So you know when someone comes to you and asks you something and says, “I’m asking for a ‘FRIEND’…” Well, today I have a question like that for you. How many of your “girlfriends” are on the boy-crazy train? I’m talking about the kind of college girl who tries guys on like a pair of jeans, discarding them casually and moving on to the next one if they just don’t fit. And I’m also talking about the middle school girl who has never had a boyfriend but thinks she’s less because of it. There’s a broad spectrum when it comes to being a boy-crazy girl. And most people think it’s just normal.
What if I told you that it’s not a very good place to be if you want to live a life of purity? You see purity is not a line you cross or do not cross, contrary to public discourse. I know many girls who are not virgins who are anything but pure. The way they live their lives is full of sensuality, lust, and lack of self-control. I also know many girls who are not virgins and have stood before God and said, “God teach me to live a life of purity.” The current direction of their lives is purity. And see that’s what I think purity is…it’s a direction. The book of Philippians says we can “become” pure and blameless. This speaks of a direction.
So which direction are you headed?
About 50% of 18-year-old girls are sexually active.(1) The direction of their lives is clearly not pure. But anything we do to increase this risk is also taking you in the wrong direction. During your teen years, being in a dating relationship six months or longer tends to increase the risk of sex. So, reason with me…being on the boy-crazy train where you HAVE to have a boyfriends sounds to me like it could be going in the wrong direction.
Ok…right here is where it’d be really good if I started talking to you about food. Because I just strongly, terribly, horribly dislike how the Christian culture talks to you about sex as if it’s just one big NO! It’s a whole lot more like choosing a tray of veggies…for NOW…so you can eat chocolate cake later! If you can discipline yourself and develop some self-control so you are headed in the direction of purity, you may be rewarded with a beautiful marriage one day and will not doubt avoid scars on your heart.
So…how do you do that…develop the self-control to have an appetite for what’s ahead.
“An excellent wife, who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12
This verse says that an excellent wife does her husband good ALLLLL the days of her life. That means TODAY…ON THIS DAY…your life should be bringing good to your husband. How can you do that? One practical way is to stop dreaming of many boys and start dreaming of just one. Get off the boy crazy train and start dreaming of the future. How do you do that? Take your eyes of the boys around you and start thinking of what kind of man GOD wants you to marry one day. Just one.
When I was seventeen, I decided to stop being boy crazy and be one-guy crazy. I began dreaming of the man God would have me marry and wanted to be faithful to him. As part of my journey, I wrote a list of character qualities I wanted my future husband to have. And I started thinking about what kind of qualities that man might be looking for. Think about it: somewhere there is a guy praying to find the girl that you are.
Recently, a woman in her twenties posted this message to my Facebook wall.
I just wanted to thank you so much for And the Bride Wore White. When I became a believer at 17, I knew nothing about healthy sex. I found it at the bookstore because I desired purity and took in every word. God used it in my dating years as a guide to keep my eyes on my goal. 10 years after reading the book (and 4.5 years of marriage), I still have the list of qualities I wrote for my future husband, who happens to fit every quality! Thanks to God, my wedding night was my first time. Thank you for helping and guiding me during those difficult college years!!
My best-selling book, And the Bride Wore White, has an eight part video series, leader’s guide and even companion guides to complete a full weekend retreat or an eight week bible study on purity. This month, get the small and large retreat kits 20% off with the code BRIDE20