What If I’ve Messed Up Sexually?

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SEXUALPURITYweek1There’s a saying that goes like this: “every great love story ends in tragedy.” Consider Romeo and Juliet. They throw caution to the wind to be together and make easy, heart-defining choices to have secret moments of bliss against their family’s wishes. In the end, they commit suicide because their relationship is opposed. It’s an applauded classic love story, but where’s the sunset? Where’s the happily ever-after? And where’s their pulse? It’s not the kind of love story you want to have your name in it.

What kind of love story are you writing with your life?

My best-selling book And the Bride Wore White is full of what I call celebration stories. Some are stories of brides who never kissed before their wedding day and others are stories of brides who were sexually broken before they graduated highschool. How can they all be celebration stories?

Let me tell you!

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Ten Reasons Every Mom Must Talk To Her Daughter About Sex

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hispanic-teen-girl-with-momOne of the most critical on-going conversations mothers can have with their daughters is on the topic of sexuality. My head spins with all the risk and hope that teeters on the existence of such a dialogue. Let me share the best news first: the number one risk-reducer for your daughter is parent/child connection. What you think about sex informs her view of it, and what you communicate about sexual risk and sexual theology helps to steer her towards healthy choices. You’re that powerful, Mom.

Most girls I’ve spoken with wish their mom would bring the subject up more often.

Most moms I’ve spoken with feel insecure about talking.

Let me fuel your interest by sharing these top ten reasons why every mom must talk about sex early and often. They aren’t pretty, but remember talking about sex reduces the risk and puts you in a place to reduce the pain if any does come your daughters direction.

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#1 Sexual Myth: “It’s Ok If You Lose Your Virginity”

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Virginity is under attack.

Our culture applauds every sexual choice except virginity.

But my concern isn’t the opinion of the world. Though I’ve had opportunity to address the secular ideology of sexuality through mediums such as CNN.com, FoxNews or in my TedTalk, I don’t feel primarily called to change the culture. It’s the Church I’m worried about.

Last year Christian bloggers spent a lot of energy decrying the Christian purity movement. It seems to have been fueled by a story I identify with that was poignantly penned by blogger Sarah Bessey whose encounters with purity preaching men made her feel like “damaged goods.”  I, too, once hid in the shame of my sexual sin. I, too, once felt like damaged goods. I, too, think that inviting audience members to spit in cups creates a shallow and shame-fueling illustration about the “damaged goods” we become if we’ve had sex. And that leaves Christians looking stupid, if not intolerably graceless. (Weeks after reading her blog, I found myself in a seminar by a leading third wave feminist who used an actual photo from a purity ball to point to the agreeably unintelligent and unkind approach one purity ministry took. The image was of a petal-less trampled rose.)

The thinking of these cup-spitting preachers and rose-trampling ministries is not deep. They do, in fact, create a lot of space to move sinners away from Jesus. Not closer to him. Perhaps that is what moved the blogging world to put the entire purity movement in its place last year.

Purity has become a “problem”, one lamented.

Virginity is Christianity’s “main idol” was the accusation.

Much of their discontent is valid.

But most of the conversation seemed to fall short of having a foundation of a solid sexual theology. And I want to take a few days to speak into the stupidity. Forgive me if that sounds blunt, but so many of these articles hide behind the pretense of great writing but carry a sexual theology that’s ankle deep. I may ruffle some feathers. (I will certainly crumple some spitting cups and attempt to use refreshing water to revive trampled roses.) But may I speak into the five sexual myths that are floating around in the blog-osphere?

Myth #1: It’s OK If You Lose Your Virginity

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Is It OK To Sleep Over at My Boyfriend’s?

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Brush1-286x300She goes to school at Penn State. He’s a student at Ohio State. Rivalry aside, passion burns. The good kind that tells them “this is it.” 322.97 miles separate them, creating an invitation to consume copious amounts of gasoline between State College, PA and Columbus, OH. That’s expensive. So, they try to save money where they can. Hotel bills seem like a good place to cut costs. When they visit each other, they sleep over in one another’s apartments. Completely platonic, of course. They insist there’s no other solution and there’s never been any sex. Ever. That could never happen. They’re both Christians.

Is this OK?

Sleeping over has been called one of the newest trends in “Christians sketchiness.” I’ll go with that. I think it’s possible to sleep over at your boyfriend’s without eventually having sex, but not probable. Let me tell you why.

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