I’m Not Reading Fifty Shades of Grey

I’m not reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

I wasn’t planning to announce this, but I can’t help myself. I told my husband, Bob, that I didn’t really want to get involved. But then, I found out my girlfriend’s 70-year-old mom has her name on a long wait list at the library to borrow Fifty Shades of Grey. And then my mom told me that a relative I love and respect for her strong faith had already devoured the book. She regretfully “can’t get the images out of her head.” So, here I am. In an  attempt to keep the images out of yours, I’d like to explain to you why I’m not reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

Reason #1: Let’s start with the facts. Fifty Shades of Grey is classified as erotic fiction. According to one online dictionary, this genre of literature is defined as that which has “no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire.” I’ve been studying what God says about sexuality for fifteen years. According to Him, there is only one who should stimulate sexual desire in me: my husband. Since that’s God’s plan for my sexual desire, anything other than my husband creating arousal in me would be missing the mark of God’s intention. (Translation: it is sin.) Jesus said it this way: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” The same is true of a woman looking at or reading about a man. Reason #1? I believe reading erotica is sinful.

I guess I could stop there, but it won’t be enough for some of you. So let’s go to reason number two.

Reason #2: The Bible has said for thousands of years that lust is hurtful and harmful. Guess what? Biopsychologists and others are studying the effects of lust, pornography, and erotica on the brain and the body. They are finding that the Bible was, in fact, right. Over time your body becomes conditioned to self-stimulation and gratification. It’s not just a preference. It’s physiological. The lust cuts a literal pathway in your brain tissue that’s kinda like a rut. A rut you better be prepared to get stuck in. While at first a little bit of erotica might give you a taste for your spouse, overtime that rut reminds you how great you are at self-stimulation and how powerful your imagination can be. You’ll become less interested in real sex with your husband. (Both SELF magazine and The New  Yorker ran articles on this phenomenon in recent years. They both suggested that if you want to have a great sex life, you better push pause on porn!) The fact is, erotica robs you of real sex. It’s not good for your marriage or future marriage.

Reason #3: OK, we’re girls. And, sadly, a few of our guys have looked at porn. How’d that work for ya? How’d it make you feel? Did it cross your mind that you could never compare to the perfection created by lights, camera, and Photoshop? Well, he can’t compare to a plasticized, vanilla interpretation of manhood either.

Reason #4: Do you know what BDSM is? Bondage, dominance, sadism, and masochism. If you don’t know what those words mean, be glad. If you do know, you should understand that the most damaging part of Fifty Shades of Grey is that God created sex to be a partnership that’s fueled by love and self-giving, not pain and humiliation. It’s not just that this book misuses sex, it redefines it into something evil and transgressive as the lead character dominates in a hurtful manner. How woman can enjoy that, I can’t understand! But I do have a theory. It seems to me that in our emasculating culture there is a hunger so great for strong men that women will stoop to Bondage, dominance, sadism, and masochism for just a taste. Do yourself a favor, don’t!

You might be wondering if I’ve read the book. I haven’t. I don’t need to. There are many things in this world I need not partake in to discern that they are going to be harmful to me. God has given me more than fifty shades of truth in His Word and when just one of them is in conflict with my entertainment choices, I choose to pass! To be clear: I wouldn’t drive my Envoy into the front of an oncoming semi-truck any more than I would open the pages of Fifty Shades of Grey. I love my marriage, my God, and myself too much.

If your heart resonates with mine, please take a moment today to post these words on Facebook or twitter: “I’m not reading Fifty Shades of Grey.” If you have friends who need help understanding why, send them to this blog. I’d be happy to explain!

—–

Since I originally wrote this post, I wrote a book on the topic with Dr Juli Slattery entitled Pulling Back the Shades. If you’ve read the series, I encourage you to read my book, too. Or if you’d like to help those who have.

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878 Comments

  • Dannah, you are an amazing Gift from God. Keep shining that light into the darkness permeating our culture. Love your heart-Pure in Him. Thank you for your research, strength and faithfulness to raise the bar and keep it raised! In His Grace, Dawn

  • Thanks for more great insight Dannah! I saw MANY people reading this book over the last week while riding on the buses and subway in London—I wondered what all the fuss was about. This answers it for me. I won’t be reading it either.

  • Wonderful post! I know a lot of people are reading this book! I didn’t know what it was about, and didn’t have an interest in reading the book to be honest, but thank you for the post!

  • I will re post, I was just listening to some radio dj’s talk about this book last week, and how many library’s refuse to allow it on their shelves. It’s sad that “this” kind of writing makes the best sellers list, as an YA-Author myself, it makes me cringe when I hear this book called “literary work” to me it is not and it sadly says a lot about our society. I will definitely not be reading it, and I hope my local Library doesn’t have it out where young readers can accidentally pick it up!

  • Thanks Dannah, I was considering borrowing this from someone as “summer fluff reading” – I think I’ll find other books to entertain my brain this summer.

  • Thank you for posting. I have been hearing a lot about this book, and I did not really understand what it was about. I won’t be reading it!!!

  • I follow you on momlife today also. Did you ever decide where you stand on the Penn state scandal? You’re usually quick to weigh in on things, but you really hesitated on that one. You were really concerned about the safety of your adult son as he walked across campus,but not at all concerned about the safety of all those little ones who were not your sons. I have never understood your stance on that.

  • Well said Dannah…we are called to speak against evil…reveal it for what it is…I have seen what this type of writing has done to our world…i am 55. Keep up the warnings, encourages and truth. Let the voices of truth shout out to all…

  • I guess it just doesn’t sit well with me when someone presumes to know what a book is about without actually reading it. I find this just as bothersome as I do when someone talks about what’s in the Bible without having read it.

    You don’t want to read the book. That’s your choice. No need to make it a facebook crusade.

    • I really appreciate the fact that Dannah wanted to protect us from exposure to a harmful book- thus her “crusade”. Your tone is super offensive, and I can guess that you liked the book and yet deep down you feel like you shouldn’t… That’s called conviction.
      She didn’t take the ability to choose away from women, she simply put a word out there to caution those of us who wanted more information so that we could make an informed choice. I have been caught in situations before where I read or saw something that I couldn’t get out of my head. I truly appreciate the fact that she thought enough of her fellow sisters to offer her insights and help spread the word to others who wanted to know.
      Thanks, Dannah!

    • Lauren: Have you read the book? Has Dannah said anything about the book that isn’t so? In itself being “classified as erotic fiction.” that should tell anyone all they need to know about a book/subject. The same reason our family doesn’t watch R rated movies. No, we can’t say for sure exactly what scenes are playing. But the ratings tell us all we need to know.
      Yes, I love how Ladies speak out on what they truly believe in what is pure, compared with Scripture. That is what we all need to do to gauge any of our activities.

    • Agreed! Just because others have read the book doesn’t mean they are any less of a believer of God. Nor does it mean you have the right to look down on those people that have read it. That is something that God frowns upon as well. If you don’t want to read it that is your choice. But that doesn’t mean you should look down your nose at those who have read it.

    • Lauren, she isn’t on a crusade. She his simply putting up a caution sign to remind us that we should discern for ourselves what we want to put into our minds and hearts instead of blindly following publicity. I don’t have to do drugs, watch porn, or steal to know that those things would be harmful to my mind and my relationships.
      You are right that it is her choice. And it’s her choice to voice it, just like everyone who is encouraging poor choices.

  • Thanks for this post. While I’ve heard the title of this book getting a ton of attention, I haven’t known what it’s about. One of my girlfriends is reading it and loving it. Out of curiosity, I had intentions of picking it up. I very much appreciate the post and have decided NOT to pick it up. I agree, that stimulating sexual desire from anywhere/anyone other than your husband can turn so sinful so fast without our intention. It’s human nature. And just to add …. if any ladies are in a difficult marriage, this type of fantasy world will only depress you more adding more bitterness to the relationship b/c of comparison.

  • I don’t question my faith or relationship with the Lord and reading this book trilogy hasn’t left me wanting a different life that what I am pleased to lead now. Lets get a few things straight also in regards to the comments. Its FICTION and I can’t honestly believe that in your mind you haven’t created a different scenario on something at some point. That thought could be misconstrued as all of the above reasons were. As an American, you have the CHOICE to read the books. Your opinions are as equal as mine when I say I loved the books and would read them again. I don’t think that God will turn his back on me for reading these and enjoying the LOVE story that it turns out to be. I am not sure you are aware of that since you didn’t read the story. Every relationship struggles and that is where this focus was in the book, again its FICTION. So tell me how can a fictional story be adultery? Isn’t fiction NOT REAL? I could go on and on but again – I stress you HAVE the choice to read it or not and as I mentioned I did and enjoyed it.

      • I agree it starts being an abusive story but it also does end being a love story. Just like any other story, fairy tale or movie. They all begin being a sad story where evil has the power and ends up showing how the good side always wins and is the right thing to do. Analyze completely anything you wnanna judge.

        • My friend Juli Slattery and I spent three months anyalyzing the book, including having Juli who is has a doctoral degree in psychology read the series. I stand by my opinion: I’m not going to read it.

          • I’m coming out with a book called Pulling Back the Shades. My co-author, psychologist Juli Slattery has read it. 😉

          • You arent qualified to write a book about this series if you havent even read all three books yet. It just looks like you are after your own 15 minutes of fame by using the name of a popular book series as an attention grabbing tool.

          • Hello Anonymous, my co-author Dr Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist and she DID read the series. I chose not to read it because I don’t believe you have to in order to have an informed opinion. I’ve spent hours counseling and hearing from women’s whose sex lives, marriages, and sometimes even careers were harmed dramatically by the use of erotica.

          • To all of my brothers and sisters who feel judged by Dannah’s opinion, I ask you to spend a moment pondering why you feel judged by an opinion. What constitutes judgement? It is in our best interest to make the best decisions we can, sometimes we need help with that. If you feel you don’t, I don’t think you should embrace feeling negatively or judged by someone sharing an oppositional thought. The “judgement” is inherent in the transaction for both parties. If you and I don’t agree I’ve made enough of a judgement to determine your choice will not be my choice and vice versa. As Christians I think we have to be careful about prescribing a negative connotation to someone speaking toward the call to be a living sacrifice. The Holy Spirit is the gift of God having a home within us, one of the greatest aids we have toward discernment. We are called to take care of our beings with that in mind. So if we feed our mind, spirit, body etc… things that are harmful, not only are we undernourished, we are in conflict with creating a harmonious home for the Holy Spirit. Let’s all pray to be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit & question what are we willing to give up that the Holy Spirit may have a more comfortable residence in me.

    • I’m not sure how God could be pleased with His children reading and enjoying a story that goes against His Word. God tells us to FLEE fornication. That’s what this book is about. I could care less if two people love each other. Sex is supposed to be enjoyed in the marriage relationship as a picture of His love for the church. This book completely thumbs its nose at that. I feel like if you think that reading erotica is ok and God honoring then pornography must be ok as well. Pornography shows you the pictures, and erotica lets your imagination come up with the image. No difference

      • well done! I love your explanation of how erotica uses your imagination (which I really believe could be even more dangerous given that there are no constraints and it engages much more of your brain in that process).

    • When reading Romans 1 I think we can gather the insight that God actually does not approve of us delighting and enjoying a book about sin. As vers 32 says it pretty clearly that also being okay and somehow enjoying sin in others, and I would say even in a book or movie, is sinful as well.

      • As I shared in a previous comment, I don’t think porn and erotica are fiction. They are fantasy and there is a difference. Here’s an excerpt from our book on that thought:

        Having read the Fifty Shades trilogy, I will say with great confidence that these books are not merely fiction—a story that could be true but is not—but are actually fantasy—something that could not possibly be true. Erotica like Fifty Shades is fantasy because it subtly asks you to assume a different reality. It can be entertaining to enter a fantasy and visit a realm of imagining that can’t possibly be true (The Lord of the Rings comes to mind). So, when does fantasy present dangerous deception? Should we avoid all books and movies that are not grounded solidly in reality?
        Here are two questions that will help you decide for yourself whether or not fantasy, or any other form of fiction, presents a dangerous deception: What laws are changed? And what does it inspire?

        What laws are changed?
        [subheading—treat differently]
        One of the most widely known fantasy stories starts out like this: “A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away . . .” From the outset, the author of Star Wars is asking you to step away from what you know to be true and imagine with him a different galaxy, a different time, with different assumptions. The story is filled with creatures like Wookiees and talking robots, time warps and space travel. We accept these illogical elements because we know they are part of fantasy.
        Erotica also lures you into a different reality but doesn’t let you know that you are entering a world “far, far away.” Within the context of “normal life,” erotica introduces romantic stories that are not possible. But what makes erotica unrealistic is far more subtle and yet more dangerous. Instead of manipulating laws of physics and science, erotica authors like EL James change moral and relational laws. Right and wrong get morphed into a morally grey universe that becomes impossible to untwist. While reading Fifty Shades of Grey, I emailed a friend stating, “I can no longer find true north!” I got sucked into the fantasy. EL James states that redefining morality was part of her agenda in writing the books. In one interview she said, “What I wanted to demonstrate is that I do not look at the world in terms of black and white—and I find people who do rather scary. I think it’s all shades of grey.”3 Fantasy becomes very dangerous when an author takes creative license to alter moral and spiritual truth.
        Just as there are scientific laws in our universe—such as gravity—there are also principles that govern our emotions, relationships, and spiritual health. You have freedom to choose if you will abide by them, but you can never be free from the consequences of your actions. For instance, if you eat chocolate cake and potato chips all day every day, your body will not function as it should. If you jump out of a second story window, you will break a few bones at best. When you violate physical, moral, or spiritual laws, you will eventually have to live with the consequences.
        Erotica twists and distorts the results of making immoral and foolish choices. In the real world, our actions have consequences, sometimes very grave consequences. The authors of erotica simply ignore or erase those consequences and create a magical “happy ending.” Solomon warns against falling into this delusional thinking. After talking about the dangers of sexual immorality, he writes, “Can a man (or woman) scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?” (Proverbs 6:27–28).
        Here’s a reality check: you cannot pursue the kinds of relationships you read about in erotica without an outcome very different from the ones in the books. For example, if you read Fifty Shades of Grey and then invest in a relationship that is built around sexual sadism, you will not end up in a loving, caring, committed marriage.
        This is what happened to a young missionary and Christian leader:

        I am single and erotica has ruined my life. I have been addicted for ten years and I am only twenty-five.
        No one knows my struggle. No one knows that I have lived an isolated life because I have found more solace in fantasies aroused in my mind by erotica than in real relationships.
        Erotica seems harmless because it’s just words on a page but it brands your mind, creates false expectations for future relationships. I can’t even maintain real relationships because I feel like a shallow pretender hiding one of the biggest parts of my life.
        Erotica perpetuated my “need” for meeting people online because I didn’t know how to develop or maintain relationships with people outside of the screen. Eventually, I decided to take my online relationships into reality. Many of the stories I read portrayed rape or power-struggle situations as exciting. A “no” didn’t always mean “no” because, in the end, the girl always seemed to end up just fine. So when I met one of my first guys offline, I was thrust ever too quickly into a scenario I had read about but, unlike the stories, I didn’t end up fine. My “no” didn’t mean “no,” and I was sexually abused by a man who did the same things to me that I had read about in those erotic stories. But in my story, there wasn’t a happy ending.
        Ever since then, I have carried the weight of shame and guilt from putting myself into that situation six years ago. Erotica makes it seem normal for us to be used and abused, but it’s not normal.

        Be careful little eyes what you read. You cannot change emotional, relational, and spiritual laws in real life, but erotica may lead you to believe that you can.

      • Actually, we do not think that porn or erotica is “fictional”. When Dr Juli Slattery and I wrote Pulling Back The Shades we determined not to use that word. It’s “fantasy.” And there is a dangerous difference. Here’s an excerpt from the book:

        Having read the Fifty Shades trilogy, I will say with great confidence that these books are not merely fiction—a story that could be true but is not—but are actually fantasy—something that could not possibly be true. Erotica like Fifty Shades is fantasy because it subtly asks you to assume a different reality. It can be entertaining to enter a fantasy and visit a realm of imagining that can’t possibly be true (The Lord of the Rings comes to mind). So, when does fantasy present dangerous deception? Should we avoid all books and movies that are not grounded solidly in reality?
        Here are two questions that will help you decide for yourself whether or not fantasy, or any other form of fiction, presents a dangerous deception: What laws are changed? And what does it inspire?

        What laws are changed?
        [subheading—treat differently]
        One of the most widely known fantasy stories starts out like this: “A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away . . .” From the outset, the author of Star Wars is asking you to step away from what you know to be true and imagine with him a different galaxy, a different time, with different assumptions. The story is filled with creatures like Wookiees and talking robots, time warps and space travel. We accept these illogical elements because we know they are part of fantasy.
        Erotica also lures you into a different reality but doesn’t let you know that you are entering a world “far, far away.” Within the context of “normal life,” erotica introduces romantic stories that are not possible. But what makes erotica unrealistic is far more subtle and yet more dangerous. Instead of manipulating laws of physics and science, erotica authors like EL James change moral and relational laws. Right and wrong get morphed into a morally grey universe that becomes impossible to untwist. While reading Fifty Shades of Grey, I emailed a friend stating, “I can no longer find true north!” I got sucked into the fantasy. EL James states that redefining morality was part of her agenda in writing the books. In one interview she said, “What I wanted to demonstrate is that I do not look at the world in terms of black and white—and I find people who do rather scary. I think it’s all shades of grey.”3 Fantasy becomes very dangerous when an author takes creative license to alter moral and spiritual truth.
        Just as there are scientific laws in our universe—such as gravity—there are also principles that govern our emotions, relationships, and spiritual health. You have freedom to choose if you will abide by them, but you can never be free from the consequences of your actions. For instance, if you eat chocolate cake and potato chips all day every day, your body will not function as it should. If you jump out of a second story window, you will break a few bones at best. When you violate physical, moral, or spiritual laws, you will eventually have to live with the consequences.
        Erotica twists and distorts the results of making immoral and foolish choices. In the real world, our actions have consequences, sometimes very grave consequences. The authors of erotica simply ignore or erase those consequences and create a magical “happy ending.” Solomon warns against falling into this delusional thinking. After talking about the dangers of sexual immorality, he writes, “Can a man (or woman) scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?” (Proverbs 6:27–28).
        Here’s a reality check: you cannot pursue the kinds of relationships you read about in erotica without an outcome very different from the ones in the books. For example, if you read Fifty Shades of Grey and then invest in a relationship that is built around sexual sadism, you will not end up in a loving, caring, committed marriage.
        This is what happened to a young missionary and Christian leader:

        I am single and erotica has ruined my life. I have been addicted for ten years and I am only twenty-five.
        No one knows my struggle. No one knows that I have lived an isolated life because I have found more solace in fantasies aroused in my mind by erotica than in real relationships.
        Erotica seems harmless because it’s just words on a page but it brands your mind, creates false expectations for future relationships. I can’t even maintain real relationships because I feel like a shallow pretender hiding one of the biggest parts of my life.
        Erotica perpetuated my “need” for meeting people online because I didn’t know how to develop or maintain relationships with people outside of the screen. Eventually, I decided to take my online relationships into reality. Many of the stories I read portrayed rape or power-struggle situations as exciting. A “no” didn’t always mean “no” because, in the end, the girl always seemed to end up just fine. So when I met one of my first guys offline, I was thrust ever too quickly into a scenario I had read about but, unlike the stories, I didn’t end up fine. My “no” didn’t mean “no,” and I was sexually abused by a man who did the same things to me that I had read about in those erotic stories. But in my story, there wasn’t a happy ending.
        Ever since then, I have carried the weight of shame and guilt from putting myself into that situation six years ago. Erotica makes it seem normal for us to be used and abused, but it’s not normal.

        Be careful little eyes what you read. You cannot change emotional, relational, and spiritual laws in real life, but erotica may lead you to believe that you can.

    • (Visual) porn is also FICTION. This book trilogy just happens to be porn in written form. Of course you have the choice whether or not to view or read it. Dannah isn’t saying you don’t have a choice. She is pointing out her reasons for her choice. It’s a moral choice. But when you repeatedly choose porn, it alters your brain and thus takes away your choice about how you think about it and how it affects relationships.

    • LA.
      No one says you don’t have a choice at all. You do. Thank God this is America. As for the fact that because fiction is not real so its harmless, you sound as if you don’t understand the scripture Danna quoted. When you look at a woman lustfully, its a sin. Will you classify the movie as a harmless fiction too? Didn’t the scripture warn us to be careful of what goes into our souls? Great you have read. Even great you love it. But the truth is it leads to sin. An we are all enjoined as Christians to flee every appearance of evil. This is!. You don’t have to be defensive of what you have dome and love except of course, its because you feel guilt. Besides, there is no part of Danna’s blog that looks down on anyone who has read the book. Her friends have so she said.
      You don’t need to stress the fact that people have the choice to read or not. Everyone knows that and that is exactly what Danna is helping some fine Christians to do here. And honestly, if you feel it doesn’t affect your relationship with your God in any respect, be at peace with yourself. That’s between you and your God. But to reprimand Danna for his blog is not been sincere in the least.
      I wish you Godspeed.

  • I read a similar book series when I was young and rebellious (and stupid, frankly) and I’m so very sorry I did. I also used to read just “regular” romance books and stopped doing so about 5 years ago. It has been a great decision and one I don’t regret. My oldest daughter is about the age I was when I started reading adult romance books because a friend read them. Her mother would read them and then share them… with her 12 year old daughter! At the time I thought it was cool but I look at it through the eyes of a mother to an 11 year old and I’m horrified! Those books really did a number on my thoughts, ideas and expectations about sex, love and marriage. They are NOT harmless… far from it! And the BDSM stuff? Really damaging to a girl/woman of any age. The only “good” that comes from my past in this area is how I will talk openly about the dangers of these books to my 3 daughters and do my best to help them understand the WHY and PLAN God has for us if we keep our mind and body pure, first for Him and second for our husband. I only got the “don’t do it, it is bad” message and in some ways that made it more appealing to sneak around and “pull one over” on my parents. In the end the most harm came to me. Thank you for this post!

  • Dannah,

    Thank you! I was wondering how to address this to the women in my life and you have done so articulately and Biblically. Pornography is pornography, addictive and enslaving. As we pray for the men in our lives who are enslaved and the marriages that are deeply wounded by this addition, we must speak out loudly to women to resist the desire to read this and all the copycat books that will surely follow. Standing along side you in this!

  • Dannah,

    You came and spoke at my church (First Baptist in Richmond Hill, GA) when I was a middle schooler. You came to our mother daughter sleepover night and spoke about “And the Bride Wore White”. I still have that signed copy on my bookshelf 12 years later and can say that you really touched my heart with your message. I have thought back many times to that book and the lessons I learned from it through those tough high school and college years, and now that I am married. Thank you for ministering to girls and women about this topic. You are truly blessed with the ability to touch people with the message God puts on your heart. I had no idea that you had a blog until a friend of mine put this on Facebook. I don’t know much about this book, but I will surely take your advice on this matter because it sounds like it is not a good thing for a woman of God to read.

    • i would’ve loved to read Dannah’s reply to such a personal response, since she made such a huge impact in your life-thank you for sharing Jennifer!

      Because of this post i will not be seeing this movie next weekend with my sister & sil.

  • Wow! Enough said. I won’t get into a cyber war over a book that if you don’t agree with, you don’t have to read or even acknowledge. Just wow…

  • Reason 5: It’s Twilight fanfiction.

    You could have just typed that and saved yourself a couple thousand words.

  • I like your point about how what doesn’t start as lustful may turn into lust down the road. I think that’s a big potential danger for the married women who are reading these books to try to spice up their marriages.

    That being said, since you didn’t read the books I think you have a misunderstanding of the context of the BDSM that’s found in them. It’s discussed a lot, but not actually played out very often. It’s also very clear that this perception of sex is disordered and the whole series is about how the male main character comes to see that his abusive past disordered his view of sex and walk through his journey of healing into an appreciation for married sex that is unitive and procreative – that is self-giving rather than selfish.

    It’s not what’s going to show up in all the reviews and you only get that picture if you read all 3 books, but it’s really the overarching theme.

    • If you had only read the first one, would that have changed your opinion of the book? Just wondering… I don’t think as Christian women that we should depend on the sequels of a book series in order to be able to say that the book’s message was okay after all (which it still wasn’t).

  • “no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire.”

    Okay, that was so pathetic it made me laugh.

    I am SO glad to see someone post about this. While my synopsis of this book only came from 10 minutes of the Dr. Os show (that was all I could stomach) I’ve been quite disturbed by the number of believers I’ve heard are reading it. I’m praying this post goes viral and gonna do my part to see that it does.

    God has convicted me lately of eliminating the ‘rubbish’ aka dung a la Philippians 3:8. I think this might qualify for a spot on Paul’s dung list.

  • “God has given me more than fifty shades of truth in His Word.” Yes! I’m glad you engaged and wrote this post. I hope it resonates with many, many women and men.

  • This is great! I know that my thoughts on not reading this book were because of the content you are talking about. If I’m going to read something that’s a little daring it better have some great content to go with it. I really doubt this does and what you wrote reminds me even more about why I won’t read it!

  • Agree 100% – so, so sad that people are reading what you describe here. We are like frogs in a cool pot…the slow boil has begun. Thank you for your wisdom…so few with opinions seem to have wisdom these days. Be blessed!

  • so glad you wrote this.
    I just recently heard about the book, and haven’t done any research, but your reasoning makes perfect sense to me. Love your heart.

  • Ok so you do not like the topic of the book . Ok that is you. I emjoyed the book. Known many good people that have read the book. the book is about a guy that was abused watched hi mother die sat in a room with his mothers dead body for four days. He tells you from the beginning his is messed up. By the end of book three is in love, married,with a child on the way. It is not just sex. read it first, then judge. You have now caused a family to fight with your uninformed opion.

  • Well said. My practice and peer groups are full of women seeking more and yet finding less. This is an example of the “less” that the world offers in contrast to God’s desire for more freedom. Glad you educated me!!

  • i’m so glad that i read this. i have seen that this book is popular, but had no idea what it’s about. i don’t usually like to read discriptions of books because it often spoils it for me. so i try to find out what a book is about without reading too much about it. so i am SOOOOO glad that i saw this first and didn’t just start reading the book.

  • So well written!!! Thanks for taking a stand and for beautifully explaining why I’m not reading this book either!!

  • I read them and don’t regret it for one minute. It’s a personal choice to read or not! If you friends and family are reading, so what!! Should you be “judging” them for doing so?? To each his own!!

    • Stephanie,
      Tell God that. Say to Him, “To each his own”. Would you do that? Would it be right to? Because here’s the thing- as Christian women, we have an obligation to each other to protect each other from harmful things (sinful things) that would separate us from God. If we really love each other, as we are commanded to do, we say the things that are hard for us to say. I sensed no judgement from her- just concern and protectiveness for her fellow sisters. But you will be judged- we will all, including Dannah. And she loved you enough to try to warn you of the consequences of your choices. We will all be accountable for the things we chose to do and not do. Dannah didn’t take away your choice to read the books, she just warned women who want to be careful about what they read.

    • “To each his own”? I want my friends to hold me accountable and they expect me to do the same for them.
      Aren’t we to encourage each other to do what’s right in the Lord’s eyes? If you are not a born again believer you might not see anything wrong with it. For those of us who are following Jesus, we should run the other way! It doesn’t matter if the story is fiction, ends happily, is used to teach a lesson, or any other excuse you can make up-it’s porn and it’s wrong. I don’t need to read it to get that picture! Thanks for the warning, Dannah.

  • Thank You So Much! Just today I was telling my bible study group that through our study I have become more convicted to walk with the lord in a different way than I had been… I took a stand not to read this book cuz its something I don’t need in my brain…Thank You!

  • Thanks for writing this…I was considering borrowing this book from a friend, but you’ve changed my mind. I never looked at it that way. Thanks!

  • I have been conflicted about joining this 50 shades bandwagon for weeks. I teach English, so I don’t like being out of the loop when it comes to books. But what you said about erotic fiction not having literary value is resonating true for me these days. My marriage has never been in a better place, and I’d like to keep it that way. Nor do I have a desire to add smut to my summer reading list and hypocritize what I teach to my students all year! I had not considered he biblical perspective, but that’s a valid argument as well. Best wishes in finding something more valuable to read. -Deborah, the dramafreemama (Pop over to my blog sometime! I write about being a working mama and wife and all the cool stuff that comes with juggling life!)

  • As i respect ALL of your comments. There are some comments here “judging” those that do read the book. And if you are a Christian woman as you state you are, then God doesnt like you judging. This book is fun, and yes peeks alot of females and males curiousity. And what is wrong with adding excitement to your love life with your spouse. And yes pornography can be wrong…but if your hubby is looking at the stuff , then you as a wife are not doing what you are suppose to be doing. This book has helped alot of marriages out there explore eachother in a way they havent before and reconnecting. There is nothing wrong with that; and those people shouldnt be judged for that. You may want to give it a try…..You dont know what you are missing. Sincerely, A Christian Grey admirer and a Christiam Lady married for 14 years with 4 kids.

    • “but if your hubby is looking at the stuff , then you as a wife are not doing what you are suppose to be doing” I can hardly believe you wrote that!!! That is really a repulsive statement.

      • Yes. It is a very repulsive statement. I cannot agree with it. A man’s choice to use porn has almost nothing to do with real sex or his wife.

    • I can’t agree with your statement either. My husband has struggled with a pornography additiction for nearly 20 years. I’ve only been in the picture for 14. Pornography is lust, lust is the same as adultery, making it sin. If you need a book to assist you in exploring your spouses sexuality, read song of Solomon together.

    • We aren’t to judge? Then would you agree that we shouldn’t judge a murderer, pedophile, thief, etc.? I know the argument is that “looking at porn or reading erotic books isn’t hurting anyone else”. Not true! Many families have been destroyed because of porn. Plus, what happens when that’s not enough? I don’t want to think about it. Thank God for the ability to discern what’s right or wrong (judging).. Our world would be in total chaos without it.

      • No we aren’t to judge. We are to hold our brothers and sisters accountable but we are not to fill out lives with the toxin that is judging. The future of murders and pedophiles is between them and god and o have faith that our love will provide justice to those who need it and a comforting hand to those who don’t. That is what being a Christian is about. It is God’s place to do the judging.

  • Thank you so very much for this. Many people would have picked this book up to read, just because it is popular and controversal. Thanks for helping me and others keep sexual sin away.

  • Amen! I couldn’t agree with you more. Someone at work was reading it & telling us about it. Sounds like trash to me! I also will NOT be reading fifty shades of grey!

  • Sooo thankful for this. I have been just flat-out disheartened by the number of Christian women who have jumped on this bandwagon “unashamedly”. It’s the bold-unapologetic professions of love for these books that has me so disturbed. I want so badly for this city on a hill to shine brightly. We can’t conform, ladies!!!

    Thank you so much for your stance!

  • Thank you so much for posting this. I am reposting on my facebook page and twitter. I am so glad to see so many comments from women who agree with you! Satan is such a liar and deceiver. Thank you for being bold and speaking God’s Truth!!

  • I will not be reading this book now, thank you. As someone who has struggled with erotic literature in the past, thank you for posting this. It truly is damaging to a marriage, and should be considered “female porn.” I value my marriage to much to read this book.

  • Don’t confuse judgment with discernment! We are absolutely called to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.” In this case that means using God’s Word to guide our literary choices. That’s discernment and we will all stand before Him one day and give an account for our choices. @CC

  • I see all of your personal opinions do have validity to them but I also agree with cc judging others and telling them that they are sinning seems a bit hipocritical. While most are reading it because of its popularity and reviews it is just fiction. It’s odd that you would assume that people are lusting for another when in fact since it is a book it is our imagination that projects the image of the character in whatever situation they may be in. When reading this I did not lust for Christian grey but for my husband. I did not look nor have I ever looked for other things to stimulate my relationship with him as it is very healthy. In my opinion anything that makes my relationship with my husband stronger is not bad. My relationship with god is strong and so is my relationship with my husband!! But thanks for judging me! Super christian like!! If you don’t want to read a book then don’t read it, and since you haven’t your opinion is not your own it’s based on what gossip you have heard from others. Happily married for 12 years with 3 children!

  • i couldn’t agree more with CC……..i could pop out many bible text also….as i was raised in a very religious family…..i find my faith stronger than what a FICTIONAL book has printed on the inside…and if all it takes is someone reading a book to cheat and so on, was it really the book or your own character that should be brought into question…..and if you haven’t read the book….how is it you pretend to know what it’s “all” about????? i guess don’t judge a book the cover or b/c what you “think” you know what it contains…until you’ve read it.

  • @CC

    “And yes pornography can be wrong…but if your hubby is looking at the stuff , then you as a wife are not doing what you are suppose to be doing.”

    Please don’t say that. That comment is very hurtful to those women who have husbands who were porn addicts before they were married and struggle after marriage as well. It is an addiction just like any other and is not the wife’s fault. I know too many women that are steadfast, praying for their husbands, doing all of the right things, and shouldn’t be blamed for that sin.
    Thank you for reading and I hope you understand what I’m trying to say. Blessings to you.

  • It is certainly your right to choose not to read the book(s)… however, I find your review interesting since you have NOT read the books. I have read all three in the series, and as you delve further into the characters you discover it is actually a love story (yes, LOVE not sex) and while there certainly are highly erotic parts, there is a story about a man who was neglected and abused as a child, taken in by a loving family, who became very successful, who thought he had no heart and was proven wrong by the love of the right woman and ultimately became a devoted husband and father. I think you should have gotten your facts a little straighter before you pass judgement…

  • I’m so glad you wrote this post. I was wondering what all the hype was about, but never knew what the book was about. I see that it is about “nothing” and everything. As a wife whose husband is so entrenched in porn that it has destroyed our intimacy, I whole-heartedly agree that God’s plan is right, and lust is sinful. It is not how He intended intimacy to be, and that is why it is so damaging. Even Christians can justify to themselves how it is “okay”, and if my husband watches porn, then I should be able to read this. – Well, you know what, porn hurts marriages. This is no different, it just has the photos in your head instead of on the page. I’m a huge reader, and love to read. But I will not read this book.
    Thank you for your post and your committment to God.

  • Dear CC

    Thank you for ignoring almost all of the valid points of the article. I do not see how “exploring eachother in a way they haven’t before” is healthy when it includes abuse and volence (BDSM). I also noticed your agument for it boils down to “well if he’s going to look at porn I might as well too” instead of holding each other accountable to moral standards.

    Christians do not condemn others but we do judge what is right and wrong. While people will not be condemned for reading it, the action will be judged either right or wrong by whether it espouses the values of the bible or not.

  • I am getting slammed for having not read the books, and yet that is the whole point, isn’t it? I don’t have to get cancer to know I don’t want it. Don’t have to become a crack addict to know it would hurt my family and me. Don’t have to jump off a cliff without a parachute to know it will kill me. There is nothing wrong with discerning the wisdom of a thing based on the reports of others. It is completely valid that I would speak on this. The fact is, after more than a decade of studying sexuality hour upon hour most days…I know more about the outcome of a reader of Fifty Shades of Grey than the one who has read the series three times in three weeks. This ends badly. The research is solid. Oh, how I wish those of you who haven’t read what I’ve read would listen!

    • @ Dannah You don’t have to get cancer to know you don’t want it, but don’t tell me you know how it feels. You don’t have to try crack to know you don’t want to, but don’t tell me you know what it feels like to have smoked it. If you are going to say that you know how people are going to feel, react, lust, commit sin because of the story, then you had better read it to be credible. If you are a researcher and have read so much material and stories about sexuality, then look at the story like that. Or did your research make you lust for others? Did it give you fantasies of being with other men our women? You don’t come off like an expert who should be believed without READING the books. Do that first and then warn us. You will carry more weight with your opinions and your book may sell more copies.

      • Hi Kathy. I was aware of this line of thinking when I started the journey of writing the book. That’s why I joined with licensed psychologist Dr Juli Slattery to write Pulling Back the Shades and also why she chose to read the Fifty Shades of Grey series before we published our thoughts. Other than that, I’ve been studying sexuality for fifteen years and been very mindful of the harm that erotica and porn bring to the table. I don’t want to sound like I know everything, but I certainly know a great deal and feel confident in my findings. Thanks for your concern about my book sales. It’s doing just great!

  • @CC
    @CC – “but if your hubby is looking at the stuff , then you as a wife are not doing what you are suppose to be doing.” – wow…what a harsh, judgmental comment! You might want to consider other options…perhaps he has dealt with porn before marriage and it has carried over in to marriage. As someone who has lived in this situation I would ask you to educate yourself properly on the addiction and effects of porn on an individual and their family. It almost never has anything to do with the wife!

  • Thanks for posting Dannah! Very well said. I have posted this to my facebook and hope it can stop someone from reading the book as you are correct when you say that sexual images do not go away. Everything right on, thanks for taking a stand!

  • Haven’t read it, didn’t plan on it….knew from a morning news show what it was about and knew I didn’t want to add anything to promote my sinful nature. The really sad and frustrating part is that those who love the book and post it’s a “must read” have a right to post their opinion and we who choose not to “indulge” are ostracized for it? Why is that? My family watches very little TV…mostly due to content. It’s like this….I LOVE chocolate cake with butter cream icing….to the point that I can’t help myself to just one piece, but half the cake before I have time for my brain to register…it IS an addiction. If we have this kind of dessert it is out where someone is serving and I only get on piece. Most of the time I don’t partake because it takes me DAYS to quit craving it!!! So that is one reason I chose not to read this book….the next reason is my husband. I quit reading Christian romance novels years ago due to unrealistic expectations for my husband. Oh my goodness, talk about unrealistic expectations for the love of my life! I pray daily that we can meet each other’s needs in more than just the bedroom. It is my deepest desire to please my husband and in doing so, please God. He blesses my marriage in ways I can’t explain…nor would it be appropriate. How can I ask God to be IN my relationship with my husband and invite the evil one to be a part as well?
    Thank you to ALL of you precious women who dare to rock the world by CHOOSING to keep your heart pure by protecting it from the “shades of grey” all around us as the evil one continues to grey the lines through media and even in our churches. Praise God for YOU and your outrageous bold hearts, sold out to pursing the bold colors of RIGHTEOUSNESS!

  • I couldn’t agree more or have written a better devotional myself as to why I am NOT reading “Fifty Shades of Grey”. I have reposted on Facebook and have shared this with my own devotional readers. THANK YOU!!

  • I am a Christian, I am in a marriage for seventeen years and I have been completely faithful. I have read all three books. Reading the books did not make me want that kind of life style. I actually saw beyond that, there was a great love story and learning. Reading these books does not make me any less of a christian than someone that doesn’t read them. Condemning me for reading them, does make you less of a Christian.

  • Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things. Phil 4:8

    We are to live God’s standards not the world standards.

    And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2

  • A good post…until your last point.

    I too have avoided reading this book. It is no different than watching a porn on tv, an act. which most Christians would be strongly opposed to. For some reason, having the porn on paper seems to make people feel better.

    However, your opinions on BDSM are just that – opinions. My husband is an awesome leader, spiritually, and otherwise, in our household. He is as strong in his convictions as any man I’ve ever known, outside the bedroom. And inside, BDSM is to our taste. Yes, I said OUR taste. Because Scripture states that “The marriage bed is undefiled.” anything my husband and I agree to, as long as it is done with no coercion or manipulation, and it involved no other people, is up to us. It is our sexual relationship, and no matter what our tastes, it is a beautiful thing. I have yet to find the Bible verse that states “BDSM is sin.” or anything such implications.

    If this kind of thing is not YOUR thing, that is perfectly fine. And no good man would ever try to coerce his wife into experimenting with it if she didn’t have any interest. But saying that stepping outside the bounds of “normal” sex, and exploring things with my HUSBAND, because it is something we both like, is wrong, is almost as ridiculous as saying that sex is only for making children. And that sex for pure pleasure is also wrong.

    So good for you, for not reading porn, and for knowing the damage it would do to your marriage. I wholeheartedly agree. But keep your judgement about other peoples’ monogamous, consensual, sexual tastes to yourself. Just because it’s not to your taste doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

    • Hi Lissa! Your comment took some time for me to post because I wanted to pray and take counsel about it. Let me begin by saying that your post is one of several others where Christian women defended BDSM. You are not alone in your opinion. You were alone in the delicate way you presented your opinion. The others were not quite as veiled. While I don’t want to censor thoughts on this vital conversation, I do want to avoid anything crass or that would create a visual image. (That’s kinda the point of my original blog, ya know!)

      I’m grateful for your transparency and the gentle way in which you presented your opinion. As I said, I have had much counsel so would you mind if I step in here to talk a little bit through with you? In an effort to protect the minds of everyone involved, I won’t address you directly. I’m going to address everyone corporately, especially since there were several comments to which I am responding by responding to you. So…

      TO ALL THE LADIES WHO HAVE DEFENDED BDSM IN THIS CONVERSATION…AND THOSE WHO WONDER:

      I can only guess that your marriage beds are loving in all ways and at all times, and that there are never bruises, blood, or injury of any kind in any way. And that you are both equally interested in what I’d prefer to call some aggressive play. The tone of your messages tells me that this is so. If you have moments of playfulness that including pushing each other around without harm, holding one another up against the wall, or ripping off each other’s clothes…who am I to judge?

      But be careful what you call it! Please, be careful what you call it.

      (I have counseled women who have taken naked photos for their husbands that no other eye has ever seen and it has never been of concern to me. I would never let them call this pornography.)

      BDSM stands for Bondage. Dominance. Sadism. Masochism.

      Sadism? Masochism? In psychiatry, the terms sadism and masochismdescribe a personality type characterized by the actor or actrix deriving pleasure and gratification from inflicting physical pain and humiliation. The terms specifically refer to one who either enjoys giving pain (sadist), or one who enjoys receiving pain (masochist). These are words that are direct counterfeits of God’s attributes.

      Bondage? Jesus came to set the captives free. (See Isaiah.)

      Dominance? He emptied himself. (See Phil 2. Esteem one another.)

      God never desires us to seek pain or to give pain to others.

      Is the marriage bed always undefiled? Certainly not. To use that verse out of context is to imply that whatever goes on in the marriage bed is by definition “undefiled.” That is a perversion of the verse. It is the exact opposite of what that verse is trying to say. Marriage is honorable and the bed is TO BE undefiled. “Honorable”or “honoring” is the opposite of sadism, masochism, bondage and dominance. It is the ultimate oxymoron—the term “honorable sadist” may have never before been uttered.

      The fact is, as my husband has said in some of his comments during this conversation, we shouldn’t let the world abbreviate these words. Never shorten it to BDSM. Use the words. It’s a lot easier to “defend” the letters BDSM than it is to extol the virtues of bondage, dominance, sadism, and masochism.

      As Bob helped me to think through this, he asked me to challenge you to think of a worst word than sadism. Rape? No. That is just one characteristic of sadism. Torture? Just another tool of the sadist.

      Bob wrote this to me as we talked it through via email (I was travelling last week). “Even Satan must have a hard time believing he could get feminists to give up all their campaign for equality, rights, and power to promote bondage, powerlessness, and the rights of men to derive sexual satisfaction from chaining women and inflicting pain and humiliation. Can you imagine his surprise that he not only won over some feminists… But Christians as well. The only reasoning I can think of for feminists to capitulate and accept the utter perversion of everything they’ve worked for is the truth of the old adage that ” the enemy of my enemy is my friend.” So many Feminists consider biblical authority such an enemy that it becomes palatable to join in league with our enemy, Satan—even if it means giving up their cause. In reality, it shows what their true cause really is—emnity with God.”

      So…my friend…And I do say that with warmth though at this point you might feel like I’m not warming to you at all…I would challenge you to take care the words you defend. While what you are experiencing in your bedroom may be playful and acceptable and honorable…nothing about BONDAGE, DOMINANCE, SADISM, OR MASOCHISM is undefiling or honorable.

      New rule on this blog post…no more using the term BDSM. I’m going back to the main article right now to edit the original to use the full words…and I’ll not publish any comments unless they use the full words. I feel that strongly about it.

  • I also was considering reading this because I wasn’t giving the Holy Spirit a chance to convict me over it. But thankfully, He slipped in anyhow!! I’d just like to address the handful of commenters who seem to think there’s no reason to criticize a book just because you don’t approve of it. I would encourage those people to read Romans 1:28-32. By refusing to speak out on things we know to be sinful, we give passive approval to them. Thanks, Dannah.

  • @CC Wow…the judgement just keeps coming. “as a wife you are not doing what you should be” Are you serious????? I am blessed with a husband who does not view porn, but many guys’ addictions began long before their marriage. It is a sin issue, like any other, and something God can help them overcome. It is NOT the wife’s fault.

  • if you believe in Jesus Christ as you Lord and Saviour, would He be proud of you for reading this book? when He comes back to take all believers to Heaven, how would you feel when He sees you reading this book? Food for thought.

  • @RH
    Amen RH!! wow!!

    The hubbs looking at porn is his wife’s fault….really?

    I can’t comment any further due to a loss for words…

    Ok, so I’ll add this link for you to read…that was written by a man 😉

    http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/the-damage-of-sexual-promiscuity/

    Please keep in mind as you read the above link…I got pregnant before marriage, at Bible College after a violent childhood full of physical and sexual abuse…so I’m not coming from the “perfect princess bride” but…oh how I pray for this for my beautiful daughters!!! I want them to know all that is beautiful and not have to struggle with their bodies being “awakened” (Song of Solomon 2:7) before God intends for them to be!! YEARS of struggle in my marriage because we both brought SIN to our marriage!! Oh boo, I am crying tears of heart ache for broken marriages, broken before they are even bound together!!! GOD can restore!!

  • THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH! Thanks you for this blog post! Thank you for every min of research that you do! Thank you for standing up for what’s right even when it’s hard! Thank you for watching out for our girls! Thank you for sharing your heart! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

  • @Dannah
    It can be discouraging to point out danger to others only to be scoffed at or ignored. All you can do is use the wisdom God has given you to put the warning out there – some will heed it and others will choose to ignore it and entice others to join with them. All of us will answer to God.

  • P.S. For anyone wanting more parameters/instructions for a God-honoring sex life, I recommend “Intended for Pleasure” by Ed Wheat. For guys, the book “Fidelity” by Douglas Wilson is replete with wisdom on what scripture says about the usual sexual “issues,” especially those which our society has largely condoned. Very, very edifying reads.

  • I support you totally 100% i couldnt have said it better. I am an adult survivor of sexual assault and am certified in mental health and substance abuse and pornography runs hand in hand with both. One of my abussers use to force me to look at porn as a child….words can not say how much this damaged me. But i thank God for his mercy, his love and his word that has healed me. Please woman of this world and especially Gods vhildren steer clear of this book and any like it!!!! @Dannah

  • A comment to your reader Lauren referencing that you did not read the book and didn’t agree that you should share if you haven’t read it. As you said with all the hype, you can’t not know what the contents are. We don’t even need details to know this is not a book God would approve of. It’s no different than those who use “Cliff Notes” to write a report on something they have not read. I see the information given to those of us who have NOT read this book as “Satan Notes.” Thanks Dannah, I too am going to share this post.

  • While we’re discussing books, which one should avoid reading due to their content, let me suggest you avoid a long-running best-seller that includes incest, the subjugation of women, justification of slavery, admiring depictions of adulterers and men with multiple wives, graphic depictions of sex and violence – including the slaughter of entire towns full men, women and innocent children (including babies). I’m speaking, of course, about The Holy Bible.

    • @The Watcher I’ve always believed that it takes God to understand The Word of God. If you want to see the Bible for what it actually is, I suggest inviting the Holy Spirit to help you understand it.

  • You know what the ironic thing is? With the book in the news and all of the internet buzz surrounding it in regards to what it’s about, I don’t even understand how anyone would even think it would be acceptable reading for Christian women or men. I’m surprised that we are even having to have this oonversation online amongst ourselves. Seriously? Did the red flags not go up with the detailed reviews alone? Way to speak out, Dannah. I hear ya!

  • While I respect your decision to not read the books and I respect your opinion regarding BDSM I will equally expect you to respect my decision to read the books and thoroughly enjoy the story and the relationship of christian and Anastasia and I my opinion that whatever happens between 2 consenting adults in the bedroom is their business and should not be judged by others. I found Christian and Anastasia’s relationship loving, passionate, forgiving, and committed. They taught each other what loving someone was all about. The fact that Christian’s past basically made him believe he was unlovable and unable to love in the traditional sense makes this story so much more heartwarming because through Anastasia’s committment to him and his love for her he finds that he is capable of love and being loved. I expect there are people who don’t like erotic romance and that is fine. But I wish people who have not even read the book would not comment on it. It’s ok if you choose not to read it but really…..judging others???? Unfortunately people who are closed minded would never see the story past the BDSM but then again that is their choice.

  • I think the point is, you shouldn’t slam anyone!! Period!! Choosing to read a fictional book does not make me a bad Christian!! The book for me was a love story. About a man who grew up in a very dark world. It was all he knew. This book in no way is how I live my life nor would I think any differently about someone who chose to live this lifestyle. To me being a good Christian means NOT judging!!

  • @Dannah

    I’m not criticizing you for not reading it. That’s certainly your right, and indicates that you know yourself well enough to know that it might be damaging to you and your marriage – very self-aware!

    However, as I said before, I think that the fact that you didn’t read it means you have a misunderstanding of the context of the BDSM sex found in the book. It is only practiced 2 times in the whole series of books and both times is clearly harmful to both participants. The books are really about the need to heal from sexual woundedness and how that healing can allow a person to come into whole, rightly ordered sexual relationships that are unitive and procreative.

    This is not to say that I approve of or recommend the books. A lot of the other points you make are certainly valid, and in my blog I came to my own conclusions about why I thought the books should not be read (a course correction after initially believing that in the right circumstances and with the right intention they could be okay).

    However, reading the books has allowed me to get into the heads of the women who are reading them and being able to see and realize the pain and woundedness that is leading women to seek them out. Unfortunately, we do not have a lot of wholesome books that can rekindkle arousal within a marriage or help a woman rediscover her sexual desire for her husband. That these books are so popular among married women is a cultural cry for help – one that Christians are not addressing because we’re uncomfortable with the topic.

  • CC, regarding your comment that ” if your hubby is looking at the stuff , then you as a wife are not doing what you are suppose to be doing”, I have to tell you from personal experience that your point is very sadly wrong. I am not the only person with this story, but my marriage was devastated by pornography before we even said our vows and I had no clue what I was in for. My husband and I were not sexually active before our wedding night, and I was a very willing bride once we were married, throwing myself at my husband, begging for sexual intimacy and thanks to all the pornography exposure he had prior to our relationship he was not at all interested in enjoying his bride. He was destroyed by it and he was just as confused as I was, he told me later that he knew he shouldn’t have been looking at porn but he thought once we were married he wouldn’t have a need for it anymore. Unfortunately we saw first hand the heinous damage porn does to the psyche, and a person’s sexual capabilities/interests. As a sister in Christ, I urge you to seek God regarding this. Pray about it with an open heart and see what the Lord reveals to you on this topic. I think you might be surprised. @CC

  • Thanks for the info! I’ve never heard of this book, but it will be on my do not read book for sure! Thanks again for standing strong for what you believe in. It is so sad how many Christians blur the lines on what they allow into their minds and homes. Instead of fully standing on the Truth of the Word. Just found this blog from someone posting on facebook. Looking forward to following it since my husband leads the Jr. and Sr. high youth groups at our church, so obviously I am with young ladies daily.

  • @CC

    I don’t think I have ever commented on a blog like this, but after my own experiences, I just couldn’t let this go by without saying something. I think it is very interesting, CC, when in one sentence, you are condemning Dannah for judging others and then a couple sentences later, you CC said, “And yes pornography can be wrong…but if your hubby is looking at the stuff , then you as a wife are not doing what you are suppose to be doing.” This is not only a horribly judgmental statement of someone who is obviously very uninformed about an addiction to pornography, it is also very hurtful for those of us who are living the nightmare of a husband who is a porn addict and having our families destroyed by this horrible addiction. Would you tell an alcoholic’s or a drug addict’s spouse that their husband’s addiction was there fault? I should hope not. This is the same thing. My husband was addicted to porn by about age 11 long before I met him–i just didn’t find out about it until well after we were married. I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it. And for someone to self righteously suggest that I am the problem and am not a good enough wife infuriates me. You see, often with a porn addiction, there is also another addiction that develops called intimacy anorexia where the guy actively withholds love and intimacy from his spouse and actually prefers to retreat to his fantasy world of porn and masturbation rather than to give himself fully to another real person (i.e. his spouse). So you see, CC, there are lots of wives like me out there with husbands who are porn addicts and yet who try to initiate sex with their husbands and would love to do what you call “doing what a wive is supposed to be doing”, but their husbands refuse repeatedly and make up all kinds of excuses to avoid that type of intimacy. So in the future, please be careful of what you say about others and their situations–you have no idea what people are going through unless you have walked in their shoes and a flippant comment such as you made can be incredibly hurtful to someone else and add to the trauma they are already experiencing because of their husband’s addiction.

  • Wow Dannah… you are WAY up on that high horse. How would you react if someone wrote a post telling you not to read the bible, WHEN THEY HAD NEVER READ IT. Again, it’s totally your right to read or not read whatever you want, but touting knowledge based on what others have “told” you is just plain ignorance. Books are not cancer, and comparing them in that way is a bit of a slap in the face to anyone who has actually suffered that terrible fate. I have been in a happy, committed marriage for 20 years. I can read whatever floats my boat and, quite frankly, it has ZERO effect on the relationship I have with my husband. If your marriages are so fragile that reading one book could tip them into the hands of the devil, I would say you have MUCH LARGER problems that what you are reading.

  • Wow! I had no idea what the book was about, but put my name on the library’s wait list last week because of all the talk about it. I figured it had to be well written and engaging – but it turns out, it’s evil! THANK YOU for pointing this out, and for speaking the truth in love. I have removed my name from the waiting list for this destructive novel.

  • I agree 100%. I work in a library and have a responsibility to keep up with the latest books – bestsellers and the book club hypes…this will be one that I turn down. Especially knowing myself and that God made me with a creative brain…I take words and form pictures…and take pictures to words and I know that reading something like that could really hurt me. Thank you for the review and warning! Best to you!

  • While I respect anyone with an opinion, I do not respect anyone on a crusade against any book. If you don’t want to read a book, watch a TV show, eat certain food, then keep it to yourself. Crusades like this is how books end up in piles being burnt–and that, is a tragedy no matter what the book is. Let others make their own choices, especially if you haven’t read the book. Keep going with your cause and help people make their own choices. Do not use the authority you have gained to blindly influence others. Be open-minded, please.

  • Dannah, please don’t let the few negative comments throw a darkness over the many other comments that are positive. You have already changed at least one person’s heart towards this. You did well in posting your thoughts on this. You are showing a discernment that was given by God and the Holy Spirit. This needed to be said. Please don’t let them bother you.

    Again, I want to thank you. I have struggled with this type of literature before. I don’t need it in my life. I don’t need the studies, because I know from personal experience. It changes you. It changes your mind towards your husband and all men. Erotic literature, love story or not, is not for me, for this Christian. Thank you for posting this reminder to listen to God before I listen to man.

    Hang in there. It will all work out.
    @Dannah

  • @CC
    As a women whose husband has struggled with an addiction to pornography, I resent the remark that I’m not “doing what you should be doing”. My husband’s addiction was firmly in place prior to our marriage, it was nothing I knew about, nor did I contribute to it. Through much prayer and counseling, my husband has overcome his addiction…THANK YOU JESUS!! Ours is now a healthy, loving, and satisfying marriage. An addiction to pornography can no more be the wife’s fault than a child’s tendancy to lie, cheat, or steal be faulted by poor parenting.
    I have heard many reviews of these books prior to this one and they all have said the same thing. It’s about the sex. I will NOT be bringing this into my home for my husband’s sake and for mine. I refuse to open any door for the devil to use to take us back to hurtful, harmful ways.

  • As I read these comments I can’t help but feel we are taking this a bit far. The purpose of a comment section is to add a thought NOT to cut someone else down or lessen the worth of a mind that has read Fifty Shades of Grey. As a fifteen year old girl I personally do not find this type of book appealing however I find your hurtful comments even less so. Can we oh I dont know, be nice?

  • Thanks for encouraging people to THINK about what they allow into their minds, Dannah. “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Phillipians 4:8 says it all.

  • It’s amazing how many Christians are offended when someone calls sin sin. If you believe the Bible then you know what God calls sin. It’s not an opinion or a judgment. And just because there may be some story line of love or a happy ending doesn’t make it right. It is unnecessary and if it could do even the least amount of harm then it should be avoided. There’s too many other good reads out there!

  • Bob Gresh From me: Wow. I’m a guy.. so maybe I shouldn’t comment but the only Bondage, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism that would be going on in our house would involve my creative response to any boy who tried to buy this for my daughter. I am astonished at the defense of this book.

    First, Let me say that I am capable of sinning in every way possible. I encourage others to judge my actions and I trust what they say. We all jump in the crap pile once in a while, but there’s a real problem when we don’t have enough godly people in our life to whisper something like, “Ummm, Bob , do you know you’re sitting in a crap pile?_ I know when I am…or I smell it real fast when it’s pointed out.

    Having said that “to avoid the lazy criticism of being “holier than thou”) I want to address two other issues that are mangled beyond recognition by christians and non-christians, basically a minimum of every second of every day.
    1. “Christians don’t judge.” What!? (I found this on the internet toughquestionsanswered.org. It was good so I copy it here.

    ….”The source, for most people, of the idea that Christians should not judge comes from Matt. 7:1: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” If you read this single verse on its own, you may very well come to the conclusion that Jesus is telling people not to judge, but then comes the small matter of context. It turns out that sentences in the Bible, like every other written document ever produced, need to be read in context. We need to know what the surrounding verses say in order to understand this verse.
    If you continue to read Matthew 7, through verse 5, you will see what Jesus is talking about. In verse 5, Jesus says, “You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
    Here is the key to what Jesus means. He is speaking out against hypocritical and self-righteous judgments. He is not telling us to never judge; he is telling us how to judge rightly.
    In fact, it would be extremely strange for Jesus to tell us to never judge in Matt. 7:1 when just a few verses later, in verse 6, he tells Christians to beware “dogs” and “pigs” so that we don’t waste time giving them knowledge of God. The only way you can detect a metaphorical “dog” or “pig” is to judge other people’s actions! There are, in fact, many more verses in the New Testament that exhort believers to judge other people (e.g., Matt. 7:15-16; John 7:24; 1 Cor. 5:9; 2 Cor. 11:13-15; Phil. 3:2; 1 John 4:1; 1 Thess. 5:21).

    My second response to “mangling” follows in next post. Then I’ll disappear.

  • Bob Gresh And the second “mangle.” This is a love story and good for marriages..

    …In response to a blog Reader on dannahgresh.com

    “It is certainly your right to choose not to read the book(s)… however, I find your review interesting since you have NOT read the books. I have read all three in the series, and as you delve further into the characters you discover it is actually a love story (yes, LOVE not sex) and while there certainly are highly erotic parts, there is a story about a man who was neglected and abused as a child, taken in by a loving family, who became very successful, who thought he had no heart and was proven wrong by the love of the right woman and ultimately became a devoted husband and father. I think you should have gotten your facts a little straighter before you pass judgement…”

    Bob Gresh (me): Nothing could be more dangerous in a world rampant with sexual abuse than to equate Bondage/Dominance/Sadism/Masochism and Rape fantasies with love. If you are ok with BDSM and think it is healthy…in all seriousness…please seek out a godly mentor or godly counselor. I work every day in a school and see the damage. Spend a week with us in our school or ministry. Travel with Dannah. See what we see. and you’ll think twice about typing letters on a keyboard that spell out words that support B, D, S, or M.

    I am not an expert on the theology of sex…(but I do sleep with one:)
    So….

    I will simply quote two people who I would normally expect to be supportive of the book.

    First, is AV Flox, a pro-BDSM blogger and Peruvian transplant living in Los Angeles. She is the editrix-in-command of Sex and the 405. (I don’t recommend the site…at all. especially, if you’ve already been offended by the word “crap.” (I thought it was necessary.) I’m sorry if this is too graphic, but the book excerpts are 100 times worse so if you want to engage in the topic, this might be helpful .

    As a proponent, “AV” posits that Christian Grey actually gives BDSM a bad name because he abuses it.

    “However, in truth, the world — with all its old cars and commercial airlines — is nowhere nearly as dangerous as Christian is himself, not because he practices BDSM but because he’s a terrible dominant. This is where Fifty Shades of Grey started to make me nervous — those with no other experience of the lifestyle have nothing to guide them in their journey into BDSM but the eroticization of reckless practices.
    For starters, it’s one thing to lead someone who has never experienced BDSM into new experiences but it’s really quite another to so eagerly select a virgin with no sexual experience whatsoever. Can a person with no experience in the sexual realm from which to draw from convincingly consent? The scene where Christian tries to convince Anastasia that her being wet means she wants to be abused makes me physically ill. James should have done her homework: the body will do whatever it can to minimize injury during assault, and often, this means lubrication. Such physical response should never be decontextualized and held up as proof that someone is asking for something that they’re clearly unsure about.
    Most people who practice BDSM, regardless of their level of experience, require some level of aftercare and leaving someone who is only experimenting, someone who is not only new to the lifestyle but to sexual experience in general, alone after play is unconscionable.”

    Bob Gresh (me): For christians to defend this…..it makes me sick. I love them. I really do, but I feel so sad for them.

    And finally….From Dr. Drew Pinsky…definitely not a conservative prude, there is this from CNN.

    DR. DREW PINSKY:…this is what troubles me, not only is there that sort of mind control issue that this guy is really good at. He grooms her and he takes over her sense of her own control. She makes her – she believes she`s consensual but she has to sign a contract. I got to read you part of the contract. Here it is. It`s ridiculous. Here`s what he says in this contract. There are pages and pages of this in the silly book.

    “The dominant accepts the submissive as his on to control dominate and discipline. The dominant may discipline the submissive as necessary. The Dominant way flog, spank, whip, or corporally punish the submissive as he sees fit, for purposes of discipline for his own personal enjoyment or for any other reason. The submissive accepts the dominant as her master.” Blah, blah, blah.

    Here is my problem. My biggest problem is, it`s going into this media some material and it`s actually pathologyizing it, Romani. In this book, this is a book about a billionaire man who sweeps a young virgin of her feet and makes her sign a contract to be his submissive and we find out in the course of the book, that he was sexually abused at the age of 15. And this is all, him acting out his pathology as opposed to being two consensual adults which is fine. We just say emplace, great.

    DR. DREW PINSKY: Lifts my bathrobe, but jumps and pressed in my behind. I close my eyes, bracing for the blow. It comes harsh snap across my back side.” Really, I have to read this crap?”

    Bob Gresh: My thoughts exactly. I’m truly sorry if I used language that was too harsh for some.

  • I think it is very judgemental and uncalled for to hear people say that it is not ‘acceptable reading for a Christian’. In the bible it says NOT to judge. No one has the right except for the Lord! That is it! If someone chooses to read the book, then that is their business and no one else’s. It doesn’t change their relationship with the Lord. Everyone sins…everyday, whether you want to admit it or not. No one is perfect. I, personally, have not read the books but its not my place to judge or discourage those that do. If you don’t think its a good book, then don’t read it. But don’t say that people are any less Christian for it. That’s not anyones place, but Gods!

  • I don’t agree with this post at all. As Christians, we need to be much more diligent about gathering facts, and much more thoughtful about drawing logical conclusions.

    Reason #1 – I’ve read all three books, and I admit that they stimulated lust in me….for my husband of 30 years! Sexual desire is not sinful until it is channeled inappropriately. If arousal itself was sinful, then Song of Songs, a classic piece of Hebrew erotica, would not be in the Bible.

    Reason #2 – While I agree with much of what you’ve said about porn, I don’t agree that these books are porn. There is little similarity between reading what is first and foremost a love story, albeit with graphic sex, and watching a two-dimensional porn flick. I can’t speak from experience, because I don’t do porn, but I imagine there are not very many porn flicks that actually have a plot at all, let alone one that involves two people caring for each other enough to give up selfish practices, commit themselves only to each other, and marry each other. Big difference. Sexual gratification is the sole purpose of porn; Fifty Shades is a HEA fantasy just for fun.

    Reason #3 – See my response to #2 above. This is not a valid comparison.

    Reason #4 – These are not books that glorify BDSM. They are about a man who gives it up when the woman he loves can’t take it.

    If you believe you will not be able to read the books without succumbing to sinful temptations, then fine, don’t read it. If a story about graphic BDSM doesn’t float your boat, fine, don’t read it. But if you’re going to use your God-given platform to influence others, a little more rigorous critical thinking is in order. To whom much is given, much is required.

    • This is a strange comment. Have you read the research about how porn AND erotica are harmful to a person’s mind? Maybe you need to have a little more rigorous critical thinking.

  • @Lauren
    I don’t have to drink a glass of dirty water to know that it isn’t good for me. So why do I have to read a book that I already know isn’t good for me?

  • Hello, Lauren. We are given the gifts of judgement and intelligence. We should be able to scan/glean information on something, and assess whether it is going to edify us, or be harmful to us (and sin is harmful – it hurts our relationship with God.) We are expected to use our judgement to choose wisely, to avoid the trouble – not dive in and wallow. So I won’t be reading it either. I don’t need to. It would not benefit me and my relationship with God nor my husband. It honors neither.

  • Reading about other people having sex, imagining that in your mind and getting hot and bothered… it’s not Godly. Sure you may go running to your husband, but it was thinking about something else that got you going. I don’t need to have my head filled with the images this provokes. I believe that it’s not honoring to God.

  • While I am only about halfway through the first book, this offends me. You haven’t even read the book yet you presume to write comments knowing what it is about. mosessister, has very valid points.

    I think you are simply scared of that which you do not understand.

    The writing in the book is not great. But the more you read the more you fall in love with the characters.

  • I know everyone has the right to their opinion but I myself follow that lifestyle an I will tell you this it has not harmed me in any way. So what if some people like it it doesn’t mean anyone person has the right to slam another. I happen to think 50 Shades of Grey was very well written. So if those of you out there like to think your in a safe little bubble well sorry Get real!!There are things out there WAY WORSE than this! I would be more concerned with the murders an rapists an terrorists than a freaking book.

  • Some people think they have all the right in the world to judge another. Are you God Do you have the right to judge? No I don’t think so I go to church every Sunday just like the rest. Just because I read certain books DOES NOT mean I am going to hell!!! Only God has the right to judge anybody not you or me.

  • I don’t agree with this at all- from someone who actually read the books. This is a love story and both the main characters are completely monogamous they enjoy their live lives with each other neither think about or lust after another after they meet and for me reading them it only made me want my husband more. I think the Bible also says one shouldn’t stand on high and pass judgements.

  • Everyone that agrees with this author hasn’t actually read the books. Maybe one should know personally what they are passing judgment on

  • Bla Bla bla. I read all three faster than I read any books in my life. I had never read erotica and probably never will again. BUT THESE BOOKS ROCKED. Sad for you… free your mind and the rest will follow….This is about a LOVE STORY between ADULTS. This is 2012 Laura Ingalls. I say bring on book #4 as fast as she can.

  • “…anything other than my husband creating arousal in me would be missing the mark of God’s intention. (Translation: it is sin.)”

    I’m sorry, but that’s just ridiculous. I guess you’d better stick to nonfiction, then, and give away your television. Oh, and definitely avoid any romantic movies. That next Nicholas Spark flick might bring up some sinful feelings.

    You’re entitled to your opinions, of course, but I agree with mosessister above. In fact, we had Song of Songs read at our wedding and our pastor was thrilled that we chose it. I guess we all sinned that day.

  • @RH
    My thoughts exactly to CC. Isn’t that “judging” the poor woman whose husband is in sin? When does the sin of others become our fault? I appreciate the warning about the book. So many awesome books out there. So little time. Phil. 4:8 gives a helpful Biblical guideline for our thoughts.

  • @Brittany
    Do you work for a PUBLIC library? If so, then what right do you have to use your Christianity to decide what is pure enough for the masses to read? I’m actually really troubled that someone like *you* might get to decide what someone like *me* gets to borrow!

  • Amen! I was actually purchasing the book on Amazon and had completed the transaction. THEN, I read the review about the book and immediately realized I didn’t NEED that in my head or my heart. So I cancelled the transaction as quickly as possible. I agree with everything you stated! The Bible says in Philippians 4:8, to think on things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report. I don’t need that other junk in my brain! I appreciate your view. Thanks for sharing!

  • The book is a love story about someone who thought they were incapable of being loved or ever loving finding love, and wanting to give up every thing to keep that love.

  • Number 1, 2 and 3 on the New York Times Bestseller list. This is what everyone is reading! Even the older teens… SHAMEFUL! 🙁

  • For clarity’s sake…and to make a point, I’d like to ask Dannah to expand the abbreviation of BDSM and only allow the full term of bondage, sadism, dominance, and masochism to be used. Plus a brief definition.
    That way we can all be clear that people understand. For instance, here is how it would change the wording of a few posts.

    “If a story about graphic doesn’t float your boat, fine, don’t read it. (Definition of Sadism: Sadism is the derivation of pleasure as a result of inflicting pain or watching pain inflicted on others.)

    “Unfortunately people who are closed minded would never see the story past the but then again that is their choice.

    “While I respect your decision to not read the books and I respect your opinion regarding I will equally expect you to respect my decision to read the books and thoroughly enjoy the story…’

  • Lauren, LA, llp, Laurie, Kristin, Orangies and Stephanie,

    I’m fascinated by your comments and I think the conversation is really interesting…Thanks for helping me to see your viewpoint.

    My question is how do you discern things you don’t want your kids to read, watch or listen to? Do you watch the Freddy Krueger movie before you suggest that your 8 year old doesn’t watch it? Would you need to watch the whole porn movie before you suggest your husband doesn’t watch it? When the news says that 1000 people got food poisoning from apples at a local grocery store, do you have to taste the apples before you decide?

    And as for judging, have you read the comment on judging posted earlier? The Bible is all about judging right from wrong. Paul confronted Peter. Jesus judged the pharisees. Paul judged Demas and Alexander the Coppersmith.
    Isn’t it reasonable for one of the foremost experts on biblical sexuality…who has sold over a million books on the subject of helping people discern healthy sexuality… to be able to give advice to those who click the link to her blog?

    I’m trying to understand.

  • I was just about to leave a second comment on this post and quote Philippians 4:8, Nicki…but you beat me to it! Thank you!

  • Where in Dannah’s post does it say she is judging everyone who has read this book? I must have missed that part. Also, should we take another look at why God destroyed Sodom & Gomorrah?
    Let’s not confuse judging with accountability. Which is what we are supposed to do according to Christ.
    For all those that have commented that this book made you “lust” after your husbands and not the male lead, I don’t understand that. You needed to read a fiction book to lust after your husband? I am confused by that. Why not just think of them to begin with?
    Read Frank Pereti’s books: Piercing the Darkness. That explains how something that seems harmless can open a door you cannot close.

  • wow! reading a book is a sin! LOL I am going to read them and I will enjoy them. why? because im a sinner and i do bad things. including reading books about sex. oh and she asked how i feel about my hubby watching porn? i dont mind as long as i can watch it with him. thats not sinful its healthy. gives us great ideas to try out. LOL and looking at someone lustfully is a sin. geez im going to hell. i eye rape someone daily and no its not always my husband.

  • Thank you for writing this. I agree with absolutely everything you wrote. I have a few friends who are raving about this book, and all I’m asking myself is “WHY would they want to get involved with THAT!” I’m not judging, I’m not sticking up nose in the air and saying “pffft….ignorants”. No. I am seriously concern. These are grown up, married women with children. I haven’t been able to say anything to them in fear of sounding judgmental. But truth is, I am concern and sadden for them. So, thank you for writing this. I am posting it on FB!

  • Dannah – Thank you so much for posting this. I am sorry that people are slamming you, but I suppose that is what happens in this world when we stand up for what is right and Holy. Growing up my dad would tell us that if the world says it is OK, then we can be pretty certain that God would not! It is also interesting to me those who are saying that they need to read it so they can know where other readers are coming from??? Does that mean I should try heroin so I will know how to witness to heroin addicts. Maybe the readers should ask themselves if they would read that book if Jesus was sitting on the couch next to them? Or would they allow their own daughters to read it? And, what about Philippians 4:8? It scares me to think of so many Christians thinking this book is OK to read. This world is becoming a very scary place!

  • Very well put, Emily!

    “It’s amazing how many Christians are offended when someone calls sin sin. If you believe the Bible then you know what God calls sin. It’s not an opinion or a judgment. And just because there may be some story line of love or a happy ending doesn’t make it right. It is unnecessary and if it could do even the least amount of harm then it should be avoided. There’s too many other good reads out there!”

  • I am amazed how many people say, “Christians aren’t supposed to judge.” Where did you get this idea? Certainly not from the source, the Bible. In fact, the Bible tells us to “judge everything.” There’s a right kind of judging and a wrong kind of judging. We are to judge right from wrong in everything.
    Although everything is allowed, not everything is beneficial. You be the judge. Does this book glorify God or not?

  • I’m glad some one is talking about the real role of sex. 50 shades of grey is 50 too many. Read the Song of Solomon, that’s how a man and women show each other their love for one another and no one else.

  • Thank you Dannah for having the wisdomAND the courage (although you may be second guessing both right about now) to speak up, to stand up, to encourage healthy relationships and to discourage women from polluting their heart, their mind & their marriage.
    Bob! I don’t know you, but what I do know is you have a marvelous wife and she a good & godly husband – even if you like all of us sit in a pile of crap on occasion. Thank YOU, Bob, for speaking up, speaking out, stepping up & supporting your wife (the world needs more husbands & men to do that.
    I don’t need to sit inthe crap – when a well meaning, God fearing Christian sister or brother in Christ is sent by God with the message: “Stop! You are about to sit in a pe of crap!”
    Again. Thank you. God Bless you.

  • As a minister’s wife and teacher of young married’s for more than 15 years…I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for standing up for truth!

  • @CC

    This is one of the biggest misconceptions among Christians… God doesn’t tell us not to judge, just that we will be judged with the same measure that we use to judge others. 1 Corinthians 5:9-13 talks about judging for ourselves who is immoral among those inside the church and keeping ourselves pure by staying away from them. If this book has been deemed sexually immoral by some, then why shouldn’t we judge it? (And it may or may not have a redeeming story at the end, but that doesn’t mean it’s right to read what’s in between.)

    For me it’s like an R rated movie… Someone has said that this has material in it that is not appropriate for a certain group of people. If I know that material is not good for my spirit then I will choose not to see it, and I’ll likely pass that recommendation along to my Christian friends who are wondering about that movie.

    I appreciate Dannah looking out for those within the church.

  • @CC
    You say that if your husband is looking at porn, then we (the women)aren’t doing what we are supposed to? Frankly, THAT COMMENT makes me sick. You have NO IDEA what are you talking about.

    • I think I’ll chime in on this one. One person alluded to this and several of you have commented on it. It’s really important that we are careful not to blame a woman for her husband’s sin. While in many cases, marriages plagued by pornography experience less sexual intimacy that is not the case in all of them. And in almost all of those cases, pornography is the culprit not the wife.

  • @CC
    A husbands choice to watch pornography has nothing to do with whether or not his wife is doing the right things – pornography addiction is a spirit thing – I speak from personal experience – it has NOTHING to do with the wife. Dannah expressing her opinion is not judgement and if you feel like you’re being judged then that may be your inner spirit trying to get your attention. I indulged in romance novels starting at the age of TWELVE and it made for a warped view of what intimacy really is. I’m not saying reading a romance novel is wrong BUT you have to judge for yourself whether or not what you are reading/watching will glorify God.

  • @Shopping mms Would you take this book to church with you and read it with your pastor with your children present? If not, why? It’s just a book? That’s the ULTIMATE trick of the devil – to minimize the wrongness of something. How can I keep a healthy relationship with my own husband if I am indulging in the life of this fictional character and fantasizing about it in order to get me going with my own husband? Is that real Godly intimacy/connection with your spouse? Or are we opening ourselves up for disappointment? What are you going to do the next time you want to be intimate with your spouse, have him recite or act out 50 shades of grey????? How do you explain intimacy to your own daughter or son? Would you have them read this book? I dont think so.

  • Did you not read the scriptures that Bob Gresh quoted about judging? If not, please do so.

    If all those who say they are Christians and have read this book and say nothing is wrong with it, would you have read that if the Lord were standing right next to you? How in the world you can say there is nothing wrong with this book is beyond me. It screams SIN loud and clear. @Anonymous

  • I’m curious as to what your opinion of the book “Redeeming Love” would be. If you don’t know, it’s based on the book of Hosea. Or “Song of Solomon”. Both could be considered “erotica” by your definition and yet, both are based or are books of the Bible. I understand the need to discern, but you’re two steps away from complete censorship – ban one, ban them all.

    He said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God’s sight. – Luke 16:15

    • Hello Ashley. Let’s review the definition of “erotica—creative activity (writing or pictures or films etc.) of no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire.” I really hate erotica since it is a form of pornography that erodes away the passion of exclusive and intimate sexuality. But I’m a die-hard fan of Redeeming Love and Song of Songs. Both of the books you’ve mentioned have the literary purpose of training and teaching and illuminating. While there is sexual knowledge and information in them, they are both tastefully veiled. And there’s no bondage, dominance, sadism, or masochism in them as is the case with 50 Shades of Grey.

  • There was a point in my life that I was reading piles of erotica books. I read it trying to get a sense of a loving relationship. I read as many as I could trying to find what I have now learned is yada.

    I have engaged in other activities for the same purpose(trying to fill that void that only yada could fill) yet I always experienced, read, and ran into only the counterfeit shakab. Once I gave all that up for God, I found and experienced yada with my husband.

    I wonder…is the couple in this book married? Are they practicing yada or shakab?

    Does this book promote good sexual behaviors or bad sexual behaviors? Even beyond the couple practicing bondage, dominance, sadism, or masochism…is this the kind of relationship that as Christians we would view as honoring to God?

    The problem I have with erotica is that it is a fantasy that in some or most cases is out of our realm of experiencing, yet reading it, we crave that sort of ‘excitement’ or ‘adventure’…and if we cant experience it or get our spouse to engage in it…well we are upset, disappointed, or resentful to our spouse.

    I am saying this because I have had lots of unknown(I just didnt realize it until it became a problem) expectations that have come from my past abuse of pornography and erotica use.

    As Christians we are kidding ourselves by saying a book that seems centered around a sexual relationship that has characters that are NOT our spouses are harmless.

  • @CC
    CC,
    I understand your thinking, but I have experienced the damaging effects of filling your mind with stimulating “chic lit” and the let-down when real life doesn’t quite measure up. I would also caution you about judging as in this statement, “And yes pornography can be wrong…but if your hubby is looking at the stuff , then you as a wife are not doing what you are suppose to be doing.” Pornography is a much bigger problem than a wife “not doing her wifely duty” or making it fun. It’s an addiction just as alcoholism or nicotine. To indicate that it’s the wife’s fault is to bring on a tremendous load of condemnation that simply does not belong on the wife. As one who has walked through the effects of pornography, deliverance, healing, restoration and more in 25 years of marriage, I’ve learned that few things are black and white and none of us should be judging… AND we all need Jesus in our marriages!

  • I suppose you have a point. 😉 I’m all for discernment and agree there should be more of it in our society, but the concept of censorship takes me to the USSR, communist China, East Germany, and other horrible examples of societies not given the ability to say yea or nay. While it’s a choice to read it or not, the choice should always be there; God gave us free wills for a reason! And as for those who choose not to read it, I would hope they wouldn’t be so quick to judge those who do. We are not meant to judge; that’s God’s job – for good reason. And FYI (because inevitably someone will wonder because of my posts) I haven’t read the Grey books. I just feel it’s important for those who have, to know that there is still acceptance for them in the Christian family. It’s Jesus who makes us perfect, not our choices.

    @Dannah

  • I do work at a Public Library. And I have every right to NOT read things that will put my mind in places that it shouldn’t be. This is a shelf set aside for the staff to make recommendations. It is OUR opinions and OUR own morals. It’s not to say that people have to listen, but we have a place to recommend good books and books that we really like. I’m not promoting something as damaging as this book can be. The public can borrow all they please, but I’m NOT going to be a supporter. @Kayleigh

  • I am enjoying the discussion going on here, including Mr. Gresh! You are so very articulate! Please, people, before you post, and sound ignorant, read the posts by Dannah and Bob again (all of them) because there are no more unique thoughts on this to the plus side for the book. You are sounding more and more desperate to “justify” yourselves. “It’s just a book” and “it’s no big deal” are the kinds of thoughts that creep into our minds right before the rug is pulled out from under us. How many of us would let a friend do something we know would hurt them even if they said “oh, it’s only……”? Hopefully not many. This is what Dannah is trying to do. She is saying “think” about this first before you do and it ends up hurting you and your relationships.

  • It hurts me to see people arguing over this. I know that conflict is a part of life, but I don’t like conflict. I think that we should not judge a person, but we should judge their actions by the standards that Christ left us. We all fall short, yes, but we should strive to “Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.” (Ephesians 5:2)

    Also, John 3:17 says this: “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.”

    I see in these comments a lot of judgment occurring. I think we should seek to follow the command in Ephesians 4:29, which says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

    I am only 14, but I read this article this morning and these comments hurt me deeply. Why cannot we, as the body of Christ, build each other up? What kind of example are we setting for the rest of the world if we indulge in this kind of behavior? I don’t want anyone to think that I am judging them, for I am not. I simply want everyone to seek and have God’s best for their lives.

    “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)

    Is reading this book something that honors God? I am not asking if it dishonors God, but if it honors Him? If it doesn’t honor Him, don’t you think it is time that we redefine some of our values?

    As I said, I’m only 14 and I have the feeblest grasp on issues of right and wrong concerning topics such as these. Miss Dannah, I’m sorry if I said anything that conflicts what you were trying to say. If I offended anyone, please know that I sincerely did not mean to–I just wanted to share what God told me this morning. I had to be obedient to what He asked me to say. It’s as simple as that, because a while back I promised Him that I would.

    One last verse to end is this is Romans 12:2. It is a verse I memorized a few years ago, and it has helped me several times. It says this:

    “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-His good and pleasing and perfect will.”

    Love in Christ,

    Rachel

    • Oh sweet Rachel! You are so kind. And don’t worry a bit about disagreeing with me. I’m not sure that you do. You are a sensitive spirit with much grounding in the Word. Here’s where I would encourage you and where the work of speaking truth gets really difficult: you cannot throw out some scriptures to lift up others. All the scriptures you have lifted up are worthy of honor and should govern our discourse. Ephesians 5:3 says “There should not be a hint of sexual sin among you for this is improper for God’s holy people.” A HINT! This holy scripture leads to Ephesians 5:31,32 which affirms marriage as a picture of the greatest spiritual truth that exists: there is a Savior who loves his Bride (the Church) deeply. If we do not protect this picture, we will one day wake up to see the gospel erased.

      Here’s something really cool: Ephesians 5:4 reads “Let there be no filthiness or foolish talk nor crude joking which are out of place but instead let there be thanksgiving.” Oh, how thorough the Word is! As you are sensing, our language must be tender and kind. It must also be clean. Reading a book like Fifty Shades of Grey exposes you to “filthiness”, “crude” language, and there is much “foolish talk” in the defense of it. We can’t through out these verses.

      But you are correct that we must allow our discourse to be filled with kindness.

  • the thing i think about is the thing i will do….praising God for giving me wisdom and discernment about what to feed myself

  • This conrtroversy over a fictional book reminds me a lot of that that arose from the Harry Potter series. Harry Potter, as many of you know, brought up much controversy due to its incorporation of witchcraft, which is condemned in the Bible. In no way will I debate against its condemnation, but I will, however say this: if one is so easily swayed by fiction literature that they feel as if their faith has been tainted, then their faith is not as strong as they think. As long as someone who reads Harry Potter can separate reality from fiction, there is no problem. In other words, as long as they don’t go out and begin practicing witchcraft, they’ll be alright, and they’ve had countless hours of entertainment from literature, a skill given to authors by none other than our amazing God. Even if the novel Fifty Shades of Grey is “erotica”, it is fiction. Completely analogous to Harry Potter, as long as a reader can distinguish between reality and fiction, they will be just fine. Reading books such as Fifty Shades of Grey will not taint your relationship with God as long as you can realize what is and is not real.

    And as a side note, to have any sort of merit to any argument, regardless of the topic it is relating to, you must have knowledge from both sides of the case. In this case, seeing as you have blatantly stated that you never have read the books, your argument just lost its merit. “Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a very valid statement, and a synopsis is simply part of the cover.

  • I have read the books. I am single and was wondering what the hype was about and so I started reading. I have never been kissed and saving myself for my future husband. Yes, I will admit the books are very graphic in their explanations of their relationship.

    However, if you get past that and look at what the story is, it is truly beautiful. Christian the guy who is the main character truly falls in love with Ana and she loves him. He ends up putting this in the past and Ana helps him heal from childhood abuse and know what it truly means to love someone. She loves him with her entire heart and he loves her. They teach each other what it means to love. Yes, there is descriptions of their sexual relationship, in detail. but the story of healing and christian committing to her, starting a family and their love overpowers that in my opinion.

  • I know a lot of people reading this book as well…I am not going to read it because I personally don’t find the content that intresting. I would much rather read a great mystery or something else. BUT to say that a book is cheating on your husband is pretty ridiculous in my opinion. God gave us the power to use our imagination and sexual arousal and fantasies are totally natural and human. Reading this book does not mean you do not love or believe in God…if you don’t want to read it, then don’t, but to say those who are reading are commiting adultry is stupid…and making judgements on others.

    • Who said reading the book was cheating on your husband? That would be stretching the truth. What has been said is that it won’t be good for your relationship with your husband. That’s been proven to be the case again and again when it comes to porn and erotica. New Yorker Magazine recently ran some pieces on porn and one guy said that when he stopped using porn he suddenly was interested in his girlfriend again. A SELF magazine found that women who viewed porn weren’t as likely to enjoy a relationship with their partner. They suggested “pushing pause on porn.” These are simple social science facts.

  • @Cheryl
    I have a hard time imagining God judging me for consuming information.

    I firmly believe that God gave us discernment along with so many other abilities when he granted intelligence. Intelligence is the difference between us and the animals that we were given dominion over. One could argue that intelligence is the defining characteristic that separates us from the angels in heaven. Our intelligence gives us the ability to make decisions based on experience and knowledge and wisdom.

    Discernment would come as a result of some wisdom (wisdom being the application of knowledge, knowledge being the result of intelligence).

    I have a hard time believing that God would be somehow more pleased with me when I tell him “Lord, I have lived the life you gave me and I have avoided anything I thought you might not like as much as I can.”

    I prefer “Lord, I have seen the things of this world and I have loved you more because of them.”

    I am not arguing that someone should read the books, I haven’t, but I am arguing that a Christian should not be intimidated by knowledge, but should instead be well versed enough to see it for what it is.

  • LA Huizing :I don’t question my faith or relationship with the Lord and reading this book trilogy hasn’t left me wanting a different life that what I am pleased to lead now. Lets get a few things straight also in regards to the comments. Its FICTION and I can’t honestly believe that in your mind you haven’t created a different scenario on something at some point. That thought could be misconstrued as all of the above reasons were. As an American, you have the CHOICE to read the books. Your opinions are as equal as mine when I say I loved the books and would read them again. I don’t think that God will turn his back on me for reading these and enjoying the LOVE story that it turns out to be. I am not sure you are aware of that since you didn’t read the story. Every relationship struggles and that is where this focus was in the book, again its FICTION. So tell me how can a fictional story be adultery? Isn’t fiction NOT REAL? I could go on and on but again – I stress you HAVE the choice to read it or not and as I mentioned I did and enjoyed it.

    Thank you! You said exactly what I was thinking!

  • You can most certainly tell you have never opened these books. A true
    Christian judging a book by only its cover. Thats always the sad truth.

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  • Great article covering a multitude of areas, not just this one book. I believe the book Twilight would fit into this…it builds and builds so that people are glad when they do finally have sex-and Christians believe that since it is in the confines of marriage that it is ok. Never mind all the before sexual tension. Never mind that girls and women (many of them MOMS) have fantasies of the boys in the book series… Many forget point #1, or don’t care…

  • Dannah,

    I can no longer sit back and read these comments without getting involved. I believe the reason people are upset about his blog post are justified. The problem lies in the way it is written and comes across, not in the content. Had you written this like a review letting people know why you aren’t reading the books and that you concern and cautions for those that may consider it, and then base that on FACT people would be much more accepting. It could have been something like this:

    I am choosing not to read Fifty Shades because people that I trust have told me that there is vulgar language including the f-word and very descriptive sexual acts that I do not agree with contained within. Please be very cautious and careful before choosing to read this series.

    Of course you could have added some more, but if that had been the basis of your comment I believe it would have come across in a much better way. I know I would have been more accepting of it and actually considered what you said. You see, your post did the opposite for me. After reading your post and the back and forth comments of people in favor and against, I went and purchased the book to form my own opinion. I found that in some regard I totally see where you are coming from. The books definitely have language and descriptive sexual acts that are beyond anything I would normally choose to read. Although I enjoyed the story behind all that, I am quick to caution those that I hear considering the book. I let them know that there are things they may find offensive and let them choose. That’s the beauty of this country, freedom to choose. However, of course we should let others know when we feel something is offensive, dangerous, or wrong.

    How about this for perspective. Let’s say I write a blog post about why people shouldn’t read the Bible. Keeping in mind, I myself have never read it, I just go with what people have told me. I write something like this:

    I strongly caution people not to read the Bible. I have been told by people I trust that it contains sexual acts I do not agree with, along with idolatry. Abraham has a mistress. King David is a pervert that watches naked women and then kills their husband to have them. Solomon has a whore house and writes B.C. erotica.

    (I don’t believe any of that and I have read the Bible. I’m just trying to make a point so that you understand)

    You would probably take that as ridiculous. You may even get angry. You might call me crazy or think I should read it and learn about it before saying stuff like that. That is how people feel when you blindly make judgments on books you haven’t read and take them entirely out of context. You fail to also let people know that the relationships are consensual, there is NO rape or force involved, and that in the end the main characters have a healthy, married relationship. While people may not want to read it anyway because of what it contains at least you have the decency to let people know the context.

    Perhaps you should take more time and careful consideration about the way in which you post your beliefs so that they don’t come across so offensively. You would win over a lot more people that way.

    • Hi Ash:

      I’m heartbroken that you went out and bought the book. I sure didn’t want that to be the reaction. It’s one reason that I chose not to say anything at first. I didn’t want this to happen. I’m so sorry. As for your concern, I can only say that I wrote it with strength of conviction and kindness. I didn’t direct my strength at any people. I directed it at a book. I certainly didn’t mean to be offensive.

  • Go back & read 2nd to last paragraph for her well-explained paragraph. She is informed; the enemy wants nothing more than to have us read books like that, having the images & thoughts replaying in our heads, all under the guise of ‘fairness’ and ‘education.’@Lauren

  • Dannah, THANK YOU!!!

    The Book of Proverbs (and the Bible as a whole) is full of instruction that acknowledges that human beings are given the freedom to choose, but that they will also be responsible for the consequences of their actions. Yes, we can all choose to read books like this, but by doing so, we are choosing to conform to the world. The enemy is skilled (and predictable) at getting us to believe that certain actions will not have negative consequences.

    1 Corinthians 10:23 is clear about the idea that, while we are given freedom of choice, not all our choices are for the benefit of ourselves (or others): “All things are lawful for me, but all things to not edify.” God creates boundaries to give us freedom; He has shown me this time and time again, especially in the last few years. We can always choose to overstep those boundaries, of course, but this more often than not leads to captivity.

    I applaud your courage to step forward, Dannah. I am weak in my own ability to always do so, but what you have said is God-honoring, pure and simple. We, as Christians, are fully expected to rebuke other Christians if what they are doing does not honor Christ. Luke 17:3, among others, is clear on this, as well.

    I am in full agreement that we are called to protect the sanctity of the marriage bed. Things like BDSM might be possible and even permissible between a husband and wife, but do they edify? How can pain inflicted on another, consensual or not, reflect the purity and profound goodness of Christ? I cannot thank you enough for this.

  • People are so quick to throw out the “Do not judge” statement that it gets embarrassing! Did anyone read what Bob Gresh said? The scripture (ANY scripture) needs to be read in context, which means reading the chapter(s) surrounding it. Sometimes it’s necessary to read the whole book to understand the message fully. As Christians we ARE to hold each other accountable – which includes being aware of what our brothers and sisters in Christ are partaking in!

    Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

    Galatians 6:1-2 Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

    James 5:19-20 My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

    Hebrews 3:12-13 Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.

    These are just a few places in the Word that God tells us to hold each other accountable, to lift each other up when we fall, and to guide when we are jaded. We are the body of Christ. A body is aware of the other parts! When one part is hurting it affects the whole. We need to help and encourage each other in the good and the bad so we can more efficiently work together! There are times when being “put in our place” is beneficial, especially when it stings a little!

    Thanks for this post Dannah, I heard the title of the book here and there but had no idea what it was about. I wouldn’t have read it anyway since I’m a busy homeschooling mom of 4 little ones and have no time for personal reading! 😉 But it’s good to be aware of and now I can warn others when I hear it discussed. And this is way off topic, but my girls and I are looking forward to Secret Keeper Girls in our area this fall!

    • @Jenn: I was going to say this myself! I’m surprised to see people pulling the “don’t judge” card (out of context). “Christians” no less…
      It is true, the Bible says “don’t judge”, but is it used in context or is He talking about hypocrites? Does “do not judge” mean that you shouldn’t correct the person in sin and get him out of what will kill him?? Correction is the caring thing to do, otherwise you can’t say that you love that person or that you’re showing him God’s kind of love.

  • @CC
    Your comment that if your husband is looking at porn means you aren’t doing your job as a wife is so off base and ill-informed. Sometimes, if a man has an addiction to porn, it has absolutely nothing to do with his spouse and her capabilities as a wife. There is so much more to that form of addiction than not getting enough sex or attention. Satan uses this as a tool to capture a man’s mind and keep it locked on lust for others. Being the spouse of a man that has dealt with this addiction, it took a while for me to realize that it had a whole lot less to do with me, and lot more to do with him. For him, it started when he was a teenager when he was in a situation that exposed him to porn and from there, he was addicted. Don’t bottle up the blame on a wife that’s not doing her job. It’s Satan, through and through, and he knows what a man’s weaknesses are. My husband has made huge steps to deal with that addiction and has a refocused mind and heart now. He has shared his testimony with others and has helped other men to come to terms with their own addictions. If you think there is a man that isn’t tempted at some point by this form of sin, you are kidding yourself. My job as his spouse, now that I realize this temptation exists for him, is to cover him with prayer, ask for his mind to be protected and support him.

  • Since you are passing judgement I think I will pass a little on you. You have no idea what you are talking about. If you haven’t read the book and don’t know what it is even truly about, you have absolutley no right to say the ones of us who have read it are sinners. It is actually a wonderful LOVE story. I wanted more to do with my husband while reading it, not to go off and pleasure myself. You are hiding behind the bible. And that is unacceptable. Shame on you!

  • @S knocke
    The only thing that makes anyone a Christian or not a Christian is whether they have accepted the blood of Jesus as payment for their sin or not. Period. Nothing makes anyone “more” or “less” of a Christian. Period. All believers are seen by God as pure and blameless b/c of Jesus.

    And sin is sin. Part of loving other believers is being willing to call them out. Point out areas where there life is not lining up with the truth of God’s word. It’s not condemnation (at least, not when done in the right way). Dannah is simply being willing to say “hey, this super popular thing in today’s world goes against God’s Word, and I think we should all steer clear”. God doesn’t love you any less if you have read the book or more if you chose not to. But it doesn’t mean that choosing to read it is ok. Just because you think something’s okay doesn’t mean it is. God’s Word is the only standard for truth. Yes, we have free will to choose whether or not to believe God, and honor & obey Him. But choosing not to has consequences – always – even if they are not immediate. Just because you have a happy marraige and love your husband doesn’t mean that a choice you made to fill your mind with the images contained in the book wasn’t wrong. A husband may think it’s ok to “look, as long as I don’t touch” but that doesn’t mean it is. I think the same principle applies here.

  • LA Huizing :I don’t question my faith or relationship with the Lord and reading this book trilogy hasn’t left me wanting a different life that what I am pleased to lead now. Lets get a few things straight also in regards to the comments. Its FICTION and I can’t honestly believe that in your mind you haven’t created a different scenario on something at some point. That thought could be misconstrued as all of the above reasons were. As an American, you have the CHOICE to read the books. Your opinions are as equal as mine when I say I loved the books and would read them again. I don’t think that God will turn his back on me for reading these and enjoying the LOVE story that it turns out to be. I am not sure you are aware of that since you didn’t read the story. Every relationship struggles and that is where this focus was in the book, again its FICTION. So tell me how can a fictional story be adultery? Isn’t fiction NOT REAL? I could go on and on but again – I stress you HAVE the choice to read it or not and as I mentioned I did and enjoyed it.

    LA. You have a good point. I read the book and it did not steer me away from my husband. People forget this is fiction and we must remember that. Also there are women in this world that do partake in BDSM. Not that they are forced to this life style they choose it. As we choose to read the Bible and everyone no matter what religion you are have their own interpretation of what the Bible means.

  • CC :As i respect ALL of your comments. There are some comments here “judging” those that do read the book. And if you are a Christian woman as you state you are, then God doesnt like you judging. This book is fun, and yes peeks alot of females and males curiousity. And what is wrong with adding excitement to your love life with your spouse. And yes pornography can be wrong…but if your hubby is looking at the stuff , then you as a wife are not doing what you are suppose to be doing. This book has helped alot of marriages out there explore eachother in a way they havent before and reconnecting. There is nothing wrong with that; and those people shouldnt be judged for that. You may want to give it a try…..You dont know what you are missing. Sincerely, A Christian Grey admirer and a Christiam Lady married for 14 years with 4 kids.

    WEll Said CC. Judge not less ye be Judged.

    • JG, I am certain that 99.9% of women whose husband’s are looking at porn are not at fault for their husband’s hideous sin. That’s a dangerous statement to make. I’m also not sure how you can justify erotica, but “judge” (as you use the word) that “porn can be wrong.”

      • JG–Saying that it is the wife’s fault when a husband looks at porn is like saying it is a woman’s fault for being raped because of how she dressed. We all answer for our own sin. I appreciate this post, as I have seen so many of my Christian friends justify their viewing of the movie this last weekend. Here’s the bottom line: Is it right? Is it beneficial? Will the Lord reward you for it?

        My parents always taught me that you can justify your actions a hundred ways, but until you can say, “This is the right thing to do and the Lord will be pleased with my actions,” you need to pray about it! I wonder how many of these Christian women who felt seeing the movie would be beneficial prayed about their decision first?

        Also, sharing an opinion is not judging. Dannah has not once said, “If you read this book, you’re not a Christian, or you’re condemned to hell.” The Bible is very clear on not causing a brother to stumble and is also very clear on calling sin sin.

        As Christian women, we need to ask ourselves a few things: “Is this book/movie honoring to God?” “What other TV shows/books/entertainment in my life should I be getting rid of?” “If someone I knew saw me going into the movie theater, would I be embarrassed?” “Would it hurt my Christian testimony?”

        I think that it is very possible that if someone who was on the fence between Christianity and not, saw someone she really respected as a Christian going to see this movie, it would at least cause her to question. Is this entertainment, or any for that matter, worth damaging the testimony we are called to live by in honoring the God of the Universe Who designed sex to be the perfect gift that it is?

  • @Dannah
    I read your second post about this before I read this one. I e-mailed you through the main site. I don’t know how your email processing works or if you will ever even see it but I hope you do. After reading all the comments here there is so much more I wish I had said in that e-mail. I know I am just one person and not everyone will end up the way I did, but many have and will. You are so right in what you are saying. Those who are attacking have not lived what I lived and do not know the damage that this can do. My heart is so burdened for the young people that are reading these books and for the happily married women with x number of kids who don’t believe the damage that this kind of thing does on one’s life. I so wish I had known of you when I was 12.

    • Hi Sweet One. I will try to track down that email. I don’t recall if my team forwarded it to me. I trust you are enjoying the beauty of Christ’s forgiveness?

  • @Lauren
    Just because a Christian takes a hard line with being Biblical, doesn’t make them the all-mighty Judgmental Christian. It means they ruthlessly pursue holiness. It is what Christian’s are called to.
    My questions is, just because God won’t “turn His back on you” for reading some fiction, does that make it the right thing to do?

  • @Lauren
    Can no Christian have an opinion on Spiritual matters, which this is, without first dirtying themselves with what the Spirit led them to avoid? That would mean that every preacher, teacher, Christian in general must first violate their convictions to have a conviction….

  • @Stephanie
    Jesus never ever said, “to each his own”, He said “follow me”. If we think this way, we diminish the high calling we have been given as Christians.

  • All I can say is WOW. Nobody should be judged for reading this book. I am a Christian and I read the books. I find it sad how people can judge one another for reading them. It is a fictional book. It is a love story. If you have a history of addiction( such as pornography) then maybe you should not read the books.This book is about 2 consenting adults,a troubled childhood,etc,etc. It shows how one person can over come their addiction,troubled past they have had. It shows love. Also everyone has their own interpretation of the Bible. I do have an excellent marriage, 29 years and 2 kids. It did not change me or give me lustful,sinful thoughts. I am a strong person and grounded in my faith.

    • Well said JG. My thoughts exactly. If you are grounded in your Christianity, then these books should have no effect on your life, other than you have read a beautiful love story.

  • @LA Huizing
    Adult Porn films are fiction too, right? just characters playing a role? Something to consider…

    I will say, to your credit, that if the Holy Spirit has not convicted you on this issue on a personal level, or if you feel no shame after experiencing the books, I don’t think God will turn his back on you. If, however, you felt that little twinge of guilt, you may want to talk to God about it. The author of the article was simply telling us why SHE didn’t/wouldn’t read the books. The choice is yours what you do with the information, as you plainly stated. It is not anyone’s place to judge you except God’s, and only God through the Holy Spirit can convict you if you are not in his will.

    • I’ll jump in here. I don’t believe anyone has stated that God will turn his back on you if you read this book. I do believe it is sin. There’s a big difference. Does God turn his back on me because I overeat? Because I disobeyed the law and got a speeding ticket last week? No. But he does convict me and ask me to live better. This post says it well. If you feel anything…even a bit of fury…take some time to go away with the Lord on a walk and quietly ask him if that is conviction.

  • Is she judgmental because she spoke out against something you wanted to read and did or is she judgmental because she is standing up for what she believes or is she judgmental because she thinks differently than you?

  • I am a Christian, and while I haven’t read, nor do I plan to read the books, there has been so much hype and talk about them that it doesn’t take reading them to know what’s within the pages. I think its such an unfair argument that you arent allowed to have an opinion just b/c you haven’t read it. It’s classified as erotica, which you’ve clearly defined for us, and that alone should tell us as Christians to stay away from it.

    I have been shocked at the women I know, some who I know are Godly women, who count themselves as readers of this series. Satan is so sneaky. I wonder if this series were made into a movie, and portrayed as graphically as the books (supposedly) read, and this movie had an nc-17 rating, how many of the people who have read it would line up at the theater to see it. Probably not many. For some reason we see graphic sex portrayed on screen as bad and unacceptable, but reading a book like this can create the same vivid imagery in our minds, yet it’s seen as permissable by so many.

    My only disagreement with you would be that you seem to support the censorship of this book. You even condoned the burning of it in the comments. I’m against censorship of any kind, and would never support the burning of any book. Adults should be allowed to choose what they want to read, and censorship is such a slippery slope. I would never want another person to decide what i can and can’t read.

  • I also think it should be clarified that you aren’t passing judgement on people who have read the book. You are offering Christian guidance and counsel to people who are SEEKING Godly wisdom in their lives regarding issues of sex. You chose to address something that is a hot topic and give your carefully, and (clearly) prayerfully considered thoughts on this topic for your readers who I would assume come to your site looking for such a thing. How that’s being misconstrued as you being a judgmental Christian who is on a high horse looking to condemn anyone who’s read the books is beyond me. Thank you for your thoughts and your bravery to put them out there.

  • WOW bible thumper big time,,,this falls in line with censorship and banning books and freedom of speech you sound like a frigid prude, relax its just a dang book…UPTIGHT?

  • Thank you, Dannah for this post! I believe it was in “Technical Virgin” that author Hayley DiMarco calls pretty much ALL romantic fiction, erotic or not, porn for women. She notes that even romantic movies can give us false emotional expectations of our husbands or future husbands in the same way that traditional porn gives false physical expectations of us as women. It is a matter of holiness. May the Spirit give us strength to choose what is better.

  • @LA Huizing
    I agree with everything you said and I am also a Christian! People who haven’t read it don’t realize what a love story it becomes, how the love of the “right” woman helps him to realize that he doesn’t need the BDSM stuff. Anyway…thanks for sharing!

  • Where in this article did she Dannah say anything about God turning his back on you if you read this book?!

  • I’d like to say thank you for this post, Dannah. I appreciate hearing the perspective of another believer when it comes to media. And as Christians, we should not be judging the world, because that’s for God to do. However, according to different passages, such as 1 Corinthians 2:15, 1 Corinthians 5:12, and others, Christians are supposed to use righteous judgement toward those who are a part of the church and call themselves believers. We are representatives of Christ as well as brothers and sisters, and are supposed to spur one another toward righteousness. As Ephesians 5:3 states, there should be no immorality among believers. Also, as people who have been saved by God’s grace, we have a purpose for living now. Our lives are not our own, because we have been bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:10), and we are supposed to seek to glorify God in everything we do (Colossians 3:17, 1 Corinthians 10:31). That is the test for everything you do, as well as Philippians 4:8, which states, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” If you can’t a honestly say that a particular book, song, or movie glorifies God and fits the Philippians 4:8 description, then you should not take part in it. As Christians, we are saved and forgiven, but we are still humans and can get caught up in Satan’s traps and addictions. Sorry about this lengthy post, I just wanted to share what was on my heart.

  • This is a great post and I admire you tremendously for taking a principled stand. I had never heard of this book before this evening and am glad for that. I’m also thankful that the first I heard of it was this post by way of Ava Pennington’s post.

    But it does resonant with me because I’ve made decisions not to read other bestsellers on the principle that it’s easier to keep something out of my mind from the start than it is to get something out once it’s been put there.

    Sadly, not all of the books that shouldn’t be read are blatant. All I had to see was the word ‘erotica’, for example, to know this book wouldn’t be crossing my threshold.

    Most of the books I’ve chosen not to read aren’t as ‘obvious’ as this one but are no less harmful to the mind of someone who is trying to follow Christ and have a Christ-like mind.

    While I’ve made the decision, as you have, I have yet to take the step you took and tell why. Hinted around at? Yep, you bet. Spelled it out in so many words? No.

    Perhaps I should be doing so. Preaching what I practice as you have done.

    Thanks for the example.

  • Thank you for clearing that up for me. I had read a little bit about the book, but you have certainly made up my mind for me that this will certainly NOT be on my summer reading list. 🙂

    Thanks for your stand, your insight, and your love for God.

  • @LA Huizing
    She didn’t say it was adultry in the strict definition of the term, but the broader sense that Jesus claimed it to be. (So lets not accuse someone of not reading, OK?) Her point was that the book – fiction or otherwise – calls to mind images that pervert sexuality into something less than God intended.

  • We all make choices – this is true. And in America, we have the freedom to choose what we read, watch, listen to and say. Agree, 100%. And so if I saw someone about to drink a cup of urine from an HIV+ person, I have the choice to remain silent and let them drink. It’s their choice, after all. Or maybe I have a moral obligation to warn them? To care enough about them to say, “Hey, you can drink that if you want, but it’s HIV+ urine, and it won’t be good for you!”
    As a Christian wife in a Christian marriage, my husband and I engaged in some mild to moderate BDSM activity occasionally, as well as read some books that described BDSM scenarios. And then we heard a sermon about how marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and His Church. Sure, our marriage portrayed that to our fellow believers and our community, but we weren’t portraying Christ’s love in what we were doing. Christ would not (even though He certainly has the right to choose to) humiliate us, bind and gag us, and rough us up! His love is tender, sweet and nurturing. We gave up our BDSM activity, and are better for it now.
    Fast forward some years. I was reading an historical fiction novel written by a very popular Christian author. Early in the book, there was a slave girl who was being sexually mistreated. Not terribly descriptive, but it reminded me of books my husband had read in the past. The scene was causing all sorts of mental images and physical responses! I couldn’t believe how easy it was for my mind to go back there, and how hard it was to bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ! I put the book in the next trash can that I came across. It wasn’t a “bad” book, but it caused me to stumble back into all sorts of problems. I chose to honor the decision that my husband and I made, I chose to honor the Lord by not allowing those old thoughts and feelings to be fed again.
    It’s true that we have become a highly desensitized society. We choose to watch sexual acts in movies and on TV, we choose to listen to songs that degrade and cheapen love relationships and encourage one-night stands. And where has that freedom of choice gotten us in America? Sky-rocketing divorce, single parenting, abortion, unwanted pregnancy rates! Good choices? I don’t think so.
    As a mom of an almost 14 year old daughter, I pray that she will make good choices and keep her mind as pure as possible. If she was going to drink the HIV+ urine in front of any of you readers, I would hope that you would warn her against that choice. I’m grateful that Dannah has the courage to take a stand. You don’t have to get hit by a train to know the damage that would come from it, nor have your marriage ruined by impurity to know the effects of filling your mind with inappropriate reading material.

  • @CC
    @CC

    When I read your comment about husbands who look at porn and it being their wives’ fault, I was blown away. There is no more judgmental, hurtful comment you could make to your Christian sisters who live with this issue in their marriages. I would daresay that almost all Christian men who struggle with porn started looking at it in their teen years, before they ever met their wives. And most of those men will say that it has nothing to do with the relationship they have with their wives. It is sin that has taken a stronghold in their lives, and they struggle daily to overcome it. To say that it is the wife’s fault is like saying that when a parent loses their temper and phycically abuses their child, it is the child’s fault. Sin is sin, and every individual is responsible and accountable for their own. The feelings of inferiority, self-doubt, insecurity, and plain ugliness that a woman feels knowing that her husband is looking at that stuff can be devastating, without some other “Christian” sister telling her it is her fault. To give the benefit of the doubt, I trust that your comment was made from a place of ignorance on the topic rather than with the intent to hurt. But please think carefully before making such sweeping judgment.

  • Dannah-
    I’ve shared this article with several people already and read it to my husband as well. Honestly, my husband told me about the book, I never heard about it, and consulted you first to see if you had anything to say! You never let me down! Thanks so much!
    I’m probably coming from a different place than most of these women writing, as I used to be addicted to porography. I have to be really careful what my little eyes see and read. I know from first hand how damaging that can be to relationships, and I wouldn’t ever choose to read something that would out my husband through the feelings that I know I could possibly feel just through reading words on a page.
    Proverbs 4:23 has been one of my favorite verese, “Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life!”
    My heart is meant for Jesus, my husband, and my little girl- not to invest in someone else’s romance and erotica. I have no business wasting my time reading about someone else’s sex life.
    Not to mention the example I would like to set for the youth in my life, and the my little girl. If I’m spending all my time reading about sex, abuse and bondage, where are my thoughts? How can I be a positive influence?

    Praise God that He sets captives free! Sin is still sin even when we don’t want to admit it. I was stuck in it for TOO many years, in a pattern of denial.. .it wasn’t until I started walking away from the things that tempted me, that I began to heal and break free from my addictions. Shutting the TV off, putting the books down, staying away from the computer, and guarding my heart that I began to heal. Wake up sleepers! <3

    The poster sent us '0 which is not a hashcash value.

  • Thank you so much for standing up for what you believe in! I am so sick and tired of the justification that has been accepted in the “Christian” realm. We are not to candy coat God’s word. His true word is not GRAY it is black and white.. Why does everyone have a since of entitlement when we as Christians should be giving Jesus Christ our entitlement!!

  • @Dannah
    Yes Dannah, I am enjoying the beauty of Christ’s forgiveness. There is much redemption in His love and He is truly restoring the years that I lost. The burden He has given me for young women who have been abused is turning into a ministry. I love who I am in Him now, but I spent many years in self-loathing. My prayer is that by sharing my story and the love of Christ I can help other girls avoid the heartache that I lived in.

    My prayers are with you. I am so thankful for your platform here and your willingness to come under such heavy fire for writing the truth. Blessings to you!

  • @Anon- reading these books are nothing like harry potter. Harry Potter is full of mystery and excitement. it is clean and purely a good story. i agree with you that if you take the witchcraft seriously that you probably shouldn’t read the books…
    but 50 shades of grey is nothing like it. Reading books like that put Graphic images in to your head is it is not appropriate for anyone including adults. It produces problems that should never happen like failing marriages, lust, unhealthy desires and more. Books/movies/music/videos/porn that displays these things like these are sinful in the most way and will ultimately could push the you away from God because he doesn’t like things like this. so every person who is defending “trash” like this doesn’t realize what it can do to their lives. Seriously i urge everyone to pray about it and ask God, do you really think its okay to read things like this? i know one thing: the bible tells us not to.

    Oh, also, I consider Dannah Gresh one of the strongest women leaders in my life. Over the years I have listened to her speak, I have read most of her books, and i have seen her practice her faith. She is an amazing women and God has given her a great gift for words and speaking truth into peoples lives. So, Listen to her. TRUST HER JUDGEMENT AND DISCERNMENT. If you dont listen to her, ask other spiritual leaders in your church/community what they think about the books. If you don’t believe what she says, ask someone else.

    finally you may think it has a good plot/characters/story line, but there are soooooooo many other good books that have great plots and characters but have no sex. period. books like these are just necessary.

  • There are a few things I don’t understand when it comes to people defending why they read these books. First of all: if someone invited you to come watch them have sex with their partner, you would be appalled. But you will sit and watch the very same things on tv and read about it in books. Who cares if the story ends up about love. It doesn’t matter what it is. You shouldn’t be reading or thinking about what other people do together sexually. Real or not. Secondly, how can you say that she shouldn’t talk about it unless she has read it. That’s like saying you can’t talk about committing adultery unless you have done it. Or any sin for that matter. I guess the reason none of it makes sense is because they are not using logic, they just don’t want to feel guilt for reading it

  • I was absorbed, reading these comments and honestly, quite surprised at the mentality of some of these women. I suppose, for some, it must give a sense of relief to blame “the devil” for every negative thought that enters their head. You can call that Christianity if you want to but, seriously, you are grown ups.. Act like it. If reading a book with bold sexuality makes you feel the need to go out, be promiscuous or commit adultery, I highly recommend you refrain from reading it… Not because it might open up some gate to eternal damnation, but simply put, you have serious self control issues and apparently can’t help but blame the dark forces for your inability to discern for yourself what is right or healthy for you…if you fit this category, which it seems is the popular theme here, I highly recommend avoiding the story of Peter Pan… I would hate to see any of these fine ladies led to try to fly out of a window… For those of you with any amount of self control or personal responsibility, a little fantasy won’t hurt a healthy mind or a healthy marriage 🙂

  • Thankyou so much for writing this!! I feel you put into words what I didn’t know my thoughts were. Also I read a review on it, and everyone like this book so purely for the content, meaning…they said that the writing was childish and really not well written at all and they had a few more things to say as well but, it just proves more I guess how much the world revolves around sex and will read whatever, no matter how badly written, just to get more in any way they can. So sad.

  • Truly believe we need less ‘mommy porn’ and a greater freedom to explore the wild wonder of our sexuality and creativity.
    Well written!

  • Thank you for addressing this issue, dear Dannah. You have a small firestorm on your hands! Hey, I’ll pray for you right now…..please know you did the right thing in writing this post. At least two of my friends (and I) are staying away b/c of your brave writing. I also mentioned it at The Weekend to Remember in Houston, TX. We have a session on sexual intimacy where my husband and I speak together. He felt it was important I mention this blog b/c we talk about purity, incorrect information, etc. I’m proud of you, sister! Thanks for the help.

  • Thank you, Dannah for standing on the truth! It’s amazing these days how much deception is reeking havoc on those who claim to know Christ and the amount of persecution and ridicule a Christian can receive for preaching truth! 2 Timothy 3 warns us that “in the last days people will be lovers of themselves, . . . lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power.” And “all that live Godly in Christ Jesus SHALL suffer persecution”! The anger of those who accuse you of judging them proves their guilt. It isn’t you that judges them, but God’s Word! You’re only doing all of us a favor by reminding us of what God is already judging. So many claim to have freedom in Christ, yet they’re truly in bondage to their flesh and risking eternal damnation—I’m as much in danger of this as anyone! “While they promise them liberty, they themselves are slaves of corruption; for by whom a person is overcome, by him also he is brought into bondage. For if, after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the latter end is worse for them than the beginning.” So many justify what they are doing based on their own reasoning—including Eve—and look at the damage that did! Such a shame no one was “judging” her! Thank you for shining the light and warning of the dangers!

  • I was listening to the radio on my way to work yesterday when I heard the male dj talk about how this book was going to put a lot of marriages at risk. It was refreshing to hear a male point of view on the subject that was on a secular radio station. Thank you for all you do!!!

  • When I was young, I made the great mistake of reading very descriptive sexual fiction for TEENS. It was fiction. But it created in me images and desires that I regretted for years. And still regret. All in the name of education through fiction. And it was SIN. It bore NO GOOD FRUIT.

    Thank you for this wisdom.

  • Praying for you Dannah! This is a hot topic (sinful garbage usually is) and the world is looking for justification in any behavior they LIKE to dabble in.
    I cannot believe this is entertaining to anyone (personally speaking) and I certainly do not understand how women who claim Christ as their savior find this acceptable reading!
    I love my husband and I want to honor God with every inch of my relationship! The mind is a dangerous place to begin with (take every thought captive) and I can’t think of a single reason to toy with erotica.

    Praying over you and the firestorm your post will cause. No one wants to hear what they’re doing is a sin. Ever!

  • @Dannah
    Thank you so for writing this! You wrote this on May 21: “New rule on this blog post…no more using the term BDSM. I’m going back to the main article right now to edit the original to use the full words…and I’ll not publish any comments unless they use the full words. I feel that strongly about it.”

    Why have you continued to post the comments that do not use the full words?

  • @CC
    The Bible says that iron sharpens iron. When we see a fellow Christian do something that is not Christ honoring, we should call them on it. This is not judging, this is holding them accountable to the standard that Christ set.

  • @CC Thank you for posting. But I will tell you that this original article was posted out of sheer ignorance. This series of books is based upon BDSM, TRUE. But realizing that Anna (Submissive in book) is allowed to use “SAFE” words if any sexual encounter was way too much. The books ended up being a LOVE story that made Christian (the Dominant) realize that he did NOT intact need to be a part of the BDSM lifestyle anymore. It wasn’t because Christian was sick. It is because he was broken. He was abused as a VERY young boy and this is what he knew. Anna knew what type of relationship that Christian wanted with her and she could leave and get out of it at any time.

    Just because someone is Christian, holier than thou they are NOT. Christians can be some of the most hypocritical people. WE are ALL human. It is human nature to be curious about lifestyles that we do NOT lead. Reading these books didn’t make we want to go out and commit adultery against my husband. We have a very healthy marriage and a very fulfilling sex life.

    I appreciate your contribution to the subject and respect your reasoning for wanting NOT to read the series. BUt please realize this book doesn’t turn good people into bad people simply by reading these books.

  • I read all the posts (I can’t believe it I did, but I felt I had to in order to make an informed opinion post. I read the first book and I decided on my own that I could not handle reading the next two. I heard about it on the morning talk show and instantly downloaded it on my Kindle. About 5 seconds thought was put into it. I am a Christian and am married to a Christian. We do not have any problems expressing our passion for each other and that is all I will say on that. The other day I was asked if I read the book by the school psychologist and school secretary because they wanted to know if they should read it. I feel that the hype is all there is to this book. Not many people will admit to liking this kind of literature without a few hundred thousand others joining the bandwagon. If you read a book review you would not get so worked up if the person reviewing did not like it, why is it so upsetting on a blog ? You don’t have to read Dannah’s blog either… I did not like the book because I thought it was poorly constructed: plot, setting, characters etc., She did things and He did things that did not make any sense as far as what we knew about their character. It was not romantic or erotic to me. It did not make me weak in the knees, I really only wanted to kick her in the knees for being a normal, intelligent, independent woman seem desperate and stupid. I was disturbed by the “love” relationship and I am sorry that I upset some folks, but I will not recommend it to anyone.

  • Friends at work have been recommending this book to me for weeks and I’ve honestly had no idea what it was about until you brought it up. I won’t be reading it and I’m so thankful to you for putting this warning out there. To be honest, I probably would have downloaded it on my kindle last week when I was leaving to go on vacation before ever checking to see what it was just based off of my friends raving over it. God gave this to you at just the right time to protect me from reading this. You’re such a blessing to me! Thank you for listening to God, Dannah!

  • Thank you for the post. I don’t condemn anyone for reading it, I just wouldn’t agree that it’s a good book to read – we all need to watch what we put into ourselves through the eyes and ears because what we put in will ultimately come out.

    And for those that think because the husband is/was looking at porn means the wife wasn’t performing her wifely duties – that is so wrong. Yes, it’s wrong if the wife isn’t giving her husband what he needs, but that by no means gives the husband license to sin.

  • I just had to say that even though I do not know you, I am so proud of you for posting this and for being bold in your faith. We as Christians need to be more outspoken and bold in this way and be willing to express to the world the dangers of partaking in what the evils this world has to offer and the damage it causes. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and do so much of my life differently.
    I will post your blog about this book in hopes of saving someone else the anguish of having this emparted in their brain forever.

    Karen

  • Tracey-Mom :
    Agree 100% – so, so sad that people are reading what you describe here. We are like frogs in a cool pot…the slow boil has begun. Thank you for your wisdom…so few with opinions seem to have wisdom these days. Be blessed!

    I’m inclined to think that the slow boil began sometime in the 1950’s since each decade since then has seen more and more depravity and licentiousness. Unfortunately the ‘temperature’ we’re at now has become the norm and when the heat goes up people simply say that’s it’s a step forward. I’m wondering how long its going to be before they realise they want to get out of the pot?

  • I have no interest in reading this book.When it came out and caused such a commotion I could not understand why.
    Every generation, or 10-12 years, book a will be published with this kind of subject material or theme.
    Its just that they are becoming more vile and pushing the limits on decency…All of this being allowed and in fact encouraged and that is the scariest part. I ask all Christian women, Jewish women, Muslim women to turn away from this book and the ideas it presents. I am proud to say I won’t be reading this book.

  • A good story about love and redemption doesn’t need to have explicit sex in order to tell that story. And in reality, most men aren’t swayed by the ‘love of the right woman’ to change their destructive sexual addictions. It’s a very serious battle and never easy. Sadly, many women lose this battle when their husband chooses the porn over their marriage. This is typically what happens.

    A little fantasy can be destructive. It’s better to never have to deal with the deadly spiral of porn than to have to go through the process to restore purity. It seems too many take purity too lightly.

    @Dannah, thank you so much for this article. Your book, And the Bride Wore White, helped me so much when I was younger! I was fully healed in my brokenness through reading it and will be sharing it with my children. Even though I learned a lot then, I have learned a lot more in the past 14 years as my ex-husband has an addiction to porn. I am grateful for all of the research you have done and all of the materials you have available so I can help my children to remain pure of heart until marriage. As wonderful as sex is, it is so much more when kept pure before the Lord.

  • I love this! I read the Twilight Series a few years ago and let me just say that it should be classified as erotic fiction as well. It led me down a path I am ashamed to admit and was harmful to my husband. I know God has forgiven and redeemed me, but I pray to never let myself wander so far. I will not be reading 50 Shades of Grey. Blessings to you.

  • Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma. But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. (Ephesians 5:1-5 NKJV)

    Let it not even be named among you! As a Christian woman that has read erotic literature, and whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, I have had to seriously reevaluate my literature standards after reading this scripture. I will not be reading this novel, because I choose to obey God and not fill my head and heart with “filthiness” and “foolish talking”. All you need to do is read a wordly review/synopsis of this book to know that it is FULL of such. And I disagree that the author of this post is judging anyone, rather she is warning fellow Christians to guard their minds and hearts against ungodly literature that is sadly popular in our culture, and for that I say ‘AMEN’.

  • @Lauren

    I have to say I couldn’t agree more. The author of this post is making assumptions she knows details of a book she has not read. There is SO much more to this story than dirty sex. Yes, that’s a big part but it’s not THE part. It’s about a wounded boy who learns how to love for real, and learns what real love truly is.

  • Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma. But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. (Ephesians 5:1-5 NKJV)

  • As Christians we are called to be TRANSFORMED, this INCLUDES our mind. We are called to set aside the focuses of the world (i.e. best sellers, latest fads, popular facebook trends). We are to be conformed to HIS image; period.

    Matthew 5:28 ESV
    But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

    Romans 12:1-2 ESV
    I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

    Romans 12:2 ESV
    Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

  • “Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.”
    Ephesians 5:1-4

    Let it not be named among you! As a Christian woman that has read erotic fiction, and pretty much whatever book I wanted, whenever I wanted to, I have had to reevaluate my standards for literature after reading this scripture. I only need to read a wordly review/synopsis of this book to know that it is ungodly, to know that it is full of what God commands Christians to avoid. I do not agree that the author of this post is being judgemental, but rather she is warning fellow Christians to guard their minds and hearts against a book that is sadly all the rage in our culture right now. To that, I say ‘Amen!’

    A thought for those Christians who say it is okay to read this kind of literature:
    If it were adapted into a movie, would you go see it? What do you think it would be rated?

  • @Deborah
    Have read through all these comments and aside from Dannah’s fair explanation why Christian women and/or men have no business spending time reading this erotica… your sharing of scripture stood out the most. If we spent the time in our Bible’s, some spend on ‘fiction’ what changes we might see. .

  • Hello Dannah,

    Thank you for writing this article. I was about 100 pages into the book when I stumbled upon this article. After reading your article however I wasn’t completely convinced. So I started reading all of the comments. I was looking for comments to justify me finishing the book. I found some that were helpful. People saying it is actually a “love story.” But they didn’t get rid of the knot in the pit of my stomach. So I got on facebook and asked a Christian friend of mine what she thought. She told me she hasn’t read the books but she heard they were erotic fiction. She asked me if God had convicted my heart about reading the books. I have concluded that he has, and I think he used you and your reader to do so. So thank you!

  • It is sad that so many Chrisitan women need to be told that we are called to be holy because God is holy. We are called to be set apart and in this world, but not of this world. Thank you for calling sin sin!

  • OrangiesAttic :
    Wow Dannah… you are WAY up on that high horse. How would you react if someone wrote a post telling you not to read the bible, WHEN THEY HAD NEVER READ IT. Again, it’s totally your right to read or not read whatever you want, but touting knowledge based on what others have “told” you is just plain ignorance. Books are not cancer, and comparing them in that way is a bit of a slap in the face to anyone who has actually suffered that terrible fate. I have been in a happy, committed marriage for 20 years. I can read whatever floats my boat and, quite frankly, it has ZERO effect on the relationship I have with my husband. If your marriages are so fragile that reading one book could tip them into the hands of the devil, I would say you have MUCH LARGER problems that what you are reading.

    EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!
    .
    Btw, I BOUGHT my husband Playboy and Penthouse subscriptions. I’m woman enough not to be concerned about him looking at images of women airbrushed into perfection. I’m not pathetic enough to be jealous or worried about pics in a magazine.

    • All I have to say is this

      Matthew 5:28
      But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

  • Agreed! We spent many hours and much money dealing with an addiction that existed before I was part of my husband’s life.

  • @CC

    CC, your comment is WAY off base. It’s insulting to all women, especially those of us whose husbands have gotten into porn, to say that we aren’t doing our “job” and that it’s our fault. How DARE you judge the women who have had to put their marriages back together after porn? You calling the blog author judgemental? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! How hypocritical of you. You are obviously uneducated about porn to begin with, so let’s start there.

    Porn is used in many ways. MANY women have VERY healthy sexual relationships with their husbands, but the husbands fall into the porn trap. Why? Many reasons, but mostly because it’s an issue for the man. They are visual. Porn is visual. It’s a trap of the enemy, and don’t think it’s not.

    I am too angry with your comment to type anymore, lest this turn into something ugly. But you are so completely wrong about this issue that it’s sad. I hope none of your friends or family come to you after finding out their husbands have gotten into porn. You’ll crush their spirits.

  • It amazes me that you think it is okay for YOUR husband to ogle naked women on the internet or magazines. Is he thinking of you during sex or these women he has fantizied about. Open your eyes lady and see the effects of pornography. There is no good in it for Christians and non Christians.

  • As the husband of a woman who is reading this series I would like to thank you for posting this. I have made the mistake of opening my iPad on three separate occasions and found it open to this FILTH. The argument that it is a love story in the end is only making the argument that the end justifies the means. It does not, and neither does this. The sexually graphic and stimulating situations portrayed are meant to be enjoyed and experienced in the confines of a marriage (which the characters are not) and not strewn about in pictures or in the black and white of print. I cannot speak to the thoughts of someone else, or the desire in their heart, only God can do that; however, from the pages of the books themselves it is clearly evident that there is no motivation to or questionable areas left to insert your spouse into for imagination. It is vividly written to inspire a mental picture of the scenario written.
    It is the American right to have the freedom of choice to read what you choose, but you cannot expect to put garbage in and get gold out. Ask yourself this if you feel it’s ok for you to read it, “would I be ok with my husband watching pornography the same amount of time I spend reading these books”. Men are visual, women are imaginative, yes, it is exactly the same thing.

  • @Dannah

    I wasn’t going to say anything. While I’ve read most of the series (I did quite a bit of skipping over/skimming the explicit sections), I don’t think erotic fiction is a healthy thing. I have a personal connection to the author and made an exception because of that. I was with you until you brought up the last point in your blog entry and the tried to defend it in your later comment and then used the Bible in a way that is COMPLETELY out of context. Then I felt like I had to say something.

    Dannah :

    BDSM stands for Bondage. Dominance. Sadism. Masochism.
    Sadism? Masochism? In psychiatry, the terms sadism and masochismdescribe a personality type characterized by the actor or actrix deriving pleasure and gratification from inflicting physical pain and humiliation. The terms specifically refer to one who either enjoys giving pain (sadist), or one who enjoys receiving pain (masochist). These are words that are direct counterfeits of God’s attributes.
    Bondage? Jesus came to set the captives free. (See Isaiah.)
    Dominance? He emptied himself. (See Phil 2. Esteem one another.)
    God never desires us to seek pain or to give pain to others.
    Is the marriage bed always undefiled? Certainly not. To use that verse out of context is to imply that whatever goes on in the marriage bed is by definition “undefiled.” That is a perversion of the verse. It is the exact opposite of what that verse is trying to say. Marriage is honorable and the bed is TO BE undefiled. “Honorable”or “honoring” is the opposite of sadism, masochism, bondage and dominance. It is the ultimate oxymoron—the term “honorable sadist” may have never before been uttered.

    BDSM within the confines of a Christian marriage when no one else is involved is not even remotely discussed in the Bible. I am a married Christian woman in a healthy relationship that sometimes involves true Bondage, Dominance, Sadism and Masochism or BDSM.

    Real BDSM can be a consensual part of a healthy Dominant/submissive or D/s relationship. BDSM is NOT: rape, physical abuse or sexual abuse! If these things are happening, do not let someone fool you into thinking that this is what BDSM is.

    Bondage is not talking about capturing someone against their will. Using verses about Jesus freeing us from the bondage of sin is in no way connected to being bound willingly for pleasure!

    Dominance is an act. No one really loses their control. It is an illusion that only exists as long as the submissive allows it. Without going into detail, there are safeguards put into place to keep both parties safe and in control. The required level of trust and honor for the other in a healthy D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship is very high because you would never put yourself in such a vulnerable situation with someone you didn’t trust or honor.

    Sadism and masochism go hand in hand. It is enjoying giving someone pain who enjoys being on the receiving end and is willing. While there are unhealthy extremes to this, a certain level of pain can be pleasurable for some. This is not the case for everyone but no one should be made to feel ashamed for their preferences!

    While it is not the mainstream, a healthy D/s relationship is a very beautiful thing within the confines of marriage. So is BDSM, when consensual and within agreed upon limits. Just because it doesn’t appeal to you, doesn’t mean there is something wrong with it.

    The Bible is a gift from God, not to create a long list of rules from but a way to have a healthy, loving relationship with our Creator and help guide others to Him. While He gives us boundaries for our own good and protection, who are we to add to that boundaries He set? When we add rules to the ones He has given us, we just make people feel guilt and shame unnecessarily!

  • I just wanted to add something….

    She hasn’t read the book, but it is, as she said, classified as erotic fiction. Because of what erotic fiction IS, she knows she doesn’t need to read it. That’s the same thing as saying that you don’t like horror movies, so you aren’t going to watch a new horror movie because of what’s in it (or any other genre). If you don’t like horror movies than you don’t like horror movies. What’s in them is similar across the genre. We study genre characteristics in school. You don’t have to read an erotic fiction book to know what’s in it because it does have certain characteristics.

  • So beautifully written in grace & Truth. My heart aches that there is even a debate in the Christian community about whether or not Shades of Grey when God’s word so clearly provides us with a guidelines of the thoughts that our minds should consider. Thank you so much sharing your heart despite the uproar. I’ll be sharing this with other dear women that I know.

  • BDSM can be very spiritual and powerful path to transformation. People who participate in it are NOT broken (unlike how Fifty Shades portrays). Life is not without pain. Love transforms all, including turning darkness into light.

  • Please provide a source for this definition:
    Erotic Fiction: “no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire.”
    I do not believe that any self-respecting dictionary would ever define the written word of any kind as having no value.

  • Actually, we will not stand before him and be judged. Jesus paid for our sin, free and clear. God does not see us as sinful people. Period. We are not judged now, and will not ever be judged as long as we are believers in Christ. John 3:17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.

  • This was a very interesting post.

    My thoughts on this whole craze is pretty simple. I am not reading the books either. The reason: I have heard from many editorial reviews that the writing is just plain bad.
    Why waste my time reading bad writing just to get a jolt of sexual energy?
    Another thought that I am definite of….if your marriage is a bad place or maybe even just a dull place reading these books could most definitely be feul to the fire. Getting amped up about a book is harmless….unless you continue to search for that same feeling over and over. Old boyfriend on Facebook? You might start chatting with him to get that same jolt you had while reading the books. A person at work a little flirty, you might be more apt to return the flirting to keep that same feeling going.
    If you are secure and strong on your marriage or realtionship, this book might not have the same effect but if you have an inkling of a crack somewhere in that foundation it could do damage.
    Some might disagree but that’s okay.
    Now, reading romance is a completely different thing. There are plenty of authors out there that write romance and without being raunchy. I love Kristin Higgans and all of her quirky romances.
    Cheers to good writing!

  • I’m ashamed to say that I did read it. I’m ashamed because I read it even though I felt the Holy Spirit saying this is WRONG! It’s degrading to what God created to be an act of love between a husband and wife. And it is degrading to women…period! The night I finished the book, I just felt like praying. Praying for forgiveness that I read it.

  • @Jemma
    so in your line of thinking 2 married consenting Christian adults could watch each other pleasure themselves with animals and God would be ok with that? or watch another consenting Christian couple have sex? To use the excuse that the Bible does not specifically condemn a specific act is a cop out. The Bible does not say you shouldn’t take LSD, but that doesn’t mean that it is okay. There is common sense and a conscience that guides our moral behavior and if your a Christian the Holy spirit. While I believe that a lot of things between a husband and wife are fine and the Christian community has not spoken out enough and been too puritanical, there is a difference between conservative and wrong. One the acts that you say you can enjoy as a “Christian” has the name of satan in it…that should be a clue that maybe your fooling yourself..also, No, God is not going to shun you for reading these books or practicing BDSM, but that does NOT mean that he is okay with it or agrees with it. Carnal man’s nature may cause a lot of things to ’cause us pleasure’ but that doesn’t make it right. There are those who get pleasure out of self-harm, but that doesn’t make it right. Self Magazine and The New Yorker are not religious magazines, quite the opposite but even secular media sees the damage porn and erotica can do to a marriage or monogamous sexual relationship… I could go on and give example after example of why your argument is nothing more than you trying to justify yourself and your choices…but that’s between you and God…just don’t tell us we have to accept it as okay.

  • Everything you said was beautiful and intelligent. My sister, who is a devout Catholic, warned me about the book. She was horrified, as a teacher, that so many of her peers are just consumed by this book. I will be sharing your words with as many as possible. God bless.

  • You obviously do not have teen-aged daughter who is a VIRGIN and who you are teaching purity and want her to enjoy sex as God has designed. I am appalled that this book is on the shelves for any teen to pick up and read. The worst part of this book is that the character is a virgin and is swept right into the darkness of sex as a NORMAL function. The enemy knows what he is doing. For decades porn has been ushered right into our living rooms and on our phones. The women in the country are behind the men… so in order to propagate this crap, he gets a best seller that WOMEN will read to catch us up on the norms of porn. don’t try to justify this book!!! Let your daughter read it and see if you can keep her mind pure.

  • I have read comment after comment from people telling Dannah not to judge. However I think the point that is being missed here is that while the Bible does instruct us not to judge it also instructs us to hold each other accountable. In the book of Galatians, Paul instructs Christian brothers and sisters to gently and humbly help those who have fallen to sin back on to the right path. We are not to fall into the temptation ourselves. (Galatians 6:1)

    I have read the first book for our book club. I could have stopped reading at any time because it is my choice what to fill my brain with. The fact that I did not is part of the danger of these books.

    Thank you Dannah! My dear friend sent me the link to this article after we had a conversation about the book and many of the arguments you stated were similar to things I had said to my book club friends about why I would NOT be completing the series. My husband works too hard to be a Godly man resisting temptation for me to succumb.

  • @Lauren
    Well said! I’d also love to know which website gave the post’s author that definition of “erotic fiction”; it’s very misleading.

  • What, if any, are your arguments against lesbians reading this book? Surely it must be ok for them, by your logic…

  • I appreciate your concern. Several years ago I picked up the book by Anne Rice, where she used an alias. They were supposedly about Sleeping Beauty. I started reading them and quickly they got into subject matter that I knew I should not be reading. It made me uncomfortable. I was a battered wife many years ago and the stories brought up bad memories for me. I am now married to a good Christian man who treats me right. When I heard the buzz about these new books I looked them up on Amazon and read what they were about. I knew quickly I should stay away from them. Like some others above have mentioned, the writing is supposedly bad. To top that off, the Kindle price for each book is too high also. I read books on kindle, so price is important to me. Bottom line, I will not buy, endorse, condone or read these books. My spirit would not be able to take it!

  • A friend recommended this book to me, and I got halfway rough and just couldn’t do it any more. I am no prude, and the sex doesn’t bother me. But the writing is beyond terrible. There is more challenge in reading the back of a cereal box. I understand the story that the 50 Shades fans are explaining, it’s just that it’s a stupid story.

    It was the same way with Twilight, just literary garbage. Except 50 Shades is marketed to adults and Twilight is marketed at teens.I won’t judge the salvation or morals of someone who likes these books, but I will TOTALLY judge their taste and intellect.

  • I read the first chapter for free online, and it has none of the sex in it, just basically an introduction to the two main characters. The reasons you mention are all valid and true. Top it off with the fact that it is poorly written, repetitive, based on the main characters from Twilight (which I’m NOT a fan of, and was first written as fanfiction. It sounds as if a teenager wrote it. Of course, that’s only based on the first chapter, which I must admit I read out of curiosity. I will not be reading the rest. I’m also horrified that one of my friends has read all three of the books already and loved them.

  • Thank you, Dannah, for writing this column. Thank you for giving us the heads up. For everyone who talks about what a beautiful love story it is and all the other redeeming features of this FICTIONAL book, of course, it is. Satan is going to wrap his presents in pretty packaging. He’s not going to make it look like the SIN that it is or then you wouldn’t be tempted and you would, hopefully, avoid it. But, think about it this way, if I made a scruptious pan of mouthwatering brownies, how much dog do do would I need to put into it before you wouldn’t eat it. Wouldn’t just a smidgen be enough? Shouldn’t we be just as discerning about what SINFUL thing we put into our brains as what GROSS thing we put into our stomachs?

  • It’s also ironic that the man’s name is “Christian.” My daughter said, “Of course it is.” Please God, help Christians to be more discerning. Thank you for all those who are listening to Dannah, who happens to be an expert. Please, Lord, stop the spirit of rebellion and not listening to authority that is overcoming this country. And to those who feel judged by Dannah. It is not her who is judging you. That feeling that you have is conviction and it is from the Holy Spirit. Dannah is just calling sin sin, which is exactly what a Christian is to do. We are to help each other walk this walk in this sinful world. I praise God for my Christian brothers and sisters who help me navigate this world. It is too big and too sinful for me to know about each and every pitfall. I appreciate the headsup of something to steer clear of.
    May God continue to bless you and your ministry, Dannah.

  • Dannah, your blog was posted in a site I frequent, and I clicked over to read immediately. I am very surprised at your blog post, because at first glance, it appears you are a very educated, respectful, balanced woman. You seem independent and one who isn’t afraid to think on your own two feet. However, your review of the book you DIDN’T read discredits you.

    Since you aren’t reading and it appears most of your readers won’t either, I’d like to look at each of your points, but fair warning: What I have to say might be a spoiler.

    Point 1: I’m not sure what online resource you read for that definition, but dictionary.com says erotic means “subject to or marked by strong sexual desire.” That seems like a pretty accurate description to me. You also said that “only one who should stimulate sexual desire in me: my husband.” Are you saying that you had NO thoughts that were arousing before marriage? I find that pretty incredible, honestly. Inhuman, really, because all humans are sexual beings. So my point is: What’s wrong with arousal? And, what’s wrong with arousal before marriage? If the two characters in this love story feel sexual attraction to one another before they marry, this is a sin? You even pointed out adultry. Where was the adultry in this book? Would it matter to you at all if you knew the characters in the story DO marry?

    Point 2: You said, “lust cuts a literal pathway in your brain tissue that’s kinda like a rut. A rut you better be prepared to get stuck in…” – this is a great analogy of ANY behavior, actually. This is how all behaviors get learned and “stick” within our brains – they do, in fact, create “ruts” for lack of a better word. Being sexually aroused and attracted to your husband is an act that, honestly, most couples lose sight of. It’s sad, really, seeing couples who don’t have much sex or good sex, because sex is such a fun part of being married! After all, it is adult play time. AND, it’s also erotic (meaning, it causes arousal). But to say that lust cuts a rut into your brain and you’re sort of “stuck” in a pattern of lustful, sinful thinking and you can never change? No, that’s inaccurate. Any behavior that is learned can be unlearned. But besides that, what does it matter if you’re sexually aroused for your husband?

    Point 3: My husband is smart enough to know I’m not a photoshopped image from a magazine. Likewise, I’m pretty sure he’ll never be Christian Grey (the main character of the book). The point is, porn, erotica, and sex toys are fine, if you are consenting adult looking to spice things up. It’s not about abuse or being dehumanized. If you aren’t into that sort of thing, then you’re not, and there is no judgment. But to say it is a sin – that’s a bit far, don’t you think?

    Point 4: “God created sex to be a partnership that’s fueled by love and self-giving, not pain and humiliation. It’s not just that this book misuses sex, it redefines it into something evil and transgressive as the lead character dominates in a hurtful manner.” Yes, and? The point here is, this book isn’t about BDSM! And, how is this book about misusing sex, and redefining it as evil? Please describe your point further. I’m sure you can’t…because you haven’t read the book.

    So, here’s the spoiler: Two people meet, and one of them has a LOT of baggage. He engages in sexual acts that are pretty damaging to himself and other people. When he meets a new girl, he is pretty sure he doesn’t want that hurtful lifestyle with her, but he doesn’t know why. That is… until the story unfolds and he begins to understand, and explain (in great detail actually) why he started this lifestyle in the first place. He started this lifestyle because he was a hurt, damaged, soul. He encountered a woman who would help him see past his pain, and into a life where he was…free! (Hence, the name of the last book, “Fifty Shades Freed.). But see, you won’t know ANY of this story, because you’ve been too judgy and preachy about arousal and lust and sex being all sinful. How do those judgy messages help anyone, pray tell?

    I would encourage you to read the books – all of them – and then issue a second opinion. Knowledge may not matter to most, but it definitely matters to some. Your review is anything but knowledgeable.

  • Apparently, Most of you have never read Anais Nin or any authors in the same genre. I also must question anyone who thinks these books automatically polutes/distorts women’s thoughts (in a marital realm). I question many posters here that don’t communicate well with their husbands regarding sex and their husbands wants. It is a whole bunch of you that underestimate your husbands and yourselves. Keep hiding in the dark. Most of what I read was illogical.

  • Completely unrealistic, unless you also plan to not watch any television, movies, or sporting events; stop going to the beach, or even having any males in your life, etc. We can find sexual, physical, emotional, and mental “stimulation anywhere and everywhere. One may as well live in a bubble.

  • @Dannah Dannah, I think the bigger issue of this post and BDSM though, is that BDSM really *isn’t* part of the story. It’s a very small part, and only to show the reader how “messed up” the main character is. Your comments show you haven’t read the book, and I get that is the point of your post. But that also means you really don’t know what you’re talking about, when it comes to the books and the story line.

  • Thank you for sharing about the way you felt after reading this book! I recently rented We bought a Zoo and watched it with my kids. It was only rated PG, but should have been PG 13 because of A LOT of REALLY bad language. I’m kicking myself for not turning it off and I’m now trying to spread the word to all my “Mom Friends”. There is an incredible amount of filth out in the world, Satan is working hard these days!

    @Amy Rogers

  • Ok i dont agree with you. Number one it is fiction. It is not real. Since reading this my husband and mines sexual life has gotten spicier and very enjoyable. God let this woman write this book for a reason. If people are gonna cheat on their husbands after reading this book thats their decision. They stupid enough to do that it wasnt the book they already wanted to cheat in the first place. I am a firm believer on God and i loved these books. I dont think you should judge and maybe you should read the book yourself. Yes theres sex in it, yes theres s&m. Who cares. The book has a great plot. I wonder if you are so upset about this book how did you feel about harry potter? Try reading a chapter or two.

    • @Kelso: Fiction? Yes, so is porn. I have personally seen what it does to people. It is far from innocent, and you (presumably a Christian) writing this gives me chills. I noticed you said “God let her write this book for a reason”. I must tell you that God did not “let” her do any such thing any more than He let WWII, the Holocaust, natural disasters, accidents, and so on happen for some “mysterious reason that only He knows”. What are they teaching you about God in the States, I don’t know, but it’s destroying the country.

      • Ah Clara, according to the Bible God did “let” her write the book. Technically. Nothing happens without his permission. But he did give her FREE WILL to write it. In that, he also allowed it. Is it good? NO. It isn’t. I would not assume that everyone here on this blog leaving comments is a Christian. Many are very lost. That’s why it is so important that our comments are written in patience and in love. 🙂

        • Yes, He did give her a free will to choose, in that sense I get it. The same goes for WWII, and so on. But if it were up to Him it wouldn’t happen. He gave the world to mankind to take care of and be rulers of and He never goes back on His word which He has placed above everything. Dannah, check out Kenneth E. Hagin’s teachings or Andrew Wommack’s (especially the title “Authority of the believer” which he taught 2009 and “God wants you well” from 2010 I’m leaving you a link here: http://www.awmi “DOT” net/video/tv/#/2010/week14/Monday – I wrote “DOT” instead of “.”, because I don’t know if the blog will let me post a link. I hope it will be useful to you!)
          P.S.: Thank you so much for writing this post! You expressed it very well! I sent it to a friend of mine who read the books. I also never understood how a woman can actually like BDSM, I’ve wondered about it, now that I read what you wrote, I think you’re right. That explanation never occurred to me, but it makes sense.

  • While I will respect your opinions, I believe you should have more understanding and comprehension of BDSM before you make your opinion.

    BDSM is not about pain. Ultimately, it is about trust–trust that I share with my husband. I’m sure you came up with this notion of pain and suffering when you googled BDSM images, but in reality, it’s nothing of the sort. If there was serious pain involved, there would be no consent. And in case you’ve forgotten, no consent would mean it is rape.

    What my husband and I do behind the closed door of our bedroom is only our concerns, but it truly upsets me that you hold this judgement of something you don’t understand. And until you open your mind, you will continue to never understand anything that doesn’t fit into your predetermined notions of “normal”. No one should hold strong opinions about things they do not themselves understand.

    You made a comment to one of the readers: “I know more about the outcome of a reader of Fifty Shades of Grey than the one who has read the series three times in three weeks. This ends badly. The research is solid.”

    Please, enlighten me.

  • chill out people. I didn’t start reading it because it was it was “erotic”, I actually didn’t know. I had just heard it was a great book. It’s a love story. Every person that is “in love” has sex. Do you not have sex with your husband? Sex is an important part to any relationship. So, like any love story, yes this book has sex in it. It’s actually a very powerful story that captured my heart and even made me cry at the end of the first one. It is well written and captivating. To each his own. But- don’t judge it till ya read it!!

    • Megan, no one said anything about having sex. Especially sex between a husband and a wife (notice: a man and a woman who cared enough about each other to marry each other, instead of just using the other for gratification and keeping their options open. I might have redefined “love” for you.) If you read the article you’ll see no one said sex was bad, in fact it says that sex is great, a gift from God. It also said lust and certain “imaginations” (I don’t know how else to put it) are harmful to your body and to your relationship with your life partner.

  • I feel like this is the “Harry Pottery is Evil” debate all over again in the Christian world. Everyone has an opinion but no one has read the books. Harry Potter was no different than Lord of the Rings, but somehow Christians claimed Lord of the Rings and that made it right. Currently, Christians are saying that this book has vile and ungodly writings. I have a Biblical Studies degree from Liberty University and have studied the Bible intensively…did you know that there are a TON of vile and ungodly things written in the Bible. For example, David watches and lusts after Bathsheba bathing nude on a rooftop, decides he wants her, gets her husband killed and takes her along with his other hundreds of wives that he’s having sex with. That’s not Godly, he sinned and God killed his first born son for it. Yet we read it and are ok with it b/c it’s in the Bible. Song of Solomon is extremely erotic, but since it’s in the Bible, it must be ok. Abraham didn’t trust God so his WIFE convinced him to have sex with her maid to have a child….he committed adultery. Yet we read that story with no problem at all. When you read Fifty Shades of Grey, you would understand that this man, who was horribly abused as a child and has “issues” as an adult, wants to have Ana sign a contract to agree to be his submissive, because he never learned how to love. But guess what, she NEVER signed the contract or agreed to BDSM. They fall in love and make love through out the book. She teaches him how to unconditionally love and that is beautiful. I’m assuming, since you take such a stance on this, that you must not watch much TV, movies or read fiction at all to avoid any kind of lust. Even the Brawny Paper Towel commercials makes me lust sometimes, he’s HOT! You may not want to read this book b/c it may make you sin, but it doesn’t make everyone else sin. I can have a glass of wine, but an alcoholic shouldn’t. I have read all 3 and never once sinned, actually, the sex scenes did nothing for me at all. I’ve been married for 13 years with 4 kids and have an amazing sex life, I don’t need a book to arouse me; although if I did, then I’d read it. But to guilt people into not doing something because you think it’s a sin…well, I think that’s shameful on your part as a Christian…I used to be the same way so I get it. But it’s sad, people look up to you and your making them feel guilty for something they most likely didn’t sin about to begin with. 🙁

  • @Bob Gresh Bob, thank you for you and Dannah’s sanity in a truly crazy world. May God continue to bless your ministry as it is even more apparent necessary than I thought at first. Blessings!

  • @Dannah
    This is kind of an bunny trail, but I wanted to say that I was one of those who had a marriage that “experienced less intimacy” due to porn. My ex-husband and I were together for 9 years. Lived together 2, married 7. I didn’t know there was anything wrong with porn or strip joints. Thought everyone else was a prude. My x and I went to strip joints, I thought it was better that I go with them then let him go alone. We watched porn together. He got playboy mag. I tell you this to tell you that I was willing to have it around. A year after we got together we started thinking that I was frigid. I had no desire for my husband. I sought medical help, I thought there was something wrong with me. We have been divorced for 20 years and I have been remarried to a marvelous man who never has anything to do with porn, and neither have I, since after we were married and I put in a porn movie to watch together and he said no. We’ve been married for 14 years and have a fabulous sex life. I have seen for myself the damage that porn will do. There can’t be sexual intimacy when a husband is constantly “having an affair” by looking at other women and thinking about them and satisfying himself sexually.

  • You have stated many meaningful personal reasons why you won’t be reading this book, and I applaud your decision to maintain the faith that you’ve chosen. I would like some clarification, however, on Reason #2. Some of the statements you’ve made in that reason are at odds with objective scientific research that I’ve read on the matter, and I would like to read the other side of those studies. Could you site the sources of these studies and clarify what parts of the Bible, exactly, the studies are finding to be correct on the matter. Thank you.

  • I would like to say thank you for stepping out and presenting your stance on these books. I have personally experienced both sides of this particular issue, and what you have said is of great value. My life before coming to Messiah was night and day from the woman of virtue I strive to be now. Women believers, please please take these words into serious consideration. If you have read the books, please do not dismiss the point of this article out of defensiveness. I was at a very young age exposed to images and stories thought to be harmless because they were “fantasy” and “fiction”… and I can tell you that they are in no way harmless. Every image, every word, takes up space in your memory and is a tool for the enemy to call up and use against you in the battle to master your thoughts. And what is stored up in your thoughts is what will direct your actions and decisions. We are instructed to think on what is pure, what is lovely, what is of good report… just because the story ends nicely or in a “wholesome” scenario does not in any way justify bringing the remaining unrighteosness and lust into your mind and into your life. It has taken my husband and I YEARS in walking with Messiah to fully overcome the unnatural and lustful desires set up by what can be easily written off as “just for fun”. There is no such thing. Something in your life, no matter what form it comes in, either profits and esteems our Heavenly Father or it does not. Period.

  • i didnt even know about this but i remember that movie seven which carried the same sinfulness and Janet jackson had a season with very sado type music i think it comes from abuse, and someone treating you bad, so u want to dominate them. its basically about control and revenge. Which is wrong and Sinful.im upset i saw any bad things as a youth so i dont need or desire to read this, i have read this type of stuff in the past and it does leave you not desiring your spouse but perfectly content to DIY no pun intended, which is selfish and not what GOD had in mind and it also got ORNAn killed. Dont want to seeds planted in my brain. thanks

  • Dear Dannah,
    My name is Chris, and I’m currently engaged to a girl I will marry this July. I hadn’t even heard of this book before until my fiance posted your link on her facebook page, and so I read your article and all the comments that have followed. Being a guy, as opposed to not being a guy, sexual sin and struggles that can be originated from things such as a book like this are enough to really destroy one’s spiritual life. I wanted to tell you that I sincerely appreciate your courage in standing up and calling sin what it is. People will continue to crucify you for doing so but please do not back down from living what the Word of God clearly states. We need more like you who are willing to fight for truth.
    For the rest of you, those pointing fingers saying she’s judging people and she’s on her high horse, and blah blah blah, I have an illustration I want you think about.
    A dad was approached by his two daughters, and they asked him to see an R rated movie (although his rule was that they didn’t watch those). They pestered him and pestered him, but he wouldn’t give, so they snuck out and watched it anyway. The dad knew they did this, so while they were gone he baked them some brownies. When they returned, the dad came to them with the plate of brownies and asked if they wanted one. They both, of course, said yes, and each grabbed one and started to bring it to their mouths. At that moment the father told them that while baking them, he had put just a little bit of dog poop in the brownies, but they should still be okay because it was just a little bit. The daughters, of course, decided eating the brownies wasn’t such a good idea after all.
    The point is, just because something has a ‘little bit’ of garbage in it does not constitute us taking part in it. If we (Christians) are to be holy as He is holy (1 Peter 1:16-17) then how can we say taking part in something sexually immoral is okay because “it’s a great love story”? I’m just saying, if we really are believers then it’s time we looked at the Word of God for our standard of right and wrong and stopped listening to what other people have to say about it. According to what God says, this book contains sinful things in it that can damage marriages and the spiritual growth of people. Therefore it should be avoided.

  • Its a book. Just like the Bible is a book. If people wanna read it cool..if not cool. Its not your place to judge people who have chosen to do so.

  • A friend of mine recently said, “we (society today) are desperate for entertainment.” He was referring to The Hunger Games craze. I think that is so true. Many women probably read, 50 Shades of Grey, to be entertained or distracted from their ordinary lives. Others read it thinking it would improve their sex life, if that was an issue, and others out of curiosity, which seems to be the main reason for so many readers.
    As a writer, I was tempted to read it to see what all the fuss is all about. Especially after a relative handed me a copy after she’d read it…And loved it. I was more interested in the writing quality since I’d heard that the actual writing is not very good. So,I read the first few pages, where there is no erotic descriptions yet. The writing didn’t seem bad to me, but I will not be reading any further. I turned to the middle of the book on the day it was loaned to me and the few lines I read were not what I want in my head. I don’t want anything disturbing to stick, and I do not need to be in the loop of the hottest book trilogy craze of the year, according to some. I prefer novels that lift me up, heart and soul. I like a good love story too, but I don’t need to read one with intimate details.
    I will not comment on the Christian perspective, as so many of us have different views. I’ll just say that I am a Catholic. And an indication for me about whether something is beneficial or not, is how I feel in approaching it. If I feel troubled or anxious, then it is most likely not something that would be good for me or have a positive impact. I believe that God wants what is good for all of us and that is my compass for His guidance and my discernment. When I read those few lines in the middle of the book, I got my answer. Not all women will feel as I felt and will be drawn to it. I can’t judge that or explain it.
    So, the book sits on my night stand and I will return it without any further reading. What other Christian women decide to do, is not anything I have any control over. The three women I know who’ve read it, enjoyed it and recommend it. I choose not to read it. We’re all different and I know it is not my kind of reading, regardless of the message the book delivers at the end. I was glad to learn that there is, indeed a message – a sort of redemption for Mr. Grey at the end of the saga.
    There was a lot of controversy over the Twilight series and The Hunger Games. Big sellers and long lines for the movies. Yes, this is a society desperate for entertainment. Me? I’ll stick to entertaining people (and myself) with Amish and/or contemporary Christian Love stories.

  • Thank you so much for this post. Not knowing what the book was about, I entered a contest to win a set of the books on another website that I trusted, or thought I trusted. I guess I will count on God protecting me from winning the contest! Thanks for taking a stand and taking a risk as well.

  • @CC
    …but if your hubby is looking at the stuff , then you as a wife are not doing what you are suppose to be doing. SERIOUSLY???? CC? That is just naivety talking. That doesn’t make any sense at all.

  • @Lauren
    Well said, Lauren. I AM a Chistian but I also have an open mind and choose to not push my beliefs on others. I prefer to let my light shine without announcing it. I am on book III and find the story to be very good. Yes, it can get a little “steamy” but the Dom/Sub isn’t the point of this story, it is how this man’s life was seriously jacked up in his early years and has now found true love and is overcomming it, with the help of his new love. DO NOT JUDGE me because I find the story itself, to be very, very good. It does NOT mean I don’t live my God and it does NOT mean I’m being lustful. Let him without sin cast the first stone…

  • @LA Huizing
    @LA Huizing and many others who think reading this type of book would honor God.
    Wow. Do you really think what you watch, listen to, read, etc. have no effect on your thinking and way of living??? If not, then everything would be permissible! Read Philippians 4:8 to hear what God’s Word says about what you do. Let us honor Him! Let us honor our husbands and our families! God bless this post by Danna!

  • James 1:14-15 “14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.”

    I agree that it is “just fiction” but we sometimes forget “just” is a word we use often to justify what we do. It has been used in my vocabulary often. The real question: is what I am reading positive or negative in God’s eyes? As an ex-reader of a lot of “just” books including some erotica, it is never “just” anything. A tiny seed can be planted that could change the course of you life from one book. Best to not read and pick up His Word instead.

    Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

  • Well said. It is too bad in today’s world there are no absolutes, morals nor respect for self and others. God bless you for saying what needed to be said – now if only those with ears will listen and those with eyesight will read and heed your words of wisdom.

  • Thank you for being a “watchman on the wall”. You were doing exactly what Christians are called to be.. a lighthouse.. help others from causing themselves or others to sin. Many people will jump on the bandwagon to read this bestseller and I applaud you for going against the grain and speaking truth. For those who are not interested in honoring God in their hearts and mind will disregard your post, and will read the book anyway. But your post was for the unsuspecting souls that may have gotten sucked into sin without being warned. I choose to honor God with my heart and mind and will not read this book no matter how scintillatin the plot! No plot is worth disobeying His word as the Bible says not to put evil before our eyes. Thank you Dannah!

  • @Christine
    Thabks for mentioning that. I’m disturbed by the number of people defending the book because the guys is healed and changed through a sexual relationship with the girl who loves him. Yet the truth is freedom from any kind of bondage can only be found in Christ. So not only are there explicit scenes and such, the book also puts forth the lie that we can save others with our love and that we can escape sin all on our own. This can lead to some very messed up relationships– I’ve dated two different guys trying to “save” them and only ended up going further physically than I ever wanted and getting hurt emotionally over and over again.

  • I am sure my comment will get lost in this sea of comments, but thank you for sharing. Your were spot on. As woman who struggled for years with a pornography addiction that lived in my head and never needed to be fed by actually watching it, I can testify of the power of those pathways and the heartache they bring. I have had to war by the power of the Spirit to learn new pathways. The images never leave. I was severely sexually abused as a child and the Lord showed me that as I replayed sinful images in my mind I was revictimizing myself over and over. The battle goes on and sometimes I have long periods of winning and at times the images flood into my mind and there is struggle for months or weeks. I am so grateful that there is grace and that He battles with and for me. I am also thankful that my husband is aware of this struggle and is a partner in my battle b/c as someone who is one with me, it is his battle as well. I have had to severely restrict what I read and watch. I mainly watch documentaries now, if I watch anything, b/c they are safe of sexual content usually.
    I appreciate the way you outlined and handled the dangers and I appreciate your heart to safeguard women. I don’t think many realize what they are signing up for when they cross that line. Once the line is crossed the images are burned into your mind and very hard to remove. The battle is fierce and a battle one should count the cost and safeguard against. If the stronghold has not been allowed to enter already, don’t open the door.

  • Read this book and you’ll have the best sex of your life! Its a fun read, yes it’ll turn you on, but who cares? when your husband gets home, pounce on him!
    As for the bdsm part, it was a little different in this book bc she was “vanilla”, but some people live for that kind of lifestyle. They don’t do it for any other reason than they enjoy it. Theres a reason the author put in the book the words “yellow” and “red”. She did a good job at portraying the bdsm life, but not 100%.
    Hate this post if you want. I go to church, believe in God, but I’m willing to give a book a chance that it may be good.

  • @Dannah
    I can’t thank you enough for addressing this. As an older Christian woman I am appalled that anyone would have to defend that this book is positively evil to another Christian. I am sick that some who call themselves Christians are joining with the downward spiral and debauchery of our culture. And I must add that you are right about Twilight-that was just a silly piece of fiction-this book is absolutely evil. I am bookmarking this review for when I may have to explain this to some young and undiscerning young Christan.

  • I say good job on this post. I appreciate how you are just trying to be a voice wisdom those who are willing to listen. No you are not judging anyone. They are self examining themselves and then are accusing you of Judging. We are specifically told to encourage our brothers and sisters in Christ to press on, live better, live wiser. Judgement is different than discernment. I was truly blessed by your spiritual discernment. As it says in corinthians a little leaven leavens the whole thing. We are told to exhort, encourage, oh and REBUKE our brothers and sisters. To judge them in a condemning manner would say that they are gonna burn in hell for reading this book. Which I think we can agree is not gonna happen. Can this have other ramifications? YES! It CAN affect our lives. This is why God gave us boundaries, rules and such in the first place. Sure we all can give many in depth explanations as to why Murder is a sin. Can we all see the deep impactful ramifications brought on by premarital sex? No because for one couple they may get married. Stay married till death do they part. Another couple may have premarital sex then one of the partners is now deciding they want to call off the marriage. Now I think you can see the real true hurt that has happened. So I truly appreciate your wisdom in pointing out this.

    While I can see non Christians having a problem with this, well should not hold them to our standard. For the Christians who are attacking you instead of seeing the wisdom and instead of saying “Hmmm I should meditate on this and really take heed” For this is what the scripture tells us to do. It says to always listen to whats being said then weigh it. So to you Christians who have done this I want to set a few things straight.

    Sure we are to have compassion as christians. The scriptures I am about to give are all in the bible. Most of which you used you just forgot to finish the rest of the verse. Use google, biblegateway.com or something to help you search and see these verses for yourselves. We are not to judge those outside the church. IT does say however to JUDGE the matters within the church.(found in corinthians) Even Jesus says if my brother sins against me I am to take him to the side and show him his fault. If he repents I have won him over. If not then take 2 or 3 witness as to testify if he really has sinned against me. If he is still unrepentent then take it before the church. If this does not change him than treat him as a tax collector or a pagan. Words directly from Jesus mouth himself. As for the people who rebuttal and say well don’t point at the speck in my eye with that log in your eye. Ok so as Jesus says. I will remove that log from my eye so that I can show you how to remove that speck from your eye… or did you not continue reading that part? Oh how about let him who is without sin cast the first stone… Ok well lets see. They brought a woman who was CAUGHT in the act of adultery. Well as they say it takes 2 to tango. Which means the culprit was among them. They would have to give him up as well. After they disperse what does Jesus ask her? Where are your accusers? are there none left? She says none lord. Then he says I do not accuse you neither. … GO AND SIN NO MORE! Whoa? Uhm so he still rebukes her? what about not judging? Because you need to understand there is a difference between judging and condemning. Judging is just as simple as saying something is left or right. Right or wrong. True or false. If you feel Judged by her statement. Do not blame her. Meditate on what she is saying. Or do you not have ears to hear?

    I have to stand up for my fellow sister in christ here.

  • @Dannah Thank you for your well thought out response. I appreciate how much time and effort you put into these responses. But I’m not happy with your condemnation of the term “BDSM”

    Your thoughts on what is commonly referred to as “BDSM” are intensely skewed.

    I am far from a feminist, but I DO believe that God looks at me as a beautiful child, a person of worth, worth sacrificing a great deal for. If I for one moment felt that this aggressive style of relations (note that I did not say “relationship”. It does not define our marriage.) made me less of a person, or if my husband thought less of me during these interactions, it would cease to happen.

    I don’t really expect you to understand, because unless you have natural tendencies toward this, it is easy to see it on par with abuse and rape. That is exactly what it is NOT. My point was only that scripture doesn’t even come close to addressing the issue, and so to condemn it is ridiculous. I am well aware of the example our Lord set for us when He walked this earth. I find so many of those qualities is my husband – his Christlikeness was what drew me to him in the first place. And none of the verses you quoted about him relate to BDSM in any way.

    Bondage: My husband does not capture me and tie me up against my will. The bondage of sin ,which Christ freed me from, is not at all comparable to being tied up for pleasure.

    Dominance: What essentially happens in our bedroom is that I hand over power to my husband for an amount of time. But in the end, I have the final say over what happens. Anything out of my comfort zone doesn’t. Period. It is commonly known as a “power exchange”. It is an illusion. My husband does not become a tyrant.

    Sadism/Masochism: These words are not as black as you make them sound. In a rapist, yes, sadism is a dark word. In a consenting marriage, they go hand in hand, and are not ugly at all. My desire for pain and his willingness to give it to me (in a safe, controlled environment) bring us both pleasure. It is beautiful, not evil.

    BDSM is NOT rape and torture. That is a common misconception amongst people whose tastes do not turn that way, and that is unfortunate. You don’t have to practice it. Just don’t condemn it.

    But again, I don’t understand how you can put a limit on something that is so beautifully intimate between two people. Why can you decide that what is pleasurable for both a man and a woman inside the bedroom, what is consensual, what is monogamous, and what is often precedented or followed by prayer and thanks for the gifts God has given us, is wrong? I’m not exactly certain how that is different from early missionaries telling converts in heathen society that certain sexual positioning is unpleasing to God, or that sex is purely for conception of children.

    When it is done correctly, BDSM can be a very healthy part of a Christian marriage. It is clearly not for you or your husband, but that does not make it wrong.

    Lissa

  • Just curious how someone who hasn’t read this book knows so much about it? You are talking about S&M and what not but this book was not directly about that or pornagraphy. It seems that because you haven’t read it you can’t really judge it because you don’t even know what it is about.

  • @LA Huizing

    THANK YOU!!!!this is how i feel!
    My husbands family are telling me that i shouldnt read this as a Christian wife!
    This is not like porn(ie “taking care of self”)
    Its a FAKE love story

  • mosessister :
    I don’t agree with this post at all. As Christians, we need to be much more diligent about gathering facts, and much more thoughtful about drawing logical conclusions.
    Reason #1 – I’ve read all three books, and I admit that they stimulated lust in me….for my husband of 30 years! Sexual desire is not sinful until it is channeled inappropriately. If arousal itself was sinful, then Song of Songs, a classic piece of Hebrew erotica, would not be in the Bible.
    Reason #2 – While I agree with much of what you’ve said about porn, I don’t agree that these books are porn. There is little similarity between reading what is first and foremost a love story, albeit with graphic sex, and watching a two-dimensional porn flick. I can’t speak from experience, because I don’t do porn, but I imagine there are not very many porn flicks that actually have a plot at all, let alone one that involves two people caring for each other enough to give up selfish practices, commit themselves only to each other, and marry each other. Big difference. Sexual gratification is the sole purpose of porn; Fifty Shades is a HEA fantasy just for fun.
    Reason #3 – See my response to #2 above. This is not a valid comparison.
    Reason #4 – These are not books that glorify BDSM. They are about a man who gives it up when the woman he loves can’t take it.
    If you believe you will not be able to read the books without succumbing to sinful temptations, then fine, don’t read it. If a story about graphic BDSM doesn’t float your boat, fine, don’t read it. But if you’re going to use your God-given platform to influence others, a little more rigorous critical thinking is in order. To whom much is given, much is required.

    THANK YOU

  • I would recommend reading “Every Man’s Battle” and “Every Woman’s Battle” by Stephen Arterburn.

  • “Judge not lest ye be judged.” Get a clue, read the books before you start lecturing people on how harmful they are. YOU. HAVE. NO. IDEA.

  • She never once calls anyone less of a Christian for reading it… Perhaps your conscience has stabbed you. If you read Corinthians, you will see that when we see a brother in the faith sinning we are supposed to lovingly point it out and encourage them to stop. That is what this article is doing.@Anonymous

  • I just wanted you to know that this blog has convinced me to buy copies for myself and all my friends! If your marriage can be destroyed by a bit of fiction, it must not be as strong as mine. Perhaps, you failed to listen to God when he told you not to marry a man you’d be willing to leave (or who’d be willing to leave you) over a book or 3. Oh, he didn’t tell you that? Well, I suppose you aren’t as close as you thought…

  • I did fall for the hype! Went ahead and ordered the book on my Nook. I spent the better part of 1 Saturday reading it. Got about 1/2 way through the book and could not shake the feeling of just how WRONG it was. The whole ‘theme’ of the book, rubbed me the wrong way. Went to church on Sunday and what does the pastor preach about.. Pornography! Well, there you go- convicted that the book I was reading really was Pornography and just bad news. Came home Sunday afternoon and deleted the book from my Nook without finishing it. As a 37 year old woman, who has been married for 20 years this year- I was really quit offended at several passages in the book. How a young girl gets trapped into having such a violent relationship with a powerful, older man?? I have an 11 year old daughter and I pray she NEVER gets involved in this type of relationship. Why more woman aren’t offended is beyond me?? I certainly pray for those that think this is great reading.

  • @CC
    YOUR COMMENT “And yes pornography can be wrong…but if your hubby is looking at the stuff , then you as a wife are not doing what you are suppose to be doing”

    I only comment here as a counselor to hurting sexually victimized people and pornography addicts and their wives….you are seriously mis-informed. Your comment is quite damaging to women as it assumes her husband’s interest in pornography is related to a wife sexual performance and his satisfaction with her. This is totally incorrect and as mentioned seriously mis-informed. My hope is you will research this topic carefully so that you are able to comment correctly and not extend pain for wives that suffer with inappropriate self blame as their husbands struggle with pornography interest and addiction.

  • @Dannah You’re right that you don’t have to get cancer to know that you don’t want to have it. But you would also not give cancer patients advice on what to do when you have cancer if you had not survived it yourself or have some other credible basis for your opinion. In this case you haven’t read the books and you have no basis for your critique. This is one of the problems that people, myself included, have with Christians who use their Christianity as license to tell other people how they should live their lives.

  • it is interesting in how we can judge what we have not read. Isn’t God’s love a love for all mankind? We are made in the image of God; we are not shadows in God’s Light but OF God. God is in the good, the light, the beautiful and joy. If God created the Heavens and the Earth and he saw all was Good, then God is also in the bad, the darkness, the ugliness and the hate. What we resists persists. When a man cleaves with his wife, what they do as One in Gods light is good.

    To avoid the darkside of life, we also avoid the truth in God’s love.

    We can be offended and frightened by what we read. As humans we were given the gift of freewill; a will that when we are confronted by what we judge, we freely chose. That is Gods will.

    To judge without knowledge is a Sin. We become hypocrites when we do this.

    Next we will be mindless souls, governed by few who objurgate our rights and burn books.

  • So my question is if you all are bashing this series how many of you “CHRISTIANS” have read a romance novel or one about finding love or looking for love? If you say you have “NEVER” then you might want to take a long look in the mirror or should I say the pot calling the kettle black… Because those too are considered “porn or soft porn” , it doesn’t even have to be a book you watch movies? There are so many sexual contents in movies/tv shows that will make your head spin….. I DID read the books and it wasn’t for the sexual contents it was a good read because I like to read series books…. Shame on you all for Judging others as we all know there is only one who can judge and it isn’t you…..

  • @Kayleigh
    Ok, so this is what I’ve been thinking the whole time. Totally and completely agree with this post. Also, the whole “I don’t need to do ____to know it’s bad for me” comments. You know that you don’t want to get cancer because of a lifetime of hearing about it from doctors, friends, family, etc. Otherwise, the word cancer would mean nothing to you. You know not to jump off a cliff because you have an innate, God given tendency towards self-preservation. You know not to drink a cup of dirty water because someone taught you, over and over, that this could make you sick. These comparisons are laughable at best. I think enough people have provided you with a synopsis of the plot of these books (ie. the concepts of redemption, marriage, etc), and yet I have seen NO ONE addressing this. If you are going to go on a crusade against a series, it makes since that you would address ALL conflicting comnments. No just those that most easily defend your point of view. Sheesh.

  • @Dannah
    Ugh, again, NO comment on what people are describing as the overarching theme of this book! Just a condescending little comment that gets even further under my skin.

  • It really concerns me that people out there are defending this book because its “romantic or because the characters learn to love in the end.” Lets just call this book exactly what it is. Porn. It is labeled as erotic fiction which should be the first clue. I have just read a hundred or so reviews on this book and a couple things really stand out to me. 1. A common theme in many of the negative reviews is that Christians character ignores the pleas of Ana and coerces her to continue in a sexual experience that she is not comfortable with. This borders on rape in a very serious way and I cannot believe that anyone can call that romantic. The fact that this girl stays with him and marries him etc. is beyond the point. Any woman in real life who was in a situation like hers we would label as a battered woman.

    2. Well really do I need a 2? Read the reviews for yourself before you buy this book. Curiosity killed the cat as they say and while you may not die from reading this book (except from embarrassment) you will be wasting your time and money, not to mention furthering the mindless publishing of material that is better suited to penthouse or playboy. The fact that this author and their publishing company will be making millions off this book is sickening.

  • Everyone is entitled to their opinions. And sometimes a book is just a book. I do not need a book to stimulate desire in me or arouse me or save my marriage. The book is not appropriate for young readers, but it was very well-written and, having a degree in Psychology, I found the entire trilogy to have a lot of interesting psychological aspects. And just because you read something, doesn’t mean you are going to internalize it and decide to become a part of that culture described in the book, meaning, just because someone reads Fifty Shades of Grey does not mean that they are going to decide to try the BDSM lifestyle or anything of that sort.
    It’s Fiction, meaning not real. You could just read it and find it interesting and if you don’t like it, fine. I’ll read most anything and think that I am more knowledgeable than a lot of people because of it. Reading should not be a sin. I’ve always felt that no book should be banned regardless of the content. In America, we have the freedom to read whatever we want. Yes, some books should not be put in school libraries and read by teens and children of a certain age, but starting a war on a book is ludicrous. If you don’t want to read it, you don’t have to. It’s your choice. And I chose to read this book and I am happy to say that I enjoyed it, was not changed by it in anyway, and still view myself to be a good Christian.
    Thank you.

  • I’m not reading it either–books like this have never interested me and I don’t understand why others would want to read them. Sure, there’s violence all around us in real life (which is really sad), in other books, TV, and even the bible. We can’t shelter ourselves from it and act like it doesn’t exist (which I notice some people try to do), we can only learn to protect ourselves and understand that it’s wrong. Choosing to read books when there are lots of others out there that don’t include this stuff and other things to do, just bugs me. I don’t know about others, but here’s other things I’d rather be reading.

  • Thank you for tackling this topic and your boldness in telling the truth. I love how you don’t condemn anyone for reading 50 shades, but you do present the truth. I have been having this discussion over and over with other bloggers and friends. One thing I have found is that many Christian women don’t really know what this novel is about until they begin reading it, get hooked, and can’t stop reading. My husband tells me this is exactly what porn does. It’s a difficult topic to address, but we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it or to be honest about the harmful effects erotica novels can have.

  • @OrangiesAttic
    Can you not have a great love story of redemption and change without the gratuitous sex scenes? Isn’t there a better way to write a story of redemption than writing about all your fantasies fulfilled? In an interview with the author, she says it was all her sexual fantasies fulfilled and she herself calls it erotica and admits it is porn. You can know something is wrong without having to participate in it. those of us not reading are not perfect…we are ALL sinners, saved by grace alone.We are not calling people who read the books bad, we are judging the material. Even if it is a great story, there is still the abuse and sex scenes meant to entice women into lust. NO ONE is above lust.

  • I understand these are opinions and it’s just a book. If you all feel so strong about ur faith and not looking at sexual explicitly material then u might as well turn off ur t. There is just as much erotica on today’s tv as in these types of books just not so detailed. It’s just a book how u act on it is a person
    Character and judgement. I’m reading them and still a religious person this book doesnt make me or define me.

  • I am a christian and I have read book one so far. It is fiction just like murder mysteries. It was really good but it doesnt affect how I live my life. It has an excellent story line and I cant wait to read the next two!

  • I only recently heard about the book from my cousin. She read it and I was going to read it as well. However, I had no idea what the book was about. After reading your comments, I will not read the book. Thank you so much!

  • hello.
    As a non-Christian i cannot see what the fuss is about. I haven’t read the books (i followed a link and got to this page)and probably wont but purely because this isnt my kind of reading and not because of the content.

    I say non-Christian, what I mean is I live my way in what you would call a Christian way (i don’t steal, i don’t cheat, i don’t kill, i help young and old, etc) but I do not believe in God, Jesus, Allah, Jehovah etc or any other form of organised religion.

    Therefore i find it (AS a non-believer) unbelieveable that this has caused such an outcry when you all believe in the biggest work of fiction EVER!! Why not let people make their own choices of what is right or wrong sexually? i certainly do not care as long as the participants are willing, adult and human! I certainly do not care if someone is into bongdage or if they prefer the same sex and i do not see what it has to do with anyone else.

    Apologies in i have offended, it certainly was not my intention. It was just my free speech 🙂

  • While I appreciate the thoughfulness of this blogger to post her “crusade” agasint this book, whule she’s at it, she might want to consider boycotting every other romance novel on the shelves at the local book store. Freedom of speech and freedom of choice is what makes this country great, and I will make my choices for bedside reading, politics, and religion WITHOUT someone shoving their values or biblical passages dpwn my throat. I guess I should consider myself a sinner instead of a wonderful and competent woman since my beautiful son was born out of wedlock. I will surely go to Hell in Damnation for my sins.

  • After reading just the first book, I would agree with you. I was disgusted. But at the end of the book, the leading lady Ana leaves dominating Christian for those same reasons! The character development in the second book is great, and it turns quite romantic. You shouldn’t judge these books by all the hype in the press.

  • As an author yet to make it big, I heard about the rampant success of Fifty Shades of Grey. Seems as if every woman I know is reading it. Wanting that kind of success for my own books, I figured I’d read 50 Shades of Grey myself to see what was in it that makes it so successful, then emulate that basic structure.

    After reading your post, I have decided that even though I’d like that kind of success, I’m not willing to sell my soul to get it. I’m a Christian man, happily married after searching thirty years to reunite with my first love. All my books are family friendly, with perhaps a hint of sexual relations between a man and woman, but without any language a parent would forbid their child to read. Each of my books contain an element of God and faith, a character relationship of true emotional love and some level of humor. I want my work to reflect the good side of humanity, and to reinforce that which God intended for us.

    Now that I know what 50 Shades of Grey really is (thanks to your post) I will pass on it and continue writing in my own style.

    • Saying it’s just a book is like telling the people whose lives have been shredded by erotica — books like this one–that their stories don’t matter. May God help us see it for what it truly is and heal those who are hurting.

  • Everyone falls short of God…..Everyone sins.
    So, there fore i shall read and ask for forgiveness later. Our God is a very forgiving God…i’m sure he will forgive me. Plus, i’ll just look at my husband after every erotic scene in this book….k????

  • A scripture that comes to my mind. Open rebuke is better than secret love. Proverbs 27:5. Not judging.

    I will NOT be reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

  • I see it this way…I am an adult, my husband is an adult. Furthermore, we are married, Christian-Catholic adults and we choose together what we do or do not do in our bedroom. Perhaps not for all married couples, but at least, for us, any type of sexual play we might partake in ALWAYS ends in lovemaking, with the possibilty of procreation. We are monogomous and we are human and we love our God, our marrage and ourselves. But, we are not Saints and we are not perfect and we are not going to judge anyone else for their actions of reading an erotic book. God gave us the free will to make choices, which either draw us closer or further away from God. God loves us, imperfections and all, and gives us the chance to be forgiven of our wrongdoings, if we are truly sorry. I’m not sorry for having read this book. Having read the whole series, and enjoyed it….and I will say the sex scenes got tiring and repetitive…I enjoyed the psychological aspects of the book immensely….I don’t feel any further away from our God , than I did a week ago. Christian wives are called to be submissive to their husbands. Where is that line drawn? Who decides how submissive and when and where? Etc, etc. I think it’s an interesting topic. I understand your desire to NOT read the book and I respect the reasons behind that. But, personally, my marriage is just as steadfast and loving and strong….my husband is the same amazing, Christian man….and we love our Lord, the same as we did last week…even after reading these books. And, before judgement is placed on the entire BDSM community, by holier-than though, judgemental Christians, I think they should research it and understand that it can be practiced within the context of a monogomous, consentual, Christian marriage. Of course, now I’ll be labeled “the evil BDSM” promoter. LOL I’m not, I’m just saying that I highly doubt the author of this article knows much about the BDSM community….that would be a “sin” to research and read about it, I’m sure!

  • You can not judge the story based on the first book. Perhaps if people would read the entire series before they judge the intention of the story they would bite their tongues. So you are saying you have no mercy for someone who had a horrible childhood and only knew of one type of life. This story is about love, misfortune, overcoming horrible circumstances and learning what love is really about. But again this is just a fiction story. I am hoping you post about how horrible The Hunger Games are as well…I believe murder is sin…no?

  • THANK YOU for writing what I was thinking! My 23 year old daughter bought it because EVERYONE was reading it. I had seen and heard so much about it that I thought this has to be some deep life changing book. People posting themselves on facebook reading it by the pool. After she purchased it she read some reviews and then was “not so interested” I picked it up thinking she had to be missing something. After wasting about 30 minutes of my life skimming through the beginning middle and end it did not take much thought to realize this is only a silly romance novel with very disturbing introduction for a virgin of sex. Greek god millionaire with sad sexual desires seduces a mousy virgin she leaves Greek god in the end. Wow! I can’t even imagine what could possibly interest people to waste any of their life reading the first book much less the next two. Wish I had my 30 minutes back to do something that actually improved the quality of my life and who I am as a person.

  • OK that’s crazy the book is fiction and your gonna go on and on.its fake if u don’t like it don’t buy it don’t read it.but sex aside it has a beautiful love story.and say what u but the Bible says to only have se. To make offspring.so everytime u make love to ur husband and a baby don’t come out if UT ur going against the Bible..idk why people have to bring God into I bet u b surprised how many ppl in ur church r into what goes on in this book.

  • Really don’t know how you judge a book without reading it first. I guess I could say I never met you… and you think you are better then everyone else.You walk around with your nose in the air looking down at everyone who don’t agreee with you. And you are perfect and never sin. Umm don’t think so. And if I am wrong about the way you really are then shame on me for not getting to know you first. Kinda like knocking a book before you read it.

  • Thanks so much for this post! You won’t believe but God used you in literally a second. I went to Google to research the book since so many people claim they can’t put it down, and yours happened to be the first link I noticed and clicked on. Being a Christian, your post was all I needed to read! Now back to writing my story about how good always wins in the end! Thanks so much!

  • lori :
    @Lauren
    I have to say I couldn’t agree more. The author of this post is making assumptions she knows details of a book she has not read. There is SO much more to this story than dirty sex. Yes, that’s a big part but it’s not THE part. It’s about a wounded boy who learns how to love for real, and learns what real love truly is.
    The poster sent us ’0 which is not a hashcash value.

    Just because there is more to the story than dirty sex does not negate the fact that THERE IS STILL DIRTY SEX INVOLVED. Because of this I find your reason for justifying this book to be an extremely poor one. Using your same logic, it would be ok to watch pornography as long as it is romantic and involves two people who genuinely love each other. But just because it’s in a pretty package doesn’t change the fact that you are still watching porn. I have no problem with a good love story. And the author could have told a story “about a wounded boy who learns to love for real” without including explicit content.

    @lori

  • @lori

    Just because there is more to the story than dirty sex does not negate the fact that THERE IS STILL DIRTY SEX INVOLVED. Because of this I find your reason for justifying this book to be an extremely poor one. Using your same logic, it would be ok to watch pornography as long as it is romantic and involves two people who genuinely love each other. But just because it’s in a pretty package doesn’t change the fact that you are still watching porn. I have no problem with a good love story. And the author could have told a story “about a wounded boy who learns to love for real” without including explicit content.

  • Thank you so much for not only saying that this kind of fiction is bad (awful really) but explaining why it is so bad. I am recovering from the damage done by reading (and, sadly, watching) that kind of material since I was a young teen. I hope when I share this blog with others it will allow them to realize the effects this kind of “literature” on women of all ages. Again, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

  • Thanks for this article Dannah. I heard your comments on the radio today with Chris Fabry – excellent commentary. God calls us to be salt and light. Evil flourishes when good people do nothing and I think God is going to hold us accountable. Kathy

  • @Kristin
    Having read all three books, I have to agree with Kristin. The books do not glamorize this lifestyle. As a teen, the main character was molested by an older woman and that experience colored his future choice. That is addressed and taken seriously throughout the series. What love really is is taken seriously as well. Is this a great book for everyone to read? No. Is it as bad as you make it sound? No. As many have said, books can’t be judge without having been read.

  • I won’t be reading the book. I realize that there are some who feel that because it is fiction, it is okay, and that is a person’s choice. I am choosing not to read it because I have a daughter who came from a biological home where all manners of “things” were seen and still have in the mirror in my mind that 6 yr old little girl “posing” like the women in the magazines do….and me having to gently explain that those were not the kinds of magazines ANY little girl should ever see. LOTS of “retraining”.

    So, because I don’t want her to think it’s do as I say and not as I do, and due to the fact that my lifelong love of reading has given me a very active imagination, I don’t want to entertain that in MY head. Period. I’ve already had to pray long and hard many times over for things I’ve read, watched, looked at in my pre-believing past.

    As a further add-on, I had gotten a “sample” of a book for my Kindle. Liking the sample, but not really realizing just how horrifically psychological this book was, I got the rest of the book. And while I read it, I cried. And I skipped pages. Then promptly deleted the book. And yes, am ashamed that I even read as much as I read. I can justify all day long that I read it to try and understand this or that, but in reality, it was feeding a bad urge. So, I’ll abstain. And from here on out, if I don’t like what I’m reading, I’ll delete it.

  • Heard you yesterday on Chris Fabry – thank you & great job – had only heard about the book through my daughter (married, three kids.) She’s in a book club with mainly Christian girlfriends & she was frustrated because she chose not to participate in this book & some had pressured her – she discussed the situation with me, I didn’t pay attention to the name – but at the beginning of the program I knew it had to be the same book. I am SO SORRY that these young women have polluted their minds. As I talked about your thoughts yesterday with my daughter – she said, with that frustration again, that almost ALL of her friends are reading it! :(. Thank you again for speaking up

  • I have to disagree on a couple points. I certainly have no interest in reading any of the trilogy. But that stems from the fact that its poorly written and was originally a Twilight fanfic (something else I avoid on principle). I would also state that I’m a Christian always have been. But the thing is you seem to stretch the boundary quite a bit on some things. Like Reason 1. Yes you quoted correctly, but this is FICTION. If you really are afraid you’ll find yourself lusting over a fictional character in a novel, maybe you shouldn’t be reading ANYthing. Or watching tv or movies. That way you avoid all temptation. Reason #2 is just total crap. I would call crap on it. Lust is, in some ways harmful yes in that it can get you in to trouble. And some people who have addictive personalities (PRONE to it) will have more issues. But in general with a person who doesn’t have trouble with addictions, its not harmful at all. It can inspire spice in a relationship. And I can site other articles and actual studies to the contrary; that Porn is actually beneficial. Reason #3, you make the assumption there that its a MALE problem. I’ve watched porn. I’ve read erotic fiction. I’m not an immoral person, more than the next sinner out there. What about a husband and wife reading a chapter and getting ‘inspired’? It could be quite fun! As for Reason #4 BDSM can be completely harmless and quite empowering. Again you shouldn’t go assuming its a MALE thing. MANY of the dominants out there are actually women. It can also be done lovingly within the marriage with a husband and wife who agree to the rules of what they want.
    Now…I’m not saying this is for everyone. I completely understand, that all people have different levels of what they are comfortable with. I am, personally, not into anything that involves pain or any of the other BDSM subjects. But for those who enjoy it, let them. America was built on the idea of freedoms. You have your freedom and choice to not read this book, as do I. But banning a book or burning it? That is completely wrong. I want to end with my commending you for putting up your points in a blog and standing by them. Just because I don’t agree with them, thats why I felt I could put in my own rebuttal. Sometimes I am nothing more than playing a “devil’s advocate” to encourage discussion.

  • Welp that does it for me I will not be reading it. #1 I’m in the “Meantime” of my life, fresh out of a relationship and I would hope and pray that my next relationship with be the finale. I want to be married and I don’t want anything to keep me from being the woman that God has called me to be. Thanks!

  • If nobody should read 50 Shades, then maybe nobody should read Shakespeare, or Nathaniel Hawthorne, or Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain), or Thomas Hardy, or Stephen King, or Philippa Gregory, or learn any World History, or read any other book that contains any mention of sin. Should we ban the Qu’ran, or the Kabbalah, or the Torah, or a book that describes Buddhism simply because they “aren’t Christian”?

    You call yourself a Christian. Christianity is based on loving yourself and your neighbor, is it not? “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Jesus said that. When you are totally perfect and without any sin, then you can judge someone. But as far as I can tell, nobody is perfect, therefore, nobody should judge anyone else. If CHRISTianity is about following the lead of CHRIST, why not actually follow his lead by NOT judging your peers?

    It is forceful assumptions like this blog that make me ashamed to be labeled “Christian”. People are not supposed to judge, God is. He is the one who determines our fate, not our neighbors. Be concerned with your own fate, and don’t try to change someone else simply because you don’t like their choice in literature, or perhaps because you don’t like their tattoo, or the fact that they love someone of the same gender.

    If you don’t like tattoos, don’t get one. If you don’t like gay marriages, don’t get one. If you don’t like abortions, don’t get one.

    If you don’t like a book, don’t read it. It is as simple as that.

  • I don’t believe she is judging people, just judging what she has heard about the content of the book. Her message isn’t necessarily as much about the book as it is to how erotica can impact one’s mind and therefore their sex life/intimacy.

  • I really don’t like writing bad reviews. I admire people who have the courage to put pen to paper and expose themselves to the whole world, especially those writing erotica. Having just finished this book, however, I feel compelled to write a review.

    About half way through the book, I looked up the author to see if she was a teenager. I really did because the characters are out of a 16 year old’s fantasy. The main male character is a billionaire (not a millionaire but a billionaire) who speaks fluent French, is basically a concert level pianist, is a fully trained pilot, is athletic, drop dead gorgeous, tall, built perfectly with an enormous penis, and the best lover on the planet. In addition, he’s not only self made but is using his money to combat world hunger. Oh yeah, and all of this at the ripe old age of 26! And on top of that, he’s never working. Every second is spent having sex or texting and emailing the female character. His billions seem to have just come about by magic. It seriously feels like 2 teenage girls got together and decided to create their “dream man” and came up with Christian Grey.

    Then come the sex scenes. The first one is tolerable but as she goes on, they become so unbelievable that it becomes more laughable than erotic. She orgasms at the drop of a hat. He says her name and she orgasms. He simply touches her and she orgasms. It seems that she’s climaxing on every page.

    Then there’s the writing. If you take out the parts where the female character is blushing or chewing her lips, the book will be down to about 50 pages. Almost on every single page, there is a whole section devoted to her blushing, chewing her lips or wondering “Jeez” about something or another. Then there’s the use of “shades of”. He’s “fifty shades of @#$%% up,” “she turned 7 shades of crimson,” “he’s ten shades of x,y, and z.” Seriously?

    The writing is just not up to par, the characters are unbelievable, and the sex verges on the comical. I don’t know what happens in the remaining books and I do not intend to read them to find out. But given the maturity level of the first book, I imagine that they get married, have 2 perfect children, cure world hunger, and live happily ever after while riding into the sunset, as the female character climaxes on her horse causing her to chew her bottom lip and blush fifty shades of crimson. Jeez! Basically this is like an attempted porn version of Twilight, which is equally bad.

    There are plenty of well-written erotic and porn novels, that can get me off. This was not one of them.

    Oh and by the way, I’m a married woman with two children and my husband loves it when I read or watch erotica or porn, because he knows the sex will be off the charts when I do!

  • You say you haven’t read the book, and yet you have the audacity to automatically assume it is a book that is bad for everyone. You have not read the book, so how can you possibly know if the book is written well, or if it is entertaining, or whether or not you would actually like the plot or character development! I have never found the acquisition of knowledge to be a bad thing. And actually asking people to not read it in a blog only gives the book more power, and makes it a more interesting topic. I know that because you don’t “like” the book and don’t want anyone to read it (lest they become a sinner from reading “erotica”), I’m going to buy it and read it. You’ve just accomplished the exact opposite of what you were trying to do. Congratulations!

  • I’m a big fan of “If you can’t say anything NICE, don’t say anything at all.” You are obviously very bad at following this “Thumper’s Rule.”

  • It’s just a book, not real. Wouldn’t Jesus support his flock and not ask Dannah to spread the word not to support this member of the flock? I’m confused about the marriage thing also, a book can cause you to stray from your husband. Re-think your words dear and take the blinders off.

  • Thank you so much for your wise words and explanation of this nasty book! So many women, sadly Christian women, are reading this trash. I only pray that our Lord will place a conviction on their hearts, before finishing this book, that they may repent and turn from the wicked allure the book has. Thanks again for your post!

  • I’m so grateful for this post! I guard my mind from sexual content in movies, songs, books because…the Bible says to. Sexual immorality is the ONLY sin we are not told to “stand and fight.” From that one sin we are told to FLEE. Period. Not “flirt with,” which is what I seem to hear from women who claim Christ but play with books and movies like this. “It’s not THAT bad,” is a line they’d have brained their kids for saying (oral sex among teens? Marijuana instead of “hard” drugs, for example, yet it’s pretty much what they say themselves about sexy TV shows, movies and books. How is flirting with immorality NOT immorality?

    I strongly believe that if something puts sexual images in my head (or causes physical sexual responses) involving ANYONE other than my husband, then it’s immoral. And I flee.

    So thanks. I’m praying the Holy Spirit uses your post to convict women to reclaim their sexuality from the world and give it to Jesus alone!!

  • Dannah has indeed spoken true words that are biblical. Study your Bible and find out what God has to say about our minds and where our thoughts should be. Yes a book can cause images to plant in your mind that cannot be erased easily. Dannah’s words have nothing to do with not being nice but with God’s truth. We must be discerning women if we want to truly but followers of Jesus and stand firm for all that is good and godly. I work in a public library and several people have said that they wish they hadn’t read the book and some have said after reading it that it is such a dirty book and they struggled through reading it and these were not Christian women so why whould we want to put our minds through this battle. My library director said should will not put her mind through the mud of this kind of reading when there is so much good literature out there. Let’s be discerning women who stand for righteousness.

  • Dear annonymous and anyone like minded
    Yes a book or any form of pornography can very much cause you to want to stray from your spouse. For those who need sexual healing from abuse I would suggest 1) allot of honest prayer and 2) Good Christian counselling. I believe Dan Allendar has a book which deals with this subject. No person should subject their mind to this kind of filth and
    think they won’t be affected, sin starts in our thoughts always! We are to gaurd our minds and hearts from filth. Thankyou Dana Gresh for your courage to write this article and expose the darkness.
    Your sister in Christ

  • I think this book would help your marriage, as it already has for other happily married couples…Read it, it stays with you, in a good way!

  • Great post at » I’m Not Reading Fifty Shades of Grey Dannah Gresh @ Pure Freedom. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed! Extremely helpful information particularly the last part 🙂 I care for such information much. I was looking for this certain info for a very long time. Thank you and best of luck.

  • I totally support every person’s own choice to read a certain book or to not read a book. But I would like to point out as I am currently reading this book, yes it is based on a BDSM relationship but I resent the definition of erotic literature as having “no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire.” Obviously it has to have some literary and or artistic value if all THREE of her books has made it on the top seller lists. I was hooked from the first chapter without it having had anything to do with BDSM at that point. If you don’t want to read the book then don’t but please to look down upon other people that do and actually enjoy it especially for it’s literary and artistic value.

  • @Lauren
    Well said! I totally agree. The book is very well written and does have a good story line. It is about acceptance, trust and learning to love yourself and others. The love story in it is amazing!

  • Thank you so much for explaining the truth about what pornagraphy does to a marriage or any relationship between a man and a woman.

  • I admit I was a little curious to see what all the fuss was about, but I have not picked up Shades of Grey.
    I liked the way you wrote your article. It was intelligent, not a rant about how bad this was.
    Also, to everyone saying this if ‘just fiction’, chew on this. Fiction or not, images stay with us. What gets into our minds affects our hearts. Our minds and bodies are like car engines. You don’t put junk into them and expect them to keep humming along smoothly.
    Now I will say that everyone is different. Everyone’s personal walk is different. Some may find they have the grace to read these books. Others may not. This article is a general warning, designed to make you aware. Quite hating.

  • Hey everyone. For the record, I am not calling for censorship of the book. The author has every right to write erotica. I haven’t said she doesn’t. It’s funny to me that those who accuse me of censorship are the ones so up in arms over my right to say I won’t read this. Hmmmm? Seems like a double standard to me!

  • I have read the book , and I tell ya sure people have talked about the sex … But the truth is if you can get past that it is a really good story … Its about a guy who has had a troubled up bringing and a girl who does not JUDGE !! Is that not what God teaches us a well ????? AS it turns out she actually helps this man be a better person .. We cannot turn a blind eye because it has sex written in it and the kind of stuff is not fantsy but the truth is it happens in real life .

  • As someone who has read the series, I would like to clarify something. This book in NO WAY glorifies BDSM. Spoiler Alert: The girl actually leads by example and helps this man out of the BDSM lifestyle he was in. The author shows how the character’s early life and molestation led him to think BDSM was the only way to show love because thats all he was ever shown. I saw in an earlier comment that someone was appalled that people would defend this book. You believe Christ can change people. I believe that Christ created us to fellowship and change each other. You belittle your omnipotent and omniscient God by saying only HE can change others. HE uses his creation to help enact his plan. This book is fiction. This book exemplifies a story of love and how we can help each other. The character helped change the man. It is obviously written for a mature audience. It is written for a mature audience, who knows what moderation means. Many of those against it know little on moderation (do not drink or you will get drunk, do not watch rated R movies or you will curse, do not wear skimpy clothes because then you will have sex). Those who are mature can handle reading a simple fiction novel, having a drink, eating a salad, and wearing short shorts, instead of running from the very thing we were brought here to do. Be a light. If you are afraid you can’t handle this book because you don’t know how to seperate and moderate, then don’t read it. I am asking that you don’t continue your judgements towards those who do.

  • “Finally [sisters] whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is PURE, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

  • Really….I don’t think I need to watch porn to know it’s not healthy. I don’t have to try something to have an opinion. This book just about tore apart my Mother-in-Law and she is still dealing with the after effects. How can you even begin to make such an argument?@Lauren

  • @Phoebe H.
    Well if you have not read the book how can you judge!..also God says we are not to judge!!…don’t read it, you are the one missing out..but don’t judge or try to force your opinions on people you don’t know I loved the book and the story behind it..I just say it really none of your business what others read..its our choice…get a life.

  • @LA Huizing
    Jesus actually addresses this issue specifically. He said that a man even looking at a woman in lust is causing adultery. Fiction. What Jesus is saying is that allowing your thoughts to dwell in fictional sin is wrong. Simply labeling something as fiction does not make it ok for us to partake. Entertainment does not get a free pass apart from the principles Jesus set forth.

  • My husband just took his life 18 mos. ago due to a 25 year double life with hundreds of prostitutes, massage parlors which all began with porn. Our family will forever be scared by the damage that all began with a playboy so many years ago and morphed into a full blown addiction and sadly his death. It all began with the the enemy’s lie that so many buy, “whats the big deal?”…..I am here to say……ITS A HUGE DEAL and don’t be decieved. Books like this plant seeds that are not of the Lord but the devil himself….heed the warning!!!!!
    THANK YOU for sharing this article! I too, have NO interest in this book but it concerns me with all the hype that my 19 yr. old daughter may and she may call me judgemental since I have not read it but am willing to stand against it. Praise God for you and others who truly stand for the truth and your very articulate way that you have described in this article to not be fooled.
    I plan on putting this up on my Facebook page for others to read too.
    Blessings to you!

    • Very saddening testimony. I’m so very sorry for your lost. As a young woman, I hear you and will definitely think about your comment.Thank you for exposing evil.

  • @Lauren

    I completely agree Lauren. Not to mention the reasons are poor quality since the research which it’s based on seems to be lacking.

    There plenty of ways I could rebuttle this blog post but everyone is entitled to their choice and opinion.

  • Thank you so much for writing this article. This is exactly the message that needs to be read by women everywhere, married and unmarried alike.

  • Dannah–You are a great servant of the Lord. Standing up for the Truth is never easy. You have been given the difficult tasks of sharing what the Gospel says about sexual purity and fidelity. All of God’s angels in Heaven and His faithful servants here on earth stand with you! Even when God has blessed you with the gift of prophecy, not all will change their hearts and be baptized in the Holy Spirit. Most will continue to follow their own desires, fueled by the lies of the prince of this world–Satan. Of course you know this. Please know that the Body of Christ here on Earth stands with you. God is most pleased with you! He loves you!
    For those of you who have condemmed Dannah and her Christian brothers and sisters as being judgemental and un-Christlike, I will pray for you. God has indeed given us free choice, and you like Adam and Eve have chosen wrongly. If you were true followers, then you also would not attack a sister for her choice not to read a sinful book. The book glorifies sex outside of marriage, as well as glorifying dangerous and manipulative behavior. If sources within the Christian church, literary, medical and psycological realms have raised the red flag about this book, then why would anyone need to read it? In fact, the majority of people, including self-avowed “Christians” are reading it out of morbid curiosity, a great ploy by Satan, don’t you think? Especially since most “Christians” don’t even pick up their Bibles regularly. In fact they allow their pastor to read it for them and tell them “what they need to know”. They think that going to church occasionally will keep them out of hell. Take a look in the mirror. You will only see yourself. You are not speaking and acting in Christ’s image. You cannot pick and choose how to apply the Gospel. You are not lead by the Holy Spirit. I know from your posts, that you do not even read your Bible, so how can you know what it says? You do not live your lives according to the Gospel. You think like the Pharisees did. You will be horrified to stand before Jesus, on the last day and have him say to you, “I knew you not.” Read Matthew 25:31-46 Grace is a free gift and we may be saved by grace alone–Jesus’s sacrifice–but we are judged by our fruits. If our speech and actions align with Christ’s then we are His. We will be forgiven our sins. We will be welcomed into His Father’s kingdom. If we are living our lives for our own pleasure, speaking against the Gospel, and pursuing sinful pleasures like money and recognition for ourselves only, and thinking “anything is acceptable” to God, then think again. You have been following the Father of all Lies! You will be relegated to his realm.

  • Thank you so much for writing this. It is increasingly difficult to be a male Christian who does not harbour SOME resentment for women who read this. It is not something most men feel they can talk to women about without sounding preachy. I think it has to come from a woman’s perspective. If you are a woman of God who opposes this book: PLEASE tell other women about it. From a man’s perspective: you reading this book breaks your husband’s heart and confidence in the SAME way yours would be broken due to him watching porn.
    Ask yourself why you want to read it? And if it upsets you that it is clearly a struggle you wish you didn’t have to bear – appreciate that you can now better sympathise with a battle your husband takes on every day for you.

  • I posted this on my Facebook and wow! Do people
    Come out of the woodwork to defend WHY they read it or why it’s no big deal. I even had a friend tell me not too put too much thought into it because life is too short! Huh?? What i want to know is where the heck are my Christian friends to get my back on my Facebook posts? That’s what annoys me- cowardice

  • @Dannah: SO…if your point of view is based on research and not the hearsay of others about a book why don’t you publish the research?! If you want the un-indoctrinated to understand, give them the facts. Where are your CITATIONS? Like the NYT and women’s magazine articles you reference that purportedly support your argument against pornography.

  • Thank you for posting this! We want to please our Lord and Savior, and reading such books will be far from pleasing to Him.

  • Thank you very much for posting this. Many will not understand because of 1 Cor. 2:14, “The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.”. Thank you for being vocal about this. We need more people standing up for purity.

  • I’ve read 50 shades of Grey, Darker and Freed. The worst part of these books is the language. It describes things that can be done with certain items and how some people choose this lifestyle for lack of a better word. Some things were questionable in the books and I can not see myself doing them, but neither could Ana. The books are a tale of a relationship between Christian and Ana and how they deal with their pasts, present and future. I did NOT find the books offensive. Some areas, the best I came up with was “to each his own”. The book talks about sadism but he is NOT sadistic, I would say it portrays more on the line of kinky. Just my opinion. You can’t honestly trash or acclaim something you have not read and everyone will have their own opinion and feelings about these books. Thanks.

  • @Dannah if Dannah studies sex hours and hours every day (her own words), that explains her hangups. I think you should think about other things and stop being so legalistic and critical.

  • I’ve read all 3 of the books and I loved them. I thought the story was great. I’m a Christian mom of 4 who has been married for 13 years and my marriage is better than it has ever been. Yep…the books have caused me to lust…for my husband and it’s wonderful!!! I’m bummed that there are only 3 – I’m hoping she comes out with more!

    I find it so interesting that people are so condemning of a book that they know absolutely nothing about (which is obvious to those of us to have read the books.)

    Just an FYI…Ana was never forced to do anything. As a matter of fact, she was given a list of things that she could agree or not agree to. If someone agrees to participate in a sexual act, then I’m pretty sure you can’t call it rape.

  • I found this kinda funny I have been reading your post for a while and this kinda shocked me you judge a book based on sexuality and what choices a woman end up making…. yet you write a blog where you answer sex questions and about girlhood??? thats what this book is about a womans girlhood and sexuality… you have chosen to judge something without knowing? its baffling really you’re judging something while claiming to the bible….

  • Thank you for putting into eloquent words what I have been trying to say to those who ask if I am reading Fifty Shades. These were my exact thoughts. I thought perhaps I was being overly sensitive to the matter. Your review of this subject gives my opinion credence. Luckily our marriage has weathered, and we have only God to thank for that. So subtle, that enemy, chinking our women’s armor with the same destructive tactic that has devastated our marriages and families.

  • What I have realized is God wants pure hearts. Sometimes people isolate their sexual life in a compartment separated from the rest of their life. God wants our sexuality to reflect His presence in our life. God wants the whole of our life devoted to Him.
    What we do many times is justify what we read, say and how we function in our sexuality.
    Remember that every positive or nagative message we receive from our view of our sexuality. We receive most of our training about sex from birth up, even if sex was never spoken about in our homes. Attitudes, behaviors, and the purposes of sex are all expressed explicitly or tacitly as we grow.
    Many people suffer from some kind sexual trauma, date rape, insest, promiscuity and etc.
    We learn to cope with the after effects to be able to continue to function. We put walls up to protect ourselves. Telling ourselves lies that we will be fine. What we have learned to do is put ourselves in a box with four walls telling ourselves that no one will hurt me again. We keep the secret(s) pushed deep in our souls.
    When reading a book like this, it may set off some triggers within us that may bring up the trauma we may have experienced. Or if we have a lustful spirit it will feed on it.
    Regardless of what it may trigger off within us. Would we addmit that we need healing in the area of our sexuality.
    In Genesis 3:8
    the man & his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

    Hide: Place or state of concealment, to keep secret, withhold, fail to disclose, suppress, keep quiet, hold back, bury, cover, keep a veil over it It’s not uncommon for us to hide as humans ( We do not want to be exposed.)

    Question: Are we hiding and is God calling, “where are you”
    Genesis 3:10
    He answered, I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked: so I hid.

    Naked – Unprotected, exposed, unclothed, stripped, open, obvious, hidden, not concealed
    Lacking the usual covering or protection, having no covering

    Question:
    Do we feel safe enough with God?

    Are we afraid, do we hold back from looking at our sexuality and pretend everything is okay.
    Are we trying to keep it hidden in the garden of our hearts among the trees.

    Revelation 12:11
    They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

    We needed to allow God to go into the garden of our hearts. We know we have to stop hiding. He wants to set us free from its bondage. Destroying what the enemy has done to us. Holding us captive.

    Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. Jer. 17:7

    Question:
    Can you trust God to confort you in your past abuse?

  • i was aectually thinking of reading this book, never really thinking about it in the way that you just wrote about. Amen, I know in my heart that God had me open up to this without even searching for this blog.

  • Is all this serious?! The book is a great book in which the way it was written. Dont judge a book by its cover or what others tell you. Everyone has their own opinion and is obligated to like different things. Anyways. Awesome book!!!!!

  • Thank you for this post! You have said exactly how I feel about this subject but hadn’t yet put it into words. I am saddened by the number of women, Christians even, who have chosen to read these books. They apparently haven’t yet grasped what perfect plan God has for them.

  • Great post, I had been told it was a great book and some of my friends have read it, but I agree with you, and thank you for giving us a biblical outlook.

  • You are speaking of a book that is Fiction…NOT TRUE, in case you don’t know the meaning! The bible is written as a biography of the life of Jesus. A biography that is based on stories. There is no fact in either the bible or 50 Shades of Grey. Both are just stories that make people feel good in some way or another! Im sure you wont keep this post up for long for fear that I may corrupt some of your followers but let’s all get real. We are not on this earth to please our peers, our pastors, spouses, or Jesus for that matter. We are all complex cell structures that EVOLVED, will die, and become carbon and methane… Now there is truth to that in very hard scientific FACTs… you know, things that are true. Get an education and quit judging others! If you truly have read your FICTIONAL BIBLIOGRAPHY ABOUT A MAN THAT IS EVERYWHERE AND CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD, THEN I BELIEVE YOU WOULD HAVE RUN ACROSS A PART IN THERE THAT SPEAKS ABOUT JUDGING OTHERS! TRY ACTUALLY LIVING BY THE WHOLE BOOK AND NOT JUST PREACHING THE PARTS THAT FIT YOUR FANCY!

  • All U so called religious people have WAY too much time on your hands and need to put that energy on more important things instead of a fictional book that U have never read. SERIOUSLY! ??? Do something that actually matters.

  • I haven’t been able to stop reading all these posts… It’s so interesting to me to see how people view what you have said. Those Christians who tell you thank you and those who did read the book and are mad that you judged them for it. For myself I find this all strange… The strangest being that this website is called “pure freedom ” yet a lot people are upset at you for utilizing your freedom to speak your thoughts about this book. Now to say you are “judging” them makes me laugh… That’s the number one response or come back that people who have been convicted ALWAYS say… Well, you’re judging me and God says not to do that so TAKE THE UGLINESS OFF OF ME and let’s put it on you!!! Here is the truth about all of this…. You never said those who are reading this are bad, horrible, ugly hearted people who are goin to hell…. That would be judging, you are doing what I BEG of oof other Christian women to do for me…. HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE!!!! No matter what I think, how popular this book is, how much I want to read it so I can conversation with friends about it, I AM MOT READING IT! And let me tell you why, IT’S WALKING THE FENCE!! If it even has the slightest, centimeter, mustard seed size potential of dissapointing my Lord… I AM NOT DOING IT! It’s not worth it to me… Find other ways to spice up your marriage, talk to yor husband about your intimency. This book is of the world, and I think something that needs to be considered is all these people throwing the word CHRISTIAN it there like it entitles their opinion to be better than those who aren’t… And those who are “Christians” who have read the book… Beig a Christian means so many different things to people now a days, this word is used like it has no value. Being a Christian means you follow the Lord, you seek to please Him, you have a deep personal relationship with Him… It means He has your PURE heart. If this book could for one second make your heart unpure… Then as a true Christian JUST SIMPLY DON’TGO THERE.
    Thank you for not judging me, but holding me accountable… I won’t be reading this book 🙂 I am striving to be pure for my Jesus and my husband!

  • Thankyou for this post! A friend of mine lent me her copy and said I should read chapters 7&8 so I could get the basic idea of the book. I’m so sorry that I did – I doubt I will ever forget and I wish that I didn’t have those word pictures in my mind. If I don’t want my husband watching porn, should I be reading it?

  • First of all, I’d like to say that I appreciate good conversation & respect different opinions. Discussing such a controversial topic is wonderful. I only have issue with one of your statements. I completely disagree that a husband looks at porn because his wife is failing in some way. Being married to a recovering porn addict is challenging & in the beginning I assumed it was in some way my fault. After numerous conversations with my husband, both our counselors, & leaders in our church I have learned that it has nothing to do with me. He was exposed at an impressionable age, sexually abused, & had this struggle long before we met. This is an extremely vital point in healing a marriage damaged by porn.

  • So I’m reading the article you posted. Here is my critique:

    Reason 1: We should not read Erotica because only our husband’s should arouse us.

    So, skip reading Songs of Solomon in the Bible then. Also, the bible frequently refers to “laying” with a woman or “spilling his seed”. You talk about how a friend can’t get the images out of her head. The Bible gives us some pretty clear images.

    I don’t believe this is a valid reason to not read the book.

    Reason 2: We shouldn’t read Erotica because porn and reading erotica will keep us less interested in sex with your husband and more interested in self-stimulation.

    The Bible talks a lot about lust. Very clearly. Although it is said in negative connotations, there are frequent vivid references to what is exactly done in each situation.

    The book itself talks about lust and sexual gratification, but the lesson is similar – true love doesn’t come from pure lust. It comes from relationship and it works from book 1 (pure lust) to a lasting, committed relationship and marriage (book 3).

    Also, in terms of self-stimulation and less interest in sex with your husband: the books actually SPICED up our sex life. I frequently shared different things with my husband and we plan on trying some as well as having tried some things. Are there things listed that are definitely off the list and unacceptable for us? Yes. But for the most part, some of the things listed actually look like fun!

    Reason 3: Doesn’t bother me. I know it happens occasionally. We’re open about it. But that’s a whole other topic. If porn is replacing me all the time, I’m definitely worried, but we talk about this often and sometimes I can’t sexually fulfill his needs (tired, sick, sore, in pain, etc) and he can only go for so long. It is what it is. I’m not going to go into detail, so please don’t say it is my duty to sexually fulfill my husband whenever he wants. With the pain that I experience in my life, it would be uncherishing of him to fulfill his sexual needs when I am sick. But I’m sure you’ll have something judgmental to say about that.

    Reason 4: BDSM
    So you have never had your hands tied, feet bound during sex? The pleasure from this can be incredible. Also, biblically speaking, our husbands are the dominants and we are the submissives. The submissive nature of BDSM is about pleasure, not hurt and pain. Do I think that I should sign contracts to be submissive in the bedroom and have my husband literally hurt me? NO. But do we have some fun? YES. The books are not about BDSM. They are about how a man struggles with his past in which he needs extreme control and BDSM helps him manage that. After meeting Ana, the ENTIRE SERIES is about how his desires for control ie. BDSM in the bedroom change to overcoming these urges and working at a beautiful relationship of commitment and love.

    But then again, you don’t know that because YOU NEVER READ THE BOOKS! This is why your reasons are not only off-putting but downright rude. You have, in your own introduction, judged your friends who read the books. Do you feel so good now? So much better about yourself? If you truly were doing this as a piece about your reasons for not reading the book, you would not have even mentioned your God-fearing friends who you “couldn’t believe read the book”. Shame on you for your judgment.

  • You’re an idiot! LOL Now that may not be a very “Christian” thing to say, but I know I’m forgiven. You, however, have no such hope because blasphemy of the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven. Your twisted idea of the Christian faith and the Bible is so far off base it’s not funny. As far as judging, if you knew anything about Christianity, you would know that true Christian believers are in fact the body of Christ here on earth, something you will not understand, insasmuch as our Savior Jesus Christ also sits at the right hand of His Father in Heaven. As the body of Christ on Earth we have the authority and the responsibility to try shine the light on sinful behavior in an effort to have that person repent, or turn around or away from sin, and be made right with God. That can only happen through Jesus, and because of His death and resurrection. You, however, choose to see it as fiction. Perhaps you really are evolved from a primate or subspecies, because you choose to believe you know more than God. Satan thought he did too. You’ll share his fate unless you get a life! I’ll pray for you.

  • The book is awesome. I love it. I feel like it has made me want to love like that…..if you had read the book you would know that it’s an AWESOME love story about a Man that couldn’t love. I think that it is people like you that make Sex dirty and shameful to think or talk about. WOW. OH, and my Husband loves that I love this book!! He is thinking of reading it next. I just had a baby and I was so self concious that I didn’t “look” the same as I did and this book has brought out a “sexy” side to me that I didn’t know I had. But your opinion is just that……JUST an opinion.

  • @Dannah

    Really, your article is refreshing and awesome in so many ways, God bless you for your boldness to speak up in an over-sexed society! But to husbands and wives who have brought some creativity to their intimacy, your shaming and condemnation is just so misplaced, and sad to me.

    Your ideas about BONDAGE, DOMINANCE, SADISM, OR MASOCHISM are SO alarmist, extremist! And really based on fiction! Its like those “explorers” of old, the ones that would never actually see the new found territory, so they would just write back with what they think it might look like, making it fantastic and crazy, just to scare and titillate their audience, and audience who knows nothing about the topic and was trusting the “expert” to report back the reality of the situation. (this 50 Shades lady made the same mistake too, which is ironic!)

    I am honestly amazed because the creepy, terrible fantasy of BONDAGE DOMINANCE SADISM AND MASOCHISM that you made up and presented here is way darker and scarier than I, as someone who enjoys BONDAGE DOMINANCE SADISM AND MASOCHISM stuff with my husband, would EVER have thought up what you did and posted on here in a million years!

    It amazing how people take the bond between husband and wife and turn it into some horrific, distorted, nightmare to scare and shame them with.

  • Someone asked me tonight at Bible study if I had heard of this book. I told them I had heard that it was very pornographic for women and had alot of graphic, violent, things in it. I also told them I would not be reading it. Funny this should have popped up on a friend’s facebook and I was referred to your site. Thank you for this and I will post it on my facebook site.

  • I honestly think that your whole outlook on something that you have no idea about is sick. You sit here and talk about adultery and religion but doesnt the bible say plain and simple; thou shall not judge? Isnt this what you are doing? Your saying that if you read the book then you are committing adultery and bla bla bla. Honestly I have known many couples that the wife has read this book and this has done nothing but spice up their marriage, whats wrong with that??? Maybe if you are thinking this far into if you read the book you will commit adultery, maybe thats your own self consience. Its NOT REAL, its ok to read it. Do you watch TV? If you judge everything you see or hear, then I am sad for you.

  • @Tabitha

    REALLY??

    Apparently your idea of “something that really matters” does not apply to someone responding unfavorably to this book.

    But since your response to their response hardly qualifies as “something that really matters” either, how does your comment far any better?

  • Although I can see a Christian’s view on these books, it is also true that these books are a work of fiction. Like twilight, there is no Christian Gray out there, like there’s no Edward. The language can be obscene, the scenes are erotic. You know this now, so don’t read it now that you have those facts. The BDSM is what I have an issue with Danneh mentioning it. By the way, although there are many out there that take that lifestyle and muck it up,there are very caring relationships that practice this lifestyle. It’s not all cut and dried. As a Christian you should understand this. Otherwise we would all be the same faith and you would be just like that Christian across the street that doesn’t think or act they way you feel right doing the way you act and think. @Candace

  • This is halarious.

    You are missing out on so much that life has to offer. Reading a book like this could enhance and open your love life to everything the world has to offer, for you and your husband.