Revenge of The Church Ladies

dana-carvey-snl

Can spiritual women also be sexually satisfied? It’s a sad question to have to ask, but the incomplete manner in which the Church has answered sexual questions does mandate that we discuss it.

If you’re one of my more modest followers, please don’t be disappointed but this article isn’t for you. However, if you’re a spiritual woman trying desperately to make sense of sexual desires and often finding answers outside of the Church, read on! I don’t want you to find yourself falling for counterfeits in the quest. A lot of women have. (And you could win a free book that will help if you keep reading.)

The sales of the Fifty Shades of Grey series has sold over 100,000,000 and the series has had a seat on the New York Times Best-seller list for 100 weeks straight. Now it will be a blockbuster in the movie theaters with Fandago presales setting records already. Let me be honest: the book has revived the sexual appetites of many women. But is that good?

I’d like to suggest that it’s not so great and that the best way to a vibrant sex life might just to become an “official church lady!”

While I won’t deny that some Christian women with dead libidos got a dose of CPR through the recent normalization of erotica, I will also not deny the fact that many of them found that the initial thrill faded quickly. This has led some women to affairs. Huffington Post reported an initial increase in extra-marital affairs after the series took off. Other women —both married and single—that I’ve talked to found that erotica drew them away from the desire to be in a relationship with someone and towards more erotica—maybe a little porn—and self-pleasuring. (Both SELF Magazine and New Yorker ran articles in recent years claiming that porn pulled men and women away from the desire for a real life partner.) This is because addiction to erotica or porn (if it comes to that and I admit that it doesn’t always), is an arousal addiction. As opposed to a substance addiction which makes you just want “more”, arousal addiction makes you want “different.” The brain just can’t sustain the same potency of pleasure hormones with the same kind of turn-ons when it comes to arousal addiction. It needs new things.

Affairs? Relationship withdrawal?

That sounds like bad sex to me.

Dr. Juli Slattery and I have just co-written a book entitled Pulling Back the Shades for every spiritual woman who wants to understand her sexual desires. Because we believe it’s possible to be both spiritual and sexual. In fact, I think spiritual women have the best sex.

Ok, I don’t just think it, I know! One of the nation’s most liberal sexual studies ever conducted and summarized in a book called Sex In America revealed that religiously active middled-aged women who were in mutually monogamous life-time partnerships—I call that marriage—were more sexually satisfied than those with little or no faith present in their lives. And I like to call that the “revenge of the church ladies!”

Look closely.

This stat is not really about sex at all.

It’s about God.

The not so obvious fact is this: a deep and abiding love relationship with God is a woman’s deepest longing. Finding that enables a women to have a deeper and more abiding loving relationship with their husbands now or in the future if they are not yet married.

Jesus met a woman at a well who was desperately trying to feed her sexual longings through men. He revealed a deep truth to her: her thirst was never going to be satisfied at the well of sexual desire. She needed Living Water. She needed a spiritual revival.

 

“A man knocking on the door of a brothel is really looking for God.”

-G.K. Chesterton

 

Whether you’re married or single—if your sexual appetite is unmet, you need much more than a sexual revival. You need a spiritual one. You’ll find just that in the pages of Pulling Back the Shades. And Juli and I will be available by way of blogs, interviews, webinars, and other creative outlets to invite the women of the Church into a sexual and spiritual revival. It’s all happening at our brand new website: pullingbacktheshades.com.

Please join us on February 10 at 9pm ET for a vibrant free webinar where we’ll discuss “Will You See Mr Grey?” Register here. (Scroll down ’til you get to the picture that looks like this:

will you see mr grey_

Follow me on Facebook to stay up-to-date on the latest opportunity to join in the discussion. But for now, who wants in on the revenge of the Church ladies? Leave a comment below with a question you would like me to address related to this topic in my upcoming blogs. I’ll randomly select ten women—”Official Church Ladies” to ship a brand new FREE copy of Pulling Back the Shades. “Official Church Ladies” will be selected at 5pm ET January 23rd and notified by email.

 

 

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125 Comments

  • Thanks for your helpful articles. The second paragraph in this blog has a couple typos….modesty should be modest. And a spiritual women, should be woman.

    • Thanks, friend. Only had it up for a millisecond before you read it. Still had a few changes to make. Thanks for finding those!

  • Where does the line get drawn or is it different for every person? Is romance novels sans descriptive sex ok? Those can set you up for unrealistic expectations as well. What do you recommend for someone who is a “romance junky”, used as an escape from the hectic day to day as an alternative so they can find satisfaction in Christ and not in fantasy? Besides just reading the Bible more.

    • Ha! I laughed when you added “Besides reading the Bible more.” Because sometimes we—the Church—are just too simplistic in our answers. Reading the Bible is never bad, but it might not be the practical work you need to do to avoid junk! This is a great idea and I’ll Consider blogging about it.

      • I guess, (in a good way) I feel left out because I didn’t jump on the train to rush out and read these books. I don’t want to sound holier than thou because I didn’t, just making a point. I agree that sex has been considered “bad” in church and it was only discussed in hushed tones. I really didn’t understand that enjoying sex with my husband was okay until he and I prayed together and talked about it. For us, the struggle was remaining pure prior to our marriage, and the effects of that do creep in once in a while. I was raped at age 13 so I didn’t know if enjoying sex was even a possibility for me until I married my husband. My husband has been loving and understanding about it all…but I still struggle sometimes with guilt and shame. I think that’s part of what DIDN”T draw me to read these “50 Shades” books–why would I read about being taken advantage of and enjoying being mistreated after how long it took me to get to this point? I honestly, other than escapism, can’t understand the love affair (pardon the pun) with these books.

  • This isn’t really a specific question, but I would love to hear your advice for how single women should handle this area of our lives. How can we be single and live lives of purity, especially in a culture that is saturated with sex? Thanks!

    Hannah

    • It’s a great question and I’ll blog about it in the next week or so. Until then, I recommend my two books What Are You Waiting For: The One Thing No One Ever Tells You About Sex and Get Lost: A Girl’s Guide To Finding True Love. These are thorough works that encourage the single woman!

  • I am so pleased that this topic is being addressed! As Christian women, the topic of sexuality is often considered “risque.” I applaud and am blessed by your bravery, Dannah!

  • How about navigating through Perimenopause and finding yourself desiring your husband at the most inconvenient times! How do we wait till he gets home? Then, we have to “rally” our bodies again to get in the mood? I’m probably NOT the only woman who deals with this. I do have a friend who’s husband is in the armed forces and goes away for long periods of time. They send each other “pictures” of themselves to let each other know that they “miss” each other! I love this! (Although she has to be careful at meetings when her phone is sitting out on the table!)

    • Oh, go ahead and throw me a tough one! It’s a good idea. I’ll consider it. (I know a little something about periomenopause!)

      • I too would love to her your thoughts about the menopausal woman. It is difficult to “feel” sexy at this age and when your body is telling you you’re not its hard not to listen!
        thanks for doing this project.

  • I will look forward to your blog for single women. I am fortunate to be dating someone now that I have explained to my stance on sex outside of marriage. He has been so supportive, but there are days that he doesn’t understand. God intended the relationship to come first so that the intimacy is that much greater. But there are times it is a challenge.

    • Meredith, I think it’d be great for you to read What are You Waiting For or Get Lost. Both of them would strengthen the resolve that’s already there. I would also recommend that you have him talk to an older, wiser man for accountability. Sounds like that is a big, big deal for your relationship. Finally, consider the fact that HE needs to be able to lead in this area of integrity for your marriage to have the foundation it needs, if you move in that direction. Pray and ask God to reveal to you if he’s got what it takes and then get him headed towards the nearest godly man for support.

  • Thank you for writing this book. In a culture saturated with sex it is refreshing to see some share the truth, God’s truth. What are some practical ways we can use to share this book with others?

    • There’s a chapter at the end of the book that gives you some ideas about what to do. We have a unique perspective on this and it works better if you see it after you’ve read the book. One thing that’s coming up is an on-line guide for women to share the content with teen girls who are struggling with erotica or porn. (It’s not appropriate for them.) Thanks for your concern!

  • I have been following your blogs about this since you posted why you wouldn’t be reading 50 Shades of Grey. I was even challenged to change what I read in my spare time and I just read Christian fiction. Nothing “bad” in them, but it wasn’t a healthy way to escape my crazy, busy days. Instead, I’ve started reading, besides the Bible, other Christian books like “Kisses from Katie”. I want to be challenged to grow in my walk. Life is too short for me to try to escape my reality. Instead, I need to embrace it , challenges and all (raising 6 girls and homeschooling) and just enjoy every minute God gives me with them. Go Church Ladies!!!

  • I follow you on Facebook and I read your books! I have always looked at sex like a dirty thing that should never be spoken about. Why do you think more churches aren’t more open about sex and God? I believe if leaders of the church we re e more open about this subject more people wouldn’t turn to fifty shades, porn ect..

    • Hi Sunny. I’m sad. I know that this is what the response of some in the Church has done to some women. And I’m so so sad. This is a definite burning heart topic. Look for a post on it soon.

  • I’ve read, and come to believe that women are not visual like men are… Thus not attracted/addicted to pornography. However, reading erotica and even some romance has the same effect on women that porn has on men… Many women are casting judgement on men when they are engaging in the same thing!! It’s like saying cocaine is bad but nicotine is ok… They both result in addiction that leads to death… The same is true here. And there are no answers to be found in the church… It’s still taboo… Thank you for bringing this out into the open, in light of God’s word!
    Can’t wait to read the book!!!

  • I love the quote by Chesterton. It made me think, how would that quote read for women? “A woman tuning in to a soap opera?” “A woman opening the cover of a romance/erotica novel?”

  • Please address the topic of “older” singles (those of us way beyond the college years who want marriage and family, and are not called to lifelong celibacy) and sexuality. Believe me, I thought I would have been married a long time ago and enjoying a rockin’ sex life. This life of prolonged singleness in hard!!! What do I do in “the wait”?

      • Thanks Dannah! I’m looking forward to it. I have many, many female friends in my church in their late 20s-mid 30s (I’m almost 34) who are godly, complementarian, pure, hard working, kind, servant-hearted, wonderful women who thought they would be wives and moms by now. We’re not even getting asked out on dates. Any advice and/or encouragement would be much appreciated!

  • I am so glad for this subject to be discussed. I need to understand my desires and even lack there of and love my husband as the Lord has made me to love him. I definitely am excited someone is addressing this and helping us to understand!!!!

  • I am thrilled to see this subject being addressed by Christian women. I have the privilege of leading women in Bible study and have been listening to these women talk about the Fifty Shades books for the last few years. Women who call themselves Christians who are not ashamed at all to say they are reading this porn. I have to say I know very little about the series. I am choosing not to open my mind to it. But because I have chosen not to read it, I have had some difficulty addressing it with my women friends in my Bible study. They don’t see me as credible to speak to a book I haven’t read. Do you think it’s necessary to read this porn to have a place to discourage women from reading it? Also, I would love to use your book as a Bible study with my women’s group. Do you think it would be friendly for a group study?

    • Hi Michele! You do NOT have to read Fifty Shades of Grey to be credible to speak about it. I’ve chosen not to read it and I have written a book about it! I don’t have to walk in front of a semi truck to know that it would hurt me. Some things can be discerned without experiencing them. We can see the impact (literally) that erotica has on other marriages and know that we don’t want that.

      Here’s what I wrote concerning that. http://purefreedom.org/im-not-reading-fifty-shades-of-grey/

      I think that you could use Pulling Back the Shades as a Bible study. It’s not formatted in that manner but we have discussion questions at the end of the book that you can use to facilitate a few weeks of great conversation. It would be a different approach to Bible study, but effective none-the-less. Get women talking about it!

  • I’ve just started reading y’all’s book, and it’s helping me. I’ve been struggling with things like Erotcia and Porn a lot for the past year. I’m single, so I was told for a while that it’s an okay outlet for single Christian woman, that way they don’t go looking for the real thing. I was confused for a really long time because I didn’t think that’s what sex was about, I thought it was suppose to be a spiritual thing that God blessed. I’ve been super confused with what “sex” is for the past two years. My relationship with God has fallen because of my addiction-that’s all I can think to call it by now- and I’m exhausted and tired of feeling shameful. I’m ready to start loving God on a personal level again. There’s still hope for me, right?

    • Lots of hope, friend. Love God. Talk to friends you can trust. Those are the two keys. Have you talked to someone about your struggled yet? James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins one to another and then you will be healed.” I believe your healing will burst forth!

  • I really enjoyed your comments on this matter. Specifically, the woman at the well… I’ve noticed too that no good or bad thing will ever fill me. This is where it gets tricky. As a woman, sexual intimacy is connected with emotions and communication. What do you do when married to a man who has a lack of communication and emotion…even after explaining your desire for it? Some of what is attracting about romance books -even Christian romance books- is the undivided attention and love from the male “hero” – even his spiritual leadership and thirst. I am in quite a conundrum myself as I’m a writer. Even though I don’t write questionable material, I’m conscious of the desires looming in my own heart. My husband is a good man, but he is not emotionally responsive. My questions end up being how do I love the Christian man who doesn’t show love to me…at least not the kind I crave. Reading books, even writing them makes it harder, because it awakens the desire for my husband to be “more”. We talk about not wanting our girls to fall trap to the ideal image from magazines etc., but I wonder if were not falling for the trap of the “ideal” marriage or man as well…

    • Hi Anonymous:

      I’m going to share a few thoughts right here and right now because I want to give you some courage. I am married to the world’s best husband. (OK, not really. I don’t think that guy exists.) I’m married to a GREAT, GODLY, SERVING, LOVING husband…who happens to also have ADD. He is what I like to call a very-high-functioning-ADD-guy. Does great things for the Lord and other people. Works hard and produces much fruit in his life. But he’s gotten that way by willfully training himself to focus and putting parameters in his life that blocks him from distraction. THIS IS HARD ON THE EMOTIONAL SYSTEM OF A WOMAN! 😉 When he’s romantic, he’s over the top fantastic, but more often he is so busy focusing that even if we’re in a season of need and I verbalize it…it could take a long time before he gets it or responds to it. Frankly, we’re in one of those seasons right now. We’re facing some extra challenges in our ministry and he’s focused beyond focus! I’ve had to do two things with this challenge in our marriage 1.) make sure I’m daily plugging in to God because when I am, I’m fine but when I’m not, I’m hurt by my husband’s focus on other things and 2.) communicate LOVINGLY that I need him. Both of these are the fuel that assures me that my heart is ok. But let me say this about your husband. Oh yes he CAN be emotionally responsive to you. Bob has attended hours and maybe months of counseling with me until we work it out together and have our needs met. If my man can figure it out, so can yours. Don’t let either yourself OR him off the hook. You can do this thing, girl! Get in the word so your heart is filled by God. Learn to communicate lovingly what your need is. And GET HELP until the two of you can pound this thing out! I know you can.

      • I struggle with feeling left out sometimes by my minister husband, too. Think you could cover that topic somehow…about needing more emotional intimacy from someone who tends to over work?

  • Thank you for tackling this subject in a positive way. I was going to ask how to share this with my 17 year old daughter as she is influenced easily by non-christian family members, but I think you addressed this already with your Get Lost book and the fact that you added a section at the back of this book. My daughter actually got me a copy of Get Lost for Christmas so we could read it together. She is reading it with her Life Group at church. Thank you again for giving me the resources to explain my crazy way of making life choices that are vastly different from my 5 sisters, ie… married before sex, staying with my husband through thick and thin, etc. Having you as a “back up” to my way of life is quite refreshing!

    • Excited about you reading Get Lost with your daughter! As for this topic, I’d shy away from this book for her. I’m not going to be encouraging my girls (twenty years old) to read it. But I am going to create a downloadable leader’s guide so that older woman can use the book for form discussions with teens that are more appropriate.

  • It’s hard to fight this battle. I’ve found myself in a battle with the women reading 50 Shades. So many of them “Christians”. The justification regarding HOW GOOD the books were just didn’t make sense to me. How can this be an enjoyable story?
    I have reached a point of exhaustion when it comes to arguing over the benefits of reading erotica. Women are searching…..and for the most part, Jesus isn’t on their radar at all. 🙁
    My prayer is that YOUR NEW BOOK will open eyes & hearts everywhere to the destruction books like 50 Shades cause in the minds and hearts of women.

  • I love the open discussion on this topic! Here’s my question…we make an effort to teach our girls not to fall trap to the perfect image portrayed by society, but are we not close to doing the same with marriage or men? As a woman, so much of sexual intimacy is connected with communication and “feeling” loved or cherished. Even reading Christian fiction books can make us yearn for husbands to step up and act the way of the “ideal Christian hero”. Who doesn’t want that? It’s instinctual. The question is, how do you live with less than the ideal? I am not the model heroine. My husband is not the dreamy hero….and yet in so many ways I long for -secretly expect him- to be exactly that! There are needs he doesn’t meet or perhaps doesn’t know how to meet… Is part of the pain because I expect him – push him- to be “more” than he is? How do we let go of our dreams, our desires, to embrace reality? Maybe I’m not the woman at the well who comes unfulfilled after multiple partners….maybe I’m the one who comes unfulfilled with my Christian husband in tow. Would Jesus’s answer be any different?

  • This is great!! Can’t wait to read this book. I definitely think that EVERY woman struggles with this… we feel those feelings and either act on it or feel ashamed because we are supposed to be Godly Christian women. Even though God said it was good thing between a man and woman (married). Even feel embarrassed around my husband for “feeling”… something!

  • Hi Dannah. In one part of your book you and Juli decide that sexual spanking between a husband and wife is ok but that you think it comes close to something that doesn’t need to be in the marriage bed. Did I summarize you correctly? Anyway this is something I’ve always struggled with as a Christian woman because well sometimes when making love I get the urge to have my husband spank me. I don’t have any BDSM desires like what you describe BDSM as in the book and I’ve avoided reading 50 Shades even though I know plenty of women who have read it. But there have been times where I’ve felt guilty about the fact that I like being spanked by my husband sometimes within the context of making love together. I’ve never brought this up with any of my close trusted friends out of embarrassment, like they would think there is something wrong with me or something. Could you maybe elaborate a bit more on some of the issues surrounding it, yours and Juli’s thoughts on it, etc.?

    • Hi Katie. Actually what Julie and I wrote was this “Frankly, neither of us feels comfortable with this one and we think it gets pretty close to the line of not being beneficial, but we’ve talked to some very godly women who have a different perspective.” In the book we give a few key scriptures that help a couple decide what is right and what is wrong. We are clear about what is black and white. (There are ten sexual activities clearly labeled in the scripture as sin.) But when you get into the grey areas (how far can you go before marriage? what can you do in the marriage bed after marriage?), it gets more difficult because it’s not spelled out point blank. Juli outlined some key questions that help a couple put questions through a biblical filter. The questions she and I get stuck on with spanking include “Is it loving?” and “Is it beneficial?” We have talked with some very godly, biblically grounded Christian leaders who believe that spanking can be. Juli and I don’t lean that direction.

      You’ve been really brave to share your perspective. What I can tell you is that other Christian women with solid Biblical perspectives share your preference in the bedroom even if I don’t. I would like to prescribe this: you and your husband should read our book TOGETHER, go over the chapter with the set of questions about activities in the bedroom, then pray and make a decision together about how you will approach this and what guidelines you might put on it. Ask yourself why you like it? What is going on in your life when you want it? Is this what you really need? If, at the end of the day, you both stand before God together in prayer and decide this is going to be included in your love-making…bind the guilt up in Jesus’ name and cast it out of the bedroom!

      • This is a battle I have been fighting ever since I was a child. Even though I am a follower of Jesus, actively envolved in the church, a mother of two daughters and a teacher for young children. This was always one of my biggest battles in secret. I have managed to control my desires until a year ago. I am now 31 years old and I have even considered a DD marrage. I have never understand this in me since I am a believer and very much in love with Christ. I am ashamed about it and once was told to go for inner healing but I am just to ashamed about it. To fulfill my desires I sometimes read stories about spanking and then have to deal with the self condemnation afterwards. I truly wish with my whole heart to understand these desires in me.

  • This is awesome! I am looking forward to reading this book! It really is all about God. I love that quote, “A man knocking on the door of a brothel is really looking for God” -G.K. Chesterton. I want to do this book as a Small Group Bible Study or a Book Club. My college ladies need the encouragement and challenge of this book. Thank you so much for taking the thoughts of “Fifty Shades of Grey” so seriously to write a book that reveals the truth about our craving to be sexually satisfied.

  • This is great! How do you bring this topic up with your girlfriends? I have a small group I meet with regularly, and although we discuss all the physical changes of having babies and periods, sex in the bedroom is not something we have discussed. How do you bring this up and discuss in a way that honors your husband and the privacy of your bedroom?

    • I have some strong feelings about this. The word sex in the Hebrew Old Testament is “yada”. It means “to know, to be known, to be deeply respected.” The concept of being known by your spouse sexually, also mandates that you are unknown outside of the bedroom. I think this places authentic sexuality in the context of modest and private conversation. While it’s ok to talk with girlfriends in a general way to encourage one another, it’s got to be done with caution. Using great tools like this book or a Bible study on sex (authenticinitimacy.com has a great one entitled Passion Pursuit) help the conversation have guard rails, but keep it flowing. Of course, if you need help/advice sexually there are therapists and counselors who are trained to handle specific concerns. So, don’t be afraid to seek one out if you need more advice than you feel is appropriate within the confines of group conversation. I think it’s awesome that you want to facilitate conversation. Follow that path!

  • I sooo need to read your book “Pulling Back the Shades”. I unfortunately was sucked into the Fifty Shades Trilogy and I soon found myself in places I never thought I’d go, erotica specifically. I kept telling myself, its just a love story, and its so nice that she’s changing him, but I can see now that it was sinful and warped my view of what sex should be like. I’m getting married in April, and Im so afraid that my first time will be affected by the erotic crap I have read. I read your article “I’m not reading 50 Shades of Grey” and that was what really opened my eyes to what I was doing and the damage that I have caused myself. My question is, how can I undo the damage I’ve done to my view of sex and how can I prevent that from damaging my marriage? Thanks Dannah, big fan!!

    • Hi Kassie:

      I think EVERYONE who enters the contest will agree that with a wedding coming up…you need the book. My sweet friend, I’ll have my team email you and we’ll get you the book PLUS a copy of What Are You Waiting For which has a “sexual healing prayer” process in it. I’d recommend you do that before your wedding day. God can and will restore your mind and bless your marriage! LOVE! Dannah (PS Everyone else…I’ll still selected ten winners for the book from the rest of the comments.)

  • I’m so glad you’ve address this very important issue about sexually among women! Thank you for addressing the thoughts behind “Fifty Shades of Grey” and combating that with the truth of the Gospel.
    I’ve had two questions sent my way that I tried to answer to the best of my ability but feel they may need to be given public awareness. #1 What does a married Christian woman do when she’s having sexual attractions towards another woman. #2 What does a Christian woman do when she’s beautiful and has a healthy desire for more sexual intimacy with her spouse but the husband is only interested in sex about once or twice a month.
    I’m looking forward to reading the book!

  • My parents are divorced, and my mom is dating and sexually active. How do I, or even should I, approach the topic of sexual purity with her, when in her mind it’s ” been there, done that, ” and the idea of saving yourself for marriage is laughable to a divorcee.

    • Hello Kerry: I’m so sorry. Parents are not perfect. Remember that your mom is love by God no matter how she lives her life and you can treat her as a treasure in spite of her sin. Also remember that God calls you to honor your mother. Not IF she’s worthy, but just because she’s your mom. Do your best to pray for her to see how these decisions are setting her up for hurt and turn away from them, but let someone else do the task of helping her see. It’s not your job and you can feel free to step back. Be her daughter. On another note, I think it’d be a great idea if you got a mentor to help you navigate through all of this…both her sexual acting out and your need for someone to give you better wisdom and advice on sexuality. Are you in a youth group? Do you have a youth leader you can talk to?

      • Thanks so much for your reply Dannah. I’m actually in my thirties, raising a preteen and trying to keep her pure and recently addressing sensitive issues including premarital sex. And I guess that’s why it’s so difficult. I feel like a walk the line of telling my daughter one thing, but turning away when it’s my mom discussing her sex life.

  • How do you deal with a husband that just recently admits to a porn addiction and for the last 5 years you thought it was you he wasn’t interested in? We would go weeks without sex and then spurts of 3 days every night. Then nothing again for wks. He says I’m a sex addict, I just want that close intimate relationship with him. I’ve never felt comfortable in my own skin, now I feel worse knowing he was looking at others. Since he’s working on avoiding this addiction his sexual desire has increased and I have lost interest because I’m feeling hurt. This whole time I was thinking it was something wrong with me and it had nothing to do with me, but I still feel I if I was “good enough” he wouldn’t turn to porn. What do I do?

  • I know wrong thoughts are not good for Christian woman, so how do you combat the insecurities or pull of that desire? So glad you wrote a book in reference to fifty shades of grey and you are talking about this subject.

  • I don’t have a question but I do want to say THANK YOU for addressing this topic! I can attest to the fact that the deeper you are in a relationship with The Lord the better and more vibrant and satisfying your sex life is with your husband! Xoxo

  • Please I want in on this. I am recently separated (with no hope of reconciliation) and have found a self esteem again, with unexpected side effects and no outlet. Two people close to me don’t see why them dating when separated is wrong and I feel very alone. They are going with the, ‘I am finally happy, I will get divorced eventually, it must be right.’ especially as both were so horribly abused in the relationship. The pressure to conform is enormous but I DO NOT want to be impure. I could really use this information.

  • What do you do if you want your marriage to work after 25 years but just aren’t attracted to your hubby and everything is a bit stale? Also, mama having body issues?

  • Dannah, so glad that you have published this…and so glad that in the current series going on in our church, your books are listed in the inserts (recommended reading lists) in our bulletins…like a little reminder of “home” in the “new” place. 🙂 Thank you for all that you are doing!!

  • Okay, this is crazy! I would love to see you blog on this. So thankful you are willing to “go here”! I am wondering if you think “toys” are acceptable in the marriage bed? Using them together, of course. Or what about while one partner is away? This has always been a grey area for me for sure! And I CANNOT even believe I am typing this! I could never dare ask a Christian friend what her view would be! Thanks!!

    • Hello friend! Juli and I address that in the pages of Pulling Back the Shades. You are correct, it is a grey area but Juli has developed a set of questions based on scripture that give us a grid to run the grey areas through. I’m GLAD you typed it. We know women want answers. As to whether or not I’ll blog on it…well, I’ll pray. It feels different for me to put it out there for men, women and younger people to read. But it’s in black and white in the book.

  • Yes! I wrote abut 50 Shades when it first came out and how I wouldn’t be reading it and why I didn’t need to. The book is just so unsatisfying, but sady so many women think it is! I am scared for the movie. 🙁 I am very interested in your book!

  • I love seeing this coming out into the open, boldly and lovingly. Looking forward to seeing the ripple effects that healed, healthy and intimate marriages are going to have on the rest of our society! As for myself, I struggled too with the “no,no,no” before marriage to all of a sudden “go for it!” Message from the church. Almost six years later and I’m still sometimes shy and uncomfortable. It’s hard to see the connection of being a good and spiritually strong mom, wife and member of our community with being confident and comfortable in the bedroom; sometimes it feels so unnatural to do it all- though I know in my head it isn’t! Would also love some resources on how to talk about this with younger women as well.

  • What about when a woman has sexual desires that aren’t met by her husband? He seems to not have any attraction or desire anymore. Unfortunately, I believe it’s because of the misrepresentation by media and porn of what is realistic.
    What can I do to make our marriage more “fulfilling”?

  • Dannah,
    I am taking a group of 12-16 Moms & Teenage Daughters through your “What are you waiting for?” book. My 16 year old girl and I have been through your 8 mother/daughter dates and lead a group (Moms&Daughters) last year through Lies Young Women Believe. As a young woman I really wanted the sexual desire answers you address in the What are you waiting for? book…..things like, Is masturbation a sin? I appreciated your raw honesty about not relating….but as that was my struggle as a young and deeply committed Christian in her 20s that opened up with a Christian mentor…and she was able to point me to my deep need for falling in love with Jesus more. And looking to the future of what could be in the marriage bed. You filled out so much more in your book and I am so thankful that God is taking me out of my comfort zone to get into this with Moms and their girls. Having said all that, my daughter and I will be doing more breaking up into groups (moms together) and (girls together). She is leading the discussion for the girls and I’ve wondered what to do with the moms beyond the very good discussion questions you have…..this Fifty Shades of Grey issue may be the very thing. All the moms are married and in their 40s now. Does your new book have group discussion questions in the back like what you have in “What are you waiting for?”

    • Yes, the book does have discussion questions in the back of the book. Thank you so much for using What Are You Waiting For! LOVE!

  • I believe this message definitely needs to be talked about. If the world is talking about it, the church should be addressing it. We live in the world, not of the world…so we need to understand our surroundings while still keeping ourselves in check and “taking every thought captive” (2 Corinthians 10:5) so that we can lead those who are still of the world to come and take on God’s ways. God meets us where we are all the time, yet He does not enable us. I support your messages here in addressing these things. I believe those who don’t want to hear or know about these things does not need to read this…but for those who are struggling it is here for them. I am currently in courtship and I’ll admit I struggle with a little sexual temptation, but the more I push into God, the more I can conquer my temptations and learn to love my boyfriend properly.
    These are things I write about on my blog: http://www.iamthefirstkissgrl.blogspot.com

  • Dannah…How can a single person dealing with the anxiousness about being sexual when that time comes? The anxiety doesn’t stem from bad experiences or a lack of desire, but due to sexually inexperienced men seem to be a rarity. So chances are that a single inexperienced female may end up with someone who is experienced. It’s difficult to grasp the though of not it being a first time shared experienced. I can foresee this being a major difficulty. The thought of being compared…not measuring up. Is this even a valid concern? Will you address this please. 🙂

  • I think its wonderful that you’re addressing this issue! I think Godly women can have fulfilling sex lives, but not when they’re corrupted by porn and erotica that don’t draw you closer to your spouse or to God.

  • I am very interested to read this. I struggle in all Areas of sex, my body image, what’s right, what wrong, is there stuff that is wrong when between husband and wife? I am very much an introvert and was raised with the attitude that sex and my body were bad. It takes a lot of convincing from my husband when it comes to anything sexual. I have three daughters and I do not want to pass any of my crap onto them! Thank you for tackling these tough topics and giving godly women some sense of healthy sexuality.

  • Thank you for all the things that you post and write about. As a single young adult in college, I can’t help but ask this: WHEN DID THIS ALL HAPPEN? I remember that when I was younger that topics such as sex were hushed and it wasn’t classy to talk about them. Now it seems as if everywhere I turn around it’s the headline, the main idea, the thing that our society revolves around. While I am trying so very hard to seek fulfillment in my relationship with God instead of turning to the things that the world says is “okay” it bothers me so much to know that somewhere in the world, the man that I am going to marry is surrounded by women who aren’t seeking Christ. How can we as Christian women influence other women? The topic isn’t something thought highly of talking about. I don’t want to have hard feelings to women around me who don’t see the sin in their lives, I want to see them as people who need better direction, but I also don’t want to be the person to tell them that. How do you address that?

  • I am Church Lady, Pastor’s wife, who was enticed by erotica and then.rn while married and feeling alone. With prayer and fasting and a frank talk with my husband I realized that I could have that sci.scintillating, over the top sex life in my marriage. While I became closer to God, I realized who I really was and became closer to my husband. I’ve never looked back since. But this is something we must allow ourselves to do. Thanks for the blog and book!!

  • Dannah:

    I have been following you ever since taking my daughter to a “Secret Keeper Girl” event (empowering for a mother, by the way). How I wished my mother would have talked openly to me about sex when I was a teenager. A lot of heartache could have been avoided… I would love for you to address the issues surrounding purity for women who are divorced (due to an emotionally/physically/sexually abusive husband/father) and back out in the dating world at 50. It is truly frightening out there and there are so many issues that arise where the lines are so blurred in so many people’s eyes. I have already received my copy of your new book and am drinking in every word. I loved “And the Bride Wore White” and “What Are You Waiting For?”. My 13-year-old daughter will be reading them next. I would purchase a dozen copies of your new book for my friends if I could, simply to give them the gift of your wise words. Keep writing and speaking on this subject. It is both timely and of utmost importance. God has certainly covered you with His grace and power, giving you the ability to speak out on a subject that needs to be heard.

    Forever a follower,

    Melanie

  • Hi Dannah-

    I am in Chapter 8. I just finished reading about asking God to sever the bond with past sexual relationships. The thing is my husband has been my one and only, however I am not his only partner and I have a very hard time forgetting his past and it truly bothers me deep down. We have been together for 11 years and I really thought I would have been over it, but unfortunately I am not. He has never brought his past up to me in all the years we have been together, but the devil keeps attacking my mind and I can tell it holds our relationship back from ultimate passion. Any ideas on what I can do to help heal my heart/mind?

    Many thanks!!

  • I’m assuming this book is not appropriate for teen girls, right? As a teen who has struggled before with sexual desires and is still tempted to give into some areas like I did before, would you reccomend What are You Waiting For? I want to be satisfied and view sexuality in God’s way so I want to read it, but I also want to be careful since maybe reading that would cause me to think about what I can’t have. Is it written in a way that would be fine for me to read?

    • I don’t recommend it for teen girls. You might find What Are You Waiting For a better fit for your needs, friend! Thanks for asking.

  • Dannah,

    I’m embarassed to admit that I have read the series. Like many, I didn’t know that genre existed and after the series, I found myself seeking more books of similar topics. I had convinced myself this was harmless … until reading the blogs that you’ve posted. I am now afraid of the damage I may have caused my marriage. I often complain to my husband that he isn’t romantic, doesn’t communicate well and that we lack an emotional connection that I so desperately desire. I didn’t realize until literally moments ago that the books on my night stand are the root cause of those issues, not my husband. I hope I’m able to reverse any damage that’s been caused. The topic that I would like to see you blog about is how to overcome feelings of inadequacy in the bedroom. I don’t feel attractive. I have a strong desire for sex (with my husband) and he also has a strong sexual appetite however I don’t feel attractive and will avoid sex because of that.

    Side note … I am a Christian woman. I am dedicated to raising my daughters with pure Christian values. Your books have been a blessing to my family. Thank you for having the courage to write about something most people don’t want to talk about.

  • I’m looking forward (as always) to read your upcoming blogs on these topics. I want to encourage you by saying you’ve always shown great wisdom and discernment. So if you don’t feel one of the questions we ask should be answered “out there” in cyberspace but is answered in the book, we trust you.

    My question. I can’t be the only one who seems to internalize what I read. Which, I think, is why erotica is so powerful. How do I read your book, any book, any articles without internalizing the things I’m reading? How can I capture those thoughts? I’m not asking about when reading erotica, but reading about any sex acts. I know the Shades of Grey book talks about bondage for example. I don’t have to read the book to imagine what that means. I don’t want to start imagining or fantasizing or allowing myself to “get turned on” in my mind by that idea. I am happily married and we have a wonderful and satisfying sex life (yes, I am VERY blessed indeed). As our world deteriorates around us, there is more and more that I do not want to think about in that way. I really hope this is making sense.

    I read something recently that I found very disturbing. I now struggle to remove the image from my mind. This has happened in the past and for me it takes much prayer and time. Every time it comes to mind, praying to my Father to heal my mind and to please remove the thoughts. I would love some tools and suggestions. Thank you for listening.

  • Very thankful to see this book coming out. Erotica/porn has never been a temptation for me but I hear so many women even in the church who have read 50 Shades or gone to movies like Magic Mike. I also feel uncomfortable with the many married women who “crush” on male celebrities, some even having Pinterest boards devoted to “eye candy.” It’s very frequent to hear Christian women, single or married, make comments about how hot this guy or that one is, and how if they had a wish they’d wish for him, etc. Wondering how you would address that seemingly minor issue. As a pastor’s wife, I’d love to have this book on hand to minister to other women in the church as the need may arise.

  • Sex has been a battleground in our marriage lately. My libido has been sorely lacking compared to my husband’s, and I have been having the hardest time figuring out how to change that. Thank you for writing this book, it’s message is so important!

  • Hi Dannah,
    I have read one of your books and have watched some of your videos on youtube. I have no read 50 shades of grey because i dont really see what the appeal is. However, i have struggled from time to time with porn and it has affected me and impacted me greatly. I am dating a guy now whom i was engaged to but some of the things ive seen and done have affected me much more than i thought they ever would. I want to have a happy and fulfilling marriage one day but i honestly dont know how. I am struggling a lot with not assuming that all men are bad and are out to hurt me in some way or another. I feel like its causing me to nearly be mentally ill. Thank you for all your openess about this and addressing this!

  • Also i am wondering if you could point me in the direction of what the scripture does address specifically about sex…

    • Hi Susan, this is a very complex question. Scripture instructs on sex and marriage from Genesis to Revelation. We recommend you get a copy of What Are You Waiting For in order to have a complete view of this!

  • Hello Dannah,

    I’d like to thank you for all the books you’ve published. I can’t even begin to tell you how much of a help they’ve been to me! I started reading them when I was 18, and now at 20, I continue to get them as they come out.
    I do have a question though, and maybe the answer really is as obvious as I think it may be. Even with the knowledge I have of purity and the benefits I know it possesses, how do I remember in the moment that I’m facing temptations of erotica and porn to run away? It seems stupid to me that I know it’s bad, but still face the temptations and often fall in the same hole. Maybe I’m just not trying hard enough? I don’t know.
    Would you consider publishing a daily devotional? I know there’s a lot of them out there, but none have really seemed to helped me. Or could you recommend a good one? Thank you for all that you’ve done. It can’t be easy to speak truth in a world that tends to look down on it.

  • Thank you for posting such enlightening articles for raising young girls. As a mother of a 12 yr old daughter & 10 yr old son, I love having a resource at my fingertips along with the Bible when life happens. God Bless!

  • I love this blog as well as lies young women believ even though I’m not that young anymore. Its simple, but it has a way to explain to younger women in a simple way.

  • I would like to read your book. Here is a question. My curiosity does get stirred up about the book and now the movie with previews now airing. I know that it is another false world of fantasy that has been created to deceive women into a fairy tale of what sex and love should be. However, I sometimes struggle wanting to give into the temptation because I don’t always get satisfaction in my marriage from my husband. What advice do you have for women who desire emotional and physical happiness in marriage that isn’t always satisfying?

    • Amanda…First, go to any length within Christian truth to find physical happiness in your marriage. Make it your pursuit to find intimacy with your husband. Many times our bodies need retraining or counseling to enjoy the full gift of sexual freedom with our husbands. I write about this and my personal experience with it in Pulling Back the Shades. I recommend the book The Gift of Sex by Cliff and Joyce Penner as a secondary resource for you. They are Christian sex therapists and the book has some great retraining tools in it. Second, I recommend you do the Bible study on sexual intimacy by Dr Juli Slattery and Linda Dillow called Passion Pursuit. Here’s a link to it. http://www.authenticintimacy.com/passion-pursuit/ Finally, pray. The battle you are facing is not just physical. It is spiritual. Many women are tempted by the movie previews. That’s how sin is. It’s tempting. But talk to the Lord about this and talk to another woman you trust. but don’t give in.

  • What are some suggestions for talking about this with ladies that are clearly loving this series-to speak truth about what is really happening when they engage in reading this. How far do we take the conversation if they seem to want nothing to do with ‘truth’? I really appreciate the questions others have asked and that there are answers well. Some are questions I have thought of as well a others bring up good topics I hadn’t thought about. Thank you!

    • Shawna, for now I would direct you to our new website http://pullingbacktheshades.com/. It has a lot of resources for you. But I would also suggest you sign up for the February 10th webinar where Juli and I will teach on this AND take specific q&a. If you can’t join us at the time of the live webinar, it’ll be taped and those who sign up for it will get a link to the taping. This is such a vast topic that it deserves more than a short post.

  • Hi Dannah, I’ve read your book Pulling Back the Shades and am now reading Get Lost. Both are excellent, as are your blog posts! I definitely agree that I need more of God, and I’m seeking to know Him more. But as a 26 year old single, virgin woman, what am I supposed to DO with these sexual desires? If masturbating, reading erotica, sexting, etc (obviously sex outside of marriage) are all wrong, what can I do? Yes I know pray and ask God for help and read the Bible. But sometimes, it seems like no matter how hard I try, I keep getting and having sexual thoughts and feelings, and I don’t what to do. Another godly woman told me I should treat these desires like fasting. But in fasting I have the hope I’ll get to eat again. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to be married and have sex. I know I need more of God, but really, what can I do? I’m getting involved in a Bible study and talking with a Christian counselor. But no one can give me an answer other than “trust God.” I know I need to do that, but sometimes these desires feel unrelenting.

  • oh Dannah! Just gave away my copy of your book to a friend who is involved in the Navigator ministry at a Navy base. Had to purchase another copy. Currently leading Passion Pursuit at church. My question is: as you start to address these issues what do you say to an older woman of the church who refuses to talk about them because it’s not “appropriate”. Also I feel to some women in the group I am introducing topics that they haven’t even thought about. They are more sheltered. Or so it seems. Thanks!

    • Sue, to say that talking about sexual issues is “not appropriate” is like telling Picasso not to talk about the protection of his art. God created sex. He is the master artist of the most beautiful physical act that exists. His Church must speak on behalf of defending his beautiful mysterious work of art. If ANYONE should be talking about this it is the Church. The erotica craze that’s hitting the women of our church is like someone talking filthy grafitti to the most priceless of Picasso’s paintings. And that’s really a trite comparison. We simply must speak up. There is no statistical difference in the percentage of Christian vs non Christian women who have been sucked in. Be loving and patient with this woman, but confident as you approach her.

  • Thank you so much for taking this subject out of the shadows and bringing it to light, I fell into the seduction of the romance novels back in the 80’s, which lead to an affair. After I became a Christian, I threw all of them away, and have taught on the dangers of such printed or visual matter. I have taught your “And the Bride Wore White” on several occasions, and with that have stressed what such material can do to ones mind. Christian women think that they can read or watch such stuff and it not bother them, but it will. As far as sexuality within a Christian’s life, why would the Lord make touch, intimacy, etc. so pleasurable if it wasn’t good within His confines? I have been married for 40 yrs as of Feb. 8, and my husband and I are both in our 60’s. Our physical intimacy is still as strong and needed as ever. It is a beautiful thing. Thank you again.

  • Hi Dannah!
    So rad that there are people who are doing all they can to stand up for God. My question is how is it that Fifty Shades Of Grey can be released in theaters? How is it not considered porn? And arent people concerned that this can lead to abuse in marriages and relationships? Where are the laws?!!! Ugh!

  • So excited for this webinar.looking forward to hear your tips on how to pursue a deeper Spiritual connection with your spouse. Thank you dannah.

  • I’ve haven’t read any of your books but I have been reading your blogs. I started struggling with porn when I was 10, I’m 15 now, and for a year and a half I’d managed to stay away from it all but last month I screwed up big time and now I’m right back where I started, and I can’t seem to stop myself from going back. I feel like my whole view on sex is all wrong and I’m not really sure what’s real and what’s not anymore. I have a mentor and a really close friend I talk to, and it helped for a while. I distracted myself with other things and for a while it worked but I wasn’t content. I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say…. Do you have any advice, Is there a way I can actually be satisfied? I mean it’s been 3 years of actually trying and failing miserably. It doesn’t feel like anything is changing.

    • Oh Anonymous, my heart swelled with love and joy as I read your question – “is there a way I can actually be satisfied”? Because YES! Yes, there is! Please know that I am a part of Dannah’s team. I’m a 27 y/o female who is still single. And I have desires, urges, cravings, dreams of one day being married, and all that jazz. And I’m still telling you – YES there IS a way that you can actually be satisfied! And I know from personal experience.
      Believe it or not, it all starts with communication. Talking and Listening. Giving and Receiving. You are in a RELATIONSHIP with God. A relationship that is moving, vibrant, and full of life! So act like it. One thing that really helped me kind of “dumb” down the whole ‘how am I supposed to talk and hear from the God of the entire universe’ thing was to think of God as a friend. I have some experience in the friendship world so I thought about how I act in a friendship. What happens. How much time goes into a relationship. I thought about how in order for a person to become a good friend, they must be a priority. That in order for our friendship to grow and blossom, I have to open myself up and be open. All of these things are swirling around in my head… And I thought about how I have to do the SAME type of stuff in my relationship with God. Time. Effort. Priority. Openness. I’m in a relationship. You’re in a relationship. But you won’t get all that you can out of that relationship without investing in it! It’s true for a friend. It’s true for God.
      It’s wonderful that you have a mentor and a close friend. Keep those alliances in your life for they are vital. But how are things with you and Jesus? It’s ok if they’re not great right now. Just don’t allow that to continue. Satisfaction IS Jesus Christ. He IS completion. He IS wholeness. He doesn’t just give these things – HE IS all of these things. The more you know Him, the more you know satisfaction.
      How this relates to the whole sexual desires and cravings deal is that God gave you hormones. He’s given you a sexuality, sexual desires. All of these things are natural, normal, and godly really. How you fulfill these desires may not be godly but the desires themselves just show that your body is working as it should. So all of those feelings, craving, and desires you have, that were given to you FROM God, you gotta give them BACK to Him! Give them back to God. True satisfaction does not come from fulfilling even our natural cravings. True satisfaction comes from fulling our natural desires with the One who came us our desires. It all comes back to Him, my friend. He gave them to us so He knows how to curb them, how to help us with them, and He even knows how to fulfill them. He is the satisfaction. 100% Guaranteed too! 🙂
      In addition to continuing to speak to your mentor and friend, work on your relationship with God. He’s your friend – act like it and treat Him as such. And you may want to check out “And The Bride Wore White” “Get Lost” and “What Are You Waiting For’ – all books from Dannah Gresh and they shed light on why we crave as we do and what to do with those cravings. Love to you, my friend 🙂
      http://pure-freedom.myshopify.com/collections/teens

      (posted by Dannah’s team)

      • What does it mean as a single woman to give these desires back to God? I don’t understand. Does it mean just thanking God for these desires? But then what? You said, “true satisfaction comes from [fulfilling] our natural desires with the One who [gave] us our desires.” What does this mean? Not in an abstract way, but practically? How can these desires for sex be fulfilled without having sex-especially if I don’t know if I’ll ever be married and will get to have sex? I’ve read “And The Bride Wore White” and am now reading “Get Lost.” They’re great but tell me I just need to trust God. I must be doing something wrong, because that doesn’t take away desires for sex and a husband.

        • Hi Allison. Thanks for your frank and transparent inquiry. I sure don’t want your take away from Get Lost and And the Bride Wore White to be simply “trust God.” It’s so much more complex than that. Your question is complex and so are the answers. But I can direct you towards my Single Desire blog series which tackled this in depth. Here’s a link to one of the blogs and it’s really practical! 🙂 Hope it heads you in the right direction: http://purefreedom.org/single-desire-how-can-i-be-sexually-alive/

          • Thank you for trying to help. Sometimes in this quest for purity as a single woman, it just feels like I’m white-knuckling my way, trying so hard not to sin, trying to trust God with my sexual desires while not suppressing them, trying to believe God loves me and cares for me whether or not He ever fulfills these deep desire by giving me a husband. It just gets exhausting. If I’m never going to be married, I wish God would take away these desires. I just don’t understand what it means to give them to God. But thank you for caring.

      • Thank you so much! I will get those books as soon as possible. I will be praying for what you wonderful people do… Note: I’ve been praying about what to do as a career and I’ve lately been thinking that if id love to involve myself in helping girls overcome the same struggles that I face even though I still haven’t managed to overcome it. God bless you! 🙂

  • What book would you suggest I read if I’m 15 and I’ve been struggling with porn for 5 years? I really love your blog and I watched and listened to some of your interviews. I just found this site a few days ago, and I already want to thank you.

    • Anonymous, thank you for sharing your struggle. I’m sure this wasn’t exactly easy to admit. Because of your age, we would suggest you read “What Are You Waiting For”, “Get Lost” and “And the Bride Wore White”. It should help you see why things like pornography are tempting and easy to get hooked on but why it will never fully satisfy. The book will even help with figuring out what to do with your desires and cravings. We pray the Lord’s healing redemption envelops you and that you hear His voice as you read.
      http://pure-freedom.myshopify.com/collections/teens

      (posted by Dannah’s team)

  • Dannah, we had Dr. Juli and Linda at our church for conference last October – loved it. Have become acquainted with you through Pulling Back the Shades, but also excited to know that you began the young girls ministry as well. I am women’s pastor/ counselor at our church and have been for almost 10 years – before which I was a junior high and high school teacher. I love what you all are doing to open the eyes of women to sexually active and fulfilled married lives. My husband and I will be married 47 years in August and we often joke with our kids that if they ever have to put us in a nursing home, we will be the runs running around in the halls after one another. Neither of us had parents who addressed sex in a good – even an existent way. We are blessed; how is this addressed for other “older” people: Sex is good and there is no age of stopping and/or enjoying. God ordained it and within the boundaries of marriage, He wants this to be a part of a healthy, thriving marriage. We talk about the young and the middle-age; how do we get the desires and passions of the older generation addressed with a good and healthy perspective?

    • Maybe as I grow older I’ll lean in that direction and form some training for the older generation. For now, I’d turn to Cliff and Joyce Penner. Look them up. THey are in their golden years and doing great seminars, counseling and books on sexuality.

  • Also, I am a big lover of the significance of numbers, and so here is my final comment that I forgot to include: I am 69 years old – will be 70 in November and I am free. Rapidly gaining momentum as my favorite verse is Romans 8:1 – There is therefore NOW no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Blessings.

    • Start with telling him your need! And then, get help if you need to. Counselors and books that specialize in helping us overcome our sexual inhibitions include Clifford and Joyce Penner and they wrote “The Gift of Sex.”

  • I learned about 50 Shades at a women’s prayer meeting. The woman sharing had never read the book, but was concerned with what it was doing to women who were reading it. She said it is pornography in words, rather than pictures. I knew immediately I would never read 50 Shades, as I did not need any more fuel to add to the fire that I have struggled with since a very young child. Soon after, the Women’s Ministry Team at my church made Pulling Back the Shades available at a discounted price. I had no idea what the book was about when I purchased it, but I am eternally grateful that Dannah and Juli were led by the Holy Spirit to write it. Pulling Back the Shades helped me to understand why I was drawn into a fantasy world in my thought life that involved Dominance, Bondage, Sadism and Masochism while masturbating and even while making love with my husband. As a very young child, I was physically abused for years by my father that bordered on DBSM. The information in this book has freed me to allow the Lord to heal my broken child’s heart and release me from a life time of sexual bondage to masturbation. I am grateful for a loving, understanding husband whom I am able to share my struggle with. He is my prayer partner. My husband prays for me that I can flee the temptation of masturbation. We also pray before being intimate, that the Lord protect our minds from perverted thoughts as we make love. I plan to give Pulling Back the Shades as gifts to my four older sisters who were also abused by our father when they were young girls. May this book help them to allow the Lord to heal and free them just as He has healed and freed me! God bless you Dannah and Juli.
    Your sister in Christ. Daniele

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