Song of Solomon: Sex is a gift to give, not a selfish experience for the taking.

“I belong to my lover,” declares the girl in Song of Solomon. A giving of self. A submission that flies in the face of today’s feminist empowered womanhood. While there is a mentality  in the Western world that women are supposed to be strong, successful, and independent in a relationship with a man…God’s treatise on the gift of sexuality cries out for a submission to giving yourself away within the confines of marriage. Don’t think for a second that this is some Old Testament thing that was erased with the New Covenant. Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look at what the Apostle Paul wrote for the church at Corinth. (And for you and me.)

3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.

Paul writes to the church encouraging those who are married to mutually give themselves to each other physically. Don’t hold anything back. Your body is not your own. It belongs to him. His belongs to you. A self-less giving away of yourself. Not a selfish act of drinking up your own desires at the expense of another human being. What a contrast to today’s selfish sexual culture. Just in case you don’t see this as a great restraint, let me point you back to Song of Solomon.

10 I belong to my beloved, 
   and his desire is for me. 
11 Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside, 
   let us spend the night in the villages.[c] 
12 Let us go early to the vineyards 
   to see if the vines have budded, 
if their blossoms have opened, 
   and if the pomegranates are in bloom— 
   there I will give you my love. 
13 The mandrakes send out their fragrance, 
   and at our door is every delicacy, 
both new and old, 
   that I have stored up for you, my beloved.

Here the bride tenderly appeals as the initiator of intimacy. She longs for him and begins the holy seduction with: “I belong to my lover.” Then, the intoxication of words pours out. What I love is that she ends by saying that all she has to give at this moment she has “stored up for you, my lover.” What restraint she has had during her life to now be able to give to him all she has stored up.

Want to have a great sex life one day? Prepare your heart to give yourself completely to your husband. (Forget a sense of entitlement, self-empowerment, and independence.) Just as you desire for his heart and body to belong to you. You must also train yours to belong to him.

And…store it all up for him! Every kiss. Every touch. Every glance. Store. It. Up.

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5 Comments

  • I am a 19 year old girl struggling with a porn and self pleasure addiction. I hate that I have such a disgusting addiction and I want to be rid of it! I just got done watching some porn and then I went to facebook where the first thing I saw was “Sex is a gift to give, not a selfish experience for the taking” God really baffles me sometimes! Its as if he is saying “My daughter I am not ashamed of you, I want to help you.” This post really helps me a lot and puts a lot into perspective for me, thank you!

  • Amen to that! I have stored many things for my husband and I don’t regret ANYTHING. The Lord has blessed me abundantly and Samuel becoming my best friend and then my husband was certainly one of the greatest blessings He gave me.

  • Hi,
    I just want to say i love your books. I have had lots of fun with my mom. From going to a salon, to shopping @ the mall all night.
    I just want to say Thanks,
    Jenna

  • It makes me want to cry that fourteen year olds at my school have already “done it” when I know people ten years older than them who’ve never even kissed anyone. At the same time, it makes me happy that at least some people view sex as God’s gift.
    -Please pray for a group of fourteen year olds who are pregnant

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