Pure or Boy Crazy: which direction are you headed?

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SEXUALPURITY week2So you know when someone comes to you and asks you something and says, “I’m asking for a ‘FRIEND’…” Well, today I have a question like that for you. How many of your “girlfriends” are on the boy-crazy train? I’m talking about the kind of college girl who tries guys on like a pair of jeans, discarding them casually and moving on to the next one if they just don’t fit. And I’m also talking about the middle school girl who has never had a boyfriend but thinks she’s less because of it. There’s a broad spectrum when it comes to being a boy-crazy girl. And most people think it’s just normal.

I disagree.

What if I told you that it’s not a very good place to be if you want to live a life of purity? You see purity is not a line you cross or do not cross, contrary to public discourse. I know many girls who are not virgins who are anything but pure. The way they live their lives is full of sensuality, lust, and lack of self-control. I also know many girls who are not virgins and have stood before God and said, “God teach me to live a life of purity.” The current direction of their lives is purity. And see that’s what I think purity is…it’s a direction. The book of Philippians says we can “become” pure and blameless. This speaks of a direction.

So which direction are you headed?

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What If I’ve Messed Up Sexually?

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SEXUALPURITYweek1There’s a saying that goes like this: “every great love story ends in tragedy.” Consider Romeo and Juliet. They throw caution to the wind to be together and make easy, heart-defining choices to have secret moments of bliss against their family’s wishes. In the end, they commit suicide because their relationship is opposed. It’s an applauded classic love story, but where’s the sunset? Where’s the happily ever-after? And where’s their pulse? It’s not the kind of love story you want to have your name in it.

What kind of love story are you writing with your life?

My best-selling book And the Bride Wore White is full of what I call celebration stories. Some are stories of brides who never kissed before their wedding day and others are stories of brides who were sexually broken before they graduated highschool. How can they all be celebration stories?

Let me tell you!

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Ten Things I Did Not Plan (By Chanel Murray)

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UNPLANNEDNo one plans to get pregnant in high school. But some do. Maybe you are finding yourself there right now.

My guest blogger Chanel Murray chose life in so many ways. I’ve witnessed the tears and even some shame, but what I will remember most is seeing God’s grace rush in as his Church surrounded her with love and gave her courage to make good choices. She is about to graduate from high school and her son, Noah, is one year old. Recently, she read this list of “ten things I didn’t plan” at her senior project presentation. Not a dry eye in the house as our hearts leaned in and learned. Maybe we learn best in the unplanned.

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Should We Stop Using The Word “Purity”?

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White_rose_Recently I opened my blog to moderate comments on a post titled “Was Mary A Virgin?” Suddenly, I was being accused of “slut-shaming” for using the word virgin. What!? It was the VIRGIN Mary who I was writing about! The comments—including “This is slut shaming… Wrapped up in a pretty package” and “Such dialogue and scrutiny over a woman’s virginity (aka ‘purity’) only feeds into patriarchal-based slut shaming”—were just the crest of a wave of frustration I’ve heard all year long as those following me lament that the language of sexual purity is out of style. The big claim? The word purity has no efficacy. So, let’s put it on trial today and see where we land because as a leader in the Christian sexual theology conversation, I want to know: do you think we should stop using the word purity? But here’s the deal. The debate—which I expect may get heated— must lean first and foremost on the truth of sexuality as defined in the Bible, not the opinions of men and woman. What’s a good day in court without an opening argument? Here’s my three defenses of the word purity.

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Free Online Purity Curriculum Available Now!

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Roughly forty six percent of high schoolRoughly forty six percent of high school students will engage in sexual intercourse before they graduate.[i] There is almost no difference in the percentage of students inside the church and those outside the church. Shouldn’t there be? This risky behavior is compounded by the fact that starting to have sex early equals a lot of sexual partners. The average number of partners a sexually active college girl has is 7.1. [ii] This increases the number of people to whom she becomes physiologically and spiritually bonded to, and decreases her ability to bond well with her spouse in future years.

Do you want to lead teen girls through a bible study so they can land on the right side of these stats? Do you deeply desire that your own daughter walk in sexual purity? We have a brand new resource to help you and it’s FREE. Let me tell you about it:

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How Fatherlessness Impacts Your Quest For Purity

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sad-teenDivorce. Death. Workaholism. His woundedness. Even some of the most godly dads can inadvertantly be busied beyond reason in their service for God, leaving their daughter’s heart lonely. What’s taken your dad away from you? I can’t imagine the hurt, but I’ve cried through a story or two and had a front row seat to both the devastation…and the healing. And there HAS to be healing because being without your dad physically or emotionally dramatically increases your risk of having your heart broken in relationships with guys and the temptation to sin sexually. Here are four things you need to know.

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Ten Reasons Every Mom Must Talk To Her Daughter About Sex

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hispanic-teen-girl-with-momOne of the most critical on-going conversations mothers can have with their daughters is on the topic of sexuality. My head spins with all the risk and hope that teeters on the existence of such a dialogue. Let me share the best news first: the number one risk-reducer for your daughter is parent/child connection. What you think about sex informs her view of it, and what you communicate about sexual risk and sexual theology helps to steer her towards healthy choices. You’re that powerful, Mom.

Most girls I’ve spoken with wish their mom would bring the subject up more often.

Most moms I’ve spoken with feel insecure about talking.

Let me fuel your interest by sharing these top ten reasons why every mom must talk about sex early and often. They aren’t pretty, but remember talking about sex reduces the risk and puts you in a place to reduce the pain if any does come your daughters direction.

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7 Secrets To Purity For Every Teen Girl

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I said goodbye to my virginity when I was fifteen.

How old were you? If you had it to do over again, would you wait? I would. I knew none of the physical consequences of choosing to have sex early, but I was depressed. I felt like I’d given something precious away and could never have it back. That’s why I’ve devoted my life to spreading the idea that sex is worthy of something more than a casual hookup. Is that a message you want to share with your daughter? Little sister? A friend you’re trying to mentor? Read on, because the news today is better…and worse…than when you were a teenager and I have seven secrets that will reduce the risk in the teen girl you love.

7 Secrets

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Big Announcement: And The Bride Wore White Video Curriculum

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I am excited to announce that we’re heading into the studios to tape an all-new video curriculum for my best-selling book: And the Bride Wore White. And I have a few spots left in the studio audience. After nearly fifteen years, reviewers continue to rave about it. But the greatest proof of its effect is in the lives of hundreds of thousands of young women who’ve embraced the book’s message and chosen to live lives of purity. We estimate that nearly 15,000 churches and small groups have used it as a Bible study or small group resource. It’s certainly been through a few different looks.

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January 2000 • Original Cover Design

Model Nicole Flowers (A girl in the youth group I was helping to lead.)

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2004 • Celebration Edition (To celebrate 100,000 in sales)

Model Shannon (A girl in the youth group I was helping to lead.)

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2012 • Twelfth Anniversary Cover

Model Lexi Gresh (My precious daughter.)

To celebrate the fifteen year mark (January 1, 2015), we are releasing an all-new video curriculum and on-line leader’s guide. These will be made available for FREE just like my new Get Lost video series released last year.

But here’s the deal: it’s not free to me. I am committed to doing everything I can to keep the cost as low as possible while also bringing you good quality. (See the videos in the Get Lost link above.) While many ministries spend up $50-100,000 on video taping, our cost is going to come in at right about $10,000.

Would you prayerfully consider helping me raise this amount? Thanks to the women’s ministry of First Baptist Church (Magnolia, Arkansas) who heard about this project and held a silent auction to raise money, we already have $1500 in the bank! And I’m going to offer some little incentive packages for you to join this great group of women. (It’s kind of like our own Kickstarter campaign.) I sure hope you can join us!

All materials will be shipped in August just in time for Fall Bible study. (The videos will not be released to the public until January 1, 2015 in conjunction with the 15th anniversary of the book.)

This offer is still available as we have only raised enough money to fund the taping (which is complete). We need another $5000 to cover our production costs, so please consider giving here.

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#2 Sexual Myth: “Purity Is An Idol”

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One of my single, twenty-something team members returned from Christmas break with something of a epiphany having occurred. “I’ve made purity an idol in my life,” she confessed.

Memories of multiple blogs inserting this thought into the online Christian conversation ran through my head. Blogger Elizabeth Esther seemed to have started this snowballing conversation rolling. Rachel Held EvansBoundless, and a number of others soon posed the question on their own blogs to perpetuate the debate. Before we knew it, we were reading grandiose claims such as “Virginity: Christianity’s Main Idol.”

Of all the myths birthed and nurtured in last year’s critique on the purity movement, this one brought the strongest response in my spirit. It is both the most truth-founded and most deceptive of the myths. A tricky one to be certain. While I believe it’s possible that purity may be an idol in your life, it is a myth that purity is an idol.

Myth #2: Purity Is An Idol

Before I reveal the logical fallacy in this trendy conversation, let me give you a few test questions to see if purity has become an idol in your life.

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