In Defense of My “Shock Jock” Literary Hooks

THE WINNERS OF THE FREE BOOKS FOR THIS POST HAVE BEEN RANDOMLY SELECTED ALREADY, BUT FEEL FREE TO JOIN IN THE RIVETING CONVERSATION• I warned everyone. From the very first sentence of What Are You Waiting For: The One Thing No One Ever Tells You About Sex, I was clear that I wouldn’t shy away from “the words”. For crying out loud, I even produced a video to pre-promote the book that warned I’d used “the words”. I thought long and hard before I decided to use them. The decision wasn’t made without prayer, the advice of an amazing advisory team including theologians, and ultimately the methodical dissection of an entire team of seasoned editors. In the end, we felt it wise to take on the challenge to dissect issues like masturbation, oral sex, and porn—something just a few Christian books targeting men have done.

I thought I had thick skin, but—while the vast majority of blogs, reviews and comments about the book are overwhelming full of the word “WOW!”—I still feel the need to defend myself when I read the ones that shut me down for my decision. Here’s one:

While reading the first chapters of this book, I was turned off by the sort of “shock jock” literary hooks and emotional chick flick definitions of romance.  So I put my super critical glasses on and prepared to deal with whatever horrible theology was about to be thrown my way.

I’d like to explain my decision to include what she calls “shock jock” literary hooks. And if you’ll give me the courtesy of hearing the two simple reason why, I’ll kindly pay you back for your time with a chance to win a copy of my chick-flick-of-a-book!

First, I want to emphasize what I say on the first page of the book: “I find a more poetic, subtle approach to sexuality  more romantic. Not to mention tasteful. It seems to me that the Bible—while not lacking in sexual instruction, ethic, and purpose—often presents the subject in veiled terms, leaving us unblushed by its modest references to a gift so tender.” Even with this personal preference, I felt called to a more explicit writing about sexuality (targeting older teen and college-aged women) for two reasons.

Two Reasons Why I Used “The Words”

Reason Number One: I’ve been counseling teen and college aged girls since the year 2000 when my first book, And The Bride Wore White, was released. (Incidentally, we broke some ground with that book, too. No one was taking their masks of perfection off to talk about their own sexual sin and God’s incredible power to heal and transform a sinner before I penned that book. Turns out a lot of people needed to know they weren’t alone.) Here’s one thing I know about counseling pastor’s daughters, missionary kids,  home schooled teens, Christian college students, and the rest of the cream of the crop out there: they know “the words.” They use them. (And often their more crass euphemisms.) I once caught a pastor’s kid as she fainted from the physically manifestation of shame while confessing to me her long-lost battle with masturbation. I held and comforted a home schooled college girl who was having sex with her boyfriend even though she was under her parents strict courting regulations. I tried not to blink from shock when the brace-laden 13-year-old youth group cutie told me she was “giving [oral sex] to pretty much everyone.” (It’s never the act of sin that shocks me. It’s the euphemisms.) Last year I was ministering at a gathering of some of the most theologically conservative women on the planet—pardon the hyperbole, but it’s practically true—when a missionary kid approached me asking how to overcome her addiction to porn. You see, I didn’t decide to use “the words” because they know them. I decided to use the words because they DO them. And their hearts are broken by it. Someone has to stop that!

Reason Number Two: In light of the fact that they’re doing “the words,” I have to wonder what moral value has been assigned to them. These are often the cream of the crop Christian kids coming to me for healing from sexual pain. How is it that they “didn’t know?” I recently met a 25-year-old girl who grew up in the Church, was active in her youth group, and experienced a radical encounter with Christ as her Healer when facing a life-threatening illness as a teen. She has more sex partners than she can count. As she cried with me, the pain of the sin having caught up with her, she said: “I didn’t know sex was such a big deal. No one really told me it could hurt, and the world made it sound so good.” You see, no one IN THE CHURCH took time to assign moral value to things like masturbation, porn and oral sex. The culture, however, attempts daily to make acts of sexuality morally neutral. The culture’s very loud, daily assignment of value easily trumps the ever-so-infrequently whispered assignment of value from the Church. (So, in the case of my 25-year-old friend, crossing the line to give up her virginity “just happened naturally as a progression from those other things.”) I decided to use “the words” because the moral value assigned to them must be informed by The Word of God.

Let me get all this useless blogging about my language in the book out of the way by just saying it like it is. There are 41,404 words in my line edited manuscript of the book. The word porn is used 67 times in the body of the book. Masturbation shows up 21 times. Oral sex shows up 8 times. Orgasm shows up 8 times. If that offends you, you should not read What Are You Waiting For. (Now I feel like I’m writing a movie review. Speaking of which: How many of you saw “The King’s Speech?” I didn’t even use that word and you heard it more times in :45 seconds than I will my entire life! Were you shocked? Or did you laugh?)

And there we come back to the real world. I’m not a spiritual monk. Those who are—and like it that way—will continue to write bad things about my book. Case in point:

Now that I’ve read it, I’m at a loss for how to discuss it. Because yes, I choose to be very discrete when it comes to the topic of sex….I become incredibly uncomfortable around people who discuss any aspect of it in the same manner as if they are talking about making pancakes. Prudish? Some would say so. I choose to use the word discrete and like it that way.

Just for the record: I used more than 128 Scripture verses—averaging twenty words per for a total of 2560 words— from The Word to assign moral value to “the words.”

If you want to know how far is too far, why sexual sin hurts so much, if masturbation is a sin, how to talk about the GLBT issue, whether or not to dump a guy who is using porn, or how to know which guy is the right guy…read my book.

If you want to read about how to make pancakes…don’t read my book.

Leave a comment below answering the following question and you’ll be entered into a random drawing to receive one of ten free books to be shipped next week. (Sorry pancake-eating-monks, the book is What Are You Waiting For.) And the question is: Should the Church be talking more bluntly about the issues of pornography, oral sex, masturbation, homosexuality, and other difficult sexual issues?

Written By
More from Dannah

Myth #2: Modesty is a form of misogyny. [VIDEO]

Is Christian culture sometimes formed more by secular lines of thinking than by biblical...
Read More

97 Comments

  • “You see, I didn’t decide to use ‘the words’ because they know them. I decided to use the words because they DO them.” – I like the way that’s said! While I do think there are limitations to talking about these subjects in church (certain age groups, etc.), I do think they should be addressed. And when you say the words out loud instead of beating around the bush, people begin to really realize what they are doing. And the Bible addressed so much about sex, and people often don’t realize it. If pastors will talk about these topics, people will feel less ashamed of their issues, and be more willing to look for answers instead of just avoiding the problems. My pastor talks about sex sometimes, and it used to make me very uncomfortable. But now my family can talk about it maturely, and I don’t feel scared to ask my parents questions. God created sex, and I can’t wait to share it with my husband some day!!

  • You know, for me, being a teenager, seeing you use “those words” actually made the book even more appealing to me. It actually made me more drawn to it – because of it’s blunt honesty and naked truth it presented. I think a lot of the time we try to cover these “words” up and this can cause even more people/teenagers to be more timid in their response and willingness to talk about it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for being discreet and modest in my vocab, but sometimes just seeing things for what they truly are and not trying to pretty them up, is what we all need. A good dose of reality, I suppose!

    Dannah, your book was incredible! I loved it! If “those words” were all those people could see, then WOW they really missed out on incredible and encouraging truth. I pray God will let them see beyond such a shallow judgment and be able to fully see the encouraging truth you presented!

  • Yes, definitely! As a church, we are unfortunately just as dysfunctional concerning sexuality as the secular culture around us. We need to hear what God has to say about sex and relationships in His Word, and from reputable Christian authors, such as yourself. But I do think we need to be discerning on the who, what, where, when, and why of discussing these topics, particularly with the young people we mentor. I think it depends on their maturity level, and I think it’s better for women to discuss with other women and/or girls, and men with men and/or boys. I mentored teen girls for 8 years, and I found that my girls had a wide variety of backgrounds, experiences, knowledge, and questions. Some girls were more than ready for these conversations (and needed them!), some wouldn’t even know what those words mean, and others would be too embarrassed to even discuss. I would love to win this book for my youth pastor’s wife. We’ve been talking about it (I have the book, and have read most of it). She is planning on borrowing it from me once I’m done, but it would be great to just give her a copy!

  • Hey Lindsay! I sure do want your youth pastor’s wife to have a copy of this book. Message me on facebook with your address. It’s on the way. Something I wish I could do for everyone! But the rest will have to win. (I’m a poor girl!) And…rightly said that we must be cautious in the audience/individuals readiness for such topics. I’m a HUGE fan of breaking up a youth group to have blunt girl talk and blunt guy talk at age-appropriate levels! Love the modesty it protects when we get gender specific! Well said!

    Rachel! Thanks! I love ya!

  • I think that teens respect and respond well to straight talk. It shouldn’t be crass — but just say things straight out. I haven’t read the book, but from what you say here it sounds like you weren’t crass, just straight. With a book on that topic, I think you had to use “the words.” What else would you call these things?

  • Preach it sister! I have to say, if you are not willing to use “the words” they are already using with their friends then you certainly can’t expect them to open up to you!
    WAKE UP CHURCH! It is time to play offense for our children!
    Lord help you when you wake up one day to find your teenage daughter or son is addicted to porn, masturbating, sex……..you are wearing a mask. So of course, they will wear one too. It’s a terrible disease in the church!
    LOVE YOUR HEART DANNAH!!

  • The Lord made sex between a husband and a wife to be sacred. Using language that the kids use today I think is disrespectful and demeaning to people. I don’t want my daughter using any of that language so why should i talk to her about sex like that. The Bible says that we are going to have to give an account for all of our words we use. I think we need to take a stand and go against the way of the world. I think they wouldn’t be doing them if the Parents would be teaching them from the Bible why not to be doing them. I think it is the parent’s responsibility to teach our children first about sexuality from a biblical standpoint. I see what you mean. If we as Godly parents would teach our children from the start about how sexuality is meant to be then we wouldn’t be having these problems. I don’t think you have to put it in a worldly context for them to understand it. I honestly think a husband and wife shouldn’t even talk like that. It leads to sin. I can absolutely attest to this in my life.

  • YES. I totally agree with you. I grew up as a pastor’s kid, always knowing that sex before marriage is wrong. But I was never warned about the “other things”, and after being abused at a young age fell into some bad habits that I had no idea were wrong things until I was aged 16. Had the church helped to teach about the “other things” as a part of abstinence and not just the actual act of intercourse, I feel that I would have found healing a lot sooner than I actually did.

  • I believe the answer is a resounding YES. For society, sex out of wedlock is the norm. TV shows and movies aimed at younger and younger children routinely include jokes of double entendre which refer to the above mentioned issues. When the message being delivered to society is that these issues are ones to make fun of or make light of, it is foolishness to think we don’t need to address them. It is crucial to be relevant so that the message of scripture will be heard. Jesus is always willing to meet us where we are at and we as Christians are called to engage the culture in which we live in. I would love an opportunity to read your book.

  • I think it all should be talked about instead of adults burying their heads in the sand, pretending their kids won’t know about it. Parents harm their children by intentionally covering their eyes, ears, and mouths instead of TALKING/communicating openly with their children. ☺

  • Having not yet read the book, when I started reading this blog, “the words” that I thought you were referring to were way more graphic than the ones you actually referenced using. I can attest, even as a K-12 homeschooler now graduated from a Christian university, I am plenty familiar with all the words, crass euphemisms included! I’m glad you went ahead and told it like it is. 🙂

  • Dannah… I absolutely think you did the exact right thing. You can’t talk to alcohlics about drunkness without talking about rum, whiskey, beer and wine. You can’t talk to people about sex without using ‘those words’. I’m so glad I attend a church where they talk about things like masturbation, oral sex, and so on… and the biblical reasons to live a life of purity with heart, body, and mind. YES… the church should use those words. And thank you Dannah for doing so!

  • While some pastors have preached series on marital sexuality which is a wonderful thing, i have yet to hear from the pulpit any of these hot button topics addressed. Young and older need to have clear teaching. The cultures teaching and our unsaved relatives teaching and scoffing tells our kids their message amplified and multiplied. If we are unfortunate enough to have a spouse who has left the family due to sexual sin the risks for our kids skyrocket as they watch this lifestyle portrayed as acceptable before their very eyes in their own personal lives.

    The pain that the misuse of our sexualuty can cause is enormous yet it is never stated to our youth. they are given messages that it is a natural human urge and things like oral sex are safe because they don”t cause pregnancy and are presented as morally neutral and no big deal. Meanwhile cancer of the mouth caused by HPV and other infections has risen sharply due to the prevalence of oral sex performed in a promiscuous manner. It is very important that our generations be saved and delivered from that which can steal , kill and desrtoy. Clear teaching and guidance are needed as well as a way back and the ability to heal if one has been on a detour road rather than the narrow road which leads to life. Thank you for being a voice crying in the wilderness. I support your efforts. God bless you for what you do.

  • Dannah,
    Most definitely you should use the words! For so many years we as a society have not used the words, kept it as shameful and in the dark and hurt ourselves by staying quiet. I am one of those girls you mentioned in the blog. I have been so hurt by this sin because no one said anything to me. No one shared with me the dangers physically, emotionally and spiritually. In order to reach a dying and hurting world Jesus used parables of the time to relate to the masses. This is a huge and massive issue killing our world. Use the words because they are being done. Use the words because we are called to be real. Use the words because we are called to in the world but not of it. Being in it means understanding it enough to relate to it. When I was deep in my sin there is no way I would want someone flowering it up. I would have taken unrealistic admonishment as condescending and ignored it. I say relate to be able to bring restoration through Jesus.

  • I agree and I am so glad that there are resorces for our teens that I didnt have growing up. My husband and I are youth leaders at our church and we face these issues on a very regular basis. It is difficlt to commmunicate with teens if you seem to talk in a rond-about manner, but when you can talk using “the words” they are familiar with, (and like you said- “the words” they are doing) you open up a new dialoge. It is our job to help guide and council them. Praise the Lord for resources like this! We need to give council other than the typical “roll your eyes purity talk”!

  • Dannah, I really can’t answer this quetion either way, whether you should have used “the words” or not but what I can say is that if you spent the time in prayer like I know you and many others have regarding the wording to use, then all I …can say is who are we to judge or condemn you for doing what the Lord has prompted you to do! Thank you for being willing to step on toes and risk offending, what a great example of Jesus you are being! And thank you for continuing to care about these young men and women when many in the church sadly want to sweep these things under the rug or pour on more shame and guilt and such! You are a huge blessing!!!!

  • I’m sorry to admit that I haven’t read the book yet. I have read about it, and do hope to read it before too long. I think the alternative to not using the words “masturbation,” “oral sex,” and “orgasm” is simply to not address them…and that would be a TERRIBLE option! I’m not suggesting that this book be the curriculum for my kindergartener’s Sunday School class, but these are topics that believers can NOT shy away from in reaching their kids. If we’re not talking (to our kids) about this, who will?!?

  • Absolutely! In the “old days” – when I was growing up, I talked with my extremely wise mother about EVERYTHING! That is, EXCEPT SEX! Oh, how I wish we would have talked about it more! There is no doubt she could have taught me so much-had it been accepted!

    Being the mother of 11 and 13 year old daughters (and a 27 year old son who is getting married TONIGHT-can you say EXCITED!!!), there is NOTHING they haven’t already heard in school! Today is NOT THE SAME as it was when I was a child and the children share so much garbage!

    I know that mothers want to shelter/protect their daughters – however, they already know so much more than you think – and they NEED to hear the truth (not the garbage that is shared so freely)!

    Thank you Dannah for having the courage (and listening to HIS “small voice”) to write this book! I can’t wait to read the book!

  • I am one of those “prudes”. I grew up in a home where not even the “s” word was mentioned. My parents rarely even showed affection in front of me. Yet… behind closed doors I was learning all about sex from the kids at school and yes, even more from the teens in our youth group. Every word imaginable became part of my vocabulary, probably starting at about the age of 14. I couldn’t talk about it with my parents, youth leaders, Sunday School teachers, or any other adult in the church. Slowly I began to drift into that world I had heard so much about and was left with regrets, a broken spirit, and unspeakable pain.

    Yet I still struggle with those words! My husband is a pastor and has preached both to the youth and the Sunday congregation about sex. He has tackled both the beautiful, God-given side of it and the twisted sin side of it. Whenever he spoke I cringed and wanted to run from the room. I felt it went against everything “church” allowed to be spoken about in public. He used those words Dannah is talking about, yet covered them in scripture and Godly insight (as I suspect she did). It was hard to hear, but necessary. In a world today where my husband and I have to counsel Christians away from living together before marriage, pornography addictions that are destroying families, online chat affairs, destructive masturbation habits(I hate the word, but there it is!), teens crossing the line with oral sex, and many other things… YES! These words have to be used in order to NOT ignore the things out there that are tearing the church apart piece by piece, starting with our children. Here’s a true example: A couple of summers ago, an 11 year old girl texted 2 of our youth boys, not much older than her, and asked them if they would like her to give them oral sex. What???!!! And you know she didn’t even use that p.c. terminology! I’m not even sure if it’s ok to post on here how she asked them, but I’m sure we ALL know what she said! So, Dannah – GO FOR IT!

  • I am so thankful for you and for your courage in addressing these very timely issues. I must admit that I am shocked that people would find fault with you using correct terminology. You are a Godly woman and I know God has appointed this job to you. I have great respect for you, Dannah. Be strong and just realize that many of us do not realize what is going on concerning this issue and therefore have our heads buried in the sand. Shame on us.

  • I am thankful for all the resources you are providing that allow us to talk to our children about difficult subjects. My daughter is about to turn 9, but in Kindergarten she came home from a friend’s house and told me that they had played “sex”. They had learned this from an older girl on the bus/in the neighborhood. I am thankful I had an opportunity to talk to her in very simple terms about it (and that what they were doing wasn’t even close). As she gets older, I know I’m going to need help to get over my fear of using “those words” and am looking forward to reading your book. Also, I have realized as an adult and a new Christian that it is hard to confess sin, or feel like its been forgiven, when we can’t discuss these subjects openly and with “the words.” Talking around it makes it feel like its too big of a sin to talk about let alone be forgiven. Also, our testimony speaks volumes to others. If we overcome the sin, but can’t talk to those still caught in it with the words they are thinking, speaking, and doing, how will they ever trust our testimony? Because someone who really overcame a sin knows & has used “the words” and should be able to say them in their testimony.

  • I was very uncomfortable for years in my marriage talking about these things with my husband because I didn’t know or was educated about what was Godly in sexual issues. This caused a lot of conflict for us, because he was very verbal about these matters, and I have only just recently found more understanding and Godly knowledge on the subjects, but there are still issues that are in need of much prayer in my marriage of 13 1/2 years. I believe that in today’s society, our kids are way overexposed to these issues at a very early age. Any Godly instruction that we can give them on these topics to educate them and prepare them to make Godly choices and respect themselves and be confident in themselves and in God is highly welcomed to me. It IS unfortunate that they are hearing and even doing these “words”, but I would rather they hear them and be instructed in “THE WORD” at home with Godly instruction and Godly resources than struggle in making good decisions on their own. Whether we like it or not, they are being exposed and learning these things at younger ages than I am comfortable with or wanting to deal with, but as a mother of a 5th grade girl (and 2 younger boys), I am already seeing/hearing things that urge me to get on my knees in prayer!

  • I think that people today are wanting straight-up answers and information, so yes! I think the church needs to deal with these issues–and words–directly. I’m always thankful for real, straight-up discussion on issues that are obviously attacking us and our kids. I am excited to read the book!

  • I have been speaking/teaching abstinence in public schools for the last 15 years. In the first few years it was hard for me to say “the words”. Our group leaders (wonderful volunteer adults who sit at the tables WITH the students) encouraged me over and over to say things as plainly as possible. The kids need to know what is true and clearly sort out what they have already learned from the world. Anyway, in the early days I had to memorize the exact wording to explain vaginal intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, “outercourse” and the “transmission” of STDs just so that I could say it without crying. Now, many years later… and after speaking to thousands of 7-8th graders, I can say that it is the RIGHT and RESPONSIBLE thing to do… to speak the truth in love. (even when my own children and their friends are sitting in front of me!!) You are doing a great ministry and I can’t wait to read your book!! By the way, I’m a nurse practitioner and hold a master degree in public health. Reality is serious and our “good kids” are just as “at risk” as the ones we stand back and judge from our pews. AND A SIDE NOTE ABOUT MISSION TRIPS: We leave next Thursday for Haiti… my husband and I… and our three children (18-boy, 16-boy, and 12-girl). We will be doing surgery and loving people!! What a blessing for me to spend this spring break with them teaching them about missions!

  • Dannah: I have looked to your materials for guidance for several years now. My husband and I are youth leaders at our church. I was a teen mom. I am so tired of hearing people be so shocked at using “the words”. Wake up people!. I agree your kids know them and are doing them. We need to start being a little more open with our kids and the kids we are responsible for. We just started a study on dating in our youth group and I flat out told our girls that I would be blunt and they were welcome to get up and leave the room if they felt uncomfortable. I told them no question would shock me, to just ask away. Yes we need to protect our kids, but you are not doing them any favors by not talking about these things. Thank you for all your work and for putting this material out there for us moms and youth leaders to use.

    By the way, I almost used this book for our study. But I went with the cost factor of a cheaper book. I am sorry about that. I would love to have a copy of your book to use in conjunction with the other study.

  • Dannah, I’m desperately trying to “Keep the Little in my Girl(s)”. We have been to 2 SKG events, are working on the “Great Dates” and considering starting a ministry for the tween girls in our church. I’m praying that all of this will make “What Are You Waiting For:” less necessary in our household. That said, I’m am immensely grateful that it is there.

    Given my own past that led to infertility, I’ve given abstinence talks in local high schools. I can tell you from 10 years of experience that teens will not hear you or listen to your message if you do not meet them where they are. If they think you are a prude or “Holier than thou”, they will tune you out and write you off. Sadly, the comment I get most often is “I wish I’d met you in middle school.” I haven’t read your book, but I hope it covered ‘secondary virginity’ – the choice to repent and move forward under the protective umbrella of God’s will.

    Dannah, I have deliberately and prayerfully invited you into our family. I am profoundly grateful that you have made these resources available to us all. I know if I stand a chance to influence my girls away from the world, it will be because you gave me to tools to do so. “You can’t please all of the people all of the time” is a cliche for a reason. It’s true. Whenever you are making great strides for God’s Kingdom, the enemy will try to discourage and stop you. Use that as a measure of how you’re doing. If you’re not bothering him, he won’t bother you. Keep bothering him, Dannah. We need what God is doing in your life to help save our girls.

  • Thank you for your heart for the teens who are dealing with these issues face to face and for being willing to take a heap of criticism for their sake and for the sake of the truth. I have 3 young daughters and will pour as much knowledge into them as I can. These young ladies need truth… no more secrets and no more “elephants in the room”. Amen.

  • ABSOLUTELY! I have 2 girls (11y & 7y) that I spend a lot of time with (especially the oldest) discussing some issues of sex, true love, and their commitment to Christ (especially concerning these tough issues.) I would rather be a little uncomfortable at times by using “the words” than having to deal with all of the issues that would be a result of them giving in to their sinful desires!

    I take this very seriously, because I don’t want them believing the lies of this world. It’s time the church stand up for these kids and teach them in the ways of Christ; we’ve been silent TOO LONG!

    p.s. Thanks for all you do to help us (parents) better understand how to talk with and pray for our little girls. We REALLY enjoyed going to see you last year at Secret Keeper Girl & we’re looking forward to it again next year!

  • I love your honesty and am so very thankful for you. You are able to put things in writing that I wish I could articulate to the teens and tweens that I have and continue to work with and to my 3 daughters. Girls need to hear the truth. That their loving heavenly father is a very personal God that wants to teach them the truth in all areas. Girls/young ladies need other women that are supposed to be their mentors to talk to them and mentor them and want/crave to hear the TRUTH. If they don’t hear it from the women leaders in their church, from their mothers, etc they will seek it out in other places and as someone stated in an earlier comment the world slams it in their face everywhere and it is so full of lies and deceit. We are not/you are not disgracing the Word of God by using such words. God’s word is full of “real” language and tough stuff that’s why I love it so much! God doesn’t “beat around the bush” with us. Your book is the furthest thing from trashy it’s full of God’s word and it is and will continue to help bring hope and healing to those hurt by sexual sins and will also provide a way of escape and bring hope to young ladies that they can navigate their life and avoid and overcome these things and find that in willing obedience to God that is where peace, contentment and safety is found! As you said above, your book is full of scripture!!! Many thanks for all you do for the kingdom!

  • Absolutely you should use “those words” I think it’s the fear of “those words” that have misguided so many people. Thank you for being blunt and honest and for not letting fear to keep you from writing truths that may lead to the healing of others. My best friend is currently watching her family and marriage crumble because of sexual sins committed by her husband. It is devastating and such a helpless feeling to watch a friend endure so much pain. I would love to pass a copy of this book to her.

  • My daughters and I attend the Secret Keeper Sleepover last night in Clio, MI. I am so impressed by the journey you started to help so many mothers/daughters! I want to absorb and share everything you have the courage that others do not. God is using you to help others learn and deal with what children/teens/young adults and families have to face. You can kid behind every “word”, but it still is there. Thank you for being honest with those who want to read and learn the truth. THANK YOU!

  • Dannah-

    As you can tell by my screen name, I have 4 girls, 16 and under. I also work in the middle school ministry at my church. I was just telling my husband how appreciative I am that we belong to a church that addresses these tough, and real issues. The series for our middle school students currently is called, “Screen Age.” Last week was about “sexting,” this week is about online pornography. These are real issues and problems – that our kids, in the church, especially, need to be aware about. Jesus did not stick his head in the sand – instead he confronted sin when he saw it. We need to make our kids aware of these very provocative dangers. Thank you for being honest, real and for confronting this head-on. I’m well-versed in making pancakes…but without some guidance about these issues, I’d be lost as to how to equip my kids.
    Keep up the good fight!

  • Dannah..you my friend, are to be commended, NOT ridiculed. Thank you. Thank you for stepping up and speaking the truth. For being bold enough to use ‘the words’ that bring fear into every mothers heart. Thank you for being a woman with integrity, willing to take a leap here. Thank you for helping parents face these truths that scare us to death. What is happening here is fear. Fear is entering the minds of parents when they read ‘the words’ and they don’t want to face the truth. I am grateful for you and your ministry. I am thankful for the way you equip parents and open our eyes. If those who read and condemn don’t want to face the truth, they will suffer as will their poor daughters (and sons).

  • Good for you teaching young women what the Bible says about their sexuality…not just some, but all of it! Sex and purity are about more than just intercourse, and if we won’t take a stand and teach our young ladies where the boundaries are, the world certainly will (and it won’t be by God’s definition of purity). I was very ignorant about sexuality as a young woman. I knew “no sex before marriage”, but was not educated about “the words.” I ended up in sexual sin without honestly even knowing what I was doing or what the words to describe what I was doing were. I didn’t see warning signs, because I had no frame of reference. I was so naive. Not educating about the full scope of what purity is and means in real world terms is a mistake I won’t make with my own girls. They need to know about what the world is going to throw at them and what God’s Word says about it, so they are prepared with an answer ahead of time. No “in the moment” emotional decisions, but prepared with the armor of God for the attack that will surely come at some point.

  • I have not read this book yet, but I am looking forward to sharing it with my daughter. I can imagine what you are saying and I wish I would have someone talk to me like that when I was younger. I may not have ended up in the situation I was in in my marriage. I am now divorced and want my daughter to be better prepared then me…and know what God’s plan is for her marriage. Thank you for writing this book!

  • Thank you for being bold enough to address these issues. I’m now a mom of 2 tween girls, and I will want them to know ALL Biblical truths — not just the ones that are simple and easy to talk about. As a teen/college age girl, I wish someone would have told me God’s plan for sex and the consequences of sexual sin. I literally had NO IDEA and therefore I made up my own sexual “rules”. Thank you for being bold enough to be a warrior for Christ!!!

  • Sorry, Dannah you even had to make this post. It is truly sad that there are christians who want to pretend that our children do not deal with these issues on a daily basis. I have been a teacher to a variety of grade levels, and have been in children’s ministry for over eighteen years. I know that the battle for our children’s innocence has gotten nasty. The statistics are heartbreaking, 1 out of every 3 girls and 1 out of every 5 boys sexually abused, fourth graders practicing oral sex with multiple partners, thirteen and fourteen year old girls getting pregnant. Wake up church, our kids KNOW and they NEED HELP. God doesn’t shy away from “the words”. Have you read Song of Solomn yet? Talk about a romantic book? What about Leviticus? God’s opinion is pretty strong there about sexual sin. The world puts sexual topics in cartoons! Toy Story 3 and Tangled has references to homosexuality. Toy Stroy 3 has references to lust. It is time not to run from the problem but to face the problem and fight fire with fire. If damage especially sexually can be done to a child or preteenn, think about how much it affects all aspects of their lives, self-esteem, right relationships, marriage, raising their kids, and the list goes on. It is a war and to think otherwise is complete naivety! So go Dannah! Preach it sister! Continue to fight the good fight!

  • Should the Church be talking more bluntly about the issues of pornography, oral sex, masturbation, homosexuality, and other difficult sexual issues?

    The church should absolutely be talking more bluntly about all mentioned for a number of reasons. Working with teens and young adults on a regular basis it is important for us to talk about these things because manyif not all are currently struggling, have struggled, or knows someone close to them that is struggling with it. Its ridiculous that we stay “hush hush” in the church for the fear of making someone uncomfortable by discussing these topics. Whether or not is makes some of the “pancake eating monks (lol..)” blush to the point of passing out because of being uncomfortable -it doesnt matter because many of those that are in the church ARE STRUGGLING WITH THESE TOPICS. We could pretend like they don’t because we are “Godly” people and would never dare have these thoughts or struggles, but let’s get real! We are HUMAN and after working with many students and young people they have no outlet to talk about these things and how we can overcome these struggles (in our culture they would be considered “normal” and not a problem). They (young ppl/students) are so fearful that they will be looked down upon, repremanded (there is defiantely consequenes for actions, but I’m directing this toward others in the church towards them), ridiculed and outted from those in the church to appear to be more “holy than thou.” Not Cool.

    Thanks Dannah for being willing to address this, when so many others are not. I appreciate your boldness. 🙂

  • Thank you for having the courage and “oomph” to say exactly what needs to be said. There’s plenty of foo-foo books and commentaries out there that sugar-coat and down-play the truth. We are ineffective as parents, youth leaders, pastors and educators if we are ignorant of what is actually being said and done in the real world, in the church, and in Christian homes – so I say: Preach it Sister!!

  • Yes, it should be. I grew up never knowing what this stuff was, never being talked to about any of it. I knew sex was a sin, but there was never any dialogue. I have a 9 year old daughter and I don’t want to drop the ball like my mom did with me in this area. I was so clueless and it left me pretty defenseless. I dont want to do that to my daughter.

  • Dannah I just want you to know that I am so very pleased to see how God is using you in our world today. I am certain that you are bringing much glory to our Lord by reaching out to help kids in this arena. I remember how happy I was when I read your first book and ever since your interview on Fox I have wanted to read your latest one as well. Those of us who are older have an obligation to our children, grandchildren to be informed and you are informing us!!! Thank you. I told your parents the other day how thankful I am for you and Darren and what great warriors for God you both are. Ultimately it is for his honor and his glory but thanks for allowing God to use you even when it is tough. Keep on keeping on for Him.

  • I know how to make pancakes and all the hardcore cooking terms. I learned them at an early age….just like our kids learn sexual euphanisms at an early age. We didn’t need another polite, discreet Christian book about sex. We needed one that taught the truth in real words. If my name is drawn for the book, please pass it on to someone who hasn’t read it!

  • I say PREACH IT! If this is what GOD has lead you to do, then who is to say any different! HE is our master and HE is our savior, he hears all and sees all! HE is using you,Dannah, to reach out and say what needs to be said! After all it is said in the BIBLE. It scares me to death watching my 11 year old girl and 7 year old girl grow up in this evil world with all that is said on the school bus, by their peers, on the TV, internet and radio. They have already heard it said or eventually will, so it is up to us as Christian mothers to say what needs to be said.

  • YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Church NEEDS to be talking more about all of these issues. Speaking as one of those former youth group “cream of the crops” who struggled with many of these things, SPEAK ON GIRLFRIEND! I can’t wait to read your book!!

  • Dannah,
    I am SO THANKFUL you wrote this book! Maybe I am not the norm but your book’s language didn’t shock me at all… what shocked me was what you were telling me about what our good Christian girls (and boys) are doing! I have a message for you people who are shocked and dismayed by the use of WORDS (accurate, appropriate, and non-euphemism type words, words found in any medical dictionary, by the way): you are COMPLETELY MISSING THE POINT! Get shocked and outraged at what is going on with our kids! Get shocked and outraged at the pain and shame and debilitating fear that our kids are in due to sexual pain. Get shocked and outraged that this is going on IN YOUR CHURCH. Yes, YOUR church. My church. How dare you get more upset over WORDS than the state of our children’s spiritual life?! Obviously, the plan and purpose God has for them that is somehow being missed in the teachings of our youth groups and churches and MORE IMPORTANTLY in the HOMES of our Christian families! As for me, I too am shocked and outraged… but I will take those feelings and transform them into knowledge and prayer and mama-bear protectiveness and will use that passion to teach my three girls (ages 4, 8, 10) about what the world has to offer and how deceptive it is. I will teach them what God’s wonderful plan for their future is and how much He loves them, even in regard to their bodies and sexual life. How can I do any less?

  • Absolutely! I think we are sometimes “too vague” in explaining things to our kids and just hope they will somehow subliminally know what we are talking about because WE are embarrassed to use “the words”. My daughters, ages 16 and 14, and I have talked about “the words” and they are familiar with them. It was not I who brought them up, but rather my 16 yr. old was “introduced” to them in the locker room of our local public school district when playing basketball (we homeschool, but the public school is the only available venue for her to play basketball in our area). When she came home and asked “what is a b/!% j)*?”, I knew it was time to talk about some hard topics. While she was surprised, ultimately it led to some very good discussion on the whole subject of sex and what she feels God’s intentions are regarding the subject.

  • Hi Dannah! As you know from our talks on Facebook, I LOVE LOVE LOVE yuour book! I LOVE what your ministry is all about and I want so bad to be a part of it! I agree with Doris who said “I think they wouldn’t be doing them if the Parents would be teaching them from the Bible why not to be doing them. I think it is the parent’s responsibility to teach our children first about sexuality from a biblical standpoint.” However, I have read your book (I wonder if Doris has?) and I can say that Dannah did not necessarily write this book for the children of the parents who have fulfilled their Godly duty by teaching their children from the beginning God’s plan for sex and marriage. (Even though, those children will still be faced with ‘the words’ everyday at school, online, and even with all the liquid pornography on television!) She did however write this book to break a wall down between the church and the world when it comes down to these topics that EVERYONE is so afraid to tackle. IF OUR KIDS ARE HEARING ABOUT IT AND DOING IT ANYWAY than what does it matter if she uses “the words” or not? Oh I will tell you what matters… Let me restate what Tracey said up above “I can tell you from 10 years of experience that teens will not hear you or listen to your message if you do not meet them where they are. If they think you are a prude or “Holier than thou”, they will tune you out and write you off.” So, you want to be a prude and stick your head in a hole and THINK that your kids are NOTgoing to hear “the words”

  • (oops, didn’t mean to post that yet, my fingers got a head of me!)

    So, you want to be a prude and stick your head in a hole and THINK that your kids are NOT going to hear “the words” and that by you not talking about it is some how going to SAVE them from it, you are wrong and completely nieve. I too have little girls and am trying to keep the “Little” in my girls and I hope that I don’t have to talk to them about th” words” but I will for sure let them read all of Dannah’s books because by the time my girls are 8, their friends will be doing “the words”!

    Sorry if I come across harsh, but I am tired of the church sugar coating and tip toeing all around REAL LIFE ISSUES! Jesus didn’t run from the REAL LIFE ISSUES of his day, he confronted them head on, without fear. Dannah, you are amazing, thank you so much for doing what most of us are afraid to do! 🙂 God Bless!

  • Dannah, anyone who would liken you to a shock jock has obviously never heard an actual shock jock-their heads would probably explode if they did. If they do not want you to address these issues using the terminology you used, their REAL problem is not with the terminology-their problem is that the issues are being discussed at all. But the fact of the matter is, these issues NEED to be discussed-for more than one reason.

    First of all, as you pointed out, kids are DOING these things, so as adults we certainly shouldn’t be squeamish about talking about them. I decided a long time ago that if my daughter was intelligent and mature enough to ask a question on a difficult subject, then I’d better be intelligent and mature enough to answer it honestly and completely. When she asked me where babies come from when she was ten, I told her, using the correct terms and an accurate description. It wasn’t easy-believe me, but it needed to be done. My mother explained sex by giving us a book called “Where Do I Come From” full of naked cartoon fat people. I think my method was considerably less mortifying. (And in mom’s defense, at least she didn’t just say “wait till you’re older” and avoid the issue. She did the best she could at the time.) If our kids can’t trust us to answer a flippin’ question without freaking out or resorting to euphemism, then how can they trust us to handle it if they’re ever in real trouble? Quite simply, they can’t. They’ll turn to someone they feel can help them-probably someone who is direct and honest. As parents, we need to be that person.

    The second reason these things need to be discussed is because if the knowledge doesn’t come from adults like us, then it could potentially come from a different type of adult altogether-one that will use their knowledge of sex in an exploitive manner. There are predators everywhere-even in the church. I worked with juveniles. I cannot tell you how many stories I’ve heard from abused kids who were told by an adult they trusted-often a minister, youth pastor, or teacher- that God had given the two of them a special way to interact, and it wasn’t a sin because it wasn’t “real” sex. If these kids had had a knowledge base, and knew about oral sex, masturbation, and porn, then they would have realized that they were being molested. Instead, they thought they were the only one things like this were happening to, and they didn’t have a context for the act, so they were afraid to talk about it, or tell anyone who could have helped them. Kids without knowledge are lambs led to slaughter.

    Furthermore, kids need to know that there can be consequences for sexual activity. “My people perish for want of knowledge….”-it’s happening every day. A lot of kids don’t know they can get AIDS from oral sex-or herpes or syphilis or chlamydia. Not to mention the emotional damage they can suffer. They do these things thinking “It’s not a big deal.” but when they’re discarded by someone they thought loved them after being that intimate, it feels like a VERY big deal. Kids also need to know that there are inherent dangers with porn-I know a woman who married someone she met in the church, and her marriage ended because of her husband’s extreme porn addiction. I knew a boy when I worked with juveniles who started out looking at porn on the internet, progressed to virtual prostitution (there are adults who pay juveniles to perform sex acts via webcam) and from there progressed to selling himself on the street. This began when he was ten years old.

    These aren’t pretty stories and a lot of people don’t want to hear them. But they’re REAL stories. You’re doing something very important-you’re giving kids the knowledge they need to keep themselves safe-from predators, from health risks, from emotional damage, and from long-term consequences that result from unwise sexual choices. If someone thinks otherwise, then they entirely missed the point.

  • I would like to add… If we keep treating these issues like taboo, it only sparks the kids’ interest more, because it is a secret, and we all, as human beings, love secrets and gossip. So, naturally, they will go and find out what the secrets are all about if we don’t break the code as their parents first, and as the church first. I work with the youth group at my church and over 75% of them (and I think that is shooting really low to be honest) come from non-christian, broken homes. The church cannot expect that every student that walks into their building has spiritual guidance coming from their home.

  • @Joanna
    I totally agree. I believe that is what happened to me when I was younger. If my parents had been more open about these things, I don’t think I would have been so hurt.

  • Yes, Dannah, these topics absolutely should be discussed. I feel that the Church at large has become politically correct. Like the secular world that is afraid of offending people, we’ve become afraid of being accused of judging. We’re in the age of compromise where oral sex and other “harmless” dabbles of sex are the norm. As one who didn’t know her worth and identity in Jesus as a teen and fell into sexual sin, I desperately want my children and the children who God allows me to influence through my ministry to know purity in its truest sense. I read the chapter on healing on your FB page last night and for the first time I feel like healing for me is within reach. I look forward to reading this book for personal healing and to be able to offer better insight on this topic to my children and the other children I work with. Thank you so much for your hard work and being a vessel that God is using. I would love to win a copy of this book.

  • Absolutely! Despite the fact that those words may make us uncomfortable at times, the lack of using the current terminology the target audience is using makes no sense.It would be like a professor teaching a class full of pre-med students using the term boo-boo to describe every symptom or illness. They would have no idea what he was referring to, or how to diagnose the disease. If we choose to generalize instead of specify we miss the mark. It isn’t like they are going to raise their hands in Sunday school and ask if oral sex or masturbation is included in the “sex” that is being referred to.
    I have also dealt with many teenage girls, most of which have been the cream of the crop, church kids, National Bible Quizzers and pastors kids who have for some reason not been told that oral sex, dry sex or many of the other terms just thrown into the general term “sex”, are just as harmful and wrong as intercourse,i.e. “sex” outside of marriage. They all get that one. Intercourse is wrong. The other stuff, well it doesn’t really count. Why? It isn’t really sex. Well crazy as it sounds, no one ever came right out and said that. Why? Because we are afraid to, we are embarrassed to talk about it. It’s too personal. What if they ask questions? Unfortunately they are paying the price for our unwillingness to step out of our comfort zone.
    After having counseled and cried with too many of these girls, I refuse to not use the specifics. IF we don’t tell them who will? Their friends? Their boyfriends? I guarantee they are using all the current terms. If they aren’t equipped with the truth about all of these things we lump into the term SEX, we are aren’t doing our job of protecting them, and teaching them how to protect themselves.We aren’t giving them the information they need to make good decisions.
    I have read the book, and I say it hits the target audience, high school to college age girls. It will also minister hope to those who are way past this age if they choose to allow it to.
    The ones who have a problem with it obviously have never had the heart break of ministering to the girls who have gone through the guilt and shame that come from making choices associated with being uninformed. Or even the ones who have been informed, and chosen not to listen because they want to make their own mistakes. Unfortunately it hurts all the same, and someone has to be there to pick up the pieces and minister to them or they will go through life broken and searching.
    Do you really think the Lord would be displeased with someone who is trying to speak the truth on such an important issue? Jesus did it all the time and had many Pharisee’s that constantly criticized him, I guarantee He would say it like it is. Why? not to offend, but to save the lost.

  • Dannah, You did a great job on that book. Thank you So much. While I grew up in a very conservative family who never talked sex and I don’t have sexual pain from the past. I still loved the book as it just answered questions and helped me to see where some of our friends are coming from who have a past. While I wouldn’t share this book with my 10 yr old. It is the answer for teen and collage age people who used “the words”. They need it in their language! They already speak it. You were very open with the fact before the book came out that you were going to be open and frank. Something that most people blush at. So, if someone doesn’t want that kind of language don’t buy the book. But, theres often a secret desire with in us to have some one just say it like it is and we can read it in private. We all have questions we just want someone to answer but, too often we just don’t want to ask the question. Last week my daughter asked the question “What immorality was ?” She read it in the back of a movie. Our kids always look at the rating first. Well our conversation lasted a long time as I wanted to tell her but, I didn’t want to overload or go beyond her years. She now knows what sex is and she was totally grossed out. But, I didn’t leave it there. I told her it is beautiful and God given and its part of His plan and that one day when her hormones change she’ll think differently. And she was like “okay” I just want to keep her little as long as possible. Love the book “6 ways to keep the little in your girl”
    I feel like I rambled here hopefully it all makes sense. I’m not a writter.

  • I agree totally with Erin too. Don’t keep it a secret. We all love to find out what the big secret is anyways even our kids. If we don’t tell them someone else will and then they can often get the wrong info and/or getting into trouble that has big regrets.

  • Please be encouraged that you are getting a message out in the world that needs to be heard. Kids are hearing about “the words” and doing them and they need to informed about the spiritual, mental and physical ramifications of them all. They also need to know that sex is natural. Parents need to be ready when their kids are becoming drawn to the opposite sex and teach them that what they are feeling is natural and to not be ashamed to have desires and needs but that God has a plan for it and just like everything else that is done in God’s timing, if we wait, the result far exceeds our expectations.
    I’m reading “What are you waiting for?” and it is excellent. I can’t wait for my teenage daughters to read it. And for my daughters in Christ to read it as well. It appalls me that anyone would say that your book uses “shock jock” terminology. You’re going up against the powers that rule this world and they are shoving that terminology in our faces every day. The fact that you’re getting any persecution just proves you’re gaining ground for those of us who are trying to align ourselves with God’s word. May you be blessed and God be glorified.

  • Yes! Yes! & Yes!

    We have a 7th grade daughter & an 8th grade son, & PTL our youth minister & intern are taking the youth group through And the Bride Wore White & Who Moved The Goal Post? We talk about this at home, & are so thankful they will get reinforcement at church.

    Thank you for your candid truthfulness. Other people can talk about pancakes all they want. God has called you to speak truth. Please don’t stop!

    Blessings to you~
    Jennifer

  • I would love to enter,

    I am not quite sure why those people were so surprised, if they spent a day at any elementary, middle, or high school they would definitley hear those words A LOT more than in your book, trust me. I don’t think its wrong to use those words, if you are going to point out the sin you shouldn’t pretty it up, sin is sin and you werent using those words to be offensive.

  • Dannah, I think you were right to use the words but I don’t think we should condemn those who wrote to you about their concerns. I mean, I don’t want to bash them. They just have a different comfort level. You did not use “the words” recklessly or without a great deal of prayer and consultation with other Godly leaders. Therefore, stand firm. Know that you did the right thing by God and also know that that doesn’t exempt you from criticism. It doesn’t feel good but feeling good has never been the right standard by which to choose our actions. God bless you! You’re doing a great work. I don’t have this book yet but I appreciate that it is available. I agree with others that it is necessary to talk straight to teens or you will be tuned out. Go, sister!

  • Definitely, absolutely, & positively!! My husband and I were in youth ministry for 10+ years and we are so glad there are authors like you out there. Now people like us are not fighting the fight alone!
    Thanks

  • The “words” may not make us feel comfortable (my parents NEVER said them!) but your point stunned me – they aren’t just saying them, they are DOING them.

    I have never once heard sex mentioned in our church. Yet Cosmo magazine screams these “words” at the grocery store check out. If our kids can get straight talk from us, from God’s point of view, will it help them through this jungle they’re in? God-given desires and needs must be addressed and channeled on the beautiful path God has for them, and we need to talk of it honestly and LOVINGLY.

    Keep be honest, Dannah – saying the words doesn’t make you “dirty.” It takes “dirty” head on, and deals with it in love.

    May God use you mightily,
    Cherie

  • I absolutely loved this book – the authentic message and the realness inscribed on every page. It was just what I needed to encourage me to keep up the fight, so to speak, and, if “the words” were not in the book, it wouldn’t have hit home like it did. Dannah, you hit the nail on the head in every single chapter with out fail and constantly kept speaking into my life.
    That said, let’s be realistic. Girls – starting as early as middle school – are constantly seeing exposure earlier and earlier to “the words” and more, and unless we are able to keep them in a protective bubble (which obviously would never happen), we HAVE to be real and speak on their level. It’s not being “of the world” or vulgar – it’s being real. And in the world we live in today, if we are not real and open with our girls, they are not going to understand why they should wait and not feel the vast importance of it. So Dannah, even though you used “the words,” honestly, they were relatively tame compared to what we witness every day in high school and college and even with our peers (I can attest to each and every one of these!). Because we are living in this fallen world, we aren’t able to protect ourselves from these “words,” but we can protect ourselves doing “the words.” However, in order to not do them we have to acknowledge they exist and educate on the Biblical way to deal with “the words.” If we ignore them, they aren’t going to go away, but rather, get worse. You said it best when you wrote, “You see, I didn’t decide to use “the words” because they know them. I decided to use the words because they DO them.” I love you, Dannah, and your amazing heart. Don’t be discouraged; “the words” were exactly what my generation needed to hear and you were the only one I know of bold enough to put it out there. Thank you so much! P.S. So NOT a shock jock!!

  • Oh, Dannah! Speak out, we need you to use those words and to call all sexual sin, sin. I an so grateful that you are a straight-talker let me explain, for about ten years i was caught in masturbation, believe it or not i didn’t even know such a thing existed for most of that time, nobody told me, i didn’t ask.
    When i was listening to Leslie Ludy, God spoke to my heart and the word stuck in my mind, but it wasn’t until i read Lies Young Women Believe and you use the word that i looked up what it meant. I was rocked, why had no one told, why? I began to realize soon after that my parents policy on these things, was tell them if we absolutely have to or if they ask. I’d learned move about sex from listening to people myself, the dictionary, and thankfully christian site, i even had to explain to my older brother what IVF was.
    We need you to speak out, because it has even such a struggle for me to quit after ten years, something which i had done for about four months now, with no one i can tell, but praise God! for His strength and that He is with in the struggle and i am sure to overcome, but please speak out Dannah i can’t help wondering how many thing in my life could have been changed if someone came to me when i was a little child and told me, when i could under it was a sin.
    So thank you for being the one to do so, (and Nancy and Erin) because if it weren’t for God sending that book my way, i may have still been in bondage, and thank you for giving me a Christian perceptive on it, because the world says if it doesn’t hurt anyone else, how wrong how sad, masturbation is a path of self destructive to. Than k you again. and Go on in your ministry speaking boldly for God’s glory! P.S. I DON’T SEND ME THE BOOK MY PARENTS WOULDN’T LIKE IT. THANKS. P.p.s. I understand if you are a parent why you are uncomfortable, but if you have little children please start now, it will be more comfortable later, and lay a foundation against sexual sin when they are young. Love in Jesus Christ.

  • These subjects need to be talked about in church and Sunday school classes. Some parents (myself included) are uncomfortable, for whatever reason, to talk about these things and they need to be discussed. If they don’t about them in the home and the church and are not taught how to respond correctly, they will seek out their friends and get a world’s view on sex and all that goes along with it.

    Way to go Dannah!!

  • Dannah, I’m really glad you used “the words”. It’s what we hear every single day from the world. Had you tiptoed around, the impact of the book would have been so much less for me. When my youth group leader did a class on “And the Bride Wore White” when I was about 14, I was shocked to hear her say (yes, I realize it was a purity class so I should have expected it, but what can I say, I was naive and 14!) “sex”. But her being so upfront and real about the things we face made a serious impact on my friends and I. Recently when I read “What Are You Waiting For”, I was glad to see that someone was finally addressing the issues so many people struggle with when it comes to sex.
    So yes, I think these things should be talked about more bluntly in the church. It’s easy to ignore the facts when we tiptoe around but when everything is put out there there’s no room for confusion.

    Thanks for everything you do, Dannah!

  • I agree with you 100% Dannah. This is my view,the Bible calls sickness and diseases by their name. If you were sick of the palsy, then thats what you had and it was addressed and treated as such. If you were a lunatic,then you were addressed as such and the issue dealt with. Likewise,the only way we can deal with something is to call it what it is and address it as such. If we can’t even bring ourselves to utter the words then healing is impossible! Healing begins with acknowledging that there is a problem. When you go to an AA meeting you have to admit who and what you are. You don’t say oh my nickname is so and so and I have a drinking problem. You have to say my NAME is so and so and “I AM AN ALCOHOLIC”. Porn, masturbation and all the other issues that you have addressed in your book are truly crippling the christian family and it has been this way for many years but like all other “BAD” things it has been swept under the rug. The church is supposed to be our place of refuge and if we can’t be open and honest with our struggles in the church, then where do we go and even more, where do our children go?? I say to you today, YOU GO GIRL!!! Keep on working for the Lord. Healing is not easy but it is necessary. I say to the church, (Romans 13:11 KJV) “And that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed.”
    I love you and I love “What Are You Waiting For?”

  • Should the Church be talking more bluntly about the issues of pornography, oral sex, masturbation, homosexuality, and other difficult sexual issues?

    In response to the question, Yes, the church should be talking more bluntly about those topics. I feel that it is a topic held back in fear of offending people, but teens really need to hear it! At work there was a girl I talked to and summing up what she said – teens want to hear that they should wait! They want to hear that they are better than giving themselves away and being led into sexual sin and violating their purity. Teens want to hear STOP before your start. But they need to hear it from their parents and from their spiritual leaders as well.

    Teens need to hear the truth about pornography, oral sex, masturbation, homosexuality and the like so that they have a foundation and know the trap that it sets for them. They need to know the truth and not what the world has brought them to believe.

    The church, I believe needs to address these issues. Just because we (generally speaking) are Christians, doesn’t mean that we aren’t hearing the same things as non-christians and even more, that doesn’t mean that we aren’t DOING the same things as non-christians. A direct approach is the best way to go. You don’t beat around the bush with a message so important as this.

    Go Dannah for not holding back from saying it like it is! Don’t ever regret using “the words” because they have and will have an effect on people!

  • An added addition on the Porn:

    ‘Pornography cheapens sexuality, objectifies the human body, reducing it to an object of gratification. We have canvassed our culture with the paintbrush of promiscuity because we bought into the slogan, “sex sells”. And we’ve become so good at it that we’re already planning 14 years ahead on the next instruments of our own lusts.

    And to appease your own conscience you’ll use buzz-phrases like, “It’s art,” and “pornography is liberating”. Or, “a woman can do with her body what she wants.” But these are a cover-up for an addiction to the indulgence of the fallen nature.’

    Immorality is radically progressing. Righteousness is as well, but we must renew our resolve to teach and to train the young to live for God with all of their hearts. Don’t just teach them. Show them that obeying His Word is in fact where liberation actually resides. It is when we surrender ourselves to God that we find true freedom, and not in choosing our own ways.’

    This was actually a friend of mine who said this after (he’s on a movie set right now with Disney) he and an extra for the film were taking a walk and they passed a young girl (around 7) and the extra said “that little blonde girl, she’s a future playmate.”

    I can’t believe that any man could say such a thing! It is horrid! Society today needs to know the truth! Speak it bluntly. Speak it straight. And don’t beat around the bush. Because that little blonde girl could be the next victim of this world’s hideous deeds and the violation that they cause for what they call pleasure!

  • I haven’t read the book yet, but I do think these issues should be talked about in the church. I’m hearing from mothers about 5th graders having oral sex on the school bus. 5TH GRADERS!!!! They are doing “the words” they need to know what the Bible says about “the words.” I hate to say this but I think there are parents in the church that don’t talk to their kids about sex, and what the bible has to say about. Talking about these “words” in the church may be the only place they hear what God has to say about it. I work with 18 and under at my church and it’s great to have your books as a resource (along with the Bible of coarse) to help me help them.
    I want you to know that I have a daughter who is 9 and for about six months God had been placing on my heart a need to find something to help me help my daughter with issues such as boys, modesty, sex, and such. I was in my daughter’s school when I was told about the Secret Keeper Girl. I went out and bought your book, “Six Ways to Keep the “Little” in Your Girl. It’s great!!!! Thank you for all your work!!

  • I still need to work on being more open and bold with my own kids. I homeschool them and want them to hear what they need to know from us as parents first. I haven’t read this book yet but these kind of books are helpful for me as a parent as well as for the teens out there! thanks for posting this!

  • @Doris
    Doris, I can see where you are coming from. I do not intend to be offensive in anything I am about to say…truly. I know some Godly parents who have children who have followed the straight and narrow to a tee…and that is beyond wonderful. That being said, I know many Godly parents who have taught their children, from a Biblical standpoint, how to handle all situations (including sexuality) and find themselves aching from the pain of their beloved child’s choices. These parents, and others, know their child has been raised with a firm Biblical foundation, but they get to watch their 17 year old daughter hurt from the choices she has made and are left wondering what else could I have done? The way sexuality is discussed in Dannah’s book is something else the parent could have done. I pray, Doris, that you never feel the pain of watching your children, who no doubt are being taught Biblically, make choices in their preteen/teen/college years that throw those Biblical teachings aside. If you have grown children who have made it past with flying colors, I am so glad you never felt the pain many of us do and that your children never felt the unintentional self-inflicted pain that comes with sexual sin.
    I think it is important to apply Biblical teachings to real-world situations. Otherwise how do we make these Biblical teachings relevant to our teens living in the real-world? Thank you, Dannah, for being bluntly honest and real in your approach in this book. I know the courage God must have given you. It’s so important to listen to what He says…it’s His work you are accomplishing.

  • @Doris
    Doris, I want to first say that I do not intend to be offensive in anything I’m going to write and it is not my intention to attack you for opinion…everyone has a right to their own opinion.
    I know some Godly parents who have taught the children, from a Biblical standpoint, how to handle every situation. Their children followed the straight and narrow…which is beyond wonderful. I also know many Godly parents, including myself, who taught their children in the same manner only to see their child make choices that went against all teachings. These are the parents who are left watching their children suffer unintentional self-inflicted pain because of their choices on sexual issues. These are the parents who fall at the feet of Jesus…feeling powerless…who hurt unimaginably…who question everything they have done with “could I have done something more?”
    I believe the approach Dannah takes in her book is “the something more.” It is important to apply Biblical teachings to real-world situations including sexuality. Otherwise, how can our children (who are living in the real-world) relate to Biblical teachings. They need to “get” it.
    Doris, I pray you never feel the pain of seeing your child suffer from choices they make that defies every Biblical teaching you have fed them(spiritually). If you have grown children who have made it past with flying colors, I am truly happy for you…you are blessed and few in number (according to my experience).
    Dannah, thank you for being bluntly real and totally Biblical in your approach with this book. I know the courage He must have given you. It is important to listen to His will, because it is His work you are carrying out. Please pray our family’s healing process.

  • No lengthy comment, just “yes” to your question. However, I will say that, it should be discussed in same sex discipleship groups with a trusted and responsible Christian mentor.

  • I think that churches should talk more about these topics, because the more they talk about them, the more they can warn the teens of the consequences of sexual sin! How can a teen know not to commit sexual sin if he or she doens’t even know it’s wrong? The bible talks about sex as well–God wrote those things for a reason not so that people could shy away from all of that! If churches would be more open I’m sure that more hearts could be healed. Thanks for taking it seriously, Dannah!

  • I’m on staff with my church working with the youth. And your book has been such a good resource for me. I’m just 24 and still single so I don’t have a lot of insight when talking to them about lots of these issues, though I have struggled with some of these things on my own. I’ve tried to develop such a relationship with the girls where they can feel open to share with me and be held accountable because I know what it’s like to feel completely alone.

    Our format is set up that on Wed nights all the high school kids are being taught the same lessons but are split up by age and gender. This past week we started a series on sex, which I led the younger high school girls group in. After having read parts of your book (I’ve been skipping around a bit to read chapters that are what I’m dealing with currently with my girls) I had a lot more to contribute; and knowing your reasons as to why honesty and using “the words” gave me a lot more courage to be honest and blunt in the discussion. And because of that they opened up and we had an honest Biblical discussion on the issues they are already thinking about and struggling with.

    Your book is such an amazing resource. And I totally agree that the Church needs to be talking about these things. Girls feel alone and like they can’t even try to talk about these things in a safe environment (like my small group). But that is the safest place for them to talk and learn and be mindful of what God has to say about sex and all the related issues. Not only that, but in my one on one meetings I’ve referred back to things I’ve learned reading your book and they really make sense to the girls. Thank you for writing this book. One day I want to make sure all the high school girls volunteers have a copy to read and use as a resource.

  • Yes, they should be. I will however, qualify that statement by saying it needs to be done in a manner that is age appropriate for the audience, and if the talk is meant for an older audience (i.e. high school and up) then it should be well publicized as such.
    Honestly, the corporate church (everyone in it) needs to understand that it’s okay to discuss it, to say, this is what God says on the subject, and whatnot.
    There’s such a stigma against talking about any of it. I’m in college, and I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation with another Christian about sex; I think the closest I’ve gotten was having a conversation about couples living together before marriage (My mom just gave me a book when I was approaching puberty).
    On the other hand though, I’ve had conversations with non-Christian friends, and seen what movies and society have to say on the subject. I’ve even had a class (in college) that has talked about sex as well. The church has GOT to do more than just say “wait for marriage,” they’ve got to actually talk about what that means.
    I’d also like to point out, that to the people of my generation that need to read this book the most, probably the only shocking thing about your language will be that it’s in the same book as Bible verses.

    Also, I’m not sure if your book talks about this, but I feel like there’s a written porn that no one ever addresses.

  • I actually won this book through Boundless and read it so quickly! I absolutely loved it. Then I was blessed to team up with another ministry again and talk about it with so many other women.

  • Dannah,

    Be encouraged you are doing a great job! Your book will receive opposition from the na sayers because it is exposing the truth! We are living in a sexually crazed culture which is shoving inappropiate words and actions down our throat all the time and with no remorse or apology. You work with the kids all the time and you see what they are going through and for that reason alone continue to stand up for rightesouness.
    The Lord has called you and set you apart for such a time as this.

    The scriptures tells us that those who live Godly will suffer persucution.. but don’t worry because your intentions and motives are for the kingdom of God!

    You are the best and the brightest! I look forward to your next book

    P.S. I wish I lived in your area in order for my grandaughter to attend your school

  • DEAR DANNAH MY ANSWER IS YES PLEASE!
    It scares me that so many people are so scared to talk about these subjects. For all you out there complaining about the language used in the book, how about you start complaining about things that truly are a problem like the pornoraphy we encounter on a daily basis. “How dare you! I don’t watch porn.” you might be saying well look again in the supermarket (magazine ads), television, movies, billboards. Porn is anything that causes arousel. Our children are hurting out there because they are being bombarded with trash everywhere and we are not helping them make sense of the fact that it’s trash. Telling your children that oral sex, masturbation, and porn are hurtful and dangerous is just as important as saying “don’t have ‘sex’ until your married”. In fact if you don’t want your child to have “sex” until they are married you better wake up to the fact that oral sex, masturbation, and porn, eventually lead to “sex” and is basically the gateway to “sex”. I say “sex” because I think it’s pretty onbviouse that “oral sex” IS sex, the word “sex” is in it. And the problem is that parents are not telling their children that yes oral sex is still sex. I have worked with youth mostly in my church for 13 years now, since I was a youth myself. And I can tell you that our youth is very confused about sex. On most of our retreats the question “Is masturbating a sin?” has been asked by our teenage youth. Most girl I have talked to over the years think that other kinds of sex as long as it’s not “full intercourse” is ok. So dry-humping, oral, and even (um i’m scared to say this cause I dont know if Dannah went this far) from um the back door is ok, as long as it’s not through the front door. Girls even think that if they are sexual with another girl it’s better becuase that way they are still a virgin, as long as they actually like boys, then they are really not homosexual. then we wonder why our youth is so oversexed and confused. Well guess what if your not talknig to them and teaching them that these things are imoral and not what God intended our sexuality to be used for then, they are just gonna go with the flow, and assume that ok as long as i’m not having “sex” everything else should be ok, “technically” i’m still a virgin. These children are homeschooled, church going, church participating, Jesus is my best friends kids. Their parents are wonderfully involved, loving, with wonderful discipline strategies. They just werent open about the topic of sex. And by open I mean your child should be able to talk to you about anything and everything and if they are ot talking to you about these topics, then you got lucky and they just don’t know. They are not comfortable enough to ask you, so they will get their answer else where, moslty likey their peers, how are most likely just as misinformed. Listen if your disgusted by the word Porn so am I. It makes me so very beyond angry. If your falling backwards over the word masturbation, look up the number of children and adults that have admitted to doing it, and then look at how many have sexual dysfunctions because of it. These topics are not ease to talk about, thats why Dannah had to pray over it so much, but the truth is we need to shed some of God’s truth about these topics to our children because they are in a battle against an oversexualized society and they are going into it very misinformed. If you don’t want Dannah to publish a book about it cause it offends you, than start talking to your kids about it for goodness sakes. Truth is if we were doing our job as parents and gaurdians of children to empower them with God’s truth about all of this than Dannah probably wound’t have had to write this book. Maybe it’s time you think about wether a cook book on how to cook up some vital converstaion with your children, on GOD’S truth about oral sex, porn, masturbation, and homosexuality, might be helpful in your family. I’m sure Dannah’s book has some great ingrediants for that conversation, no pancake mix included.

    Let me just leave you with this last scary food for thought. In my church my very brave Pastor decided to talk about sex for a whole month actually. The month of February, of course. It was promoted through flyers and everyone was warned that it would contain adult content and that parents should probably have their children in the children’s service that day. The opener was this: there was an article in the Times, of Oct 2010 Titled “What the Bible Has to Say About Sex” In this article the author interviews Micheal Coogan editor of The New Oxford Annotated Bible and in his “thorough” knowledge which he used to write In God and Sex, what the Bible Really says; He claims that Polygammy is ok according to the bible, and Adam and Eve weren’t techinically married ( so when your child grows up to be against marriage, you can’t really say “according to Michael” that marriage is truly what God intended for a man and woman since the first man and woman on earth weren’t techinically married). He also claims that since there are misconceptions about a women’s role in the bible, that has allowed us to give women rights, we should be able to recognize some misconceptions about homosexuality and apply it them to same sex-marriages. So Michael is saying since we gave women their rights, we should be able to be ok with same-sex marriage? Cause that’s what I heard. Now if this isn’t enough in 2008 the New York Times had an article with Danile Helminiak, who is a scholar and author of the book, What the Bible really says about Homosexuality. In this book Danile claims that the bible is not really against homosexuality. WOW guys really!!!! and your angry at Dannah? There are people claiming to be very well versed in the bible telling us that gay marriage is ok according to the bible and hey one wife doesn’t have to be enough, heck you don’t even have to marry the girl. What’s scary is that for people who don’t know scripture very well, which is moslty all of our society (even thought we are a predominately chiristian society) these people will eat this stuff up, or certainly cause doubt and confusion. So take a deep breath and read the book again. Using these words in vain, for fun, or just as part of our daily converstaion about pancakes literally, is certainly of bad taste and uncomfortable. When I talk to my daughter about sex and her body, I make sure I tell her how important and special those words are and how we should only use those words with mommy and daddy. Those words are not meant to be thrown around just cause, for fun, or as a part of your regualr vocabulary just like sex isn’t meant to be used casually. Those words need to be used with purpose, and Dannah had a very good purpose and need to use them.

    I though I was done but here’s some more scary food for thought. I have a seven year old princess, she is now in second grade. She has been very sheltered (well as much as a can, in the world welive in it’s hard!) But we ahve been very carefull about what she can watch, and I have been vigilant in teaching her about purity in the form of keeping her house clean for Jesus by not letting dirty tings go in her through her etes’ ears’ and all her senses (thanks to Jennie Bishop). I can’t afford a private school, or homeschool (plus I know way to many people who grew up in private christian schools and homeschool that ended up worse than some of those who didn’t, so i’m convinced that private school or homeschool isn’t the trick here) but my daughter does go to an academy charter school, that is very small, parent involved, and my daughter is homeschooled one day a week in that program. Not to mention, almost every single car i’ve seen parents drop their kids off in has some sort of I love Jesus sticker on it, and I know the majority of the parents there are chirstians. WELL, since kindergarten my child has come home telling me that the girls in her class were talking about having boyfirends, by the end of kindergarten my daughter was being teased that she liked a boy. This continued into first grade to the point where my daughter would cry sometimes because of how frustrated she was that the girls would not stop talking about this. I was happy my daughter was talking to me about it and I could tell she felt very nervouse about this boy. I voulnteered everyday of kindergarten in my daughter’s class for the first half of the year, and heard girls talking about liking boys, and having boyfirends. In first grade a little girl mentioned to my daughter and other girls from her class that she had, had sex and done drugs in the back seat of her moms car with a boy they all new from kindergarten. This was in first grade! UGH! In second gade my daughter accepted the offer a boy fro her class made her to be his girlfriend. Is my daughter just a bad seed in a bad school? No, her mom, “I” have just been vigilant in making sure that my daughter know that talking about hose things at home is not taboo. My daughter can say anything, and we have a code that mommy will not freak out, in fact if she doesn’t even want me to say a word about it at that moment we have a code for that too, why? Because, I rather know than assume I know. I have volunteered many hours in that school, and have had lunch with my daughter at school more than once a week every week sometimes every day expecially after that boyfirend thing I mentioned ( she had to explain to the boy she wasn’t allowed to have a boyfiend until she’s at least 17 and if he’s willing to wait he can ask her dad then but till then, he’s gonna have to settle for just being friends). I guess he wasn’t willing to wait in cause he had a new girlfirend in te next 3 days which was an eye opener to my daughter about how mommy was right about my intuition and wisdom on that not being the boy she would marry. She was so proud of herself too because she picked a “christian” one, he’s always wearing I love Jesus shirts. Anyhow I hear those girls conversaions and let me tell you they are all ready showing signs of boy craziness if we don’t give them some guidance the world will. I’m a preschool teacher and I have had to deal with 4 year olds talking about how they like Kevin and they kissed him, and they want to kiss him again and now they are planning their wedding in the home area and all the girls want to marry and play with Kevin. 4 year olds singing I kissed a girl and liked’it. But is we as parents aren’t opening our selves up for these conversations, then by golly, point in case the world is gonna teach them for you. Watch tv for a few minutes, pay atention to the comercials, turn on the raido, go to the supermarket, go watch a movie, drive down the freeway, walk around the mall do you really want them to learn the “world’s thruth about sex”, or do you want to get over your uncomfotableness and meet your childs needs for what God wants them to know about these issues. If you don’t then i’m willing to call this neglect and shame on you, cause just as Dannah will answer for her use of words, you’ll answer for your lack of educating the children God has entrusted you to teach and guide with His truth.

  • I want to mention to you Dannah that I’m up till very late posting on this blog instead of dong work I was supposed to do, because i feel so stongly about tis issue. It really annoys me when parents dont brave up to the fact that our kids need us to talk to them about sex, the whole story! so forgive me for my grammatical errors and typos :] and by the way i mean that if your child is not asking you questions about this it’s NOT because you got lucky, but because your child is to shy or scared to ask, or might be to young. But beleive you me right around those tween, and certainly those teen age years those questions are there. My soon to be 5 year old niece just asked if it was ok for those two girls to be kissing (making out actually) but you never now when those questions are gonna come up, and you never will know if you make it taboo to even bring it up.

  • Yes!!!! Thank you, Dannah. Seven years ago I was a fairly new Christian. During a very frank discussion about sex with my daughter, she asked me how far she could go with a guy. I didn’t know. We both knew that “sex” wasn’t okay but was anything okay? I didn’t know the Godly answer for her. I told her I knew she didn’t want to do the things I had done when I was her age but other then that I didn’t know. We tried to find out. We went to a class together at our church but didn’t really learn much. I have learned so much since then. I hope enough to help my second daughter work through the issues in a Godly manner. One thing I have learned is that this is such a serious issue, with serious repercussions if you do the wrong thing. I can’t wait to get Dannah’s book and read it. (I’m hopeing to get a few during the sale.) I know my oldest daughter has regrets about the things she did before her marriage, I do too, both in mine and in hers. I’m hoping that this time, I’ll be able to give Godly advice to my second daughter. Maybe she can go into her marriage without regrets, just as God meant it to be. Thank you for all your hard work in writing this, Dannah. And, yes, calling things the terms they are called will really help me so that I’m not confused about what you are talking about. Yes, to a “straight out”, no beating around the bush, book!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • The Word must get out to young women and girls about who the are in Christ. As well as what God intended sex to be. If we can’t talk openly and honestly about it we are failing these young women. My dear friend is now going through her 5-6th grade Wed night class talking about what God’s word say about dating, kissing and yes sex. My daughter comes home from school disgusted with the things she hears. Yes at 10 years old she hears “the words”. I am blessed to have a relationship with her where she feels safe talking to me and finding out the facts. Many girls out there (I was one of them) have no one. If we as the church can’t help and mentor these girls who will. Well there is always MTV and the other channels willing to do their part. Dannah keep writing. May the Lord guide your pen.

  • Dannah, I know there must be days when all the criticism gets to be overwhelming. But, I am praying for you. Our girls need this!! Please do not give up. My husband & I taught a class at our Bible Church last year called “Teaching your kids about sex.” We were shocked at how many people didn’t want to try because they thought they might “give their kids ideas”. We told them straight out, if you don’t, their friends & the media will…and probably already has. I wish more churches would step up & speak out… Our girls are searching & finding all the wrong things… So, don’t give up, my friend!! “No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper & every toungue that shall rise up against you in judgement, you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, says the Lord!!” I am praying that verse over you! DON’T STOP!!! DON’T GIVE UP!!!
    Angela, mom of 2 girls, in Texas!

  • Dannah, I loved reading this! Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to get hold of the book as I’ve been super busy recently, but hopefully, I’ll have a christian bookshop crawl soon! I agree with everything you’ve said here. I’m 16, and I use ‘the words’ whenever I talk about these things with my friends or Mum. It’s not a matter of them being dirty, or me being sexually involved with guys, its just the way my generation works.

  • Thats some great fundamentals there, already knew some of that, but you can always learn . I doubt a “kid” could put together such information as dolphin278 suggested. Maybe he’s just attempting to be “controversial? lol

  • Dannah, Very well said and thanks for you willingness to address this issue!! I’ve heard so much from people over the past 6 yrs on theses very topics, and I see the brokenness and bondage they have become entrapped by. Helping someone become free from these things “the words” is rewarding!! And yes the church desprately needs to hear this! Love your honesty and I’m very blunt like this also and just say it how it is to my children! Love, Mary Lou

  • It’s not bad to talk about sex. We just have to be careful in discussing such a sensitive topic. And let’s stop using euphemisms! They distort the true beauty and sex and make sex sound dirty and unholy.

    I wished my parents had openly and honestly talked to me about the sacredness of sex and how to guard my marriage bed! Did you know who taught me about sex? Friends. Dirty-minded friends. Masturbation. Internet. Porn. :'( When I came to Christ, he enlightened me that sex is holy and not dirty. He also taught me the purpose of sex and marriage. He also set me free from lust.

    Thank you Dannah for this post! God bless you!

  • I just stumbled upon your blog. I have not read your book, but now I will. I grew up in a ultra conservative church – the kind when there was a separate service for children for the rare occasion sex or sexuality was going to be mentioned in the pulpit. It always amazed me how they seemed to think that not talking about it would protect their kids. If anything it just caused them to be unprepared when they did face it and many of them fell. If we don’t teach our children about sex, someone else will. Sex, porn, masturbation, orgasm – those are real words for real issues. We shirk our responsibility before God to not education our youth about them. Those are not offensive words any more than giving clinical names for reproductive organs. There are offensive for all of the above, but calling a spade a spade – isn’t! Ambiguous terms like “sexual indiscretion” often leaves a lot of questions unanswered. Young people deal with so much and need our honesty with them.

  • People in the church need to realize that silence on the hard subjects of sex, masturbation, oral sex, pornography and sexual abuse only gives the enemy a safe place to hide. Because of such silence promoted by a godly grandmother- my grandmother, mother, myself, and my own family have been victim to the ever-gripping tentacles of such abuses. A couple years of counseling allowed me to correctly put the blame on the enemy and break the chains that have been passed down through generations. The true depth of destruction is heartbreaking and more people need to know about the battle. It is certainly a spiritual one. Sticking one’s head in the sand and pretending to be prudish is unwise for future generations.

  • Its such as you read my thoughts! You seem to know so much approximately this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I feel that you could do with some p.c. to pressure the message house a little bit, however instead of that, that is wonderful blog. An excellent read. I will definitely be back.

  • *Blech*
    If people talked about IT euphemistically, not graphically and if people were given the right information at the right time, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.