Is God In Charge Of How Many Children You Will Have?

BIRTHCONTROL“I feel like I am giving God the finger,” a young mother wrote to me recently. Her struggle was birth control. She was using it, and had a sense in her spirit that she was telling God she didn’t trust him and that He was not in control of her life.

She’s not alone.

Many Christian young women begin considering birth control as early as their college years, not because they are sexually active but because the evangelical world is re-thinking its opinion of The Pill. Did the Catholics have this birth control thing right?

While some site statistics and Bible verses in the debate, I prefer the approach of my close friend Holly Elliff. She began re-thinking birth control when The Pill was brand new in the market and way before most were having the conversation in the 1970’s. Her tender, heart-touching story of surrendering is summarized in this sentence: “It came down to whether or not I was better at making decisions than God was.” Holly and her husband, Pastor Bill Elliff, decided God was. It got them eight children.

In full disclosure, Bob and I did use contraception during the early years of our marriage. (After many years of no more biological children to add to our Robby and Lexi, God opened our heart to the adoption of Autumn.)

I know there are many good medical reasons to sometimes use birth control. But the question I’m faced with as the protestant world re-thinks birth control is this: are we—as Christian women—living as if God is in control of our bodies and how he uses them to bring life to this world, or have we fallen prey to the lie that we have control? I mean, I feel like sometimes we pray harder about which street God “wants us” to live on than how many children God wants us to have.

Pastor John Piper says that letting God control the number of children we have is “a legitimate kingdom decision.” This short video reveals his heart—and I think God’s—on the matter. I pray you’ll watch it, especially if you feel frustrated with me right now.

But what I’d really like to know is this: what’s your heart on the matter? Before you leave a comment and share your thoughts which I desperately want to hear, I want to share with you a letter my friend Jenny, who is the director of our local Crisis Pregnancy Center, wrote a couple days ago. Her contractions, as I write this, are six minutes apart.

11081356_10153125270240605_7783900068067800271_nA pregnancy lasts 280 days or forty weeks…unless you’re Jenny.  Today is day number 285 and counting. It’s not that unusual to deliver a baby a week or so late, except for the fact that this is her seventh baby. And a surprise. This is not what Jenny planned. In fact, Jenny and her husband had made the decision that birth control was a wise stewardship decision for them. It didn’t work. (Again.)  But  her response to this little soon-to-come-into-this-world Anna Kate reveals something about her heart.

And I’d like you to consider it before you share with me yours. Here is what Jenny wrote on her Facebook page two days ago:

On September 9th, 2014, I went to the doctors to have an MRI due to excruciating neck pain and a summer full of physical therapy. I was filling out a questionnaire and started to struggle when answering these three little questions:

  1. Are you breastfeeding?
  2. Are you pregnant?
  3. Could you possibly be pregnant?

My answers were: Yes, No, & Well….POSSIBLY? That’s my life!

So, I asked/told the technician, “I know I am NOT pregnant, but what if I was? I mean, I have 6 children, at any time in my life I could be pregnant.”

She said, “With an x-ray, your body could abort and your baby would self-absorb, and with an MRI, there really is no way to protect a certain part of your body because the magnetic field is so strong. We caution against it.”

I said, “Well, I know I’m not pregnant, but I wouldn’t want to do anything harmful…”

She offered a pregnancy test which I refused, at first. With some thought and prodding by the Holy Spirit and her encouragement, she called my doctor who immediately ordered a pregnancy test.

I strolled to another part of the office to do the pregnancy test, and returned to put my scrubs on for the MRI. The technician returned and said, “So, you’ve been nursing for 6 months? I said, “No, I’ve been nursing for 10 months, and I have 6 children.”

She said, “Oh!”

I said, “Yeah, I feel bad for you if you’re the one to tell me I’m pregnant with #7.”

She said, “I’m going to check on your test. It’s taking longer than normal.”

Just as quickly as the thought, “What if I am pregnant” came to mind, it also left my mind.

She returned with a co-worker who said, “Jenny, we have your results. It’s positive.”

I was shocked, bawled out loud in disbelief, and said things like, “Are you serious? That can’t be! Really? You’re kidding…. Are you serious? No way! Oh my gosh!”

As my head spun with the news, one technician took me by the shoulders and said, “You are so blessed.”

I remember looking at her in the eyes which were only a few inches from mine and saying (I might have yelled), “I tell women that for a living…and I don’t feel so blessed right now!”

As I hung my head in what felt like shame and embarrassment, I cried.

I left the office wondering where to go and what to do.

I went to my office and found my friends who were meeting for Bible study. They were shocked, too. They cried and laughed with me. I was very thankful, but very afraid of so many things.

I then met with two other women, one who is barren and another who has 11 children. Both were an encouragement to me. They laughed and they cried with me. Hugs and prayers were offered and accepted.

One question I was asked was, “What are you most concerned about?”

I said, “Provision. Providing for our family. I already feel like there isn’t enough of me to go around. How will I work and still be a mom….to 7 children? And the amount of food they eat! And where am I going to put the baby?”

I left and went home. Todd had some papers to grade and I was totally worn out from crying. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him the news.

Not just yet.

The next evening, I was cooking in the kitchen. He came up behind me and hugged me. He said, “The sight of you is good for my heart.”

I said, “Can you say that again?”

He did.

I said, “Do you love me?”

He said, “Yes, I love you” as he spun me around to face him.

I said, “Do you love all of me?”

He said, “Yes, I love all of you.”

And I said, “Even if there’s baby #7 in there?” I buried my face in his chest and hugged him even closer…wondering what he was going to say next.

“Jenny, don’t even joke about that.”

I said nothing.

“Did you have your MRI?” he asked.

I looked him in the eyes and said, “No, I found out I’m pregnant instead.”

He walked out to the grill as I left him to alone and soak in the news.

When he finally came back inside, he said, “How your body makes babies is amazing and incredible to me.”

It took some time to sink in…realizing our life was going to change again.

On December 29th, 2014 we found out we were expecting a little girl. It didn’t take us long to decide on her name, Anna Kate. 

Since I found out I was pregnant with Anna Kate, we have seen God provide for our family in amazing and encouraging ways. Although we fully realize that parenting 7 children is way beyond our human abilities, God has placed in our lives family and friends to help and coach us along the way.

So many people ask us, “How do you do it?”

Our answer: “We just do, and we can’t do it without God’s grace and the help from others.”

Pregnancy is a God-gift, a phenomenon of willingly giving up your body to be broken for another being so that they can have life.

Does that sound familiar to you? Jesus gave up His life for you! Every time I am pregnant, this impresses upon me more and more. Through morning sickness, sleepless nights, and the aches and pains–I am reminded that my body is a living vessel which has been given the blessing to give life to another. 

Anna Kate, we are so thankful for you. I am so, so, sorry that I rejected you with my words at the very beginning. But, with God’s love for me—you and the thought of you has grown in our hearts and in my body each day up until now. With each painful step that I have taken during the past 15 weeks–I have been reminded that you and the ability to become pregnant is a gift that I should not and should never have taken granted of, ever. I will continue to encourage mothers and fathers to know that each child is a gift from above.

“Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift?
the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows
are the children of a vigorous youth.
Oh, how blessed are you parents,
with your quivers full of children!
Your enemies don’t stand a chance against you;
you’ll sweep them right off your doorstep.”
Psalm 127:3The Message (MSG)

I realized since September 9, 2014 that God has spared our little girl from a potentially dangerous examination. From the beginning, God has been telling about His goodness through her life. I am so glad it didn’t take me long to see that He has a plan for her. Her life has humbled me and has softened my heart in so many ways. (Jeremiah 29:11)

As I write this, I think my time with her in my womb is ending. I asked God this morning, “If I tell the world about your goodness and how you’ve answered my prayers, if I tell the world about how I found out about this pregnancy with Anna Kate….will you please deliver from me–this baby girl, today?”

Let’s just hope that she enters this world soon!

With a broken body and a thankful heart,

Jenny

_________________________________________

Addendum: This blog hit the Internet and caused quite a flurry of frustration. That surprised me, but I have taken the first day’s worth of critique and added a few things above to clarify my perspective. I really do welcome your thoughts. Consider leaving them here and not on Facebook so we can have a good conversation. (We’re up to hundreds and hundreds of comments on Facebook!)

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106 Comments

  • This is a topic that I am so passionate about now. Like so many women, I never questioned taking birth control for the first 5 years of my marriage while I took time to build my marriage and career. Then I assumed that when we decided we were ready to have children, things would just happen. Well, things happened, but not as we planned. I immediately got pregnant when I went off the pill, but it was ectopic, and took one of my Fallopian tubes because of all the bleeding…could have been worse. A few months later, pregnant again, ending in miscarriage. Finally, a healthy pregnancy and childbirth followed. Over the next several years, I intermittently used the pill, the ring, and also had three more children and one miscarriage. After my fourth child, I had an IUD placed, and then finally found some research when supported the unsettled feeling I had. My heart was so saddened! I went back to my doctor to have it removed…he thought I was crazy. I wish I had studied more earlier! I grieved even more the pregnancy losses I’d had, although no one can know the how or the why they happened, my eyes were opened to the science of birth control. Although every woman must seek the Truth and follow the Spirit’s leadership on such a tough issue, but I pray that the facts will become more available and supported by the medical community.

    • I have 4 children of my own and the doctor asked me what birth control I was going to use. I have used nothing in the past but tracking my ovulation. He suggested IUD but I just can’t bring myself to do it.

      • Kristie, personally I would avoid IUD. There is conflicting and controversial reporting my medical organizations. Some say it is an abortifacient. Others deny this. So, be safe. If you do decide to use birth control find one that is clearly avoiding pregnancy and not ending one. And find one that’s good for your body.

      • After my 5 child, much as loved him I really felt that I ha reached my limits of waht I was capable of, physically( I have awful nausea and a condition called symphysis pubis dis function in pregnancy) emotionally and financially. I booked an appointment to have a IUD put in without too much thought or prayer, but really because a Christian friend had one. She had it fitted due to problems with menstruation where she was becoming severely anaemia, I had no such reason, just I didn’t want the “fear” of pregnancy. I arrived at the Drs surgery and before I went in I had a feeling deep in my heart that I was doing wrong. I prayed ( not as sincerely as I should have ) Lord if I am doing wrong please prevent me doing this ( I had it all back to front). I had the device fitted and the Dr told me to wait for 15 minutes before going home as in rare cases the device can cause a drop in blood pressure due to the cervix being opened or something. As I waited I began to have cramps and was convincing myself that I DID NOT feel faint, but I did, within 5 minutes I felt terrible, like I was going to vomit and pass out and the cramping was really cranking up. The Dr and nurse whizzed me back in to the room and monitored my BP and then he told me he was going to have to take the IUD back out, as it obviously wasn’t suiting me. It’s incredibly rare that this happens and I am pretty sure that God was speaking to me through this. we have practised just natural family planning since then for about 2 years, but from that time I have felt that one day we will,have another child. my husband is adamant he can’t cope with another but on the other hand he would accept Gods will if HE gave us another pregnancy. For the last 6 months I have felt more and more strongly that I would love another child despite how hard it would be, also I feel that the withdrawal method is the sin of Onan, but how does one tell their husband this?

        • This is a hard situation, friend. I can only tell you that two years ago, I got another email a lot like this. A woman told me she felt like she was “giving God the finger” when she used contraception. But her husband was staunchly against adding to their already large family (by today’s standards anyway). I told her that God’s kingdom is a kingdom. It’s not a democracy. There is heirarchy of authority. And the husband is the tie breaker in a marriage. So, I encouraged her to respect his decision and submit to it. And wait for a moment of quiet, respectful strength to share her feelings. She did. He was so blessed by how gentle and kind she was that he changed his mind. Today they have a new baby!

        • Sister pray God tells him be honest walk in faith learn all you can in the scriptures and from modern large families and how it all works. God is not only in charge of your womb but your husbands heart.

  • This is a lovely piece. I read Jenny’s post on Facebook the other day, too. 🙂

    As a ministry dedicated to chastity, I also appreciate that you’re hosting this conversation. This statement from the CP Opinion article you mentioned is especially accurate regarding this topic: “Church leaders have to confront the morality of the Pill because they have to deal with human sexuality. We cannot condemn the gay lifestyle, adultery, premarital sex or pornography based on their sinful implications and yet ignore the equally dangerous effects of contraception. To do so is hypocritical.”

    As you continue to research and investigate this topic further, I’d encourage you to remember that the conversation isn’t necessarily an either/or dilemma. Women are not left with only two choices: to either use contraceptive/hormonal birth control or have eleven-teen children. 😉

    Part of the reason that the Catholic Church’s sexual ethic is more holistic is because it asks that every sexual act be both unitive and procreative. “Procreative” does not mean that every sexual act results in a pregnancy, but rather that every sexual act is open to the possibility of life (pregnancy). As a result, the Catholic Church encourages Natural Family Planning (NOT the rhythm method)–a sympto-thermal system for charting a woman’s fertile and infertile cycles. If a couple is trying to achieve pregnancy, this helps them know the best time to conceive. If a couple wants to avoid pregnancy, then they abstain from sexual intimacy during the fertile time and express love in other, non-sexual ways. It’s a little tricky to learn at first, but it’s extremely effective for avoiding pregnancy if the rules are followed AND has the added benefit of being the only form of family planning that requires the COUPLE to practice the method together, rather than placing responsibility for “birth control” solely on the woman.

    Just some thoughts to keep in mind =)

  • No. Just no. I understand where your heart is, but for me, absolutely not. Not everyone wants (or should be) a mother. I may change my mind in the future, but currently I have no interest in having children. I am a strong career woman in the health field and for me to have a child now would not be good for my family, my career, or the child itself. You may use the argument that maybe it’s Gods gift to change my heart but to me all it would ever seen is irresponsible. I work all hours of the day, as does my husband. We are very veryyy happy in the time we give to each other but neither of us feels we are stable enough with our time or our money situation to have children.
    I don’t want to be a mother until I am ready.
    I may have control in preventing a pregnancy, but it is still in God’s hands should I stop birth control whether or not I will eventually find myself with child.

    Also- I should mention I first started birth control as a late teenager for no other reason than I would get violently sick in my period and it was a last resort to stop the pain.

    xx

    • If you believe that He is all powerful, then using birth control takes nothing out of His hands. The “leaving it up to God” argument is a moot point to anyone who truly believes that God is all powerful and omnicient.

      • I do not think that is true. What you are saying is akin to “I know God wants me to be healthy, but I’m going to eat like a glutton and leave it up to God if I am healthy or not.” Eventually, that’ll catch up to you. The Bible says that if we love him, we obey him. So, we should seek his desire for our bodies in all things. Afterall, the bible says we glorify him “in our bodies.” It is true that he can do ALL THINGS, but he also wants us to press into faith and trust and obedience.

  • Love that he refers to bringing our children up in the Lord makes them “burden lifters” versus “burden adders”! Great post, great video & Jenny is such a precious soul.

  • im so glad to see this question being raised! a little about me: im 30 and have been married almost 3 years. my husband and I have 2 children, a 15 month old and 1 month old. i read And The Bride Wore White in highschool and it encouraged me to wait until marriage to have sex. i remember being single and feeling like surrender was the story of my life…surrendering sexual desires because I couldnt act on them, surrendering my love story by not pursuing guys but letting God bring my husband to me, believing He would but surrendering when it would happen. etc. it struck me after marriage that there is little surrender when taking hormonal birth control. after years of gentle surrender and openness to God it felt like taking them would be a reflection of a heart that was closed and hardened. im not saying its a sin but it went against my conscience. many family members have commented that we need to slow down the childbearing which really stings. it seems to me society holds large families in contempt, or at least looks down on them. im not planning a large family but im not against it. the main concerns i have are if we could financially support more and have the emotional resources to give to so many for so long. im curious about peoples thoughts on natural family planning.

    • I think it’s wonderful that you let God guide your life!! And he’s brought you a husband and 2 wonderful children! Dont let what your family members say to you discrourage you from loving your family and letting God bless you with more children!! Our greatest contributions are the ones we leave behind; be strong & continue raising your family up in God’s faith!

  • I think God’s plan for my life is better than any plan I could come up with! We probably would not have chosen to be expecting our 5th daughter on or oldest’s 6th birthday, but we are so glad for these precious lives God has shared with us. The God of the Bible is the Creator of life. He is the opener and closer of the womb. As hard as it is to trust Him at times, we still do. After our 4th was born, and I really felt like I was physically falling apart, was the first time we used any method of prevention, mainly to give my body a break. It made me feel guilty, wondering what life we may be preventing and why we would want to deprive ourselves (or the Lord!) of the joy in giving and receiving life! So we stopped trying to prevent, and a week or two later, conceived again. It all kept coming down to ‘God knows best.’ And i realized all my reasons to consider preventing or postponing another birth were rooted in selfishness – weeds that needed to be plucked, because selfishness should not be the basis for any decision! What if Christ had decided not to give the blessing of life because his body was tired, or because he couldn’t imagine bearing the burden beyond a certain number of children? The will of the Father should override fleshly desires. Let the little children come, and do not forbid them 🙂
    We could cling to the fact that we can’t make it on our own, or we can hold on to knowing we are not our own! I pray for the strength and trust it takes to choose the latter. Thank you for your boldness in posting on this topic. It’s unpopular, but important!

  • I see your point, but as an 18 year old who was just recently put on the pill by my mother and doctor, I am hesitant to agree with you. “Many Christian young women begin considering birth control as early as their college years, not because they are sexually active but because the evangelical world is re-thinking its opinion of The Pill.” I am not sexually active, nor do I plan on it until I am married (love your books!), and I did not base my decision of using birth control off of the evangelical world. I have suffered from extremely painful cramps, mood swings, and breakouts since I was 13. It got to the point where I would cry when I saw I got my period. I dreaded my period! No girl should have to live that way. So are these some good points on re-evaluating your trust in the Lord to provide a family? Yes some very good points. And I don’t think the decision to take birth control should be taken lightly. But as for me, I praise God for the existence of the pill because it makes every month a little more bearable haha.

    • As I said in the article, there are legitimate medical reasons to use The Pill. But this article isn’t really about that topic. So I just referenced it. Glad you are in less pain! Periods can be a bummer.

      • I also have bad periods at times – is there a particular remedy that always works, apart from birth control? I can’t swallow pills easily… Great article Thanks! I want to be a wife and mum someday 🙂

        • In response to the women who have struggled with hormonal imbalance and horrible period symptoms, I feel your pain! I used to struggle with crazy mood swings, cramping where I was writhing in pain, and the whole works! It was awful!! I heard about Young Living from my sister in law, and she told me that using Progessence Plus essential oil from Young Living completely cured her period related symptoms. I’ve been using Progessence for about 6 months now, and the longer I use it, the better I feel and the more regular my periods have been. No more mood swings, no more painful cramps! Progessence essential oil is a God send! If you have more questions, let me know and we can email.

      • Dear Dannah, there is this method Creightom Model FertilityCare System which really is helping so many women with cycle problems and infertility.
        Thank you so much for sharing your story. Raised up in a evangelical world I had never heard of Natural Family Planning. Since I came to know these methods I realized there are many more ways to care about your fertility.

  • So much to say, but I will try to be concise.

    God has the final say. No matter what. Always. God prompts us to make decisions that are wise. After much prayer and study, we have used birth control. Those years with no insurance. (I got pregnant using a diaphragm then) The years we were raising 3 young children and I was completing my college and starting to teach. Regular use of birth control. No oops, no “mistakes”, but….a BIG surprise. I got to be part of “that very small percentage” that gets pregnant. Twice. 12 years apart. When our .01% surprise came into the picture, it took me more than 9 months to be okay and trust God.

    I have friends who try and try and try and use all manner of medical knowledge to achieve pregnancy, but there are empty arms. God has the final say.

    Before we start saying that birth control or fertility treatment is playing God, we need to remember that God is omnipotent. To say that we are thwarting God is pretty bold. It says that we are more powerful than He is. That is theologically inaccurate.

    • Amy, I never said that birth control is playing God. What I said was this: are we trusting God to guide us in the number of children we have. Nothing I said was theologically inaccurate. That’s something I’m very careful with! 😉 And the approach that Pastor John Piper and Holly Elliff (whose works I said I preferred) are gentle and make no black and white statement. They just cause us to look at our biological ability to procreate through the will of God rather than putting ours first.

      • Absolutely agree with all of the post, sorry if my reply sounded like I was accusing you of being theologically inaccurate…Just addressing the question overall. After 23 years of marriage and kids, I have seen and heard so many (not this post) operate from and make statements stating that they feel that using any contraception is playing God. This has been something God has been teaching me as I struggle with my part in deciding to or not to. As a conservative Christian, I have been told that I am wrong to have made some medical decisions from people who claim to see with a Christian worldview, however they make the statement that is theologically inaccurate. I am a mom of 5 God-given blessings ranging in age from 5-21 (with an 11 year gap after #3). He knew each one before they were formed and He always had the final say. We have the same conviction as Piper and we know that sometimes our kingdom focused decision (we are a ministry family) has been met with a snicker from the omniscient (at least from my perspective).

        Hope that clears my post up a little :D.

        • and I want to add that I personally have had arrogance on both sides of the issue. It has been a long struggle in my heart and one that I am convicted to share. My husband once asked me when our 4th and huge surprise came along “Why was it we decided we should stop having kids again?”. After our 5th blessing at 39 and 41 years old, I had major, major complications and ended up in CCU for a week in and out of consciousness. I am loving my last little blessing into kindergarten this fall as my oldest graduated from college last week and he asks from time to time when he have a little brother or sister for him. I keep telling him “only God knows” because we had to shut the door on biological children…but we know how quickly God can change plans.

          • and one last little thing….I also learned to NEVER pray asking God how to teach your older tween that sex inside of marriage is good and wonderful while teaching them to remain pure. God’s answer to that prayer may be having to tell your 14 year old that you are experiencing a surprise pregnancy…and hearing them say “I don’t want to know this…if you plan on having any more, please DO NOT tell me beforehand!” which did lead to the above conversation on multiple occasions.

        • Perfectly. I was tracking with what you were saying. “Theologically inaccurate” are words I try to avoid like the bubonic plague! It’s important to me to be careful. Love your heart. Thanks for writing back. HUGS!

  • Thank you for this post! This is something I’ve been thinking more about, especially with how my life has been going.
    I got married to my best friend last summer, a week before I turned 19. We weren’t planning on waiting more than a year or two to have children, but we were going to wait. Our pastor and my own convictions kept me from going on the pill, and we decided to go for other contraceptives and keeping track of the most likely times for me to get pregnant so we would definitely use protection. We had quite a few things planned out to take advantage of our first year of marriage together. Apparently God had other plans – we’ve been married 10 months and I’m 26 weeks pregnant. It’s been a huge change for me, going so quickly from being comfortably single, to married and taking care of a wonderful man, to struggling through the changes of pregnancy. Honestly, I was very distraught and upset when we first found out we were pregnant. But I think it just goes to show that God knows best how we need to be sanctified. I could’ve given Him a list with a dozen other ways to work on me over the next year, but this was the blessing he gave us.

    • I love how you said, “I could’ve given Him a list with a dozen other ways to work on me over the next year, but this was the blessing he gave us.” What a great point! How are you doing with everything now? 🙂

      • She’s doing great. Just testified in church this past week. It has been a challenging few months with the sweet new baby girl who has some physical challenges and Jenny still walks it out in faith.

  • I want to address the damage that the pill does to women’s bodies and their marriage. Why did the old pill contribute to breast cancer? Because it was given before it was tested. Are you sure the new pill has gone thru enough testing! The hormones that the pill adds are the very ones that cause our dispositions to be so altered for a few days each month. Instead women are on edge many more days a month. This is hard on marriages.

  • I was raised Catholic growing up and remained Catholic until I was in my 30’s, when I was saved. I was using Natural Family Planning after I had two children, which were really all I could afford to have at the time. I used it faithfully and it worked for almost a year. My NFP baby just graduated high school on Monday night. I’m so very grateful God decided she needed to be brought into my life, whether I thought so or not. I was so upset when I found out I was pregnant with her. Things were so bad. My father had just had a heart attack and my mom was diagnosed with Cancer. My mom died 4 days after she was born. My daughter is one of the main reasons that I was led to have a relationship with Jesus. She actually was led before I was and she was only about 10. So, Natural Family Planning does not work for everyone. But God does.

  • So many thoughts on this. I’ll preface by saying that my husband and I do use birth control – not currently using the pill due to lingering blood pressure issues from my last pregnancy , but I have been on it in the past. I think that my overall thought on it is this: God is in control. I can take every preventative measure possible and still end up pregnant if that is what God wants for me. The stats say that 50 some percent of pregnancies are unplanned and I’m sure that we have all heard many stories of birth control failures. My parents were in their late 30’s and had taken “permanent measures” when they found out my Mom was pregnant with me! Saying that birth control takes the decision away from God is kind of laughable to me to be honest 🙂

    The Catholic viewpoint on it makes no sense to me, for much the same reasons. It says you aren’t supposed to use the pill, but you can use NFP to try to avoid pregnancy – I guess God is powerful enough to override NFP but not the pill? Not trying to be snarky – I just have never understood this thought process.

    We are in our mid 30’s and have one child. I had a rough pregnancy dealing with bedrest, pre-eclampsia, pre-term labor and a long hard delivery. We are currently seeking God’s wisdom on whether or not we should have another child. I think there are many ways to leave these things up to God, without being pregnant 10, 15, 20 times…

  • Thank you so much for sharing this. This is right where I am, and I am so glad you’re bringing this up. I especially appreciated John Piper’s take on this, as it makes so much sense but I hadn’t heard this before. We currently have 6 children ages 1-10. My husband and I have for years been strongly led by the Holy Spirit to be open to His gifts of children. But now, I’m 36 and my husband is 38, and our hearts (and home, car, etc etc) are full! I am so busy, and tired, and pregnancy is harder now. I am not hearing the Lord say “Have more” – but at the same time I’m not hearing Him say “Get surgery.” It’s tricky. But again, I really like John Piper’s thoughts – and Jenny’s beautiful thoughts, and yours too. Thank you!

  • Thank for this, Jenny! Oh how we need to TRUST and obey the Lord, even when it seems foolish and illogical in the eyes of the world. My husband and I were challenged by our mentors to do Natural Family Planning. It was incredible to learn how my body works and better see the fingerprints of my Creator, but also took the control out of our hands. we need to raise the bar for the next generation! i also believe this is a “grey” area, so following the holy spirits leading in this is crucial.

  • Here’s where I get stuck…I feel conviction when I read this – that we shouldn’t be preventing a pregnancy. However, my husband is adamant that he doesn’t ‘t want anymore children. Do I obey God but defy my husband? Or do I continue using birth control and feeling guilty? (And yes, I have been praying for guidance and praying God will put us both on the same page with this issue)

    • Morgan..the woman I wrote about at the beginning of the blog was in your position. She felt conviction not to be on birth control. Her husband felt she should be. My answer to her was simple: it is in black and white that you should submit to your husband and it is not in black and white that you should/should not be preventing pregnancy. So, submit and pray. A few short months later she wrote to me. She had prayed. Didn’t nag. He said he was seeing the beauty in her heart and had not forgotten her discomfort with birth control. She’s now pregnant!

  • Oh sister!
    First….to answer your question….I was “done” at two. I had the boy and girl….I should be done, right?!? But God put a desire for a third on my heart but not my husbands. I was confused. I prayed. God changed his heart without any of my “help” (read: nagging) 😉 and we had the greatest joy. Then we were really done! Until God put another on my heart. Hubby was in agreement so we tried for another.
    Along the way we have experienced three miscarriages and changes of heart that make it known that God is soverign and in control. I knew if we went for 4 we would be done-done! Only crazy people have more than that! Ha!! (Just kidding!)
    Anyway….after a tremendous amount of pain and bleeding I went to the ER and learned my pregnancy was twins!
    I thank you so much for your words at the end. If I just insert “Jesse and Jacob” where you have “Dear Anna Kate” you have given words to my deepest feelings. Thank you!
    I was devastated when they said twins! Who has give kids? How will I do this? We have orders to Florida. No family. We can’t do this!
    And no….I can’t. God can. And he does. Every single moment of the day.
    Thank you!
    Anna Kate, we are so thankful for you. I am so, so, sorry that I rejected you with my words at the very beginning. But, with God’s love for me—you and the thought of you has grown in our hearts and in my body each day up until now. With each painful step that I have taken during the past 15 weeks–I have been reminded that you and the ability to become pregnant is a gift that I should not and should never have taken granted of, ever. I will continue to encourage mothers and fathers to know that each child is a gift from above.

  • I’m in a difficult situation. I used hormonal birth control for many years without really thinking about it (mostly to control severe acne). Even now, I don’t necessarily think it’s “evil” or “ungodly” but I can no longer use it because I have high blood pressure that gets dangerously high with even the lowest dose pill. However, I am also unfortunately diagnosed as having had recurrent miscarriage. Unless I am on progesterone, my body cannot maintain a pregnancy. Three losses were heartbreaking. I can’t imagine more. So we have to be very careful – especially since I have no problem GETTING pregnant (all three were surprises and we were not trying at all!) The only successful pregnancy was carefully planned, and I was on medication for the month leading up to it and 4 months after. Even then, I bled for 4 months, and ended up having an emergency c-section due to severe pre-e. My preemie son was in the NICU for 9 days.

    Progesterone is not cheap, so just being on it all the time as a preventative measure is not an option. It breaks my heart that I have to go through this – even now, when my husband an I use protection, I can’t enjoy being intimate with him because I’m always terrified of getting pregnant and losing another baby.

    Just speaking from that perspective, I wonder…is it “godly” for me to just keep getting pregnant and losing my babies? Is that my role? Do I not have enough faith to believe that, maybe next time, my body will somehow do things differently? These are genuine questions I haven’t been able to answer – please know that my heart breaks when I think of it and I have been a dedicated Christian for over half my life (I’m 33). I just wanted to put my thoughts out there…because I can’t be the ONLY woman in this awful position.

    • Oh precious Rebecca. What a difficult and painful dilemna. I don’t even know how to answer you, but I’m approving the comment hoping other women who have similar struggles might post comments and encouragement. The terrible pain of conceiving and losing a child over and over must be exhausting. I had one miscarriage and was somewhat surprised just how terrible the grieving process can be. I am praying for you today, dear one.

  • I have 3 beautiful children and love the idea of trusting God fully with the decision. I do believe though that this is a calling to go that way. I have taken bc since 3 months before my wedding and stopped 3 months before conceiving my first 2 and got back on 6 weeks after they were born. We wanted another child and were so worried about whether it was right or wrong for our family. My husband and I prayed and prayed about it and could not be certain so we gave it to God I had not been on bc for 2 months and decided we trusted God he knew our hearts and so we left it to him for 1 month we would try and trust God. On the last day of our Month I had a dream and God spoke to me and told me I was pregnant. For 9 months we went through a lot of struggles financially but God continued to provide and show his love for us. He did and constinly reminded us that he gave us our baby andd he would provide for her. It has been a wonderful blessing to see God work through our lives. Once she was born and when she was 6 weeks old I went back on bc. I don’t know that being on BC is not trusting God. I feel if He wanted me not to he would tell me because I do trust him!

  • I have found that the “crisis pregnancies” are often the ones that teach us the most about God: His love, His Sovereignty, His provision, and His grace. One of the saddest things about abortion is that it sabotages these very things that He is doing in our lives.

    I have 8 children, ages 25-6, and my story is similar to others… I used birth control for the first few years of marriage, then went off it actually because of a conviction that it wasn’t right (long story) and then began my family a year later… I went through many struggles of fear that I wouldn’t get pregnant, fear that I would, and after I started having miscarriages (5 total) fear of losing them… But, now, the time is over for me, and I am SO grateful for trusting the Lord for these children that He has given me…. I am positive I would’ve missed my younger children even if I had never met them! They are a great joy in my life. Hard work, yes… but meaningful, purposeful work…

    And now, I have two grandchildren born just two weeks ago! Twin girls. I tell friends that we can’t have babies around here fast enough, so we told our kids they have to have them two at a time. 😉

  • Thank you for this! After some prayer, research and advice from others, I started taking the pill in 2007. After a couple years of marriage, I found out I was pregnant with our first and I had a miscarriage a few months later. It was a very hard time for me, although I know the Lord is in control and I’m thankful for that. I also wonder if the pill had anything to do with it. I haven’t taken any pill or contraceptive since and I honestly feel healthier than when I was taking it. The Lord has blessed us with two beautiful children since that time and I pray He will continue to bless us with more. ☺️

    • (Also, I know many women have miscarriages, mine just opened my eyes on the harmful effects that birth control can have on women.)

  • My heart has gone back and forth over the years on this very question. I have been married for 20 years and have 6 live children and 1 in heaven. We were open to whatever children God sent and had 2 children very quickly in our marriage. After that, we were infertile for 7 years. During this time our marriage was going through a very rough time. I always believed God knew we couldn’t be pregnant and work through our issues. We were then blessed with 3 more children. Soon after we began to consider NFP. Being Catholic we are allowed to use Natural Family Planning in order to postpone pregnancies for just reasons. As I tossed this question around as to whether we should start using NFP I woke one morning to find that I had miscarried. I hadn’t even known I was pregnant. I heard the Lord say to me, “You were open to life and now there is another soul in heaven.” How profound!! We were still uncertain and uneducated on NFP and so chose not to use it. I became pregnant again and had our 4th son. We decided to take a class soon after to learn about NFP and the Catholic Church’s reasons for it. The beauty of NFP is that it is a decision that the couple makes with the Holy Spirit’s guidance. NFP allows the sexual act to be unitive and creative every time. It uses self denial, prayer and communication between spouses. An examination of heart is always supposed to be with the decision. In other words, we are not to use NFP with a contraceptive mentality. It is a chance every month to seek the Lord’s wisdom in having more children. At this time we are using NFP because I am going through a chelation process to remove heavy metals from my body. It would be very dangerous to the baby to become pregnant now. I thank God for his plan and timing for our children and I am so grateful to the Catholic Church’s teaching in order that we are free to make wise decisions when we need to. God bless!!

  • I’ve sat here and read these and the other comments on this topic since Dannah posted this yesterday and as happy as I am to read about all of the heart changes and relational growth with God that has taken place I nervously have to share my story. I say nervously because it is so far outside anything anyone else has talked about. You see, when my husband and I got married, we wanted a big family. At least 5 children and yet while I was pregnant with our 2nd precious one, I sensed the Lord telling me this was to be our last one. We had a son already (he was conceived 5 months after our marriage) and I was pregnant with our daughter. I was only 23 at the time of this pregnancy and after I hear what I did about no more and after praying about it, seeking wisdom and confirmation, putting out fleeces so to speak, there came a day after much heartbreaking that I felt a sense of peace like I had never felt before. I didn’t understand then why the God who said “be fruitful and multiply” would want me to stop procreating, to have a tubal ligation done even against my own doctors wishes. He adamantly refused at first to do it because I was young, back then (I’m 50 now), 26yrs ago doctors felt we were too young to make that decision. I stuck by that decision, with my husband’s support and approval, as he came to that came place of peace too, and 6wks after our daughter was born I had my tubes fried. I mourned the loss of any future children and yet remained at peace about it all. I continued to question the why only two children and it wasn’t until I was much older that I began to understand God’s sovereignty. You see, I grew up in a violently wicked home, running the gambit of physical, emotional, verbal and yes sexual abuse, which started when I was raped at age 3 and continued until I was 16. Unbeknownst to me I was in some seriously deep depression for most of my life and tho I would have loved more children I know now that that choice would have been a horrible mistake not only for my children but for me as well. I was suicidal, I was depressed, alone, full of intense shame and rage, which thankfully I did not completely take out on my own children. Thankfully with His God’s grace I was able to be a good mom to our children in spite of the place I was mentally. Yes, God is in control of procreation but it isn’t always going to look like we think it will nor come in ways we think. I may only have two children I’ve given birth to but I have many, many spiritual children whom I love just as much and as deep as those I carried in my womb and all of this is because I listened to my Heavenly Father and not the expectations of the church and we’ll meaning friends. I was nervous as I began to share this but it’s amazing how much peace comes when you delightfully follow His path! It won’t always look like everyone else’s but it is still His! Yes God is in control but only if we allow Him that control. We are not puppets nor robots but living, breathing, choice-making children of a Loving Father. Your story may be different than others and that’s okay, it’s your story, yours and His God’s! Thank you Dannah! Blessings!

    • A heart-wrenching story. Thank you for sharing it. It’s unique, but not that different from the fact that we all feel alone in our stories until we share them. Praying a mom out there struggling with depression finds some courage in your words.

  • Whatever doesn’t come from faith is sin. If you are practicing BC out of a lack of faith it is sin. If you are NOT practicing BC because of a lack of faith, it, too is sin. There isn’t a clear cut answer. The only answer is ‘Are you totally trusting God in this?’ If He directs you to practice it (within a framework of life-honouring methods – non-abortifacient) and you have figured this is His leading and are in obedience to Him, trusting Him then by all means, practice it.

    Sometimes there are medical conditions that warrant an end to child-bearing. If one trust’s God’s lead and He seems to say, “Stick around for the kids you have…” then go with that. If, for some reason, you feel led to put your life on the line in bearing another child, against medical advice, then I guess I can’t fault you for that. Is there a level of subjectiveness in this? Absolutely.

    A mother in the Philippines far away from medical care has had two previous emergency c-sections in a city. Cost and availability prevent her from getting to a city again. She goes ahead with a tubal ligation and ceases child-bearing, yet adopts another child. Has she acted in faith? I believe so. For us to declare absolute truths in this matter it must be true for all people in all places at all times. For this reason, I cannot be dogmatic about ‘It is right’ or ‘It is wrong’. The situations are complex and varied – and the God of grace walks with each of us no matter our situation. Perhaps He calls Westerners – near advanced medical care and certainly NOT on the verge of true poverty – to trust Him to provide all we need for a large brood of kids. Or maybe not.

    Just a few ideas to throw into the mix!

  • The timing on this is astonishing. My husband and I have one child who is 10. I always thought we would have more children but my husband and I had a very hard marriage with him suffering addiction issues. I felt it was wrong to add another child into the mess we were in. We used NFP for those 10 years. Suddenly, I started feeling like maybe God had another child for us, maybe I didn’t want my 10 year old to be an “only” anymore.. I began praying like never before, with passion and desperation, that God would deliver my husband and save him. I committed to 40 days of passionate prayer. 14 days in, He saved my husband. He immediately gave up his chains and gave his life to Jesus. One month clean and pure. 🙂 I now feel like maybe I need to release my control, stop using NFP, and let God decide if there are more children for us.

  • I loved that you shared Jenny’s story. As I type this, I am 36 weeks into expecting baby #6, which has come with a lot of emotions, particularly fear. I KNOW that God does not make mistakes and I certainly (when I’m rational) do not question Him, but this pregnancy has had me all over the place. I have felt excited, yet overwhelmed, trusted, yet fearful. Jenny’s reminder that our bodies are a vessel used to bring forth life, a God ordained life really made me rethink this pity-party mentality I’ve allowed myself to have throughout this pregnancy. Her apology to her unborn daughter had me in tears. My sweet girl is a gift and a blessing and I am going to spend these last few weeks being nothing short of over-the-moon excited to meet her. Thanks again for this post, it really touched my heart. 🙂

  • I truly believe that this is an “open-handed” issue (i.e., one that can be decided through personal conviction from the Holy Spirit, and not one that is black-and-white for all believers.) I am due on May 31st with my first child, and my husband and I are about to celebrate 9 years of marriage. We were married at 20, in the middle of college. I am SO thankful that we have had these years together to learn, grow, and become the best spouses & friends to one another we can possibly be. I was on a carefully researched, non-abortifacient birth control pill for the first 8 years of our marriage, and only switched to the fertility awareness method after having some unpleasant side effects from the pill. (Which is when I almost instantly and unexpectedly got pregnant!) I do not think that we would have been equipped in ANY way for healthy parenthood (not that anyone is EVER “ready” for parenthood) when we were so young, and I’m deeply thankful that we had time to really invest in our marriage before becoming parents.

    I don’t believe that there is such a thing as “tying the hands” of an all-powerful God. If God wants you to have a baby, then you’re having a baby sister!! And I also don’t believe that every believer is gifted with the ability to parent large numbers of children well. I think that having a huge family is calling, and that every believer needs to be sensitive to the Lord’s individual call on our own lives. Especially knowing that the orphan crisis in the world today is truly out of control. Christians outnumber orphans, so it really shouldn’t be an issue! Why birth 10 children of your own when you could adopt 10 children out of heartbreaking situations?

    As I said, I truly believe that this is an open-handed issue, and that there is no black-and-white answer. Just my own opinion & personal convictions 🙂

  • I had my tubes tied after 3 boys because my husband said that was all we could afford if we were going to send them to college and get them braces and such. I never really even questioned him, because society seems to think two or three are enough. I failed to even ask God to weigh in. Now I really regret having my tubes tied. My boys are most precious treasures. I wonder who else I’m missing out on? I watch shows like “19 and Counting” and I know bigger families CAN work harmoniously, if we turn off the lies on tv and work together as a family in Christ.

  • It is irresponsible at best, especially given there is no God. This planet cannot handle any more people. Seriously, stop.

  • I have Cystic Fibrosis and all growing up I knew from doctors that a pregnancy could kill me and if the pregnancy didn’t, it would so weaken me that birth and mothering would. But, it never stopped my heart from yearning to be a mother. When my husband and I married, we knew that conceiving might not be an option for us, but we left it up to the Lord to decide knowing and believing in our hearts that if He granted us conception, then He had a plan for all of us in it. Well, our attempts to adopt failed, but we did conceive and lo and behold, I got healthier! My pregnancy was the healthiest time I’d ever experienced. Birth was glorious, unmedicated, uncomplicated and at home. Into the world came our lovely gift, Murren Nohah, on April 24, 2002 at 7 pounds, 14 ounces and neither of us experienced any of the negative things the doctors had predicted.

    She is now 13 years old and the loveliest of young ladies, truly a privilege to mother. We’ve never used birth control and we’ve never become pregnant again, though we still hope another child might be given to us. The fact is that my life is GOING to be used up. My body is GOING to die and it’s going to happen sooner and uglier because of CF. So, why not use my body to bring as much beauty into the world as God will allow while I have the chance?

    Parenting with CF is hard. I’m sick a lot. I’m in the hospital often and for weeks at a time. But, my daughter is a bright light wherever we go and her joy overshadows the darkest of times. God has seen us through the most desperate of times because He is good and because He is faithful to ALL of His promises.

  • There are other issues involved in the decision to take bc. For me, I started questioning it because of health issues. I had three children and had used the pill between each. We were “done”. My hubby was going to have a vasectomy but something in my heart didn’t feel right to make our decision permanent. We decided to use the copper IUD because it doesn’t use hormones (that can seriously mess up your body) and it supposedly didn’t cause an accidental abortion. But since we decided to stay open to the idea of future children, God put it on our hearts to adopt. Now we really thought we were done. Well I started getting ovarian cysts and other health issues. As I researched I became terrified of an accidental pregnancy with the IUD in place that could cause the baby to be lost. I still desired another child but hubby was so super stressed out with providing for the four we already had. We prayed and I decided to remove the IUD and use condoms (natural lamb skin we found to be a good choice). We charted my ovulation and only used condoms then. It was working great until once we both forgot to check the calendar. We knew the chances were slim though. The next day I was in a car accident hit by a drunk driver. I was banged up but ok. Three weeks later we found out I was pregnant. I thought my husband would freak out. Instead God used all of this to bring peace to our family. My husband just said, “God will provide.” I haven’t seen him this happy in three years. We lost our car and are in a ton of debt but knowing God is blessing us with our second son has given us an indescribable joy. God knows best and I think this blog post is about praying and asking God what He wants for your family. I don’t think there is a one size fits all answer. But I whole heartedly agree that we should pray and ask the Lord what His will is instead of making all of the decisions without first being on our knees.

  • We started a family later in marriage. At 45 I have a 5, 7, and 10 yr old. Life is chaotic. Homeschooling. Issues with learning disabilities plus behavioral problems. With each pregnancy our risk for Down syndrome has increased. I have sworn off any more children due to the existing demands and future fears of any more disabilities that could occur. Even if I wanted another, the fears of additional disabilities and demands seem over bearing. How do you know where to draw the line between common sense and faith?

    • I think it is a matter of prayer, Stephanie. I don’t think God calls us to be blindly passive in having children. But I think it is a matter of obeying him. Bob and I were called to adopt when our children were teens. It seemed CRAZY to start having more children then. But we told him we were willing. The call was clear. I was afraid of baby diapers and bottles and going backwards. Three years later, he introduced us to our THIRTEEN year old daughter! 🙂 Just pray and be willing.

    • What if your not married you have three children all conceived not married the youngest my 1 yr old I just found I’m pregnant again by her father. We’re not together I love him and want to be with him I even believe deeply that he was put in my life for a reason I would marry him but he doesn’t fee the same. I’m considering abortion . Do you think that a child conceived out of marriage is still Gods blessing and that he will continue to provide for me and my children that I do and will raise on my own . If it was up to me and I could provide for him or her I want it I have three girls I always wanted a boy but also a family a husband. But what about the kids I have now. I need some advice pls

      • Dear lost and confused. Please call our offices. We would like to talk to you. Our number is 814-234-6072. Ask for Eileen and tell her your heart trouble. No one should struggle through a decision like this alone. And yes, a life conceived and born out of wedlock has as much value as one born inside marriage. I would like to see you call us and talk with us and we have some friends trained to help you through this time. Please call.

    • Birth control facilitates a selfish lifestyle, no matter the method, the issue here is what’s in the heart of a birth controller? Jesus cuts right to the heart of the matter ” they shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck.” The only question here is why do we not want children?

  • While there are certain forms of birth control that should not be used, due to abortifacient properties, I see nothing wrong with practicing birth control methods that don’t have those properties, provided that the Holy Spirit isn’t leading you not to do so. God’s sovereignty doesn’t preclude an individual’s responsibility to steward their own body and life. God gave us all sexual appetites, and parameters within which to express those appetites. Would it be wise for a person to say, “God is in control of my weight, so I’ll just eat whatever, whenever, and whatever the outcome, it will be His will for my life.” We would all agree that would be irresponsible. Why are we even to give an account of ourselves, if everything that happens is God’s will? Why does the Bible talk of exercising stewardship and dominion, if we have no say at all in our lives? Do we ever consider that God has desires that He has chosen to forego seeing the fulfillment thereof? Doesn’t He want all men to be saved, and yet warn us that there will be people in the Lake of Fire? There are well-meaning people, who don’t assume their God-given authority as stewards, because of twisted doctrines.

  • This is something which has caused me a lot of guilt. I’ve used birth control most of my adult life, except for the year or two when I stopped taking the pill because I heard about the potential of it causing abortions, but we were still trying to prevent pregnancy, naturally. One slip up and my beautiful daughter arrived nine months later. 🙂 We didn’t use anything again because we wanted our children close together and 17 1/2 months after my daughter had blessed us with her presence, our son made his arrival. He was a different sort of baby than my daughter and having two young children was hard on me, so I gladly went to the doctor without any comment for an IUD after a discussion with my husband. The IUD is still present and so is my guilt. I’ve gone back and forth on this issue and I’ve just decided that I would be going against my husband’s wishes to have it removed and that if God wants me to have another child, He can make that happen, birth control or no birth control. We also haven’t completely decided we are done, but are considering doing it differently, by adopting an older child/children who, for whatever reason, do not have a family to call their own. I think this is something that is completely between God and a husband and wife and one answer may not work for everyone. While in labor with my son, even though the “plan” was to have at least 2 more children after him, I “heard” a strong voice in my mind say, “Remember this pain, feel it’s blessing, because you will not ever experience it again.” And I was at peace with that. I feel it was God and whether He told me this because it was His plan for our life, or because He knew the decisions we would make, I don’t know, but I do know that His will will be done, no matter what plans we make.

    • The only answer here is to fall on your face before God in prayer and ask Him to guide your heart and your husbands. Ultimately, you need to be alleviated of the guilt and until you are, I would keep seeking godly counsel and prayer. Have you talked with your husbands about how you feel?

  • First of all, congrats on having beautiful 7 children. That is so blessing.
    I am sad because that is my dream of having a big family with many children. Recently, it has been second time that I lost my baby. I would say why did God let it happened? He made babies in my womb and got me so joyful for couple of weeks then God took my angels away from me. I am tearing and keep praying for a big unexpect miracle of next pregnancy soon as I hope for.

    You are blessed to have 7 children…

  • God has uniquely created a life story for each of us. He created our DNA as each one of us was knit together in the womb of our mother. We have life because our mother carried us during pregnancy and allowed us to be born or chose to love us even if our birth mother let us go after birth.

    Ultimately, this issue is about open hearts and open hands and open minds. Knowing what to do originates with a God given desire to seek Him and make decisions based on the promise that He will direct our path.

    Pondering this issue is critically important for believers. Other philosophies and religions are extremely intentional about sending their belief system forward in the generations to come. Since Christians in the United States have the same birth rate as unbelievers, we might want to make sure that the path we follow is God directed. Where will future generations of Christians come from if we accept a philosophy of rational choice rather than God directed provision?

  • I am going into my Sophomore year in college and my boyfriend of almost 3 years (who will also be going into his sophomore year of college) and I are seriously considering getting married the summer of 2016 or the summer of 2017. I want to finish school before even thinking about having children, and my boyfriend and I physically and emotionally cannot wait until we graduate college to get married.
    Thoughts? Help?

    • Is he a Christian? Are you? Have you sought God’s will to know that the two of you are to be married? What is God’s plan for your life as a single woman or as a married couple? Seek godly counsel and His will on all these points. And if physically waiting is a struggle then make a point to NEVER be alone.

  • I read an article several years ago that changed my perception of how many kids to have. I prayed about that number as I would any other decision in my life. My husband wanted to get a vasectomy after our 3rd boy. I told him I thought we needed to wait–that God’s will may be for more children. I felt certain that God wanted us to have a fourth. My only hope was that the fourth would be a girl. Regardless of precautions, God blessed us with a fourth child–a girl. I know I am done being pregnant, but I am not certain we are done growing our family. I have a burning desire to adopt and have since I was just a girl. My husband is open to the idea and we will see where God leads. I feel confident we followed God’s leading as we planned our family.

  • I think it’s very weird OK my period had stopped in July and I wasn’t having sex because my hormones had cut out on me and I had been to the clinics and hospital’s and they did pregnancy test on me and told me that I was the first young woman to go through menopause early at my age and I got confused about it so at the end of October of this year I decided to go to the store and buy me a home pregnancy test and it showed positive for my pregnancy and after that I went to the hospital and they did a pregnancy test on me as well and it read positive so I’m just wondering did God make it his intention for me to be pregnant all over again

  • I, for one, am absolutely DELIGHTED that I chose to use birth control, and I cannot for the life of me see why God would have wanted me to do other than I have done. God gave us knowledge and brains, and, one would hope, the free will and the wherewithal to use them.

    I was married once before, to a man of a very good family, successful and of a good reputation. He turned out to be both abusive and cruel. (And a professed Christian, I might add.) I left because I didn’t choose to believe my pastor’s advice, which was to stay and be a punching bag. I did not get pregnant in our first year of marriage, and then I went on birth control when I saw we were experiencing problems in our marriage because I did not for one minute believe it was a healthy environment in which to bring a child until our problems were sorted.

    After I divorced him, I met the man who is the love of my life. He had been married once before and had a vasectomy before we met. After we married, we chose to have that reversed and let the issue of pregnancy fall where it would.

    Although I never got pregnant with my first husband, I did get pregnant with the second — three times. Sadly, I lost the first two children to miscarriages; as it turned out, I have an autoimmune disorder which had gone untreated, and that can be one of the side effects.

    After treatment, I got pregnant a third time, and we were ecstatic.

    And then in the fifth month, I was diagnosed with preeclampsia. In the sixth, I was confined to the hospital and to bed rest. And we got a blessed break. When I’d gone in, they were afraid I’d have to have the baby right then…but they were able to bring my blood pressure down, give me steroids to help my baby girl’s heart and lungs grow, and monitored her anxiously to make sure she was still well and active. Day by day, we eked out another month. Another month in which my tiny, fighting daughter grew. A month in which my wonderful husband came every single day, took care of everything and poured out all the love and support I would NEVER have gotten from my first one.

    I made it to 31 weeks before my body began shutting down, piece by piece. I allowed the birth only when it was apparent that I wasn’t able to do enough for her anymore; she was going to be in danger. We tried a natural birth first, but had to rush to an emergency c-section when the placenta ruptured — one for which they could not even give me general anesthesia, because my blood pressure was so high. I knew I was dying, or as close to it as I ever hope to come. I wasn’t afraid. All I cared about was making sure my baby came through it, and I had faith it would be so.

    Although I began seizing and lost almost three pints of blood, my baby girl was safe. I was still conscious and still able to hear that beautiful first cry, and for them to tell me that it had worked, it had all worked — my baby could breathe on her own, her heart was strong and although she was tiny as a kitten, she was healthy.

    And I made it, too — although I was so weak that it was two weeks before I could walk from our front door to the car in the driveway without help and without being exhausted. Me, who had won a 5k not two weeks before I got pregnant, not able to walk a mere 100 feet!

    I knew I’d come close, I could feel it. How close, I didn’t know until I talked to my OB/GYN. She told me in no uncertain terms to never, EVER try to get pregnant again. EVER. It was nothing short of a miracle that my little girl came out so well, and she’d honestly thought for a few moments she’d lost me.

    My husband and I discussed it, and he insisted on getting another vasectomy, because he wanted to take no chances with my life and he wanted me to be there for him and for my daughter. And I love him for it.

    But with what I went through, I cannot help but be SO glad that God gave me the strength and intelligence to make the decision I did about my first husband. One thing that makes me the happiest is that my dear precious daughter is the child of the most wonderful man I could imagine. I could never, ever have gone through that pregnancy with my first husband. And, with my mother dead and my family all over 1000 miles away, I would have had no one. One reason I did fight so hard to hang on was because I knew he loved me and he’d feel terrible if I died, and because I wanted so much to meet my baby girl.

    I wouldn’t have felt that way about my ex-husband, because by then, I would have known he didn’t know how to love.

    And even if I had made it, what an absolute waste it would have been to have had my one chance at having a child with a man whom I despise.

    Instead, I got the girl I wanted, with the man I love, and I feel in every single way possible that God intended it to be so. He gave me the strength to believe in myself and to stand up for myself, to build a new life and to find the man with whom I was meant to be.

    So, get it through your heads. Not every mother has a trouble free pregnancy, and I cannot in any way believe that God believes women are disposable pieces of meat to be used for childbearing until they die. I believe God is why we HAVE birth control, and to not use our free will and common sense to build a good life is spitting in the face of His gifts of self-awareness, self-determination and intelligence.

    • Elizabeth, you’re very passionate about this. Thanks for sharing your story. Your medical condition is obviously one valid reason to consider birth control. It’s hard for me to know what to say about your first marriage and how birth control relates to all of that without knowing more detail. I’m sad the story went that way for you. I think the key for me is that women need to be asking God to be in control of this…the way you did when you prayed for your baby to be well! Instead, I think we often rush to plan our own lives without considering his plan. It’s not a black and white issue. I hope you didn’t read that in what I wrote.

  • I just turned 25, I have a 3 year old son with my childhood friend and soul mate. We’ve been married for almost five years, and have had quite a journey. 1 month into our marriage I became pregnant with my little boy, he’s such a blessing. 1 year after we tried again, and I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks. Physically it wasn’t bad, emotionally was rougher. 1 year after that, we tried again and I had my second miscarriage at 13 weeks, physically this time was very hard, and emotionally was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. We were trying so hard for our baby to have a sibling, and it was so difficult. Emotionally, I was broken, I couldn’t understand why, or even begin to accept it. For months I was devastated, and I couldn’t seem to see God’s purpose in our lives. I asked God for healing because my heart was very damaged. A year went by and in November of 2015 I was 16 weeks pregnant, and I had my third miscarriage. Emotionally this time I accepted my fate, and God’s decision for our lives once again. Physically it was the biggest hardship I’ve ever had. I went into shock at home and my husband called an ambulance. At the hospital I went into shock 4 or 5 times, and lost a severe amount of blood. My blood pressure dropped dangerously low, and I had a blood transfusion. That day I had surgery to remove my baby, and to stop the bleeding. I asked God for His peace, and grace that I might not fall into the dark scene I was in 1 year before that with my second loss. I think physically there was so much at risk that I didn’t have time to over think my situation. 1 month and a half ago I lost my 4th child(3rd miscarriage), my sons sibling, a part of me that my husband and I made. It has been the most devastating time of my life, and it still hurts, but God has been faithful. Through my struggle I’ve really held on tight to the only hope I know, the only answer. As I read all the comments, I see how blessed you all are to have large families. I come from a family of 8 sisters and brothers, so I wanted a large family. You are blessed beyond measure, and every child has a purpose, and a calling from God. I am so honored that God trusted me with my little Aj. He is joyful, and fun, always willing to help out. If I didn’t have my little boy my life would be so much more difficult to understand. My husband is loving and supportive, but only my son can fill the void in my heart. I know that God placed him in my life to deliver me from depression, and loneliness. My son is the promise from God that He loves me, and that He will always be faithful. Losing so much, has opened my eyes to how important having children is, and what a virtue it is to be a mom. I’ve always felt that by using condoms I was controlling when it was ok to let God send me children. We try to control, and calculate every decision. At times I feel guilty for using condoms to prevent pregnancy, and I’m reminded that is not about me. I can’t help but feel guilty and responsible. With tears in my eyes I share my suffering with you all, to ask for prayer, and to encourage your to be the best mom’s possible. Our children are God’s promise, and the bible specifies how awesome they are. Love your children, and love the blessings God has granted you, and trusted you with. And for moms who don’t have children yet do to infertility or miscarriage, I’m praying for you, may God grant the desires of our hearts according to His perfect will. God bless you all. Matthew 6:33

    • Dear one. What a hard path you have walked. My heart breaks for you. Like Hannah of old, I’m sure you have cried many prayers out to God on behalf of your womb. It is beautiful that you are grateful for your only son. Be careful not to place him in a position of being something that only God should be for you: your comfort, healer, the filler of your “void.” Only God should do those things. I understand that the boy is a great comfort, but take care to direct your ultimate need to God and not on to him. I felt led to share that as I read through your heartache. I hope it does not sound insensitive. You have walked a hard road and seem to still trust and love God. What a beautiful testimony.

  • Well,i believe that only God can do such a miracles and blessing of child 100% its in God hand.I will tell my experience,i got married in 2006,we planned to have the baby after 2 years,but God plan was different ,i become pregnant in 2007 and in 2008 delivered a baby girl Angela.I kept IUD while thinking after 2 years now another baby but again our plan didn’t work with IUD i got pregnancy,IUD was in place no chance of pregnancy but i got it.so we were happy after baby boy Aaron.We thought our family is completed .after six year i m again pregnant though we were taking precautions.To whom God want to bless no one can stop.

  • I have been wondering about this. I’ve recently decided to go into ministry and have been encouraged by a non Christian friend to have a baby. I don’t know if it’s hormones, but its stuck to my mind. With ministry in my head as well, I also have been wanting to adopt, to bring God to those who don’t have parents to guide them. We have to get a bigger place to have a baby; we are at maximum amount of people in the apartment. Neither one of us work full time. I am nervous about going to school and work full time and having a kid. But I want a baby so badly. My husband does too, but he has the same fears I do. I know that all is possible with God. I have faith that he would help me no matter how many children I have. But do I stop birth control? I must pray more about this, but I’d like to know what everyone thinks. Is waiting bad? We don’t want to be irresponsible by not making enough money or not giving them enough of our time.

    • Michaela, don’t make this decision in isolation. Go to a godly woman in the church whom you respect and ask her to pray with you about it. Pray with your husband and ask him to seek counsel. The bottom line is this: are you trusting God and allowing him to direct you?

  • Very interesting article. I found it because my husband and I have been praying about when to try to have children. I am almost 26, he is 25. I long for children so deep in my heart. I also deeply fear infertility very deeply. I have a condition which can make it harder to conceive, and can cause some pregnancy complications. I have been advised not to TTC until I see a doctor and get on medications and get my husband genetic testing (cause we have possible but unlikely genetic issues). I believe that preventing conception is wise and godly and good stewardship. God carefully planned and created the world, and I believe it’s only wise and godly to plan our families according to the wisdom He has given us. In our case, the wisdom is to wait till we have more answers and more doors open. It is hard, because i fear infertility, and all of my friends are having babies. I am in between the mommy community and the infertility community. My brother and sister in law who are 20 and 22, married 2 years are expecting their 2nd. I have this jealousy in my heart. Because that is not a godly feeling I’m trying to discern why I want children and if it is a godly motive and if He wants us to wait until we are in a very solid place in our marriage and we can work through more issues in our hearts (as much as i want to be a mommy, i fear what kind of mommy i’d be as i’ve had issues w/ my own mommy). So this topic is on my heart heavily right now and sometimes i cry it’s so hard… i want it so much, but for us having faith is waiting right now. Waiting for guidance. When we get our medical issues, we will have to discern if it’s time to go for it. Interesting how some are led to not use birth control because it’s placing that in God’s hands. I feel in my heart that God wants us to wait right now, and for me that is sometimes even harder than TTC, because i long for children, but it’s not quite time. Praying for discernment about the when.

    • What a challenging situation you are in, Liz. Thanks for being honest about it. Your story and transparency are the kind of gift that make others have hope and feel normal in their hard places. Praying for you today as I approve your comment.

  • Articles like these keep coming up on different websites, makes people question their decision to use birth control. I personally do NOT feel any ambivalence I have been married 19 years and i use the pill for we plan to NOT have children. We have a good solid marriage, don’t have any health problems, I have tried using NFP sporatically and it is fine i have no objections to it, but takes away spontaneity and truthfully, why should my husband and i deprive our selves of the few pleasures in this life when reliable birth control is available.

    I don’t believe God necessarily dictated how many children we should have or not have, I think he leaves that up to us, after all he did give us a mind to think and make choices.

    I really don’t see why this subject even has to be discussed, this is really a private matter between husband/wife, and God and maybe physician. It is not anybody’s business how many kids anybody has or does not have.

    • I do think maybe some people have legitimate reasons not to have children. Some people are called to be single. I have known some couples called to serve God in ways that made them feel it was not wise or safe to have children, but enjoyed a rich marriage. The question is: is GOD IN CONTROL of your decision?

  • I also want to add, that for thousands of years women did not have the choice to control their fertility, and have been subjected to the whims of husbands and really bound by biology in this matter.

    Now that we can control our fertility, we should not feel ashamed or be worried about this in my opinion is a great development especially for women that have medical conditions and would not be advisable to be pregnant or have more children.

    I mean we have anti-biotics now and we would never counsel anyone not to use them for infections that attack the body

      • What about women that have a medical condition (say married) and it would be not advisable to become pregnant, or can possibly die from complications?

        Should they NOT have sex or use reliable birth control?

        Like i said, women did not have such option before the birth control pill was invent. My mom was in an abusive marriage, she used an IUD, thanks to that she did not have 5-6 children. Birth control can also be a “blessing” for it give you control over an aspect of you life that in my opinion is very important.

        • The conversation IS complicated, isn’t it, Gladys? Obviously it would be abusive to suggest to a woman with a medical condition that could risk her life that she MUST become pregnant. The goal of my article is not to say we MUST, but that we MUST ASK GOD what is right for our circumstances. Let him be in control of how we govern our bodies.

          • I know what you are saying but God did not give specific instructions on issues of procreation and birth control. Sex is how God made it for us to reproduce. If people were to have sex unhindered by birth control methods, a woman can quite easily be pregnant 11 times and give birth that many times or more without any control on fertility, (that is the way God made the reproductive system to work)

            God i don’t believe is going to stop that mechanism or intervene miraculously on each conception. God just allows the natural consequences of such act to come to fruition. Just as if you jump off a 9 story building you will fall and kill yourself (God is not going to alter the forces of gravity for you).

            That being said, that is why i believe that God leaves that up the each person to decide whether or not to control their fertility. We control a lot of different aspects of our life why should this one be any different.

          • As I share in the article, you are in control. But I just wonder if we consider God’s will for us when we have children the way we do career choice or marriage. Are we asking God to speak into all of our lives…including our reproductivity?

  • It’s really hard to accept the fact that children are assets and not liabilities, when raising them is very expensive financially and emotionally. I guess this is where God’s grace comes in.

    And I think it also depends on how you raise your children. If you fail to intercede for them and fail to train them well to love Jesus, they will be liabilities. If you intercede for them without ceasing and you train them in an encouraging way, they will be assets. What do you think about this?

    • Not sure you’re using the right words. God says children are “a blessing”, “a heritage”, “a fruit” “a joy”, “a crown”, etc. No where does he say they will not be costly. My children have cost me much in the past eight years as we put them through college. Bob and I have no savings in our bank accounts after building them up considerably for 20 years. But this does not change the joy I felt when they blessed my father at his 70th birthday party last night. Nothing compared to that. Not the elegant multi-million dollar home we were having the party in, not the $200 filet mignon (for everyone), not the U.S. Patents my dad holds, etc. What thrilled everyone in that room was the grandchildren. The hope of a future heritage and legacy. My uncle put it best when we overrode all our acknowledgements of my father’s accomplishments and said none of it mattered, really. It was the intact family and legacy that made him “the richest man in the world.” (A nice node to “It’s a Wonderful Life.”) And the problem with your second sentence is this: good parents sometimes do all the right things and produce rebellious children. Evidence of this is Adam and Eve who walked with a perfect father.
      What I think about this is that nothing in your life will ever require more self-sacrifice and giving and tears and fears as being a parent. But children are still the greatest investment you can make in your whole life!

  • I came across this thread, a little hopeless this morning. Last November I married a man who has a new heart with Christ. I love him. I see the light of Christ in him. I see all the wonderful things Christ is doing for us. He has 5 children from five other women. I accept this. I love his kids! I’ve met them all, they are great wonderful kids. It’s not easy, but we make it work. He travels every other weekend to spend time with as many of them as he can. It is an extremely difficult thing for one man to do. I also have two children from two fathers. I’m 42 and discovered I was pregnant last week. Everything is, well was good, until yeserday. We were both excited to have a chance to conceive, and raise our child the right way, when last night we walked in the door and saw a child support packet. My husband discovered that prior to meeting me 3 years ago he may have conceived another child. He accepts his bad choices, but I don’t understand why God would allow this! We can barely make it with what we are currently facing. To know there is going to be stress and turmoil over this during my pregnancy, making me and our baby suffer, doesn’t seem like a God thing. He didn’t tell me about this before or ever. He is heartbroken and understands the weight of his choices now, but why would God want this for me… I just don’t know what to do say or how to be a good wife, not feel overwhelmed, I’m completely stunned and in shock and failing to understand Gods purpose, even though I know there is one. I’m broken.

  • Hi.

    We have 2 beautiful children. ,6 and 4. A boy and girl.
    Since I was 13 I have struggled with Depression. I am nlw almost 32. Due to my health amd my husbands Job we decided 2 was a perfect number. He is in the Army and can be away up to 7 months of the year on and off.
    I was happy with my 2 but lately I have had thus strong desire for another or maybe even 2 more. Why? I dont know. Is it because my baby girl wl be 5 and off to school soon? Is it Gods desire. I have asked him if there is a child he wants us to bring info the world. My husband is deax set against more.
    I am on the pill for mood swings and strong anti depresents. I have done well in pregnancy without them. I sldo saw on the news that long use of my contraception pills can cause cancer. So my husband said he would get the snip. That epuldbt help my desparatly low mood I get though. I know through many words from people that Vod is healing md from Depression and I feel the chnave in me.
    I nust think, Gosh is it irrisponsible, irrational to choose to have more child when I am a solo parent so often and struggle to cope with nust two.
    Im not sure what to do

    • Ah, Jenny! I can think of so many reasons why you might be emotional. Parenting alone. Worrying for your man. Motherhood in general. Before you make any big decisions about motherhood, I would tackle that depression with something in addition to the anti-depressants. Have you been prayed over? Seen a Christian counselor? As a mom who has also utilized antidepressants with good success, I also found that getting to the root of the fear and hurt and depression was not easy, but very rewarding. Dig deep and find God’s healing! It’s out there. I promise!

  • Well I tied my tunes really young without thinking rite,but I feel guilty and hate it want another baby but i cant afford the surgery I’m so lost … at times want to take my life away please help

    • Lost…God always provides a way when His will is being followed. Pray. Ask God to show you how to find the money for the surgery. If he is in it, he will bless the request. But do not take your life away. Your life is beautiful and valuable! Tell someone right away that you are feeling this way. A real live person who can come hug you!

  • I was working alone on a job and this is what I heard “My people sing ‘I surrender all, but yet they do not'”. I considered carefully what I heard and then remembered the verse “They praise me with their lips, yet their hearts are far from me” and then “the heart is deceitful- above all- who can know it?”

    I have heard many arguments concerning the lack of biblical reference to birth control and also- on the opposite side- the quiverful movement. Here’s my opinion (seek Him in your own prayer), God is NOT the quiverful movement. He is NOT the charismatic movement. He is NOT any movement. He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

    The Bible may not make reference to birth control any more than it makes reference to cars, televisions, computers, video games and stripper poles. Does that mean that these things are good or forbidden? Don’t use your own judgment- seek His. Often and always, seek His judgment on all matters great and small.

    My personal opinion? Birth control (hormonal) is laden with toxic chemicals, an unnatural balance of hormones, causes more risk of very early (undetected) miscarriage than prevents contraception, increases the risk of breast cancer and other cancers. Does that sound like a blessing? On the opposite side of the fence are fanatics. My parents had friends who believed very adamantly that the command was to ‘be fruitful and multiply’ every chance you can. They have over a dozen children and the wife/mother would privately complain that the husband/father would be “intimate” with her IMMEDIATELY following a home birth. I don’t know about you, but I would probably be repenting of murder by now if I was her *joke*.

    Remember this- it is totally liberating to trust God with every area of your life. None of us are perfect, but we are promised that “He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it”, “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ” and “Nothing by no means shall harm you”.

    If you stumbled onto this page, it is becaGod is convicting you or trying to free you into a more abundant life. He wants to show you more than anything else that you can Trust Him above any other and that He loves you. He is not going to force you to see things His way, He’s not trying to control you, He’s not trying to dictate your every move. He is working with you, for you and loving you with each step of faith in every day and every way. None of us are there yet. Take only the steps you are ready to take and ask Him for help with each next step. He won’t drag you up or push you down. He’s waiting patiently with His hand outstretched. Like a True gentleman and loving Father would. Amen

  • Hello. So I have been married 11 years and i have only 1 child. My husband and I use natural family planning methods. I cried after reading Genesis 38 or 39. I have known for the longest that we want more children but avoid having them because we don’t trust god. To realiza this made me so sad i am still trying to recover from that. Its hard to trust god i know it sounds crazy if i believe in the word but its hard when a husband and wife have no support from family and no friends and on top of that bills to pay. We have been afraid to have any more kids because of finances and education but not because of any other selfish ideas. Please share some light on me. Also i am having behavior issues with my 6 year old and although veryone is thinking adhd i am not covinced of that. This also has me scared of growing our family.

    • Karla, talk to your husband and pray. You have a burden on your heart for more children that is probably from God. But together you have to decide that. If God wants you to have more children, he’ll provide finances and also energy. He also may make those things hard. Obeying God isn’t always easy, but that’s where you find true joy.

  • We have 6 small ones, close in age. I cannot use birth control as a Catholic or I’d be in mortal sin and cannot receive Communion. But…the real world means maybe a 7th pregnancy would not be the best idea…we are at our max physically (my body) and resource wise.

    How does ones stay close to the church, receive Jesus, and grow in faith if the church is telling me NO birth control or Communion? (And NFP is not for us).

    • This is an interesting question, mom. I think it’s about a lot more than birth control. Look deeply into your heart and ask WHAT IS GOD TELLING ME? He speaks directly to you. Since the death of Christ, the Scriptures teach the “priesthood of believers.” He speaks to YOU! What is he saying? I’d like to send you a complimentary copy of my newest book to help you pray your way to answers. Call my office at 814-234-6072 and ask Eileen for a copy of The 20 Hardest Questions. Or just reply to this with your address. We will not publish your address publicly.

  • Hey there,
    I found your article because I have been researching this for several months, and thinking about it even longer. I’m 32, pregnant with my 4th; so my kids will be 6,4,2, baby in the spring. In short…I don’t know what to do!

    I feel like I want be done having kids, but I feel torn about making a permanent decision ( my husband and I have spoken extensively and we have agreed that a vasectomy would be the preferred option over tubal litigation).

    What are my concerns? I guess in short, I feel overwhelmed…many of you know how having young children is, there needs endless, and I am so so tired most of the time. And as my oldest is 6, I homeschool her. And I also feel pressure (not from husband) to homeschool, so as the responsibilities pile up, I am feeling overwhelmed. And thinking of going another (and another, or another indefinitely) round of sleepless baby nights nursing etc seems daunting to me.

    I want to thrive in life, not just trudge through with little to offer the world of my gifts. I guess there is also this: I want to have more to me than being a mom. This is not a knock on “just being a mom”; I think discipling our kids is one of the greatest honors and responsibilities; but i do not believe that is all that there is of me.

    So I suppose my dilemma is that, I know that having children is a great blessing, and I also wonder, “am I cutting off something wonderful? Or am I being a good steward with my capacity as a homemaker?” I feel a lot of shame in the second one, like for some reason a woman in the church is not allowed to openly admit we have needs and limits as humans…

    And there are people in my community who I can go to ask for their wisdom, but some people I am afraid to share this with because of judgement. Thoughts anybody?

    • Thanks for your sweet and honest comment. What a lovely exposure of your heart. Your end sentence is key. I would certainly first seek wisdom from those who know you best. But I’d love to send you a copy of my newest book “The 20 Hardest Questions Every Mom Faces.” It helps you pray through this kind of thing. Send your mailing address to me here in a comment. (I won’t make it public.) I think praying through it carefully is the answer and my book offers a four step process for you.

  • Surely God is behind our creation, but it is up to us that whether we want to have kids or not and how many year gap we want to have between two kids. If we don’t want to have kids then we will do family planning and use methods to avoid getting pregnant.

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