Foundation for Family Research and Education (NFFRE) and a professor at the University of Calgary, said “This is a very serious social problem since pornography is so widespread nowadays and easily accessible on the internet, television, videos and print materials”.

          Studies have shown that almost all men and most women have been exposed to pornography. An increasing number of children are also being exposed to explicitly sexual materials through mass media. The rise in sexual crimes, sexual dysfunction and family breakdown may be linked to the increased availability and use of pornography. The rape myth (belief that women cause and enjoy rape, and that rapists are normal) is very widespread in habitual male users of pornography according to the study.

          “There has been some debate among researchers about the degree of negative consequences of habitual use of pornography, but we feel confident in our findings that pornography is harmful”, Violato noted. “Our study involved more than 12,000 participants and very rigorous analyses. I can think of no beneficial effects of pornography whatsoever. As a society we need to move towards eradicating it”.

          The authors of the study concluded that exposure to pornography puts viewers at increased risk for developing sexually deviant tendencies, committing sexual offences, experiencing difficulties in intimate relationships, and accepting of the rape myth. Dr. Elizabeth Oddone-Paolucci and Dr. Mark Genuis, researchers at the National Foundation for Family Research and Education, are co-authors of the study that was published in the scientific journal Mind, Medicine and Adolescence.

          For more information see NFFRE at: http://www.nffre.com

          All content copyright 1997-2010 LifeSiteNews.com, all rights reserved. | Legal Information | Privacy Policy

        • In 1994 I wrote to psychiatrist Dr.Linnea Smith about my experience and the harms of pornography. She wrote me back a very nice note and thanked me for my important efforts to educate people on the harms of porn. She said it’s especially difficult because the public is desensitzed and the media is reluctant to crititicize other media especially sexually explicit media. She sent me two huge folders full of important information on the harms including Playboy cartoons of women being sexually harassed in the workplace by their male bosses!

          One of the many things she sent me was a transcribed lecture by psychiatrist and law professor Dr.Park Elliott Dietz, and this lecture was given before the National Conference of State Legislators on August 5 1986 and was videotaped by C-Span. Dr. Dietz served as a commissioner on the Attorney General’s Commission on Pornography. He was professor of law,professor of Behavioral Medicine and Psychiatry,and Medical Director of The Institute of Law,Psychiatry and Medical Director of The Institute of Law,Psychiatry and Public Policy at The University of Virginia School of Law and School of Medicine.

          He gave many examples of women and children’s testimonies who were sexually abused by men who used pornography,and also women who were sexually harassed on the job with pornographic pictures hung up on the walls and shown to them. He said he only used a small sample of the 1000’s of women and children who testified. He says many times that pornography is a health problem and human rights issue and he said one of the reasons is because so much of it teaches false,misleading,and even dangerous information about human sexuality.

          This is what he said a person would learn about sexuality from pornography, “A person who learned about human sexuality in the “adults only” pornography outlets of America would be a person,who had never conceived of a man and woman marrying or even falling in love before having intercourse,who had never conceived of two people making love in privacy without guilt or fear of discovery,who had never conceived of tender foreplay,who had never conceived of vag**al intercourse with ejac**ation during intromission,and who had never conceived of procreation as a purpose of sexual union.,

          Instead,such a person would be one who had learned that sex at home meant sex with one’s children,stepchildren,parents,stepparents,siblings,cousins,nephews,nieces,aunts,uncles,and pets,and with neighbors,milkmen,plumbers,salesmen,burglars,and peepers,who had learned that people take off their clothes and have sex within the first 5 minutes of meeting one another,who had learned to misjudge the percentage of women who prepare for sex by shaving their p*bic hair,having their br**sts,b*ttocks or legs tattooed,having their nipples or l*bia pierced,or donning leather,latex,rubber,or childlike costumes,who had learned to misjudge the proportion of men who prepare for sex by having their g*nitals or nipples pierced,wearing women’s clothing,or growing br**sts.

          Who had learned that about 1 out of 5 sexual encounters involves spankning,whipping,fighting,wrestling,tying,chaining,gagging,or torture,who had learned that more than 1 in 10 sexaul acts involves a party of more than 2,who had learned that the purpose of ejac**ation is that of soiling the mouths,faces,br**sts,abdomens,backs,and food at which it’s always aimed,who had learned that body cavities were designed for the insertion of foreign objects,who had learned that the an*s was a g*nital to be licked and penetrated,who had learned that urine and excrement are erotic materials,who had learned that the instruments of sex chemicals,handcuffs,gags,hoods,restraints,harnesses,police badges,knives,guns,whips,paddles,toilets,diapers,enema bags,inflatable rubber women,and disembodied vag**as,br**sts,and peni**s,who had learned that except with the children,where secrecy was required,photographers and cameras were supposed to be present to capture the action so that it could be spread abroad.

          If these were the only adverse consequences of pornography,the most straightforward remedy would be to provide factually accurate information on human sexuality to people before they are exposed to pornography,if only we could agree on what that information is,on who should provide it to the many children whose parents are incapable of doing so,and on effective and acceptable means by which to ensure that exposure not precede education. In the absense of such a remedy,the probable consequences in this area alone are sufficient to support recommendations that would reduce the dissemination of that pornography which teaches false,misleading or dangerous information about human sexuality. And these are not the only adverse consequences of pornography.

          He then says before he gives more examples and research,that pornography is a health problem and human rights issue because it increases the probability that members of the exposed population will acquire attitudes that are detrimental to the physical and mental health of both those exposed and those around them,pornography is a health problem and human rights issue because it is used as an instrument of sexual abuse and sexual harassment.

          And look where we are now! And all of the porn users and supporters and defenders of the sick, sexist,woman-hating pornography are actually *proving* Dr.Gail Dines rigt that so many people including unfortunately many women have been so influenced and desensitized by the sexualized,normalized, and eroticized, extremely sexist,sick,dehumanizing,violent,cruel horrendous typical pornography that has been so unjustly,and wrongly mainstreamed that she describes in painfully extensive disturbing details! It’s clear that the people who use and love this horrendous extremely sick,sexist,degrading,cruel,violent,horrendous pornogphy don’t want the truth about it to be recognized and don’t want to stop using it!That is why they deny the reality of pornography and defend it!

  • I think its great that you are addressing this subject. My addiction started out with reading romance novels and cosmo magazines every so often and in the back was an erotic story of some kind. This eventually led to reading erotica online and progressed into porn. I never would have thought that reading those stories would lead to porn and I never thought that it would become such an obstacle in my life. It definitely can sneak up on you and become an addiction before you even realize what is happening. I think it has become so prevalent today because people are becoming increasingly dissatisfied with their lives and think that this will give them that “high” or good feeling they are looking for. Everyone is trying to fill that void that only God can fill. Thankfully God is helping me get free. I pray that people will realize how harmful erotica and porn can be. Once you read those stories on watch porn it never really goes away. It’s always in your mind but I believe God can help renew and cleanse out all that junk and bring freedom and healing. Let me know if I can help in any way with your research.

  • I have not read 50 shades, but I have read a lot of story’s like it. When I was about 12, and super curious about sex and what it was other then knowing that’s how babies were made, I googled the word sex. I innocently wondered into a porn sight. I knew porn was wrong, so I didn’t look at it for a long time and never got addicted to it but I still struggle with having memories of some of the things a saw. At about 14 I started reading erotic stories online. Most of them were fanfiction stories of my favorite book characters that were very graphic. I now struggle with fantasizing and masterbation.
    I’m this good, homeschool, 16 year old, Christian girl, with this “dirty” secret that I feel like I can’t tell anyone. I really do have a passion for purity, I’ve never dated, never been kissed, but even though I’ve never done anything with a guy, I’ve done it in my mind and so much more. I’ve imagined things I wish I wouldn’t have and felt things that I shouldn’t have other than with my husband. I feel like I’ve taken something away from him, from us, wherever he is, and that make me feel just terrible.
    The thoughts don’t leave my mind. They’re always there tempting me to got back for more. I oftentimes feel trapped in temptation and cry myself to sleep when I follow through with it and sin. I’ll do good for months, think i’ve kicked the habit than something will happen and I’ll fall again.
    I’m not asking you girls, I’m begging you, don’t get involved with this stuff! It does no good. Don’t get involved with something that only brings temporary pleasure and excitement but seconds later brings shame and makes you feel even more alone then you felt before. Please don’t read 50 Shades or anything like it.

    • Dear Mikaela, I pray sincerely that the same power that rose Jesus from the dead, will break every chain of pornographic sins in your life. Heartbreaking story. You’re close to my age.

  • My husband was exposed to porn when he was 12 years old. His addiction has only escalated over the years, he has to have more to get his fix. He has been on Ashley Madison and several other bondage hookup websites…..it completely destroys intimacy and your marriage 🙁 I would be happy to share anything with you anonymously if it would help others!

  • feeling really innocent here… i have no idea what erotica is or BDSM and i get the feeling that i really dont want to know either!

  • My husband and I started dating our freshman year in High school and had a good relationship throughout. I grew up in a Christian based family while he did not. Sometime during our sophomore/ junior year I led him to Christ and he was very drawn to it through what he had witnessed through my family and I. We decided we wanted to get married right after we graduated because we wanted to be together and knew we weren’t going to live together unmarried so, at the time we felt we had to do it. We got married on our 4 year dating anniversary and everything was absolutely perfect! Shortly after getting married I got pregnant which ended in miscarriage very early and we started going in different directions very quickly and way too soon considering we had only been married a few months. I really wanted to get pregnant again and thought it would draw us back together like many young women think but unfortunately it did not. After I got pregnant things continued to decline between us, we were fighting all the time, we had nothing to do with each other, he went his way I went mine not to mention he worked days while I went to school and I worked nights once I got home. Sometime into this I started seeking another relationship that was giving me the comfort and support that I thought I needed and led to a full blown, shameful, unthinkable affair. I was pregnant, he was almost almost 10 years older than me, and I was ruining all I ever had and worked for with my husband. My husband and I had a very special relationship when we were dating, he was my first kiss, my first love, my first everything so as you can tell it all meant a lot to me. I did not tell my husband until our daughter was about 4 months old. It was a very terrible time, things got completely out of hand, things were going on that I never imagined could happen and had never personally witnessed considering the life and family I was raised in. It was a complete and total shock to everyone around us and I was completely humiliated. During the separation from my husband he came to me and told me that he needed to talk to me about something that had been going on and he felt like we needed everything out in the open so we could start fresh. He told me that he had been viewing pornography from the start of our relationship and even before. This was a total blow to me because he had always promised me that he never had, never would, and I innocently believed him from the time we got together. It was something that wasn’t even talked about in my home growing up so I felt totally hurt and betrayed, obviously not to the point that he had been but it was still very hard for me. He told me that it had been weighing on him from the time he found out what was going on with me until he told me about himself. He felt personally convicted that he possibly had opened the door for all of this to happen and that if he would have been honest about it and never looked that all we had been through might never have happened. After much time of thinking and praying about it I came to realize that my parents had always told me that as long as I was under their roof I was under there “covering” of spiritual protection. I hadn’t really been exposed to the outside world and I feel like once I left their spiritual covering and stepped under my husbands, it wasn’t there for me like it needed to be considering the old life he was still hanging on to. Now with all that said I need to be understood that in no way, shape, or form am I holding my husband fully responsible for everything that happened because I am a Christian, I do know right from wrong, and I should have chose to make better decisions during that time. There is more I could go into to explain but the jist of what I am trying to say is that some things open a door to another thing and another thing and things can get completely out of hand all because of one decision made by one person. We finally feel forgiven and free of our past through the Lord and the NEW relationship that we have found in him but we still wish that pornography would have never entered into our lives. If I could say anything to other women it would be to be sure that you never let pornography enter your relationship, to be upfront about it, and to make sure that it isn’t happening while you don’t know about it. It is one of the number one things the devil uses to destroy all marriages and I am a firsthand witness to that. Also, I am happy to say that we now have a much more beautiful relationship then we ever had, we are closer to the Lord than we ever have been and we have a beautiful family with two wonderful little girls.

  • I am single and erotica has ruined my life.

    You can’t tell from the outside, I am the devout church-goer, the missionary who has served here and abroad, and the Christian leader who has worked with preschoolers through college kids, teaching them what the Lord says about having a relationship with Him.

    Erotica has made me a great pretender, it’s the porn that doesn’t necessarily leave a trail. Books can be acquired easily and nearly anonymously. The internet erotica can be easily accessed through in-private browsing without even having to delete the history. No one knows my struggle. No one knows that I have lived an isolated life because I have found more solace in fantasies aroused in my mind by erotica than in real relationships.

    I can’t even maintain real relationships because I feel like a shallow pretender hiding one of the biggest parts of my life. I have been addicted for 10 years and I am only 25. Erotica seems harmless because it’s just words on a page, but it’s more. Erotica brands your mind, creates false expectations for future relationships.

    Erotica has contributed to my depression, my isolation, my anger, my doubts, my feelings of unworthiness … Erotica stole my innocence, and made everything else seem more acceptable. Consequently, online erotica perpetuated my “need” for meeting people online because I didn’t know how to develop/maintain relationships with people outside of the screen. Meeting people online has become the new norm, treated as safe, but when I felt that the online world was my only source of relationships my defenses were down, and I convinced myself that it was normal to meet people offline within hours of exchanging e-mails. These online erotic stories had many fantasies about meeting people offline for the first time. But these stories also portrayed rape or power struggle situations as exciting and expected, a “no” didn’t always mean “no” in these stories because in the end the girl always seemed to end up just fine. So when I met one of my first guys offline, I was thrust ever too quickly into a scenario that I had read about, but unlike the stories, I didn’t end up fine. My “no” didn’t mean “no,” and I was sexually abused by a man that was doing the same things to me that I had read about in those erotic stories. But in my story, there wasn’t a happy ending, I didn’t leave the night feeling fulfilled, rather I have carried the weight of shame and guilt from putting myself into that situation six years ago ever since. Erotica makes it seem normal for us to be used and abused, but it’s not normal.

    You would think after this experience I would stray away from the cause of such emotional turmoil, but I don’t … I go back time and time again, trapped in what has now become an addiction. An addiction that I am bound to by silence and shame. “Good Christian girls” don’t struggle with erotica and porn, that’s what we’re made to believe, and now because of that I sit here trapped by my own shame, fearing what people would think if they knew that someone like me struggled with something like that.

    There’s nothing innocent about Erotica, and I hope that your research helps show women that, because it’s a dark, ugly road that I would never want any other woman to have to walk.

  • I didn’t read 50 Shades of Grey. Not because of any moral reasons, but because I read an excerpt and it looked like it was written by a grammar-challenged child.

    • Yeah, the extreme sexualized,normalized,eroticized sexist,male dominance,female submission which is the eptiome of sexist gender inequality,woman-hatred,and sadistic male violence towards a young insecure inexperienced woman who is portrayed as a submissive masochist who loves this violent sadistic woman hater and loves to be brutalized by him didn’t bother you!

  • I started reading erotica in my early 30’s. I was single and in full time Christian ministry, and I desperately wanted to get married. In my loneliness, I began to get very angry that God had not provided a partner for me, yet was not taking away my desire to get married. Being far from family and with very few friends, I spent a lot of time online. Every time I would stumble across an article of a sexual nature, my mind would justify it by saying “God’s not providing you a husband, so you might as well enjoy life a little and read some of this stuff. Besides, most women your age have been in a relationship and know so much more than you do about these things, so educate yourself a little bit.” I realize now what a horrible lie that was, but then, I followed it blindly and read more and more stories and articles online. I read about 50 Shades of Grey and was both repulsed and curious, so I began reading other sorts of erotica. Because I was a strong Christian, I kept telling myself that I could say no anytime and get out of this, but it brought a thrill that I couldn’t say no to. It also numbed the horrible ache I’d had in my loneliness and desire to be married. Finally, I wasn’t crying myself to sleep at night. But it was ripping my personal life apart. My relationship with the Lord was in shambles because I felt too guilty to spend time with Him. I stopped doing other things I loved to do and would stay up all hours of the night reading for the sake of this precious “drug”. I loved it and loathed it. It brought me the fantasy of a relationship and it took away my pain, but it also took away every other feeling, leaving me to feel nothing and want nothing. Fortunately, after a year, my life was spinning so out of control that I sought help and found a wonderful accountability partner who has walked with me through the ups and downs of recovering from this addiction. Erotica proved itself a poisonous trap in my life, one that may look innocent compared to visual pornography, but is just as dangerous.

  • I am 18 years old, and I have struggled with porn and erotica since I was 12. This has had a very great impact on my life–mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I would love to help with your research, but I do not feel comfortable sharing my experiences here or having my name attached to them. Please let me know if you would like to hear my story. I am willing to share.

  • I’ve struggled with this for years and it does have an effect on my relationship with my husband. I’ve often likened it to a beast inside of me that needed to be fed, but never could get my fill because I have never been completely satisfied by it. Erotica is a temporary fix for me and it always leads to pushing boundaries that I know are morally wrong because I always needed more to give me that high.
    My husband has been hurt by addiction to it as we’ll. Yep, that’s right I’ve got the porn addiction in our house! When my mind is clean and pure I’ve had the most satisfaction in my marriage. I am continually reminding myself to only allow the two of us there. True intimacy in my marriage is what I crave. When I feel estrangement from my husband is my biggest trigger to read smut.
    Erotica is fantasy. It will never duplicate marital intimacy. When we buy into the belief,as I did, that our husband cannot fulfill us completely, we are lying to ourselves. It also distorts what real sex is like. It made me have unrealistic expectations of my spouse and myself. I am happiest when I forgo the erotic novels and instead select books that are true to my standards.
    My sister has also had the same type of experiences. I will be encouraging her to stop on by and share her story.

  • I stumbled upon porn when I was about 12, and I quickly became obsessed with it due to a sort of morbid curiosity. My parents had explained sex to me, but not very well. They are conservative Christians. Anyways, I had to hide my habit and it ate me alive inside. I was pretty much addicted. I read online erotica too. Eventually I broke down and asked God to forgive me, and that felt great. I told my mentor about it and she helped me a lot too, which also felt great. Now I’m 18 and my view has completely changed. I mean completely. I realized that hating myself and thinking that I was disgusting was actually really bad for me! And then I realized that not understanding my own sexuality and thinking that it exists only for one man was a form of misogyny! I started reading up on gender studies, on female sexuality, and on human sexuality in general. I’m not saying I like the modern porn industry and the way it depicts women, but I don’t think erotica itself is bad. I mean come on, have you read Song of Songs? Through being honest with myself and admitting I’m allowed to be a sexual being I’ve developed a better view of my own sexuality and of myself. Because I’m not so obsessed with “purity,” I no longer have to have a dark obsession with sex. If you just don’t hide it, it feels so much better! I don’t usually go out and seek porn today, but I’m not afraid of masturbation, I’m not afraid of erotica, I’m not afraid of sexuality…basically, I’m not afraid of myself 🙂

  • Every woman has a right to her sexual freedom.
    The thought of touching myself, reading, or watching porn made me feel so awkward for the first 19 years of my life because I thought that “it was not what women should do.” I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 4 years and sex was interesting at first, but I wasn’t enjoying it, he did not really know what to do and neither did I, even though my boyfriend at the time did care about pleasing me, he eventually gave up. I women needs to lead her man to understanding her body and I couldn’t do that.
    It eventually got to the point where I thought I might be asexual! That might sound silly but I rarely enjoyed sex and ended up feeling like it was just for him. I was never able to orgasm or feel like a free woman who was comfortable with my sex life or myself thanks to that fact.
    These rifts ended up being the end of my four-year relationship, as much as I loved him and we worked, I knew SOMETHING did not work. I wanted to be able to orgasm and feel beautiful and open and happy.
    I started to read articles (scientific and person experience articles) about why I was not able to enjoy it or reach climax.
    I was told to explore my body, to be comfortable with it, with my sexual experiences and to start to find what exactly felt good for me. It was very hard, and is still sometimes hard for me to explore my sexually solo as I still live with the social restrains for what women should and shouldn’t do.
    However, social aspects today portray women’s sexuality all wrong! We are NOT ready to go at the click of a button the way a man can be, the nerve endings that tip most women over the edge to their orgasm isn’t at their G-spot it is in their clit.
    How stereotypical and “wrong” most of these women portray porn and erotica is what lead me to being extremely backwards in my sexual thinking.
    I use porn and erotica to help me find new ways at what may make me feel good, and what I might be able to do in order to make my current boyfriend feel good (because sex is about the two of you).
    It reminds me to think about just how intimate sexual experiences really are– something I completely forgot thanks to my beginning sexual experiences.
    I watch only what I am comfortable with (mainly romantic erotica, and X-art videos between men and women)
    I believe society should become more comfortable with women watching, reading, and experimenting to find what makes them feel good. When a women uses porn and erotica and masturbation (I bet some of you flinch at that word– as I used to) to understand herself and her sexual experiences it only heightens her relationship with the man she loves. Women should be taught to take porn/erotic/masturbation in small bits, how to set limits for herself, and relate everything back to her own life.
    Because I have become more comfortable in exploring these things, I now love my sex life. It is a deep-connection devise, a self-compass, a stress reliever, and so much more.
    I have not yet been able to orgasm, as I have to shed many of my old emotions towards sex slowly as I explore and become more relaxed with the idea of my own pleasure. I have come closer then ever before though, and hope to get there soon with the help and patience of my current boyfriend, Cosmo articles, x-art tapes, and stories of passion and connection.

    • Even though erotica may help the sexual cravings, it leaves me feeling empty/ guilty. I read one every couple of months when I’m weak. I hate it. I wish porn and erotica wasn’t so easy to get. I love my husband and I think erotica lends unrealistic expectations. May God forgive me, and set me free.

  • I’ve been struggling with this since I was a teenager (not so long ago, considering I’m only 22 now). At first it was just a steamy romance, but over the last year in particular it became hardcore erotica. I am a pastor’s daughter, which makes this addiction all the more painful because I know just how wrong it is. Like other ladies have mentioned above, it’s so hard to rid myself of the written material that’s entered my mind. I’ve started seeing a counselor about it–she’s actually the one who showed me this site. I still struggle so hard, and it’s very discouraging. I’m starting to realize how much of a true addiction it is.

  • You know..I never thought porn and erotic materials could have such a bad effect on people and this is the first time am speaking about it..it’s so hard getting thru these bad images it sets in our minds..I av watched and seen so many erotic materials and porn and I pray God forgives me because I am honestly willing to repent this time..I have confessed my sins and I pray God forgives me and lead me not to fall into temptations and devils trap anymore ijn I pray..I believe I am free. May God set you free too.

  • I am 20. I am not much addicted but yes the stories I have read above that now making me realize that I have also false expectations about relationship. My family is too much conservative and I have never got a chance to get company with boys. So I addicted with porn,erotica and most of the time I wished too much to have sex.I like to think about how my future husband will treat me,touch me , kiss me or give me a large amount of pleasure during sex. I always feel that it’s a sin. But I always used to convince myself that I am learning through it or it will reduce my sex addiction etc. I am a Computer Science student and I have to work too much with internet. But whole internet is effected by erotica, porn. Now I want to get rid of it.

    Sorry for my poor English.

    • Hello Sayma

      So sorry you’re struggling. It sounds like you’ve dwelled so much on sex that it is now a consuming thought for you. While sex is an awesome gift from God, it’s not meant to be our consuming desire. It’s meant to be a desire within the context of marriage and a life that’s fueled by serving God and living well. Sounds like we need to get you into balance.

      I really recommend you talk to someone close to you who is a believer in Jesus Christ and not so “conservative” that they do not look to guy/girl relationships as a blessing. (If they think it is a big “no no” then try someone else. God’s gift is a big YES in the right context.) I say this because it concerns me that you “never got a chance to get company with boys.” That sounds like legalism to me and that is not good.

      We need to awaken you appetite for God and his love.

      Here are some videos that might help, but the book is much better. If you leave call our offices we will send you a copy of the book, Get Lost. Tell them I wrote to you on the blog!

      http://purefreedom.org/get-lost/

      Dannah

  • Hi there,
    Interesting article and some equally interesting comments.
    I have read erotica books for years and recently started writing my own. My personal opinion is that they cause people to reenact the stories no more than readers of Harry Potter start casting their own spells, or viewers of gruesome horror movies become serial killers.
    I think it’s a shame that you feel you have to ‘counsel’ readers, as though they have some kind of mental illness.
    As you probably guessed, I’m a liberal. ‘Live and let live’ is my motto. Oh, and in case anyone wondered, I do have faith. God, for me, loves us all, and fantasies are part of the wonderful gift of desire that He gave us.
    Just letting you know the other side of the coin.
    Thanks.

    • You are right, Kitty. God loves you. God loves all of us. You are his treasured prize! His masterpiece. His creation. While not everyone will reinact the erotic scenes that they read, the research indicates that many do and that there has been a recent fascination in trying out BDSM that seems to be related directly to the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomena. Write carefully, friend! 😉

  • I’m fifteen. After reading the City of Mortal Instruments, I read the fanfiction, all of the were very graphic, and made me want more. It made me all hot, and funny. I couldn’t stop. I still can’t. I’m a christian, and my parents would go crazy if they knew what I’m reading. It made me feel this huge sexual, desire/craving. Help!!!

    • Hi sweet girl. I know this is not what you want to hear, but you need to tell someone. You need to tell your youth pastor’s wife, or an older, godly woman that you love and trust. And ultimately, you need to tell your parents. I know this sounds terrifying, but I’ve lived it out myself. Revealing your dark secrets brings freedom. You will NEVER regret this decision. Could you try to pray for someone to go to and tell them today!

      • I got stuck reading stuff as well. It started because I was sexually abused as a kid and wanted to understand what happened to me. Now I’m scared. I don’t want to tead online anymore. Is it illegal?

        • There are applicable laws for the writing of online erotica and the use of it. You’ll need to research that with your age and the types of things you are doing online. But if you don’t want to read online anymore, get some help with someone—either a godly older woman or a licensed counselor. Especially considering your child abuse, I’d suggest the trained counselor. You deserve fully healing, friend.

    • Oh, sweet girl! Another, know that Jesus loves you, and you could never, ever out-sin His grace. His grace is deeper than our deepest sin. I wish I was in your church, and you could come to me, and I could hold you and tell you how much you are loved, and that it is possible to be free from this. The first time I confessed my porn use to someone at my church, I was terrified. I was even more scared when I confessed it to one of the older ladies that was kind of a mentor to me. I remember telling her that I felt like I was lying to her by not telling her something. I felt like our friendship was too important to keep secrets. As soon as I told her, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me for several minutes. Then, she sent me a YouTube video of the song Amazing Grace. I am praying there is a lady like that just waiting for you. Rest in God’s love for you tonight. He can and will take all your guilt and shame away.

  • When I was 14, I was doing research online about Mayan culture and accidentally found a ‘fanfiction’ filled with erotica. I didn’t really know what I was reading, and I kept going back to it because of how it made me feel. I wish I could at I stopped there, but I started searching for more and more bad stories like this. I told myself since they were just words, it wasn’t wrong. God convicted me and I stopped reading them for a whole summer, but the desire always came back. I was too ashamed to talk to my parents or my pastor and I kept trying to justify my actions in my head. I’m 17 now and I still read one of these stories a month, no matter how many times I’ve tried to stop. I even act bratty so my parents will take my phone away! But when I get my phone back, I always go back to it. I weep knowing God is disappointed in me, yet when I mention it to girls in my SS they say “it’s not like you’re having sex or watching porn”. Guys, fanfiction is just as real of a sin as actual sex outside of marriage is. Don’t be deceived. Stop reading these lustful stories when you see them. Don’t end up like me 🙁 and please pray for me if you feel like it. I read one a few weeks ago and I feel like such a failure. I have a consuming desire to be free and I’m determined that will be the last time, Lord willing.

    • L.A. Why don’t you reach out to an accountability group that understands addiction and sexual temptation. It sounds like your Sunday School class doesn’t get it. You need more help than you’ve gotten. Don’t give up until you find it, but don’t consider yourself a failure. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. The playing field is level at the foot of the cross. Love you, dear one.

  • Hi,

    So like most of the people in the comments above I’ve ended up having an addiction to erotica which is just a glossed up synonym for literary porn.

    I like other lonely 12 year olds ended up reading cutesy teen romance books to fill the void of a non existent boyfriend. I used chick flicks/romcoms/romance books to escape, to forget my problems and to just get them butterflies.

    I used to finish a historical romance in 1.5 days and then immedicately progress to the next one. I’ve read maybe 100 books like that (not exaggerating). Soon those got boring and I needed harder stuff to get me to feel anything. Things progressed to more sexualised books and not so long after ‘erotica’. Now even the most vile erotica doesn’t phase me. I promise myself I wouldnt read it but I always relapse and go back into my hidey hole and read some more.

    Now I am 18 and I am basically a self hating person who has this disgusting secret to bear. I feel like a fraud infront of everyone because I come off as a really innocent ‘pure’ girl while in reality my head is filled up with so many disgusting things. I just feel so guilty all the time.

    I am sorry for such a long post but I needed to vent somewhere. I will be very greatful to hear from someone who has gotten past this. Can you please let me know if the pictures and thoughts in your head ever stop? Will the urge to read another book ever stop? Will the guilt go away and self hating go away?

    Thanks for taking your time to read this.

    • Mira, you’re not alone. You don’t have to carry this “disgusting secret” alone. It’s not that unusual to be tempted sexually. This is just the way you ahve experienced temptation. It’s so important for you to talk to someone and find a safe place to confess and have accountability. I really recommend a ministry that guides women through this process. The opening page reads “Welcome to recovery!” What a positive way to look at things. Check this out: http://dirtygirlsministries.com/

  • I don’t even remember when I fell victim to pornography. I must have stumbled upon it by reading or seeing something that became intriguing to me. I was a slave to it for many many years. I am still tempted till this day. It is a hard world we live in. I wish I had someone to talk to about it as I was growing up. I also heard people say that porn was a guy thing…which made me feel worse. I’ve only admitted my addiction to a few friends and my fiancé. It’s hard to live with that baggage of knowing I did such a sinful act. It led me down a very rough path that almost ruined my life. I sought repentance from God and gave Him my temptation. I am much less of a slave to it now, but it still haunts me and thoughts come creeping up. I wish I could say I don’t watch or read it anymore…but I do. It makes me so upset because I know how wrong it is and how much I want to stop, but it almost feels impossible. I need help.

    • Hello Sweet Elizabeth. You are not alone. God sees your need and wants so much for you to be victorious. Let me recommend a great woman CRYSTAL RENAUD and her ministry. You’ll meet her here and she has walked this road and has some great resources: http://dirtygirlsministries.com/

  • I’m 25 and from a young age had stumbled across porn. Read books like Nicolas sparks with “scenes” in them. Would read erotica online for hours. Struggled with masturbation, porn, sex outside of marriage for years! God set me free when I was 16 from sex. However I continued the rest in secret. It wasn’t until I realized what I was doing that I sought help. I struggle with it from time to time but with the accountability of my best friend and my Christian mentor, I have more freedom from the wretchedness of porn than ever before. Every time you view porn, or masturbate or have sex outside of marriage you are selling yourself short for the marriage relationship God has for you!!! For those of you struggling in secret, TALK TO SOMEONE who can give you BIBLICAL guidance without shaming you. You Can Be Free from this sin! First recognize it as sin, have the same heart and mind about it that God does, find accountability, and when you mess up, ask God for forgiveness, repent and keep walking in faith grace and mercy!

  • Maria, yes the guilt and shame will go away when you surrender it to Christ. Romans 8:1 there is therefore now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ. Those temptations and shameful thoughts are from Satan. An initial thought is not sin, it’s a temptation. When you resist the temptation, pray and ask God to take it from you, get in his Word instead, talk to a mentor so they can pray for and with you! Every time you have victory, it gets easier and easier. Most importantly don’t beat yourself up. We will stumble, but Christ died for our sins, repent and move forward. Recognize who you are according to Christ. You are a daughter of the King. You are washed, forgiven sanctified worthy. Don’t believe the lies of the enemy! Praying for you sweet girl, you are victorious though Christ alone!

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