gayla says:

THank you for posting this, I totally agree with your heart and believe God’s truth is all I need!!

Christine Scordino says:

Well said Dannah…we are called to speak against evil…reveal it for what it is…I have seen what this type of writing has done to our world…i am 55. Keep up the warnings, encourages and truth. Let the voices of truth shout out to all…

Lauren says:

I guess it just doesn’t sit well with me when someone presumes to know what a book is about without actually reading it. I find this just as bothersome as I do when someone talks about what’s in the Bible without having read it.

You don’t want to read the book. That’s your choice. No need to make it a facebook crusade.

Jill Zettel says:

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for this post! And that’s all I need to say.

Candace says:

Thanks for this post. While I’ve heard the title of this book getting a ton of attention, I haven’t known what it’s about. One of my girlfriends is reading it and loving it. Out of curiosity, I had intentions of picking it up. I very much appreciate the post and have decided NOT to pick it up. I agree, that stimulating sexual desire from anywhere/anyone other than your husband can turn so sinful so fast without our intention. It’s human nature. And just to add …. if any ladies are in a difficult marriage, this type of fantasy world will only depress you more adding more bitterness to the relationship b/c of comparison.

Batyah says:

this should be preached in the pulpits

Laurel says:

I read a similar book series when I was young and rebellious (and stupid, frankly) and I’m so very sorry I did. I also used to read just “regular” romance books and stopped doing so about 5 years ago. It has been a great decision and one I don’t regret. My oldest daughter is about the age I was when I started reading adult romance books because a friend read them. Her mother would read them and then share them… with her 12 year old daughter! At the time I thought it was cool but I look at it through the eyes of a mother to an 11 year old and I’m horrified! Those books really did a number on my thoughts, ideas and expectations about sex, love and marriage. They are NOT harmless… far from it! And the BDSM stuff? Really damaging to a girl/woman of any age. The only “good” that comes from my past in this area is how I will talk openly about the dangers of these books to my 3 daughters and do my best to help them understand the WHY and PLAN God has for us if we keep our mind and body pure, first for Him and second for our husband. I only got the “don’t do it, it is bad” message and in some ways that made it more appealing to sneak around and “pull one over” on my parents. In the end the most harm came to me. Thank you for this post!

Jennifer Casey says:

Dannah,

You came and spoke at my church (First Baptist in Richmond Hill, GA) when I was a middle schooler. You came to our mother daughter sleepover night and spoke about “And the Bride Wore White”. I still have that signed copy on my bookshelf 12 years later and can say that you really touched my heart with your message. I have thought back many times to that book and the lessons I learned from it through those tough high school and college years, and now that I am married. Thank you for ministering to girls and women about this topic. You are truly blessed with the ability to touch people with the message God puts on your heart. I had no idea that you had a blog until a friend of mine put this on Facebook. I don’t know much about this book, but I will surely take your advice on this matter because it sounds like it is not a good thing for a woman of God to read.

Ladonte MM says:

Wow! Enough said. I won’t get into a cyber war over a book that if you don’t agree with, you don’t have to read or even acknowledge. Just wow…

candic says:

Thank you. I thought I was crazy for not wanting any part of it.

Kristin says:

I like your point about how what doesn’t start as lustful may turn into lust down the road. I think that’s a big potential danger for the married women who are reading these books to try to spice up their marriages.

That being said, since you didn’t read the books I think you have a misunderstanding of the context of the BDSM that’s found in them. It’s discussed a lot, but not actually played out very often. It’s also very clear that this perception of sex is disordered and the whole series is about how the male main character comes to see that his abusive past disordered his view of sex and walk through his journey of healing into an appreciation for married sex that is unitive and procreative – that is self-giving rather than selfish.

It’s not what’s going to show up in all the reviews and you only get that picture if you read all 3 books, but it’s really the overarching theme.

Kandra says:

Nicely put!

Angel says:

“God has given me more than fifty shades of truth in His Word.” Yes! I’m glad you engaged and wrote this post. I hope it resonates with many, many women and men.

Tracey-Mom says:

Agree 100% – so, so sad that people are reading what you describe here. We are like frogs in a cool pot…the slow boil has begun. Thank you for your wisdom…so few with opinions seem to have wisdom these days. Be blessed!

Jill Savage says:

Thank you, Dannah. I shared this on Facebook and it’s been shared again many times. Great job explaining the “why.”

helen says:

Ok so you do not like the topic of the book . Ok that is you. I emjoyed the book. Known many good people that have read the book. the book is about a guy that was abused watched hi mother die sat in a room with his mothers dead body for four days. He tells you from the beginning his is messed up. By the end of book three is in love, married,with a child on the way. It is not just sex. read it first, then judge. You have now caused a family to fight with your uninformed opion.

Carrie says:

i’m so glad that i read this. i have seen that this book is popular, but had no idea what it’s about. i don’t usually like to read discriptions of books because it often spoils it for me. so i try to find out what a book is about without reading too much about it. so i am SOOOOO glad that i saw this first and didn’t just start reading the book.

Stephanie says:

I read them and don’t regret it for one minute. It’s a personal choice to read or not! If you friends and family are reading, so what!! Should you be “judging” them for doing so?? To each his own!!

Anonymous says:

Thanks for writing this…I was considering borrowing this book from a friend, but you’ve changed my mind. I never looked at it that way. Thanks!

CC says:

As i respect ALL of your comments. There are some comments here “judging” those that do read the book. And if you are a Christian woman as you state you are, then God doesnt like you judging. This book is fun, and yes peeks alot of females and males curiousity. And what is wrong with adding excitement to your love life with your spouse. And yes pornography can be wrong…but if your hubby is looking at the stuff , then you as a wife are not doing what you are suppose to be doing. This book has helped alot of marriages out there explore eachother in a way they havent before and reconnecting. There is nothing wrong with that; and those people shouldnt be judged for that. You may want to give it a try…..You dont know what you are missing. Sincerely, A Christian Grey admirer and a Christiam Lady married for 14 years with 4 kids.

Amanda says:

Amen! I couldn’t agree with you more. Someone at work was reading it & telling us about it. Sounds like trash to me! I also will NOT be reading fifty shades of grey!

Martha Salters says:

Thank you so much for posting this. I am reposting on my facebook page and twitter. I am so glad to see so many comments from women who agree with you! Satan is such a liar and deceiver. Thank you for being bold and speaking God’s Truth!!

Stephanie says:

I agree@CC

JJ says:

I see all of your personal opinions do have validity to them but I also agree with cc judging others and telling them that they are sinning seems a bit hipocritical. While most are reading it because of its popularity and reviews it is just fiction. It’s odd that you would assume that people are lusting for another when in fact since it is a book it is our imagination that projects the image of the character in whatever situation they may be in. When reading this I did not lust for Christian grey but for my husband. I did not look nor have I ever looked for other things to stimulate my relationship with him as it is very healthy. In my opinion anything that makes my relationship with my husband stronger is not bad. My relationship with god is strong and so is my relationship with my husband!! But thanks for judging me! Super christian like!! If you don’t want to read a book then don’t read it, and since you haven’t your opinion is not your own it’s based on what gossip you have heard from others. Happily married for 12 years with 3 children!

RH says:

@CC

“And yes pornography can be wrong…but if your hubby is looking at the stuff , then you as a wife are not doing what you are suppose to be doing.”

Please don’t say that. That comment is very hurtful to those women who have husbands who were porn addicts before they were married and struggle after marriage as well. It is an addiction just like any other and is not the wife’s fault. I know too many women that are steadfast, praying for their husbands, doing all of the right things, and shouldn’t be blamed for that sin.
Thank you for reading and I hope you understand what I’m trying to say. Blessings to you.

OrangiesAttic says:

It is certainly your right to choose not to read the book(s)… however, I find your review interesting since you have NOT read the books. I have read all three in the series, and as you delve further into the characters you discover it is actually a love story (yes, LOVE not sex) and while there certainly are highly erotic parts, there is a story about a man who was neglected and abused as a child, taken in by a loving family, who became very successful, who thought he had no heart and was proven wrong by the love of the right woman and ultimately became a devoted husband and father. I think you should have gotten your facts a little straighter before you pass judgement…

Chris says:

Dear CC

Thank you for ignoring almost all of the valid points of the article. I do not see how “exploring eachother in a way they haven’t before” is healthy when it includes abuse and volence (BDSM). I also noticed your agument for it boils down to “well if he’s going to look at porn I might as well too” instead of holding each other accountable to moral standards.

Christians do not condemn others but we do judge what is right and wrong. While people will not be condemned for reading it, the action will be judged either right or wrong by whether it espouses the values of the bible or not.

OA says:

@CC
@CC – “but if your hubby is looking at the stuff , then you as a wife are not doing what you are suppose to be doing.” – wow…what a harsh, judgmental comment! You might want to consider other options…perhaps he has dealt with porn before marriage and it has carried over in to marriage. As someone who has lived in this situation I would ask you to educate yourself properly on the addiction and effects of porn on an individual and their family. It almost never has anything to do with the wife!

Becky Shaffer says:

Haven’t read it, didn’t plan on it….knew from a morning news show what it was about and knew I didn’t want to add anything to promote my sinful nature. The really sad and frustrating part is that those who love the book and post it’s a “must read” have a right to post their opinion and we who choose not to “indulge” are ostracized for it? Why is that? My family watches very little TV…mostly due to content. It’s like this….I LOVE chocolate cake with butter cream icing….to the point that I can’t help myself to just one piece, but half the cake before I have time for my brain to register…it IS an addiction. If we have this kind of dessert it is out where someone is serving and I only get on piece. Most of the time I don’t partake because it takes me DAYS to quit craving it!!! So that is one reason I chose not to read this book….the next reason is my husband. I quit reading Christian romance novels years ago due to unrealistic expectations for my husband. Oh my goodness, talk about unrealistic expectations for the love of my life! I pray daily that we can meet each other’s needs in more than just the bedroom. It is my deepest desire to please my husband and in doing so, please God. He blesses my marriage in ways I can’t explain…nor would it be appropriate. How can I ask God to be IN my relationship with my husband and invite the evil one to be a part as well?
Thank you to ALL of you precious women who dare to rock the world by CHOOSING to keep your heart pure by protecting it from the “shades of grey” all around us as the evil one continues to grey the lines through media and even in our churches. Praise God for YOU and your outrageous bold hearts, sold out to pursing the bold colors of RIGHTEOUSNESS!

MDB says:

Agreed. Thank you for posting this response.

@RH

Deborah says:

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things. Phil 4:8

We are to live God’s standards not the world standards.

And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2

Kapow says:

I’m dying to know…so did the relative actually eat the book?

Kelli says:

@CC
As a women whose husband has struggled with an addiction to pornography, I resent the remark that I’m not “doing what you should be doing”. My husband’s addiction was firmly in place prior to our marriage, it was nothing I knew about, nor did I contribute to it. Through much prayer and counseling, my husband has overcome his addiction…THANK YOU JESUS!! Ours is now a healthy, loving, and satisfying marriage. An addiction to pornography can no more be the wife’s fault than a child’s tendancy to lie, cheat, or steal be faulted by poor parenting.
I have heard many reviews of these books prior to this one and they all have said the same thing. It’s about the sex. I will NOT be bringing this into my home for my husband’s sake and for mine. I refuse to open any door for the devil to use to take us back to hurtful, harmful ways.

Nalonni Madden says:

@CC
A husbands choice to watch pornography has nothing to do with whether or not his wife is doing the right things – pornography addiction is a spirit thing – I speak from personal experience – it has NOTHING to do with the wife. Dannah expressing her opinion is not judgement and if you feel like you’re being judged then that may be your inner spirit trying to get your attention. I indulged in romance novels starting at the age of TWELVE and it made for a warped view of what intimacy really is. I’m not saying reading a romance novel is wrong BUT you have to judge for yourself whether or not what you are reading/watching will glorify God.

Joyous 4 my King says:

@CC
CC,
I understand your thinking, but I have experienced the damaging effects of filling your mind with stimulating “chic lit” and the let-down when real life doesn’t quite measure up. I would also caution you about judging as in this statement, “And yes pornography can be wrong…but if your hubby is looking at the stuff , then you as a wife are not doing what you are suppose to be doing.” Pornography is a much bigger problem than a wife “not doing her wifely duty” or making it fun. It’s an addiction just as alcoholism or nicotine. To indicate that it’s the wife’s fault is to bring on a tremendous load of condemnation that simply does not belong on the wife. As one who has walked through the effects of pornography, deliverance, healing, restoration and more in 25 years of marriage, I’ve learned that few things are black and white and none of us should be judging… AND we all need Jesus in our marriages!

Brittany says:

I do work at a Public Library. And I have every right to NOT read things that will put my mind in places that it shouldn’t be. This is a shelf set aside for the staff to make recommendations. It is OUR opinions and OUR own morals. It’s not to say that people have to listen, but we have a place to recommend good books and books that we really like. I’m not promoting something as damaging as this book can be. The public can borrow all they please, but I’m NOT going to be a supporter. @Kayleigh

Lee says:

@Cheryl
I have a hard time imagining God judging me for consuming information.

I firmly believe that God gave us discernment along with so many other abilities when he granted intelligence. Intelligence is the difference between us and the animals that we were given dominion over. One could argue that intelligence is the defining characteristic that separates us from the angels in heaven. Our intelligence gives us the ability to make decisions based on experience and knowledge and wisdom.

Discernment would come as a result of some wisdom (wisdom being the application of knowledge, knowledge being the result of intelligence).

I have a hard time believing that God would be somehow more pleased with me when I tell him “Lord, I have lived the life you gave me and I have avoided anything I thought you might not like as much as I can.”

I prefer “Lord, I have seen the things of this world and I have loved you more because of them.”

I am not arguing that someone should read the books, I haven’t, but I am arguing that a Christian should not be intimidated by knowledge, but should instead be well versed enough to see it for what it is.

Venus Meters says:

LA Huizing :I don’t question my faith or relationship with the Lord and reading this book trilogy hasn’t left me wanting a different life that what I am pleased to lead now. Lets get a few things straight also in regards to the comments. Its FICTION and I can’t honestly believe that in your mind you haven’t created a different scenario on something at some point. That thought could be misconstrued as all of the above reasons were. As an American, you have the CHOICE to read the books. Your opinions are as equal as mine when I say I loved the books and would read them again. I don’t think that God will turn his back on me for reading these and enjoying the LOVE story that it turns out to be. I am not sure you are aware of that since you didn’t read the story. Every relationship struggles and that is where this focus was in the book, again its FICTION. So tell me how can a fictional story be adultery? Isn’t fiction NOT REAL? I could go on and on but again – I stress you HAVE the choice to read it or not and as I mentioned I did and enjoyed it.

Thank you! You said exactly what I was thinking!

Erin says:

You can most certainly tell you have never opened these books. A true
Christian judging a book by only its cover. Thats always the sad truth.

Peggy says:

Great article covering a multitude of areas, not just this one book. I believe the book Twilight would fit into this…it builds and builds so that people are glad when they do finally have sex-and Christians believe that since it is in the confines of marriage that it is ok. Never mind all the before sexual tension. Never mind that girls and women (many of them MOMS) have fantasies of the boys in the book series… Many forget point #1, or don’t care…

Heather says:

Is she judgmental because she spoke out against something you wanted to read and did or is she judgmental because she is standing up for what she believes or is she judgmental because she thinks differently than you?

Ashley N says:

I also think it should be clarified that you aren’t passing judgement on people who have read the book. You are offering Christian guidance and counsel to people who are SEEKING Godly wisdom in their lives regarding issues of sex. You chose to address something that is a hot topic and give your carefully, and (clearly) prayerfully considered thoughts on this topic for your readers who I would assume come to your site looking for such a thing. How that’s being misconstrued as you being a judgmental Christian who is on a high horse looking to condemn anyone who’s read the books is beyond me. Thank you for your thoughts and your bravery to put them out there.

Sharon Joy says:

Thank you, Dannah for this post! I believe it was in “Technical Virgin” that author Hayley DiMarco calls pretty much ALL romantic fiction, erotic or not, porn for women. She notes that even romantic movies can give us false emotional expectations of our husbands or future husbands in the same way that traditional porn gives false physical expectations of us as women. It is a matter of holiness. May the Spirit give us strength to choose what is better.

Mary Beth says:

This article is SO lame and SO wrong. hahahahha

Lady E says:

I’d like to say thank you for this post, Dannah. I appreciate hearing the perspective of another believer when it comes to media. And as Christians, we should not be judging the world, because that’s for God to do. However, according to different passages, such as 1 Corinthians 2:15, 1 Corinthians 5:12, and others, Christians are supposed to use righteous judgement toward those who are a part of the church and call themselves believers. We are representatives of Christ as well as brothers and sisters, and are supposed to spur one another toward righteousness. As Ephesians 5:3 states, there should be no immorality among believers. Also, as people who have been saved by God’s grace, we have a purpose for living now. Our lives are not our own, because we have been bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:10), and we are supposed to seek to glorify God in everything we do (Colossians 3:17, 1 Corinthians 10:31). That is the test for everything you do, as well as Philippians 4:8, which states, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” If you can’t a honestly say that a particular book, song, or movie glorifies God and fits the Philippians 4:8 description, then you should not take part in it. As Christians, we are saved and forgiven, but we are still humans and can get caught up in Satan’s traps and addictions. Sorry about this lengthy post, I just wanted to share what was on my heart.

A_Rob says:

Thank you for clearing that up for me. I had read a little bit about the book, but you have certainly made up my mind for me that this will certainly NOT be on my summer reading list.

Thanks for your stand, your insight, and your love for God.

Aimee says:

@CC

CC, your comment is WAY off base. It’s insulting to all women, especially those of us whose husbands have gotten into porn, to say that we aren’t doing our “job” and that it’s our fault. How DARE you judge the women who have had to put their marriages back together after porn? You calling the blog author judgemental? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! How hypocritical of you. You are obviously uneducated about porn to begin with, so let’s start there.

Porn is used in many ways. MANY women have VERY healthy sexual relationships with their husbands, but the husbands fall into the porn trap. Why? Many reasons, but mostly because it’s an issue for the man. They are visual. Porn is visual. It’s a trap of the enemy, and don’t think it’s not.

I am too angry with your comment to type anymore, lest this turn into something ugly. But you are so completely wrong about this issue that it’s sad. I hope none of your friends or family come to you after finding out their husbands have gotten into porn. You’ll crush their spirits.

Barbara says:

It amazes me that you think it is okay for YOUR husband to ogle naked women on the internet or magazines. Is he thinking of you during sex or these women he has fantizied about. Open your eyes lady and see the effects of pornography. There is no good in it for Christians and non Christians.

Jemma says:

@Dannah

I wasn’t going to say anything. While I’ve read most of the series (I did quite a bit of skipping over/skimming the explicit sections), I don’t think erotic fiction is a healthy thing. I have a personal connection to the author and made an exception because of that. I was with you until you brought up the last point in your blog entry and the tried to defend it in your later comment and then used the Bible in a way that is COMPLETELY out of context. Then I felt like I had to say something.

Dannah :

BDSM stands for Bondage. Dominance. Sadism. Masochism.
Sadism? Masochism? In psychiatry, the terms sadism and masochismdescribe a personality type characterized by the actor or actrix deriving pleasure and gratification from inflicting physical pain and humiliation. The terms specifically refer to one who either enjoys giving pain (sadist), or one who enjoys receiving pain (masochist). These are words that are direct counterfeits of God’s attributes.
Bondage? Jesus came to set the captives free. (See Isaiah.)
Dominance? He emptied himself. (See Phil 2. Esteem one another.)
God never desires us to seek pain or to give pain to others.
Is the marriage bed always undefiled? Certainly not. To use that verse out of context is to imply that whatever goes on in the marriage bed is by definition “undefiled.” That is a perversion of the verse. It is the exact opposite of what that verse is trying to say. Marriage is honorable and the bed is TO BE undefiled. “Honorable”or “honoring” is the opposite of sadism, masochism, bondage and dominance. It is the ultimate oxymoron—the term “honorable sadist” may have never before been uttered.

BDSM within the confines of a Christian marriage when no one else is involved is not even remotely discussed in the Bible. I am a married Christian woman in a healthy relationship that sometimes involves true Bondage, Dominance, Sadism and Masochism or BDSM.

Real BDSM can be a consensual part of a healthy Dominant/submissive or D/s relationship. BDSM is NOT: rape, physical abuse or sexual abuse! If these things are happening, do not let someone fool you into thinking that this is what BDSM is.

Bondage is not talking about capturing someone against their will. Using verses about Jesus freeing us from the bondage of sin is in no way connected to being bound willingly for pleasure!

Dominance is an act. No one really loses their control. It is an illusion that only exists as long as the submissive allows it. Without going into detail, there are safeguards put into place to keep both parties safe and in control. The required level of trust and honor for the other in a healthy D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship is very high because you would never put yourself in such a vulnerable situation with someone you didn’t trust or honor.

Sadism and masochism go hand in hand. It is enjoying giving someone pain who enjoys being on the receiving end and is willing. While there are unhealthy extremes to this, a certain level of pain can be pleasurable for some. This is not the case for everyone but no one should be made to feel ashamed for their preferences!

While it is not the mainstream, a healthy D/s relationship is a very beautiful thing within the confines of marriage. So is BDSM, when consensual and within agreed upon limits. Just because it doesn’t appeal to you, doesn’t mean there is something wrong with it.

The Bible is a gift from God, not to create a long list of rules from but a way to have a healthy, loving relationship with our Creator and help guide others to Him. While He gives us boundaries for our own good and protection, who are we to add to that boundaries He set? When we add rules to the ones He has given us, we just make people feel guilt and shame unnecessarily!

Delinda Lea says:

So beautifully written in grace & Truth. My heart aches that there is even a debate in the Christian community about whether or not Shades of Grey when God’s word so clearly provides us with a guidelines of the thoughts that our minds should consider. Thank you so much sharing your heart despite the uproar. I’ll be sharing this with other dear women that I know.

Bob says:

Please provide a source for this definition:
Erotic Fiction: “no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire.”
I do not believe that any self-respecting dictionary would ever define the written word of any kind as having no value.

Liz says:

This was a very interesting post.

My thoughts on this whole craze is pretty simple. I am not reading the books either. The reason: I have heard from many editorial reviews that the writing is just plain bad.
Why waste my time reading bad writing just to get a jolt of sexual energy?
Another thought that I am definite of….if your marriage is a bad place or maybe even just a dull place reading these books could most definitely be feul to the fire. Getting amped up about a book is harmless….unless you continue to search for that same feeling over and over. Old boyfriend on Facebook? You might start chatting with him to get that same jolt you had while reading the books. A person at work a little flirty, you might be more apt to return the flirting to keep that same feeling going.
If you are secure and strong on your marriage or realtionship, this book might not have the same effect but if you have an inkling of a crack somewhere in that foundation it could do damage.
Some might disagree but that’s okay.
Now, reading romance is a completely different thing. There are plenty of authors out there that write romance and without being raunchy. I love Kristin Higgans and all of her quirky romances.
Cheers to good writing!

concerned says:

@Jemma
so in your line of thinking 2 married consenting Christian adults could watch each other pleasure themselves with animals and God would be ok with that? or watch another consenting Christian couple have sex? To use the excuse that the Bible does not specifically condemn a specific act is a cop out. The Bible does not say you shouldn’t take LSD, but that doesn’t mean that it is okay. There is common sense and a conscience that guides our moral behavior and if your a Christian the Holy spirit. While I believe that a lot of things between a husband and wife are fine and the Christian community has not spoken out enough and been too puritanical, there is a difference between conservative and wrong. One the acts that you say you can enjoy as a “Christian” has the name of satan in it…that should be a clue that maybe your fooling yourself..also, No, God is not going to shun you for reading these books or practicing BDSM, but that does NOT mean that he is okay with it or agrees with it. Carnal man’s nature may cause a lot of things to ’cause us pleasure’ but that doesn’t make it right. There are those who get pleasure out of self-harm, but that doesn’t make it right. Self Magazine and The New Yorker are not religious magazines, quite the opposite but even secular media sees the damage porn and erotica can do to a marriage or monogamous sexual relationship… I could go on and give example after example of why your argument is nothing more than you trying to justify yourself and your choices…but that’s between you and God…just don’t tell us we have to accept it as okay.

Beth says:

Everything you said was beautiful and intelligent. My sister, who is a devout Catholic, warned me about the book. She was horrified, as a teacher, that so many of her peers are just consumed by this book. I will be sharing your words with as many as possible. God bless.

a says:

Amen! Shared via FB & Twitter. I wholeheartedly agree.

Anonymous says:

@Lauren
Well said! I’d also love to know which website gave the post’s author that definition of “erotic fiction”; it’s very misleading.

A nurse says:

I appreciate your concern. Several years ago I picked up the book by Anne Rice, where she used an alias. They were supposedly about Sleeping Beauty. I started reading them and quickly they got into subject matter that I knew I should not be reading. It made me uncomfortable. I was a battered wife many years ago and the stories brought up bad memories for me. I am now married to a good Christian man who treats me right. When I heard the buzz about these new books I looked them up on Amazon and read what they were about. I knew quickly I should stay away from them. Like some others above have mentioned, the writing is supposedly bad. To top that off, the Kindle price for each book is too high also. I read books on kindle, so price is important to me. Bottom line, I will not buy, endorse, condone or read these books. My spirit would not be able to take it!

Forgetfulone says:

I read the first chapter for free online, and it has none of the sex in it, just basically an introduction to the two main characters. The reasons you mention are all valid and true. Top it off with the fact that it is poorly written, repetitive, based on the main characters from Twilight (which I’m NOT a fan of, and was first written as fanfiction. It sounds as if a teenager wrote it. Of course, that’s only based on the first chapter, which I must admit I read out of curiosity. I will not be reading the rest. I’m also horrified that one of my friends has read all three of the books already and loved them.

Dona says:

Thank you, Dannah, for writing this column. Thank you for giving us the heads up. For everyone who talks about what a beautiful love story it is and all the other redeeming features of this FICTIONAL book, of course, it is. Satan is going to wrap his presents in pretty packaging. He’s not going to make it look like the SIN that it is or then you wouldn’t be tempted and you would, hopefully, avoid it. But, think about it this way, if I made a scruptious pan of mouthwatering brownies, how much dog do do would I need to put into it before you wouldn’t eat it. Wouldn’t just a smidgen be enough? Shouldn’t we be just as discerning about what SINFUL thing we put into our brains as what GROSS thing we put into our stomachs?

Jennifer Ryan says:

Dannah, your blog was posted in a site I frequent, and I clicked over to read immediately. I am very surprised at your blog post, because at first glance, it appears you are a very educated, respectful, balanced woman. You seem independent and one who isn’t afraid to think on your own two feet. However, your review of the book you DIDN’T read discredits you.

Since you aren’t reading and it appears most of your readers won’t either, I’d like to look at each of your points, but fair warning: What I have to say might be a spoiler.

Point 1: I’m not sure what online resource you read for that definition, but dictionary.com says erotic means “subject to or marked by strong sexual desire.” That seems like a pretty accurate description to me. You also said that “only one who should stimulate sexual desire in me: my husband.” Are you saying that you had NO thoughts that were arousing before marriage? I find that pretty incredible, honestly. Inhuman, really, because all humans are sexual beings. So my point is: What’s wrong with arousal? And, what’s wrong with arousal before marriage? If the two characters in this love story feel sexual attraction to one another before they marry, this is a sin? You even pointed out adultry. Where was the adultry in this book? Would it matter to you at all if you knew the characters in the story DO marry?

Point 2: You said, “lust cuts a literal pathway in your brain tissue that’s kinda like a rut. A rut you better be prepared to get stuck in…” – this is a great analogy of ANY behavior, actually. This is how all behaviors get learned and “stick” within our brains – they do, in fact, create “ruts” for lack of a better word. Being sexually aroused and attracted to your husband is an act that, honestly, most couples lose sight of. It’s sad, really, seeing couples who don’t have much sex or good sex, because sex is such a fun part of being married! After all, it is adult play time. AND, it’s also erotic (meaning, it causes arousal). But to say that lust cuts a rut into your brain and you’re sort of “stuck” in a pattern of lustful, sinful thinking and you can never change? No, that’s inaccurate. Any behavior that is learned can be unlearned. But besides that, what does it matter if you’re sexually aroused for your husband?

Point 3: My husband is smart enough to know I’m not a photoshopped image from a magazine. Likewise, I’m pretty sure he’ll never be Christian Grey (the main character of the book). The point is, porn, erotica, and sex toys are fine, if you are consenting adult looking to spice things up. It’s not about abuse or being dehumanized. If you aren’t into that sort of thing, then you’re not, and there is no judgment. But to say it is a sin – that’s a bit far, don’t you think?

Point 4: “God created sex to be a partnership that’s fueled by love and self-giving, not pain and humiliation. It’s not just that this book misuses sex, it redefines it into something evil and transgressive as the lead character dominates in a hurtful manner.” Yes, and? The point here is, this book isn’t about BDSM! And, how is this book about misusing sex, and redefining it as evil? Please describe your point further. I’m sure you can’t…because you haven’t read the book.

So, here’s the spoiler: Two people meet, and one of them has a LOT of baggage. He engages in sexual acts that are pretty damaging to himself and other people. When he meets a new girl, he is pretty sure he doesn’t want that hurtful lifestyle with her, but he doesn’t know why. That is… until the story unfolds and he begins to understand, and explain (in great detail actually) why he started this lifestyle in the first place. He started this lifestyle because he was a hurt, damaged, soul. He encountered a woman who would help him see past his pain, and into a life where he was…free! (Hence, the name of the last book, “Fifty Shades Freed.). But see, you won’t know ANY of this story, because you’ve been too judgy and preachy about arousal and lust and sex being all sinful. How do those judgy messages help anyone, pray tell?

I would encourage you to read the books – all of them – and then issue a second opinion. Knowledge may not matter to most, but it definitely matters to some. Your review is anything but knowledgeable.

Kellie says:

Completely unrealistic, unless you also plan to not watch any television, movies, or sporting events; stop going to the beach, or even having any males in your life, etc. We can find sexual, physical, emotional, and mental “stimulation anywhere and everywhere. One may as well live in a bubble.

Jennifer Ryan says:

@Dannah Dannah, I think the bigger issue of this post and BDSM though, is that BDSM really *isn’t* part of the story. It’s a very small part, and only to show the reader how “messed up” the main character is. Your comments show you haven’t read the book, and I get that is the point of your post. But that also means you really don’t know what you’re talking about, when it comes to the books and the story line.

Kelso says:

Ok i dont agree with you. Number one it is fiction. It is not real. Since reading this my husband and mines sexual life has gotten spicier and very enjoyable. God let this woman write this book for a reason. If people are gonna cheat on their husbands after reading this book thats their decision. They stupid enough to do that it wasnt the book they already wanted to cheat in the first place. I am a firm believer on God and i loved these books. I dont think you should judge and maybe you should read the book yourself. Yes theres sex in it, yes theres s&m. Who cares. The book has a great plot. I wonder if you are so upset about this book how did you feel about harry potter? Try reading a chapter or two.

Megan says:

chill out people. I didn’t start reading it because it was it was “erotic”, I actually didn’t know. I had just heard it was a great book. It’s a love story. Every person that is “in love” has sex. Do you not have sex with your husband? Sex is an important part to any relationship. So, like any love story, yes this book has sex in it. It’s actually a very powerful story that captured my heart and even made me cry at the end of the first one. It is well written and captivating. To each his own. But- don’t judge it till ya read it!!

Kim says:

@Batyah
Amen!!!

Dona says:

@Dannah
This is kind of an bunny trail, but I wanted to say that I was one of those who had a marriage that “experienced less intimacy” due to porn. My ex-husband and I were together for 9 years. Lived together 2, married 7. I didn’t know there was anything wrong with porn or strip joints. Thought everyone else was a prude. My x and I went to strip joints, I thought it was better that I go with them then let him go alone. We watched porn together. He got playboy mag. I tell you this to tell you that I was willing to have it around. A year after we got together we started thinking that I was frigid. I had no desire for my husband. I sought medical help, I thought there was something wrong with me. We have been divorced for 20 years and I have been remarried to a marvelous man who never has anything to do with porn, and neither have I, since after we were married and I put in a porn movie to watch together and he said no. We’ve been married for 14 years and have a fabulous sex life. I have seen for myself the damage that porn will do. There can’t be sexual intimacy when a husband is constantly “having an affair” by looking at other women and thinking about them and satisfying himself sexually.

L says:

I would like to say thank you for stepping out and presenting your stance on these books. I have personally experienced both sides of this particular issue, and what you have said is of great value. My life before coming to Messiah was night and day from the woman of virtue I strive to be now. Women believers, please please take these words into serious consideration. If you have read the books, please do not dismiss the point of this article out of defensiveness. I was at a very young age exposed to images and stories thought to be harmless because they were “fantasy” and “fiction”… and I can tell you that they are in no way harmless. Every image, every word, takes up space in your memory and is a tool for the enemy to call up and use against you in the battle to master your thoughts. And what is stored up in your thoughts is what will direct your actions and decisions. We are instructed to think on what is pure, what is lovely, what is of good report… just because the story ends nicely or in a “wholesome” scenario does not in any way justify bringing the remaining unrighteosness and lust into your mind and into your life. It has taken my husband and I YEARS in walking with Messiah to fully overcome the unnatural and lustful desires set up by what can be easily written off as “just for fun”. There is no such thing. Something in your life, no matter what form it comes in, either profits and esteems our Heavenly Father or it does not. Period.

alli says:

i didnt even know about this but i remember that movie seven which carried the same sinfulness and Janet jackson had a season with very sado type music i think it comes from abuse, and someone treating you bad, so u want to dominate them. its basically about control and revenge. Which is wrong and Sinful.im upset i saw any bad things as a youth so i dont need or desire to read this, i have read this type of stuff in the past and it does leave you not desiring your spouse but perfectly content to DIY no pun intended, which is selfish and not what GOD had in mind and it also got ORNAn killed. Dont want to seeds planted in my brain. thanks

jessie says:

Its a book. Just like the Bible is a book. If people wanna read it cool..if not cool. Its not your place to judge people who have chosen to do so.

Randi says:

Thank you so much for this post. Not knowing what the book was about, I entered a contest to win a set of the books on another website that I trusted, or thought I trusted. I guess I will count on God protecting me from winning the contest! Thanks for taking a stand and taking a risk as well.

Tonya says:

@Lauren
Well said, Lauren. I AM a Chistian but I also have an open mind and choose to not push my beliefs on others. I prefer to let my light shine without announcing it. I am on book III and find the story to be very good. Yes, it can get a little “steamy” but the Dom/Sub isn’t the point of this story, it is how this man’s life was seriously jacked up in his early years and has now found true love and is overcomming it, with the help of his new love. DO NOT JUDGE me because I find the story itself, to be very, very good. It does NOT mean I don’t live my God and it does NOT mean I’m being lustful. Let him without sin cast the first stone…

Kelly says:

James 1:14-15 “14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.”

I agree that it is “just fiction” but we sometimes forget “just” is a word we use often to justify what we do. It has been used in my vocabulary often. The real question: is what I am reading positive or negative in God’s eyes? As an ex-reader of a lot of “just” books including some erotica, it is never “just” anything. A tiny seed can be planted that could change the course of you life from one book. Best to not read and pick up His Word instead.

Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Tricia Zaugg says:

Thank you for being a “watchman on the wall”. You were doing exactly what Christians are called to be.. a lighthouse.. help others from causing themselves or others to sin. Many people will jump on the bandwagon to read this bestseller and I applaud you for going against the grain and speaking truth. For those who are not interested in honoring God in their hearts and mind will disregard your post, and will read the book anyway. But your post was for the unsuspecting souls that may have gotten sucked into sin without being warned. I choose to honor God with my heart and mind and will not read this book no matter how scintillatin the plot! No plot is worth disobeying His word as the Bible says not to put evil before our eyes. Thank you Dannah!

Dawn Hall says:

I am sure my comment will get lost in this sea of comments, but thank you for sharing. Your were spot on. As woman who struggled for years with a pornography addiction that lived in my head and never needed to be fed by actually watching it, I can testify of the power of those pathways and the heartache they bring. I have had to war by the power of the Spirit to learn new pathways. The images never leave. I was severely sexually abused as a child and the Lord showed me that as I replayed sinful images in my mind I was revictimizing myself over and over. The battle goes on and sometimes I have long periods of winning and at times the images flood into my mind and there is struggle for months or weeks. I am so grateful that there is grace and that He battles with and for me. I am also thankful that my husband is aware of this struggle and is a partner in my battle b/c as someone who is one with me, it is his battle as well. I have had to severely restrict what I read and watch. I mainly watch documentaries now, if I watch anything, b/c they are safe of sexual content usually.
I appreciate the way you outlined and handled the dangers and I appreciate your heart to safeguard women. I don’t think many realize what they are signing up for when they cross that line. Once the line is crossed the images are burned into your mind and very hard to remove. The battle is fierce and a battle one should count the cost and safeguard against. If the stronghold has not been allowed to enter already, don’t open the door.

Victoria says:

@Dannah
I can’t thank you enough for addressing this. As an older Christian woman I am appalled that anyone would have to defend that this book is positively evil to another Christian. I am sick that some who call themselves Christians are joining with the downward spiral and debauchery of our culture. And I must add that you are right about Twilight-that was just a silly piece of fiction-this book is absolutely evil. I am bookmarking this review for when I may have to explain this to some young and undiscerning young Christan.

Lissa says:

@Dannah Thank you for your well thought out response. I appreciate how much time and effort you put into these responses. But I’m not happy with your condemnation of the term “BDSM”

Your thoughts on what is commonly referred to as “BDSM” are intensely skewed.

I am far from a feminist, but I DO believe that God looks at me as a beautiful child, a person of worth, worth sacrificing a great deal for. If I for one moment felt that this aggressive style of relations (note that I did not say “relationship”. It does not define our marriage.) made me less of a person, or if my husband thought less of me during these interactions, it would cease to happen.

I don’t really expect you to understand, because unless you have natural tendencies toward this, it is easy to see it on par with abuse and rape. That is exactly what it is NOT. My point was only that scripture doesn’t even come close to addressing the issue, and so to condemn it is ridiculous. I am well aware of the example our Lord set for us when He walked this earth. I find so many of those qualities is my husband – his Christlikeness was what drew me to him in the first place. And none of the verses you quoted about him relate to BDSM in any way.

Bondage: My husband does not capture me and tie me up against my will. The bondage of sin ,which Christ freed me from, is not at all comparable to being tied up for pleasure.

Dominance: What essentially happens in our bedroom is that I hand over power to my husband for an amount of time. But in the end, I have the final say over what happens. Anything out of my comfort zone doesn’t. Period. It is commonly known as a “power exchange”. It is an illusion. My husband does not become a tyrant.

Sadism/Masochism: These words are not as black as you make them sound. In a rapist, yes, sadism is a dark word. In a consenting marriage, they go hand in hand, and are not ugly at all. My desire for pain and his willingness to give it to me (in a safe, controlled environment) bring us both pleasure. It is beautiful, not evil.

BDSM is NOT rape and torture. That is a common misconception amongst people whose tastes do not turn that way, and that is unfortunate. You don’t have to practice it. Just don’t condemn it.

But again, I don’t understand how you can put a limit on something that is so beautifully intimate between two people. Why can you decide that what is pleasurable for both a man and a woman inside the bedroom, what is consensual, what is monogamous, and what is often precedented or followed by prayer and thanks for the gifts God has given us, is wrong? I’m not exactly certain how that is different from early missionaries telling converts in heathen society that certain sexual positioning is unpleasing to God, or that sex is purely for conception of children.

When it is done correctly, BDSM can be a very healthy part of a Christian marriage. It is clearly not for you or your husband, but that does not make it wrong.

Lissa

Amanda says:

@LA Huizing

THANK YOU!!!!this is how i feel!
My husbands family are telling me that i shouldnt read this as a Christian wife!
This is not like porn(ie “taking care of self”)
Its a FAKE love story

Amanda says:

mosessister :
I don’t agree with this post at all. As Christians, we need to be much more diligent about gathering facts, and much more thoughtful about drawing logical conclusions.
Reason #1 – I’ve read all three books, and I admit that they stimulated lust in me….for my husband of 30 years! Sexual desire is not sinful until it is channeled inappropriately. If arousal itself was sinful, then Song of Songs, a classic piece of Hebrew erotica, would not be in the Bible.
Reason #2 – While I agree with much of what you’ve said about porn, I don’t agree that these books are porn. There is little similarity between reading what is first and foremost a love story, albeit with graphic sex, and watching a two-dimensional porn flick. I can’t speak from experience, because I don’t do porn, but I imagine there are not very many porn flicks that actually have a plot at all, let alone one that involves two people caring for each other enough to give up selfish practices, commit themselves only to each other, and marry each other. Big difference. Sexual gratification is the sole purpose of porn; Fifty Shades is a HEA fantasy just for fun.
Reason #3 – See my response to #2 above. This is not a valid comparison.
Reason #4 – These are not books that glorify BDSM. They are about a man who gives it up when the woman he loves can’t take it.
If you believe you will not be able to read the books without succumbing to sinful temptations, then fine, don’t read it. If a story about graphic BDSM doesn’t float your boat, fine, don’t read it. But if you’re going to use your God-given platform to influence others, a little more rigorous critical thinking is in order. To whom much is given, much is required.

THANK YOU

Marlene says:

Thanks so much for putting this into words!!

Autumn A. says:

“Judge not lest ye be judged.” Get a clue, read the books before you start lecturing people on how harmful they are. YOU. HAVE. NO. IDEA.

Sonya says:

Thank you for the thought you’ve put into this post! I agree 100%!

Ebony says:

I did fall for the hype! Went ahead and ordered the book on my Nook. I spent the better part of 1 Saturday reading it. Got about 1/2 way through the book and could not shake the feeling of just how WRONG it was. The whole ‘theme’ of the book, rubbed me the wrong way. Went to church on Sunday and what does the pastor preach about.. Pornography! Well, there you go- convicted that the book I was reading really was Pornography and just bad news. Came home Sunday afternoon and deleted the book from my Nook without finishing it. As a 37 year old woman, who has been married for 20 years this year- I was really quit offended at several passages in the book. How a young girl gets trapped into having such a violent relationship with a powerful, older man?? I have an 11 year old daughter and I pray she NEVER gets involved in this type of relationship. Why more woman aren’t offended is beyond me?? I certainly pray for those that think this is great reading.

Dolores says:

@CC
YOUR COMMENT “And yes pornography can be wrong…but if your hubby is looking at the stuff , then you as a wife are not doing what you are suppose to be doing”

I only comment here as a counselor to hurting sexually victimized people and pornography addicts and their wives….you are seriously mis-informed. Your comment is quite damaging to women as it assumes her husband’s interest in pornography is related to a wife sexual performance and his satisfaction with her. This is totally incorrect and as mentioned seriously mis-informed. My hope is you will research this topic carefully so that you are able to comment correctly and not extend pain for wives that suffer with inappropriate self blame as their husbands struggle with pornography interest and addiction.

brad says:

it is interesting in how we can judge what we have not read. Isn’t God’s love a love for all mankind? We are made in the image of God; we are not shadows in God’s Light but OF God. God is in the good, the light, the beautiful and joy. If God created the Heavens and the Earth and he saw all was Good, then God is also in the bad, the darkness, the ugliness and the hate. What we resists persists. When a man cleaves with his wife, what they do as One in Gods light is good.

To avoid the darkside of life, we also avoid the truth in God’s love.

We can be offended and frightened by what we read. As humans we were given the gift of freewill; a will that when we are confronted by what we judge, we freely chose. That is Gods will.

To judge without knowledge is a Sin. We become hypocrites when we do this.

Next we will be mindless souls, governed by few who objurgate our rights and burn books.

Merritt says:

@Kayleigh
Ok, so this is what I’ve been thinking the whole time. Totally and completely agree with this post. Also, the whole “I don’t need to do ____to know it’s bad for me” comments. You know that you don’t want to get cancer because of a lifetime of hearing about it from doctors, friends, family, etc. Otherwise, the word cancer would mean nothing to you. You know not to jump off a cliff because you have an innate, God given tendency towards self-preservation. You know not to drink a cup of dirty water because someone taught you, over and over, that this could make you sick. These comparisons are laughable at best. I think enough people have provided you with a synopsis of the plot of these books (ie. the concepts of redemption, marriage, etc), and yet I have seen NO ONE addressing this. If you are going to go on a crusade against a series, it makes since that you would address ALL conflicting comnments. No just those that most easily defend your point of view. Sheesh.

Anonymous says:

It really concerns me that people out there are defending this book because its “romantic or because the characters learn to love in the end.” Lets just call this book exactly what it is. Porn. It is labeled as erotic fiction which should be the first clue. I have just read a hundred or so reviews on this book and a couple things really stand out to me. 1. A common theme in many of the negative reviews is that Christians character ignores the pleas of Ana and coerces her to continue in a sexual experience that she is not comfortable with. This borders on rape in a very serious way and I cannot believe that anyone can call that romantic. The fact that this girl stays with him and marries him etc. is beyond the point. Any woman in real life who was in a situation like hers we would label as a battered woman.

2. Well really do I need a 2? Read the reviews for yourself before you buy this book. Curiosity killed the cat as they say and while you may not die from reading this book (except from embarrassment) you will be wasting your time and money, not to mention furthering the mindless publishing of material that is better suited to penthouse or playboy. The fact that this author and their publishing company will be making millions off this book is sickening.

JustaRandomGirl says:

I’m not reading it either–books like this have never interested me and I don’t understand why others would want to read them. Sure, there’s violence all around us in real life (which is really sad), in other books, TV, and even the bible. We can’t shelter ourselves from it and act like it doesn’t exist (which I notice some people try to do), we can only learn to protect ourselves and understand that it’s wrong. Choosing to read books when there are lots of others out there that don’t include this stuff and other things to do, just bugs me. I don’t know about others, but here’s other things I’d rather be reading.

@meltitus says:

Thank you for tackling this topic and your boldness in telling the truth. I love how you don’t condemn anyone for reading 50 shades, but you do present the truth. I have been having this discussion over and over with other bloggers and friends. One thing I have found is that many Christian women don’t really know what this novel is about until they begin reading it, get hooked, and can’t stop reading. My husband tells me this is exactly what porn does. It’s a difficult topic to address, but we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it or to be honest about the harmful effects erotica novels can have.

Christi says:

I understand these are opinions and it’s just a book. If you all feel so strong about ur faith and not looking at sexual explicitly material then u might as well turn off ur t. There is just as much erotica on today’s tv as in these types of books just not so detailed. It’s just a book how u act on it is a person
Character and judgement. I’m reading them and still a religious person this book doesnt make me or define me.

Shepgirl1 says:

I only recently heard about the book from my cousin. She read it and I was going to read it as well. However, I had no idea what the book was about. After reading your comments, I will not read the book. Thank you so much!

Anonymous says:

@Lauren

I AGREEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous says:

After reading just the first book, I would agree with you. I was disgusted. But at the end of the book, the leading lady Ana leaves dominating Christian for those same reasons! The character development in the second book is great, and it turns quite romantic. You shouldn’t judge these books by all the hype in the press.

Jen says:

Please…It is a book! Have some fun. Live life a little bit..lol God will still love u ..I promise.

BRAN621 says:

Everyone falls short of God…..Everyone sins.
So, there fore i shall read and ask for forgiveness later. Our God is a very forgiving God…i’m sure he will forgive me. Plus, i’ll just look at my husband after every erotic scene in this book….k????

Vicki Bailey says:

A scripture that comes to my mind. Open rebuke is better than secret love. Proverbs 27:5. Not judging.

I will NOT be reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

Ann Marie Miller says:

@S knocke
I absolutely agree with you!

Hazel says:

I agree. @Lauren

Paula says:

THANK YOU for writing what I was thinking! My 23 year old daughter bought it because EVERYONE was reading it. I had seen and heard so much about it that I thought this has to be some deep life changing book. People posting themselves on facebook reading it by the pool. After she purchased it she read some reviews and then was “not so interested” I picked it up thinking she had to be missing something. After wasting about 30 minutes of my life skimming through the beginning middle and end it did not take much thought to realize this is only a silly romance novel with very disturbing introduction for a virgin of sex. Greek god millionaire with sad sexual desires seduces a mousy virgin she leaves Greek god in the end. Wow! I can’t even imagine what could possibly interest people to waste any of their life reading the first book much less the next two. Wish I had my 30 minutes back to do something that actually improved the quality of my life and who I am as a person.

Not a perfect person says:

Really don’t know how you judge a book without reading it first. I guess I could say I never met you… and you think you are better then everyone else.You walk around with your nose in the air looking down at everyone who don’t agreee with you. And you are perfect and never sin. Umm don’t think so. And if I am wrong about the way you really are then shame on me for not getting to know you first. Kinda like knocking a book before you read it.

Krystal says:

lori :
@Lauren
I have to say I couldn’t agree more. The author of this post is making assumptions she knows details of a book she has not read. There is SO much more to this story than dirty sex. Yes, that’s a big part but it’s not THE part. It’s about a wounded boy who learns how to love for real, and learns what real love truly is.
The poster sent us ’0 which is not a hashcash value.

Just because there is more to the story than dirty sex does not negate the fact that THERE IS STILL DIRTY SEX INVOLVED. Because of this I find your reason for justifying this book to be an extremely poor one. Using your same logic, it would be ok to watch pornography as long as it is romantic and involves two people who genuinely love each other. But just because it’s in a pretty package doesn’t change the fact that you are still watching porn. I have no problem with a good love story. And the author could have told a story “about a wounded boy who learns to love for real” without including explicit content.

@lori

Breanna says:

Thank you so much for not only saying that this kind of fiction is bad (awful really) but explaining why it is so bad. I am recovering from the damage done by reading (and, sadly, watching) that kind of material since I was a young teen. I hope when I share this blog with others it will allow them to realize the effects this kind of “literature” on women of all ages. Again, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Amy says:

@Kristin
Having read all three books, I have to agree with Kristin. The books do not glamorize this lifestyle. As a teen, the main character was molested by an older woman and that experience colored his future choice. That is addressed and taken seriously throughout the series. What love really is is taken seriously as well. Is this a great book for everyone to read? No. Is it as bad as you make it sound? No. As many have said, books can’t be judge without having been read.

Andrea says:

Amen!!^^^^

Laura says:

I have to disagree on a couple points. I certainly have no interest in reading any of the trilogy. But that stems from the fact that its poorly written and was originally a Twilight fanfic (something else I avoid on principle). I would also state that I’m a Christian always have been. But the thing is you seem to stretch the boundary quite a bit on some things. Like Reason 1. Yes you quoted correctly, but this is FICTION. If you really are afraid you’ll find yourself lusting over a fictional character in a novel, maybe you shouldn’t be reading ANYthing. Or watching tv or movies. That way you avoid all temptation. Reason #2 is just total crap. I would call crap on it. Lust is, in some ways harmful yes in that it can get you in to trouble. And some people who have addictive personalities (PRONE to it) will have more issues. But in general with a person who doesn’t have trouble with addictions, its not harmful at all. It can inspire spice in a relationship. And I can site other articles and actual studies to the contrary; that Porn is actually beneficial. Reason #3, you make the assumption there that its a MALE problem. I’ve watched porn. I’ve read erotic fiction. I’m not an immoral person, more than the next sinner out there. What about a husband and wife reading a chapter and getting ‘inspired’? It could be quite fun! As for Reason #4 BDSM can be completely harmless and quite empowering. Again you shouldn’t go assuming its a MALE thing. MANY of the dominants out there are actually women. It can also be done lovingly within the marriage with a husband and wife who agree to the rules of what they want.
Now…I’m not saying this is for everyone. I completely understand, that all people have different levels of what they are comfortable with. I am, personally, not into anything that involves pain or any of the other BDSM subjects. But for those who enjoy it, let them. America was built on the idea of freedoms. You have your freedom and choice to not read this book, as do I. But banning a book or burning it? That is completely wrong. I want to end with my commending you for putting up your points in a blog and standing by them. Just because I don’t agree with them, thats why I felt I could put in my own rebuttal. Sometimes I am nothing more than playing a “devil’s advocate” to encourage discussion.

Sarah says:

If nobody should read 50 Shades, then maybe nobody should read Shakespeare, or Nathaniel Hawthorne, or Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain), or Thomas Hardy, or Stephen King, or Philippa Gregory, or learn any World History, or read any other book that contains any mention of sin. Should we ban the Qu’ran, or the Kabbalah, or the Torah, or a book that describes Buddhism simply because they “aren’t Christian”?

You call yourself a Christian. Christianity is based on loving yourself and your neighbor, is it not? “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Jesus said that. When you are totally perfect and without any sin, then you can judge someone. But as far as I can tell, nobody is perfect, therefore, nobody should judge anyone else. If CHRISTianity is about following the lead of CHRIST, why not actually follow his lead by NOT judging your peers?

It is forceful assumptions like this blog that make me ashamed to be labeled “Christian”. People are not supposed to judge, God is. He is the one who determines our fate, not our neighbors. Be concerned with your own fate, and don’t try to change someone else simply because you don’t like their choice in literature, or perhaps because you don’t like their tattoo, or the fact that they love someone of the same gender.

If you don’t like tattoos, don’t get one. If you don’t like gay marriages, don’t get one. If you don’t like abortions, don’t get one.

If you don’t like a book, don’t read it. It is as simple as that.

Rita says:

I really don’t like writing bad reviews. I admire people who have the courage to put pen to paper and expose themselves to the whole world, especially those writing erotica. Having just finished this book, however, I feel compelled to write a review.

About half way through the book, I looked up the author to see if she was a teenager. I really did because the characters are out of a 16 year old’s fantasy. The main male character is a billionaire (not a millionaire but a billionaire) who speaks fluent French, is basically a concert level pianist, is a fully trained pilot, is athletic, drop dead gorgeous, tall, built perfectly with an enormous penis, and the best lover on the planet. In addition, he’s not only self made but is using his money to combat world hunger. Oh yeah, and all of this at the ripe old age of 26! And on top of that, he’s never working. Every second is spent having sex or texting and emailing the female character. His billions seem to have just come about by magic. It seriously feels like 2 teenage girls got together and decided to create their “dream man” and came up with Christian Grey.

Then come the sex scenes. The first one is tolerable but as she goes on, they become so unbelievable that it becomes more laughable than erotic. She orgasms at the drop of a hat. He says her name and she orgasms. He simply touches her and she orgasms. It seems that she’s climaxing on every page.

Then there’s the writing. If you take out the parts where the female character is blushing or chewing her lips, the book will be down to about 50 pages. Almost on every single page, there is a whole section devoted to her blushing, chewing her lips or wondering “Jeez” about something or another. Then there’s the use of “shades of”. He’s “fifty shades of @#$%% up,” “she turned 7 shades of crimson,” “he’s ten shades of x,y, and z.” Seriously?

The writing is just not up to par, the characters are unbelievable, and the sex verges on the comical. I don’t know what happens in the remaining books and I do not intend to read them to find out. But given the maturity level of the first book, I imagine that they get married, have 2 perfect children, cure world hunger, and live happily ever after while riding into the sunset, as the female character climaxes on her horse causing her to chew her bottom lip and blush fifty shades of crimson. Jeez! Basically this is like an attempted porn version of Twilight, which is equally bad.

There are plenty of well-written erotic and porn novels, that can get me off. This was not one of them.

Oh and by the way, I’m a married woman with two children and my husband loves it when I read or watch erotica or porn, because he knows the sex will be off the charts when I do!

Anonymous says:

I’m a big fan of “If you can’t say anything NICE, don’t say anything at all.” You are obviously very bad at following this “Thumper’s Rule.”

Missy says:

Thank you so much for your wise words and explanation of this nasty book! So many women, sadly Christian women, are reading this trash. I only pray that our Lord will place a conviction on their hearts, before finishing this book, that they may repent and turn from the wicked allure the book has. Thanks again for your post!

RLG says:

@Sarah
AMEN!!

RLG says:

@Dannah
Yes, but you also wouldn’t know if you liked watermelon or not unless you tasted it first.

RLG says:

@OrangiesAttic
AMEN!

Elyse says:

Dannah has indeed spoken true words that are biblical. Study your Bible and find out what God has to say about our minds and where our thoughts should be. Yes a book can cause images to plant in your mind that cannot be erased easily. Dannah’s words have nothing to do with not being nice but with God’s truth. We must be discerning women if we want to truly but followers of Jesus and stand firm for all that is good and godly. I work in a public library and several people have said that they wish they hadn’t read the book and some have said after reading it that it is such a dirty book and they struggled through reading it and these were not Christian women so why whould we want to put our minds through this battle. My library director said should will not put her mind through the mud of this kind of reading when there is so much good literature out there. Let’s be discerning women who stand for righteousness.

Anonymous says:

I think this book would help your marriage, as it already has for other happily married couples…Read it, it stays with you, in a good way!

Anonymous says:

I totally support every person’s own choice to read a certain book or to not read a book. But I would like to point out as I am currently reading this book, yes it is based on a BDSM relationship but I resent the definition of erotic literature as having “no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire.” Obviously it has to have some literary and or artistic value if all THREE of her books has made it on the top seller lists. I was hooked from the first chapter without it having had anything to do with BDSM at that point. If you don’t want to read the book then don’t but please to look down upon other people that do and actually enjoy it especially for it’s literary and artistic value.

Cathy says:

Thank you so much for explaining the truth about what pornagraphy does to a marriage or any relationship between a man and a woman.

Carly says:

As someone who has read the series, I would like to clarify something. This book in NO WAY glorifies BDSM. Spoiler Alert: The girl actually leads by example and helps this man out of the BDSM lifestyle he was in. The author shows how the character’s early life and molestation led him to think BDSM was the only way to show love because thats all he was ever shown. I saw in an earlier comment that someone was appalled that people would defend this book. You believe Christ can change people. I believe that Christ created us to fellowship and change each other. You belittle your omnipotent and omniscient God by saying only HE can change others. HE uses his creation to help enact his plan. This book is fiction. This book exemplifies a story of love and how we can help each other. The character helped change the man. It is obviously written for a mature audience. It is written for a mature audience, who knows what moderation means. Many of those against it know little on moderation (do not drink or you will get drunk, do not watch rated R movies or you will curse, do not wear skimpy clothes because then you will have sex). Those who are mature can handle reading a simple fiction novel, having a drink, eating a salad, and wearing short shorts, instead of running from the very thing we were brought here to do. Be a light. If you are afraid you can’t handle this book because you don’t know how to seperate and moderate, then don’t read it. I am asking that you don’t continue your judgements towards those who do.

Me says:

@CC
A man looking at pornography is not because
The wife isn’t doing it right. That was a dumb
Comment

Anonymous says:

@Phoebe H.
Well if you have not read the book how can you judge!..also God says we are not to judge!!…don’t read it, you are the one missing out..but don’t judge or try to force your opinions on people you don’t know I loved the book and the story behind it..I just say it really none of your business what others read..its our choice…get a life.

Anonymous says:

My husband just took his life 18 mos. ago due to a 25 year double life with hundreds of prostitutes, massage parlors which all began with porn. Our family will forever be scared by the damage that all began with a playboy so many years ago and morphed into a full blown addiction and sadly his death. It all began with the the enemy’s lie that so many buy, “whats the big deal?”…..I am here to say……ITS A HUGE DEAL and don’t be decieved. Books like this plant seeds that are not of the Lord but the devil himself….heed the warning!!!!!
THANK YOU for sharing this article! I too, have NO interest in this book but it concerns me with all the hype that my 19 yr. old daughter may and she may call me judgemental since I have not read it but am willing to stand against it. Praise God for you and others who truly stand for the truth and your very articulate way that you have described in this article to not be fooled.
I plan on putting this up on my Facebook page for others to read too.
Blessings to you!

Karen W. says:

Thank you so much for writing this article. This is exactly the message that needs to be read by women everywhere, married and unmarried alike.

Gary says:

Thank you so much for writing this. It is increasingly difficult to be a male Christian who does not harbour SOME resentment for women who read this. It is not something most men feel they can talk to women about without sounding preachy. I think it has to come from a woman’s perspective. If you are a woman of God who opposes this book: PLEASE tell other women about it. From a man’s perspective: you reading this book breaks your husband’s heart and confidence in the SAME way yours would be broken due to him watching porn.
Ask yourself why you want to read it? And if it upsets you that it is clearly a struggle you wish you didn’t have to bear – appreciate that you can now better sympathise with a battle your husband takes on every day for you.

Laurie says:

And my name is Victoria not Laurie

Jo Mama says:

@Dannah: SO…if your point of view is based on research and not the hearsay of others about a book why don’t you publish the research?! If you want the un-indoctrinated to understand, give them the facts. Where are your CITATIONS? Like the NYT and women’s magazine articles you reference that purportedly support your argument against pornography.

SoCalChristian says:

Thank you for posting this! We want to please our Lord and Savior, and reading such books will be far from pleasing to Him.

glo says:

Thank you. I am very thankful for your post. God bless you.

marilyn says:

@Dannah
baloney

Jeanie says:

I’ve read all 3 of the books and I loved them. I thought the story was great. I’m a Christian mom of 4 who has been married for 13 years and my marriage is better than it has ever been. Yep…the books have caused me to lust…for my husband and it’s wonderful!!! I’m bummed that there are only 3 – I’m hoping she comes out with more!

I find it so interesting that people are so condemning of a book that they know absolutely nothing about (which is obvious to those of us to have read the books.)

Just an FYI…Ana was never forced to do anything. As a matter of fact, she was given a list of things that she could agree or not agree to. If someone agrees to participate in a sexual act, then I’m pretty sure you can’t call it rape.

milynsho says:

Thank you for putting into eloquent words what I have been trying to say to those who ask if I am reading Fifty Shades. These were my exact thoughts. I thought perhaps I was being overly sensitive to the matter. Your review of this subject gives my opinion credence. Luckily our marriage has weathered, and we have only God to thank for that. So subtle, that enemy, chinking our women’s armor with the same destructive tactic that has devastated our marriages and families.

Anonymous says:

What I have realized is God wants pure hearts. Sometimes people isolate their sexual life in a compartment separated from the rest of their life. God wants our sexuality to reflect His presence in our life. God wants the whole of our life devoted to Him.
What we do many times is justify what we read, say and how we function in our sexuality.
Remember that every positive or nagative message we receive from our view of our sexuality. We receive most of our training about sex from birth up, even if sex was never spoken about in our homes. Attitudes, behaviors, and the purposes of sex are all expressed explicitly or tacitly as we grow.
Many people suffer from some kind sexual trauma, date rape, insest, promiscuity and etc.
We learn to cope with the after effects to be able to continue to function. We put walls up to protect ourselves. Telling ourselves lies that we will be fine. What we have learned to do is put ourselves in a box with four walls telling ourselves that no one will hurt me again. We keep the secret(s) pushed deep in our souls.
When reading a book like this, it may set off some triggers within us that may bring up the trauma we may have experienced. Or if we have a lustful spirit it will feed on it.
Regardless of what it may trigger off within us. Would we addmit that we need healing in the area of our sexuality.
In Genesis 3:8
the man & his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

Hide: Place or state of concealment, to keep secret, withhold, fail to disclose, suppress, keep quiet, hold back, bury, cover, keep a veil over it It’s not uncommon for us to hide as humans ( We do not want to be exposed.)

Question: Are we hiding and is God calling, “where are you”
Genesis 3:10
He answered, I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked: so I hid.

Naked – Unprotected, exposed, unclothed, stripped, open, obvious, hidden, not concealed
Lacking the usual covering or protection, having no covering

Question:
Do we feel safe enough with God?

Are we afraid, do we hold back from looking at our sexuality and pretend everything is okay.
Are we trying to keep it hidden in the garden of our hearts among the trees.

Revelation 12:11
They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

We needed to allow God to go into the garden of our hearts. We know we have to stop hiding. He wants to set us free from its bondage. Destroying what the enemy has done to us. Holding us captive.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. Jer. 17:7

Question:
Can you trust God to confort you in your past abuse?

50 shades of grey says:

Is all this serious?! The book is a great book in which the way it was written. Dont judge a book by its cover or what others tell you. Everyone has their own opinion and is obligated to like different things. Anyways. Awesome book!!!!!

Linda says:

I agree with all of this! Thanks for posting! I feel like it’s wrong for me to read this book.

Emily says:

You must be bored stiff!

Tabitha says:

All U so called religious people have WAY too much time on your hands and need to put that energy on more important things instead of a fictional book that U have never read. SERIOUSLY! ??? Do something that actually matters.

Junior says:

Thankyou for this post! A friend of mine lent me her copy and said I should read chapters 7&8 so I could get the basic idea of the book. I’m so sorry that I did – I doubt I will ever forget and I wish that I didn’t have those word pictures in my mind. If I don’t want my husband watching porn, should I be reading it?

Sofiira says:

@Lauren

I 100% agree. Here is my comeback.

Gail Detjen says:

You’re an idiot! LOL Now that may not be a very “Christian” thing to say, but I know I’m forgiven. You, however, have no such hope because blasphemy of the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven. Your twisted idea of the Christian faith and the Bible is so far off base it’s not funny. As far as judging, if you knew anything about Christianity, you would know that true Christian believers are in fact the body of Christ here on earth, something you will not understand, insasmuch as our Savior Jesus Christ also sits at the right hand of His Father in Heaven. As the body of Christ on Earth we have the authority and the responsibility to try shine the light on sinful behavior in an effort to have that person repent, or turn around or away from sin, and be made right with God. That can only happen through Jesus, and because of His death and resurrection. You, however, choose to see it as fiction. Perhaps you really are evolved from a primate or subspecies, because you choose to believe you know more than God. Satan thought he did too. You’ll share his fate unless you get a life! I’ll pray for you.

Seriously.... says:

The book is awesome. I love it. I feel like it has made me want to love like that…..if you had read the book you would know that it’s an AWESOME love story about a Man that couldn’t love. I think that it is people like you that make Sex dirty and shameful to think or talk about. WOW. OH, and my Husband loves that I love this book!! He is thinking of reading it next. I just had a baby and I was so self concious that I didn’t “look” the same as I did and this book has brought out a “sexy” side to me that I didn’t know I had. But your opinion is just that……JUST an opinion.

Jess says:

@Lissa

Thank you for a great post, I totally agree with you, Lissa.

Susan says:

I honestly think that your whole outlook on something that you have no idea about is sick. You sit here and talk about adultery and religion but doesnt the bible say plain and simple; thou shall not judge? Isnt this what you are doing? Your saying that if you read the book then you are committing adultery and bla bla bla. Honestly I have known many couples that the wife has read this book and this has done nothing but spice up their marriage, whats wrong with that??? Maybe if you are thinking this far into if you read the book you will commit adultery, maybe thats your own self consience. Its NOT REAL, its ok to read it. Do you watch TV? If you judge everything you see or hear, then I am sad for you.

Melissa says:

Although I can see a Christian’s view on these books, it is also true that these books are a work of fiction. Like twilight, there is no Christian Gray out there, like there’s no Edward. The language can be obscene, the scenes are erotic. You know this now, so don’t read it now that you have those facts. The BDSM is what I have an issue with Danneh mentioning it. By the way, although there are many out there that take that lifestyle and muck it up,there are very caring relationships that practice this lifestyle. It’s not all cut and dried. As a Christian you should understand this. Otherwise we would all be the same faith and you would be just like that Christian across the street that doesn’t think or act they way you feel right doing the way you act and think. @Candace

5hymay says:

@LA Huizing
Isn’t porn fiction? ‘Not real’?? It’s the same thing, and it has ruined so many peoples lives.

Christi says:

@RH

Thank you.

dawn says:

I am a Christian. I was suprised by all of my Christian friends very vocally stating that they were reading the books after what I had “heard”. I thought, I must be misjudging. Knowing myself well enough to know that it wouldn’t simply take a fiction book series to alter my life….I read them. I found the language offensive and for that will not recommend them to others. And would not recommend them to someone because you do not know their personal weaknesses. My life was unchanged as I knew would be the case, as well as our marriage intact. My husband is reading them as well. It hasn’t influenced our intimate moments together whatsoever. I haven’t fantasized of Christian either. He was a very sad person with alot of unhealed wounds, taken advantage of as a child by a grown woman who was sick. Nothing for me to wish for. The first book was alot for us to take in but after that we were hooked on the story. If you love psychology…you may enjoy it.

sally says:

@Lauren
I totally agree, how can you know what you are talking about when you haven’t read it. I have read it and am not sure how I feel about it but I don’t like the idea of someone speaking out either way without reading it. (I am a 60 year old Chreistian)

Anonymous says:

Thanks you for posting this reply. I agree … it is not the wife’s fault and to say it is is very hurtful.

Anonymous says:

If you are going to comment on it you should really read it first so you know what you are talking about. The media has sensationalized it. It’s a love story.end

Jennifer says:

Matthew 5:28
But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his hear

Ruby Fish says:

PS…. I’m not one Of those Religious People. I’m a stay at home housewife with one adult child.

Traci says:

@CC
CC, have you ever spoken to a man who has a porn addiction? Most of them stem from their childhood/teenage years, times before a wife had ever laid a hand on them. Many of them will admit that it has nothing to do with their wives, and in fact if anything the porn has been key in their mistreatment of their wives, not vice-versa.

In fact, many wives have made themselves readily available to their husbands and been denied for the choice of porn instead.

Out of curiosity, do you blame rape victims for the act of their rapists as well?

Brook Lee says:

I shared this link on my FB page. Not to support it but to show the ignorance of the blog post. It’s a wonder any of you hard core bible thumpers can keep a husband. Oh wait, I know how you do it, it’s by keeping him “afraid” with all your little bible quotes….good luck with that. When you catch your husband watching porn, don’t say I didn’t tell you so.

jane says:

I am sooooo glad we have people in the world as self righteous as you obviously are, and that you know god so personally that you think you have the right to tell me what god is saying. thanks……but no thanks! i have read the scriptures and i lead a Christian life but I WILL NOT have people telling me what THEY think the bible is saying (their interpretation). if you have an opinion about something I’d be very happy to hear it IF YOU HAVE READ IT, DONE IT OR AT LEAST EXPERIENCED IT!!! “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” and what’s the other one? “let he who is without sin, cast the first stone”!! I haven’t read this book but I reserve the right to do so if I so choose. God gave us the abilitity of free will, I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself, and let others choose for their selves!

Jessica says:

Thank you for your post. I love how you put it and you have it spot on. I love myself and my husband too much as well to indulge in erotic smut- because that’s what it is. I will be re-posting this.

Truth says:

Sex feels good. Enjoy pleasure while you can.

hannah says:

@LA Huizing

isn’t porn adultery? You say that this book is fictional and not adultery… but isn’t porn fictional and can legitimately hurt marriages?
Don’t get me wrong, I am not here to preach to you and tell you that you’re going to hell by reading the book and I don’t think that is what Dannah is doing here either. But you kept saying that it’s not that big of a deal because the book is fictional, not real.
So is porn – and you cannot argue with me that porn is not adultery.

tom says:

@LA Huizing
it fiction beause the storys and characters are not real, the sexual acts that are in the book are real and people do them . and itmay cause you to fall in lust with the characters even if the characters are real or not

Jack Wilson says:

Amen! I agree! I read the book and did not get what she claims out of the book at all!!

Tami says:

I also have chosen not to read the book. I won’t judge those (which many of my friends are reading the series) who are. I feel convicted not to read this so I have to listen to the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart. I can’t be anyone else’s Holy Spirit but I will stand firm in what I believe would not be healthy for my marriage. It’s worth the sacrifice of reading a popular book or watching a popular movie if I feel the Lord is quickening my spirit to avoid this type of material. Just knowing the type of subject matter is enough for me to know I don’t need to read it. I don’t have to read it to know that much.

Denise says:

I couldn’t agree more. It’s just a BOOK! My husband is actually thankful to Mr. Grey, if you get my drift! ; )

Sheri says:

Thank you for sharing this – it’s about time someone does. I heard a great story once about a dad and his teenage kids. They wanted to see a certain movie and the dad did not give consent. The kids were irritated with his old-fashioned values and kept trying to convince him it was a really really good movie with only one or two short little inappropriate parts.
To make a point, the dad decided to serve his kids some yummy chocolate cake. They were excited to eat it until he told them it had just a couple of pieces of dog s#@t in it. Of course they didn’t want it after that. He asked them why they didn’t want it. After all, it’s a delicious cake and only had a couple of tiny pieces of the dog crap. Unfortunately, a few bad parts can ruin the whole thing. I hear so many people say about this book “Oh – don’t worry – the main character gets nicer and becomes a good guy in the sequels”… Why why why do we need to reduce ourselves to this garbage in order to find a good message? Answer? WE DON’T. I can find plenty of good messages without spending my limited amount of time on earth investing in dog s@%t.

Roberta says:

Wow this is completely narrow minded but I’m not sure I expect anything different from someone so incredibly narrow minded!

Lynn says:

Thank you Dannah for the well-written article!
As a single woman reading the article and comments, I really feel lost and like I’m truly missing that husband you all seem to have to share sex, pleasure, etc with.

As in, “According to Him, there is only one who should stimulate sexual desire in me: my husband. Since that’s God’s plan for my sexual desire, anything other than my husband creating arousal in me would be missing the mark of God’s intention. (Translation: it is sin.)”

Maybe I made a mistake not being more marriage-minded in college and thereafter. I was enjoying myself and pursuing education and career, along with boyfriends that didn’t lead to marriage, unfortunately.

I have some regrets that I didn’t “find” the husband earlier. Or it hasn’t been in God’s plan for me yet. However, here I am now, in my early 30′s and not married. I’m not in a race for the altar but would like to get married in the nearer future.

As I read “…how great you are at self-stimulation and how powerful your imagination can be. You’ll become less interested in real sex with your husband”, I wonder where I fit in.

It seems as though sexual activity or thoughts with both a man who is not your husband or just with yourself is sin.

As one of the many women in their 30s who hasn’t crossed paths with her future husband yet, where do we fit in? Our sexuality as humans aren’t different than our married friends.

Curious of your thoughts…thanks.

BGM says:

Thank you for all your insight on this book. I too have chosen NOT to read it although I know many who are and have made the comment to me that they will not be able to get those images out of their heads. I am praying for you as I read the comments some people have posted on here. It’s not always easy to speak up about things like this, but I believe you will help a lot of people in doing so. I read your entire post and felt in no way that you were pouring out judgement on anyone. Just wanted to let you know that I feel your post was well written and just fine. Blessings to you

Anonymous says:

I agree with you on this. Just because you read a book doesn’t mean that God is going to be angry with you or turn his back on you. Its no different than going to see movies that have too much language or love scenes in them. Now there are some people who might read this books and get ideas from them and take it to far but then there are others who can read the book just for fun and see the whole story. As this user has said, if you would have read all 3 books, you would have seen how the main character transforms throughout the book and becomes a loving husband. Someone who protects and cares and loves his wife with everything in him, which as a single person, is something that I am looking for in a husband. Also to comment on what you said about self pleasure and turing to your husband but that not being enough…I can guarantee you that reading this book didn’t change a thing for me. I didn’t go out looking for a guy to test these sexual endeavors on and I didn’t turn to myself because I know that its not okay to do these things. I read the books to see what everyone else was getting excited about but by the 3rd book, I fell in love with the main characters and how you see their relationship transform over the span of the books. I am glad that you are posting your opinions and sticking up for what you believe in. We need more people like you to share about the Lord and to make young people hear what you’re saying, I just feel like there are more important issues than dictating what people should and shouldn’t read. @LA Huizing

beth says:

Thank you for so clearly, and beautifully stating the Christian perspective. And, Tabitha, Christians have the right of free speach too.

Lisa says:

Its fiction guys. Just like big foot or twilight! It’s fake but acting holier than tho and pretending that you don’t suck dick or that you don’t have face down ass up for your husband is ludacris! Sorry to be vulgar but it’s just reality. We all know you fuck, make love or whatever you wanna call it it’s a book no one is forcing you to read it ! In my opinion the book is amazing. Yes the sexual parts are great but the story and plot and love in it is better than a unrealistic “hey I am vampire and I love a wolf too” bullshit out there!
And I am sure that you dont like the book cuz your husband wants to you to be kinky and exciting and you probably a prude… I am actually certain of that. Sexual adventures make great for a marriage or relationship its a known fact!

Go team 50 shades.

RGP says:

@Dannah

I am a 42 year old attorney and mother who has been very happily married for 18 years. I have been a Christian all of my life. Although I did not realize what I was getting into when I began the first book, I enjoyed the story immensely and finished the entire series. Not once have I lusted after Christian Grey. Not once have I imagined myself with Christian Grey while being intimate with my husband. I do not have a problem getting any images out of my mind. The fact is that this is a story about love and redemption and I, for one, would have enjoyed it just as much without the explicit scenes. Everyone I’ve talked to about the books has said that they do not read it for the sex; they read it for the storyline. The fact that the book dealt with a very troubled man’s addiction to BDSM does not bother me. BDSM exists and I didn’t really think the book painted BDSM in a good light given that Christian had to get past his BDSM addiction to have a loving and fulfilling relationship with Ana. Plus, as long as it’s consensual, it doesn’t bother me that someone practices BDSM with his/her spouse. There was a time when oral sex was considered evil even between married partners. Come on, people. Don’t judge these books by the opinions of someone who has not actually read the books. You have the right to make your own informed decision.

Brittany Smith says:

Praise the Lord Dannah!

Amanda says:

@Jenn
It is people like you, high on your moral high horse in the name of God, that give Christianity a bad name. So you mean to tell me that if I read this book and have sexual desires that I share with my husband of 17 years that I am sinning? Do you really think that because I had sexual desires from reading a book or watching porn with my husband that God won’t let me into Heaven? I think not! Why don’t you focus your energy on praying for the abused children in the world, the cancer patients who just want to live and all the other horrific things that are happening in this world. It sounds to me that you need a worthy cause to support, instead of wasting time telling people that reading a book and practicing certain sexual acts in the bedroom is a sin. American Cancer Society, St. Jude, Humane society’s are all worthy causes that would actually be benefital and productive uses of time and energy. It is judgmental people such as yourself that are a blemish on our society.

TEH says:

I disagree with this post. I am currently reading 50 shades and I love it. I do not feel guilty because I am reading it. It is a just a book its not real life.

Jason says:

Dannah, while you are at, let’s also be sure to point out that anyone who gets a divorce and then re-marries has committed adultery (Matt 5:32) and if you, or anyone, has ever been angry at someone, or watched any movie with violence, death, and murder (cartoons, video games, and even Disney movies commit this sin) is just as guilty (Matt 5:32) of anyone reading 50 Shades of Gray! Keep in mind that murder is a greater sin than adultery. Have you ever watched a movie or TV show that displayed or alluded to any immoral behavior or fornication, then you are just as guilty as someone reading this book(Romans 1:32). “He who is without sin among you let him first cast a stone!” While you are quoting the “science” and “research” about the impact of erotica on the brain, why do you neglect the research as well on video games and television having the same impacts? Do you have children, do they play video games or watch any violent shows? Why is your position so one sided? I am curious if you have read or watched any of the Twilight books or movies? No different than 50 Shades of Gray. Just saying.

mona says:

you are very brave for writing this and I thank you…I did not know what shades of gray was until just a few days ago….we need revival..that is all that will help this nation……

Bob says:

Amen! @The Watcher

Carol says:

@OrangiesAttic
I’ve read a lot of love stories…I’m just wondering how bondage,etc, really adds to the beauty of unselfish love? or to the plot line? How does he need to do that to her in order to find love? why does she need to submit to that in order to prove her love (or whatever she does it for.) A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. How does this jive with that thought?

And while we need to be careful not to have a judgemental attitude, is it wrong to be grossed out because someone is eating garbage? Wouldn’t you at least try to offer them something good to eat? Discernment is not wrong.

dis says:

@The Watcher

It’s called history. The Bible isn’t a fictional story.

“The Bible does not specifically condemn the practice of slavery. It gives instructions on how slaves should be treated (Deuteronomy 15:12-15; Ephesians 6:9; Colossians 4:1), but does not outlaw slavery altogether. Many see this as the Bible condoning all forms of slavery. What many fail to understand is that slavery in biblical times was very different from the slavery that was practiced in the past few centuries in many parts of the world. The slavery in the Bible was not based exclusively on race. People were not enslaved because of their nationality or the color of their skin. In Bible times, slavery was more a matter of social status. People sold themselves as slaves when they could not pay their debts or provide for their families. In New Testament times, sometimes doctors, lawyers, and even politicians were slaves of someone else. Some people actually chose to be slaves so as to have all their needs provided for by their masters.” (source: http://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-slavery.html)

Jessica says:

Thank you for posting this! Being a bookworm myself, I had heard talk about how great this series of books were. After reading a synopsis on what the book was about, I also made the decision NOT to read Fifty Shades of Grey. Truthfully, I was starting to feel like the only one until some friends of mine posted this link on facebook. I have deep respect for you going against what everyone else says/thinks/does and posting your beliefs and thoughts about this series. I know that others who are not christians probably will not understand this and you will probably be berated by their lack of understanding. I sincerely hope this will not in any way discourage you from continuing to speak truth.

Sarah says:

@CC
CC-Your comment ” And yes pornography can be wrong…but if your hubby is looking at the stuff , then you as a wife are not doing what you are suppose to be doing.” makes me very angry because YOU don’t know what you are talking about. Pornography is an ADDICTION just like an addiction to drugs or alcohol!! Addiction to porn will never disappear from a man’s mind. And blaming the WIFE is not the right answer!! Next time you want to comment about pornography being someone’s fault you need to do some research on addiction!!! I have been married to my husband for 7 years and when I married him I knew that he was addicted to porn. I have ALWAYS supported him as he has struggled with it. I have asked him consistently over the years how he was doing. I have never denied him anything and we have always had a good life in the bedroom. I have always tried to keep an open conversation with him about his struggles. He still struggles, and he still messes up. He will always struggle with his addiction and I will always be there supporting him.

LovingGodAndMyFamily says:

Wow, Truth B Told, and other haters – you all sound so bitter. This is just her opinion. Everyone is entitled to one, including you. This world would be a much better place if people were more respectful of that. I happen to admire her for posting this and I agree with her. I don’t see this as being judgmental in anyway shape or form. It is her decision, conviction and viewpoint. If you like the book, just say so and you can give your reasons why.

Mary says:

The main character was a virgin. Her only man, ever, was Mr. Grey. She married him and had his babies. I loved the books.

Krista says:

I would like to agree with @LA Huizing. I am a woman that has never had a relationship, ever. What I got from the book was the actual romance and story of their relationship and how they overcame their differences and compromised.
I tend to think of myself as a selfish person and hate the fact I would have to compromise with anyone, especially a man. So, in my circumstance, I came away from it actually wanting just a relationship. I don’t ever think about the sex aspect of the book at all. I read through it at most times bored out of my mind because they have sex a lot. Which in most cases is more 0f a normal sex, anyway. Yes, there are some of this BDSM in the book but not to the extent people go on about. It is really only implied how bad it could get.

In the end, I think there is much much more to the story then this erotic crap. I am tried of people being so completely dramatic about it.

-don’t get my wrong, it’s your choice. More power to yah. But like @LA Huizing says, There really is no need to talk about a book if you’ve never read it.

@LA Huizing

Carol says:

I was given to a man for sex when I was 5, by my father, and between the two of them I had sex from 5 until 11, when my father died. My mother committed suicide when I was 6…I vividly remember the stacks of porn in my fathers closet…I am 57, and deal with this feeling of hatefulness about sex. “Redeeming Love” hurt to read, but I felt closer to being loved by God than I had ever felt before that reading. In reading this discussion thread I cried out at this comment, you clearly understand those of us abused, and how the hardest thing on earth is to feel loved by our heavenly Father, thank you for that. I found this thread through a posting a friend put on Facebook, and I am so thankful for the strength of conviction God has given you. Please keep reaching out to those who have been damaged.

Anonymous says:

That’s a mighty long comment and quite judgmental, I might add, for someone who hasn’t read one word of the book. How ever did you get your opinion?

Erica says:

I can’t believe how many comments you have praising you for judging a book you have not read. I am a christian wife and mother. I have been married for 9 years and have 3 kids. My marriage had seen better days…I read these books, and let me tell you…I feel like we’ve gone back 9 years. It’s not Christian I lust for, it’s my husband. If you knew anything about the book before writing this you would know it was a true love story. I laughed, I cried, I wanted more of it…but it never caused any kind of lust, it’s a book. I think you and everyone who praises the words you wrote should be ashamed for assuming what the book was about!

Anonymous says:

I agree that erotic fiction and movies etc over time can dull our senses and that is never good. However, I don’t agree with the scientific study info in reason #2 at all. I’ve read books that are termed romance novels for years and yes I’ve even watched pornography in the past…but I still have a voracious appetite for sex WITH someone and not self pleasure. So, perhaps I’m the exception to the rule or it is possible that some feeble minded people become all consumed by erotic lit/porn that it is all they can think about…but honestly I don’t believe that every single person who enjoys a bit of erotic literature is going to only desire inanimate objects and masturbation over sexual contact with another human being. Also, with pornography I’ve never felt like I have to measure up to some bimbo with fake breasts and an equally fake orgasm…if a man is expecting that then he lives in a fantasy world and isn’t worth my time anyway…I’ve never had any trouble, and neither has my boyfriend for that matter, in remembering that it’s a work of fiction meant to turn you on. Just my two cents…take it for what it’s worth.

Jed says:

Pretty sure standing up for something you believe in matters.

Stacy says:

I have read all three books in the Fifty Shades
of Grey trilogy. If you actually read them you’d
know that it is really a love story. An unconventional
love story perhaps, but at the core that is what
the books are about. A woman falling in love
with a troubled man and leading him from
the dark and showing him the beauty of
true love. Skip the sex scenes if you like. Just
don’t write an opinion about a book you
haven’t read and essentially know very little
about and don’t pass judgement on those
who have read it.

J says:

I re-posted Dannah. Hats off to you for having the guts to call it like you see it. I too, like many others here, have led the road more frequently traveled. Luckily, I listened when warned from partakers of the dangers of such kinds of activity before I became immersed in it.

JW says:

I’d also just like to say that erotic romance books are some of the most misogynistic books out there, and that is so sad and confusing since they are so often written BY and FOR women. The protagonist is almost always a beautiful pure virgin who meets some rogue who has slept with hundreds of women. The rogue usually KIDNAPS (or ENSLAVES) her in some way because he just “has to have her”, and he overcomes her defenses with his “expert” moves that he’s picked up from all of his previous conquests. A torrid, lust-filled affair occurs, she gets pregnant, and the guy ends up marrying her, of course touting that he’s, you know, completely in love with her so that makes everything okay.

Even aside from the descriptions of erotic situations, can you not see how destructive this kind of story is? Especially for girls just entering into their teenage years and whose heads are filled with boys and relationships. I truly find it as addictive and destructive for women as visual pornography is to men, perhaps even more so because it can really tap into your psychology.

Sharon Ward says:

Thank you! I mentioned to my husband last night that I was more and more discouraged (disgusted) by our current society as expressed in the media. Thank you for eloquently expressing the thoughts of many.

Anonymous says:

@Lauren
i def agree! im a firm believer in my God but for someone to judge this book without reading it is crazy! there is a story to these books and i must say its a good story!

Misty says:

This book is so much more than what those who have not read it think. This story is about two people who find each other and help each other through things that are everday life. People are abused, people are starving, people are from divorced lives, people are abandoned. God teaches to not turn your backs on these people which are people like me and you. The book is a really good read and I did not find myself wanting or lusting for anyone other than my husband. It is your choice to not read it but dont judge those that do.

4Marriage says:

Thank you so much for this wonderful blog. The world we live in, marriage is defined as a Hollywood movie or book. People expect it to be this way, and in no way it is. No wonder divorce rates are so high. People don’t understand why we pass on certain movies or books. I always want to uplift my husband and he knows that I only have eyes for him and him alone. Everyone lusts so it is our job to stay away so our marriages can stand on a strong solid pillar. Not one with fractures and that can crumble. blessings

Laters, baby says:

O’ my Lord, what a do about nothing! I read them all and I didn’t have one moment where I wanted any part of that lifestyle. There is nothing that I could read that would separate me from the love of God. It’s really just silly to get so worked up over a few books.

LIsa says:

Thank you for standing up for women, children, men and families. God does have a magnificent plan for us and this literature is not helpful. Thank you.

LIsa says:

@helen
You can tell a story that is deeply moving and with adult topics without all the explicit sexual details.

LIsa says:

@Anonymous
Wow who said anything about going to hell?

Lori D. says:

It takes courage to take a stand on something like this. I can see why you hesitated to write it. It is a good thing to be discerning when it comes to what we put into our spirits. I had read books like this when I was in high school, before I was a Christian, and I can say that the images never fully leave your head. I can remember like I read it yesterday. And I HATE that it is there. Thank you for taking the time to warn the Body of Christ about something that could potentially alter their lives forever. You are a beautiful woman of God!

Meag says:

Truth. Great blog, I really enjoyed reading!!!!

cyndi says:

satan is not creative. He is using the same argument he did in the Garden: “Did God really say?” According to 1st Corinthians believers are the Temple of the Holy Spirit and we are not our own. While we can justify anything we do, God has standards of purity…He did from the beginning…yet we desired more than what He offered. The same today. To justify what we know in our hearts is against the Holy Spirit means we think we know more than God who created us. There are none so blind as those who will not see!

Amy O'Connor says:

I’m sure it has been said many times in the comments, but thank you for this post! I know many women who are reading or have read the book and I was on the fence. I didn’t feel that it was right to read the book and you explained why very well.

Yesterday I shared the link to this post on FB and was supported by a few people and then today condemned by a close family member who is reading the series. I was basically told that I am being fake. I am guessing she felt that I was judging her and others with my reasoning as to why I will not be reading the books. I just have no desire to read badly written pornographic material when I can sit and read something of substance.

I have a right to not read it just as others have the right to read it if they want. Just don’t judge me for not reading it.

Carla says:

Great book!! I agree with you! Amazing post!!

Karen says:

By the way, I love how people think being a Christian is the easy way out. Living for Christ is a daily struggle. It demands constant evaluation of yourself and constant repentance. I sin every day. I am tempted by the flesh daily and sometimes I even fail. I am not perfect, just forgiven. Thank You, Jesus, for loving a sinner as me. Thank You for knowing that I needed a savior because I am nothing without You.

Stell says:

I find it interesting that most of the comments taking you to task for your thoughtful post about why you will not be reading the book just because it’s the latest book craze are poorly written and indicate that the commenter has poor reading comprehension skills.

Deborah says:

Note to my post above ….. That should be “then tell me you are ok with reading this book”….
Thanks!!!

Malinda says:

The only problem with this book series is the poor writing. I muddled my way through the first book and tried to hold on through the second book, but was so irritated with the repetitious writing and the main characters that I couldn’t finish it. Truly the only good thing in this book were the sex scenes, once they got past the kinky sex and on to the ‘vanilla’ sex. If I had to read that stupid word one more time I would have screamed. Two things I wanted by the time I finally gave up on this book series, I wanted to gouge my eyes out because of the poor repetitious writing and reach into the book and strangle the main characters, Christian and Ana. God if I had to read one more time about how her biting her lip made him want to put her over his knee and spank her I wanted to puke. Christians character bordered on obsessive control over her, it bordered on an abusive nature personality, and her complete naivety. She was so completely stupid and willing to let him control her it was ridiculous. How any woman would be willing to let a man do this to her, without the fear of physical abuse, it was laughable and stupid at the same time. Others are saying it’s a love story, that may well be true, but the writing is so bad that getting to the actual love story, after the stupid kinky sex scenes, is a little hard to do.

So my review aside, do I think that this book is bad for Christians, well that’s for each person to decide for themselves. Who am I to tell you if it’s good for you or not? I’ll be the first to tell you, my mind hasn’t suffered any ill effects after reading the one and a quarter that I did get through, except to hope I never fall victim of such poor writing again. I also don’t think that the good Lord is going to condemn me to the gates of Hell for reading it either. I think he’s more upset with the bad names that I call my ignorant neighbors than for me reading a ‘naughty’ book. I also haven’t experienced any lustful feelings that I want to jump my cute downstairs neighbor’s bones in the middle of the hallway. So, I think that it’s safe to say, if you want to read it, go for it. If you don’t then I can highly recommend ‘The Hunting Game’ Series. I’m on the third and final book and fifty percent finished with it. Really good series.

Kevin says:

Reason 1- I think the lady doth protest too much. I certain she has lusted over something other than her husband.

Reason 2- She is no better than a book burning nazi witch. She may not be literally burning them but she has started the flame on books she deems inappropriate. Funny…and she calls herself a christian.

You so called people of god scare me more than any terrorist, drug addict, murder, or rapist. You use your fear mongering ways to sway the masses to believe what you want. Whats worse….a book or the delusions of a a fear mongering, bible thumping, neo nazi book burning witch?

Audrey says:

Thank you Dannah for posting this, I think the point many are missing is that God’s word tells us to guard our minds, and not to call good what is evil, I do not need to read this book to know it is a snare laid by satan to lead believers into bondage, just like satan used a little truth to bring about the fall of mankind, satan will tell even believers that there is nothing wrong with reading this book, but God’s word says 1 Corinthians 6:17-19
New King James Version (NKJV)
17 But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.

18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?

If we are one Spirit with God, I do not see my pure and holy God sitting down for an afternoon of reading this book, additional God’s word tells me to be holy in my conduct, how is reading something that incites sexual desire outside of the marriage bed being holy in conduct?
1 Peter 1:14-16
New King James Version (NKJV)
14 as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; 15 but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, 16 because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.

God’s word also says to renew my mind with his word and not be conformed to the world.
Romans 12:1-3
New King James Version (NKJV)
12 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

And also Christ loved the church and gave himself for her (all believers) that he might cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, how does reading books like this cleanse our soul and mind from the lies of satan? It does not
Ephesians 5:25-27
New King James Version (NKJV)
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

For those that are slamming Dannah, it is not about judgment, it is about speaking God’s truth in love for those that are walking into a trap of satan, before the things you choose to read draw you away form God and for those that say you have children, what example will they see, especially when mixed messages are given? When you teach God’s word as true yet choose to only obey part of his holy word you send a very clear message of compromise is alright but God’s word is very clear that
1 John 1:5 This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.

Dannah, thank you for posting this for all those that choose to have the ear to hear what the Holy Spirit would speak to them and to have their eyes opened to the subtle snare of the enemy and will make the choice to stand for God and His way and not allow themselves be conformed to the world’s way of thinking in what ever way satan would make this book seem like it is good in the bounds of marriage, this book is nothing but porn in the written form.
Dannah God’s Blessing and Grace to you for standing on the truth of God despite those that would persecute you.

Jan Tucker says:

I would not dare crack a page in that book, let alone read it. It is another form of Satan on his fasttrack to keep people from knowing Christ as their Savior. I agree with you, stimulation should come only from your “own husband” and none other. Otherwise, it is totally against God’s Word.

Anonymous says:

@LA Huizing

Thank you for stepping up and saying that the book is FICTION! Some times, I just get so tired of everyone being so involved in what people are doing in their private lives. The book has no pornographic images on the front and if you see someone reading it on the bus, that’s their business; not yours. This world would be a better place for everyone if we could each just learn to mind our own business and stop sitting in judgement of everyone. Not a single one of you is perfect, nor am I. And the issues this book deals with are real issues in real people’s lives. How can you say that something that deals with demons within someone and how they learn to deal with them is wrong to read? If you knew anything about the book (which you won’t because you’d rather blindly judge something you don’t know), you’d know that the main character struggles with the abuse he was subjected to as a child and the reason he is the way he is, is because of that abuse. So, people who are emotionally damaged are going to hell? So, just because they didn’t have the perfect life that you apparently had, they are not worthy of love? I find this whole blog terribly sad. To know that people who call themselves Christians, who are supposedly to hold themselves to a higher standard and not judge their fellow human being, are the most judgemental of all. It must be a rough life to constantly concern yourselves with the affairs of others.

Sara says:

Well, I honestly think there should be a lot more research on your facts. You wrote, “Biopsychologists and others are studying the effects of lust, pornography, and erotica on the brain and the body,” and I am curious as to who “they” are? If so, then we should also argue the fact sex can be an incredibly healing to the body. I’m sure there are many facts out there that would support the opposite side of what you’re saying as well. It’s disappointing to see yet another person being completely judgmental of those who are in tune and enjoying his or her own sexuality. Just because someone enjoys being tied up, spanked on the bottom, and told they are a naughty, naughty girl, doesn’t mean that they are left devastated. I suppose I am left with one question: How’s missionary position treating you?

For everyone else, enjoy your sexuality and don’t let someone’s negative outlook on what could be deemed as enjoyable control your happiness. This is your one time to be human and to LIVE life to its fullest. Find YOUR balance and don’t let things control you – i.e. sexual lust, porn, sexual promiscuity. Instead, learn to control yourself and be at peace. Laters, baby.

Anonymous says:

Wow…do you always get this many comments from a post? Astonishing that so many want to defend it. If it is “just a book” that has no real revelance on a life, then why so much uproar? Why would anyone care? I would argue that it is impacting our daily lives a great deal more than what we realize. I think your theory about women wanting True leading men in their lives has a great deal of validity. Personally my stomache has been turning and my heart grieving for weeks over this book and the “magic of Mike” that has recently been pervading our culture. Thank your husband for me for the helpful info. he posted about what others are saying in response to this book. I am seeing it so widely accepted by so many women, despite their beliefs or backgrounds or age. I think we can’t be quiet, despite the backlash. The beauty of a womans heart is too valuable to allow to die silently. Thank you for your courage Dannah.

SuzyQ says:

I’m intrigued with the throwing about of the word “judgement” in these comments. Truth B Told speaks (with great aplomb) of Jesus’ command to “not judge, or you too will be judged” (Matthew 7:1). JDuncan says Dannah has “chosen to judge something without knowing.” Anonymous sure wrote a lot of comments! I’m beginning to suspect that he/she may be more than one person. Anyhow, at one point she reminds @Phoebe that God says “Do not judge”… but then she accidentally forgets her own life mantra and tells Phoebe to “Get a life.” Oops. Guess that happens to the best of us now and then. But I’m going to defend Anonymous here. She was just being offended, not truly judging.

Here’s the thing… We keep using that word, but judgement as Jesus spoke of it, in the words of the great Inigo Mantoya, “may not mean what you thin’ it means.” While it is true that every one of us is human and a sinner, Jesus’ words are an admonition that we do not steal God’s job from him and begin to believe it is our place to label one another as “saved” or “condemned”, “clean” or “unclean”, “innocent” or “guilty”. These tasks belong to God alone. Even Jesus didn’t come here to judge, but to save. (John 3:17)

Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus tell us we should not distinguish good things from bad things. In fact, Hebrews 5:14 says “solid food is for those who are mature, who through training have the skill to recognize the difference between right and wrong.” This is not judgement.

I don’t see judgement in Dannah’s words, either. I challenge us all to find an accusation in the original blog post claiming those who read these books have either lost their salvation or will lose it by doing so. You won’t find it there, because it has neither been said nor it is a truth. I merely see discernment. She (and others) are saying these books, according to research, historically speaking, weighed against God’s word, by personal testimony…. are not healthy food.

Here’s the beauty of the job of the watchman on the wall… If the trumpet is sounded, the responsibility to read or not to read is on the head of the individual. The watchman has done her job. Right or wrong, false alarm or true ambush, danger or not… the watchman has done her job. Did you watch Celebrity Apprentice? Penn Jillette rocked that show this season, and maybe should have won. He’s an upstanding fella, and a devout atheist. Based on what Jesus says, our job is to love him as ourselves, believe he is dead wrong, reason with him, and leave the rest to God. Penn agrees. He says if we really believe that his life depends on knowing God, “how much would you have to hate me not to tell me?” (Check it out on You Tube – “Penn Jillette gets a gift of a Bible”. Awesome video blog.)

You’re not being judged and Dannah doesn’t hate you.

Anonymous says:

@Lauren
In response to this comment, sometimes one only needs to read the reviews on a book or movie to make a judgement call. Well said, Dannah.

Elizabeth Brock says:

I tell my girls…like you don’t have to run out in front of a big red truck to know it will cream ya, you don’t have to experience evil to know it will too. Our watch word is “BIG RED TRUCK”

Lisa says:

Maybe we should burn the book, better yet, I am not reading technology books or Elizabethan poetry, so burn those too. Come on. If it offends you, put it down. I read an amazing journalistic article on S and M that was totally amazing, an unbelievable look into a culture I honestly never knew existed, and I had never once “lusted” learning of another sub culture. I was educated and fascinated at sociology and what makes people do the things they do. I don’t know anything about the book, but I sure as heck think it’s absurd to critique a book never read, or to judge someone else’s motives to ready anything as “sin”. Not everything leads to sexual sin. I think I am more socially evolved than that. Spending 2 years in anatomy and physiology studying the male penis as part of the requirement never made me lose my marriage vows. Sorry…….but I gotta take offense to legalism.

jen says:

@Anonymous
Maybe your “mother-in-law” should have learned what the book was about and made an EDUCATED choice not to read it? I respet anyone for choosing not to read it, but it is no one’s place to place judgement on those who do choose to read it.

Leslie says:

Some people are commenting about the fact that she has never read the books. There have been enough on morning tv shows, talk shows, author interviews, etc….to give everyone a very good idea of what this series is really about. I actually considered reading them though I was somewhat ambivalent about them. I have read some very graphic novels, that while weren’t considered erotica, had way more than enough to make me blush. I just see no need for these. The only reason I initially considered reading them, was because they were fan-fic of the Twilight series. Anyway, I know I don’t need to drink smoke and do drugs to know that it’s bad for me. I have common sense and yes, I have the Bible. I to, will not be reading 50 Shades of Grey, nor do I have any desire to watch the movie when it gets made.

Ora says:

Thank you! I started reading it. I got half way into it and threw it away. I didn’t even get into anything that was too bad and it created a horrible feeling in me. It’s been a month and I SILL cannot get some of the images out of my mind. I truly regret ever reading the first page.

Ora says:

Get passed the sex? Um, when does it EVER get passed the sex? I read half that book and more than half of what I read was sex! Also, I’m an avid reader. I read at least a book a week and the book was horribly written. I swear, it read like a junior high kid wrote it. @Charity

Angela says:

Deb :
@Dannah You’re right that you don’t have to get cancer to know that you don’t want to have it. But you would also not give cancer patients advice on what to do when you have cancer if you had not survived it yourself or have some other credible basis for your opinion. In this case you haven’t read the books and you have no basis for your critique. This is one of the problems that people, myself included, have with Christians who use their Christianity as license to tell other people how they should live their lives.
The poster sent us ’0 which is not a hashcash value.

I may not have had cancer; but, as an RN, I give advice to patients with diagnosed cancer on a daily basis. I have spent years studying and educating myself on the topic. The same goes for Biblical truth. We as Christians are to spend our lives studying the Word of God so that we may help others. The Holy Spirit gives us discernment. Dannah doesn’t need to read the book to see that the content is not pure or holy. @Deb

John says:

You cannot profess to offer “unashamed answers about sex” and deliver outdated, scripture-based conjecture that only pushes sexual liberty back by several decades. I shudder to think what subconscious issues any young women who read this blog might be walking away with. This is disastrous and sad, and I sincerely hope that any young people with legitimate questions about sexuality and sexual health see this blog for what it is and find some other source of information.

SteveJohn says:

Look, people. It’s a FICTIONAL book! I agree with Tabitha. Put your efforts into something more constructive than a fictional book that has sold a ton of copies, and is soon to be a movie. You’re a bit late to criticize.

sunny says:

I have read all 3 books and steer many folks away, but for different reasons. Throughout all 3 books until the epilogue, Ana shows fear of Christian and his mood swings and lack of self control. He has all of the red flags and then some of an abuser. He is over the top jealous and possessive to the point where it harms her. He rushes her from first meeting to marriage in a few weeks. There is nothing HEALTHY about this relationship, and yet so many young women are being fed this “oh, it is so romantic!” crap when it really is just glorified abuse. I am disgusted that this novel is going to normalize such a relationship. I don’t care what adults do in their private bedrooms as long as everyone consents and enjoys, but I find Christian’s behavior, and the fact that people think it is acceptable, absolutely deplorable.

Kelly says:

@Lauren
There are enough reviews readily available to get a feel for what the book is about without actually having to read it… In much the same way that you can read a review or have someone else tell you what Hustler is about without ever having to read it to decide that it holds the appearance of evil.

Anonymous says:

@CC
As a husband let me say you are very wrong in stating that if a husband is looking at pornography then that wife isn’t doing her job is incredibly wrong, and equally as judgmental as you claim others of being. I cannot begin to express how disgusting that statement is to me. Some wives can do everything right, and a husband can be overcome by sin and stuck on an addiction to pornography. I strongly urge you to rethink your view on this. It is incredibly damaging to wives who may think what you are saying is truth.

Mollie says:

@LA Huizing
I agree with you..the women who will not read it..will miss out on a love story that was unexpected and it is only fiction…if you don’t read it you have no right to judge the book…it is your right to everything else that you feel… is your a opinion…the book is not abusive…it is if you want to read that into it. She is as much involved as him…just in a different way…God knows it only fiction and just a book..everything in life can’t be taken this serious!!!!

JM says:

@LA Huizing
I read the books. I can understand that all the talk about the books would lead one to believe that it would be the same as men lusting after a porn movie. However, if you read the books it shows you that the main character has a psychological problem with sex due to his childhood issues. He was intrigued by bondage and all the kinky stuff. But then when he found the woman he loved he realized that he actually preferred “Vanilla” sex and she helped make him a better person. I feel like as a Christian it was uplifting to read that all the sinful ways of kinky sex were not as good as normal “Vanilla” sex in the end. The couple ends up having a wonderful life together and she sort of heals the psycholgical issues the main character has.