Trusting A Condom Can Kill A Friend

Many people believe that “everyone is doing it.” What a lie! Not everyone is doing it. In recent years, only 46% of high school students surveyed had engaged in sexual intercourse.[i] That’s a majority who haven’t!

Here’s another big fat lie that he has made many well-intentioned parents believe: the risk of sexually transmitted infections is so great that we have no choice but to give them condoms. Satan decided there were not enough teenagers sacrificing their innocence, so he came up with a grand scheme. He got their parents to think, If everyone is doing it, and there is something awful like AIDS out there, I had better give my kids tools to do it safely. Now he has parents and mentors saying, “We hope you don’t have sex, but if you do use a condom!” What a double-message.

It is a terrible lie that to keep your teenager safe, you have to equivocate on our message. In truth, I’m not offended at the thought of teaching teenagers about contraception, any more than I’d be offended about factually presenting other issues in an anatomy and physiology class. I am offended that we water-down our resolve to encourage them to live a live of purity and abstinence in the process.

Let make sure that every teenage girl knows that “safe sex” is one of the most dangerous activities that exists on earth. Chlamydia is the most common sexually transmitted disease circulating today.[ii] If you get it, it’s unlikely that you’ll ever even know you have it. Only a minority ever experience tell-tale symptoms…until it is too late. At that point, many women who have it experience pelvic inflammatory disease, which leads to infertility. No babies. Ever.

A condom will help to prevent chlamydia, but not all the time. Hope this isn’t TMI, but there are thirteen steps to using one of the things correctly. The end result is that they have a controversial failure rate in preventing any sexually transmitted infection. You can research it yourself on the Internet to see how varied the estimates are, but the fact is that the rates of failure are woefully high. They  just aren’t good odds when you’re talking about the risk of never having babies.

The human papilloma virus (HPV) is another common viral STI. It is so common that at least 50% of sexually active people get HPV[iii]. HPV is incurable and can be uncomfortable and embarrassing—it sometimes causes genital warts—but more important it is recognized that HPV is the only cause of cervical cancer.[iv] While other factors may make the risk of cervical cancer greater, HPV is considered “necessary” to acquire this type of cancer.4 Guess how much protection a condom provides against HPV? None. HPV is not spread by bodily fluids but by intimate skin-to-skin contact. How safe is that? It simply isn’t safe at all.

-Adapted from And the Bride Wore White, Chapter 2, Revised Edition, 2012


[i] CDC. Youth risk behavior surveillance—United States, 2009,, MMWR 2010;59(SS-5):p20.

[ii] Chlamydia,, updated June 2010, retrieved October 12, 2011

[iii] Genital HPV Fact Sheet,, updated August 2011, retrieved October 12, 2011

[iv] Kumar, Vinay; Abbas, Abul K.; Fausto, Nelson; & Mithcell, Richard N. (2007). Robbins Basic Pathology ((8th ed.0 ed.). Saunders Elsevier. Pp. 718-721, retrieved October 12, 2011

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  • Thank you for posting this. I had always known that “safe sex” wasn’t, but I didn’t know the statistics for myself. I aspire to wear white and mean it on my wedding day. Ideally, I would like to save my first kiss for the altar. I am 17 years old, so far so good. 🙂
    Dannah, you are an inspiration to me. You aren’t afraid to talk about the tough subjects. In a culture where depravity is the norm, you call us all to rise above.

  • I remember doing a report WAY back in high school( ’95?) on condoms and the fallacy of “safe sex”. One of the stats I saw have stuck with me. “Condoms have a failure rate from the manufacturer of 1/5; for pregnancy!! The size of an HIV germ compared to a sperm is size wise like a football to the football field.”
    Umm, hello parents?!!

    • Hello Lisa

      There was a point when it was believed that the HIV germ could penetrate a condom by getting through the pores or breathing holes in the latex. It’s been fairly well proven, however, that HIV doesn’t behave in a way for this to occur. Are the cell sizes of HIV smaller than the holes in a condom? Yes. But HIV is relatively well prevented by condom use. We don’t have to use that one as evidence that using a condom can kill a friend. Rather we can look to things like HPV and Chlamydia for those terrible results.

  • Years ago when reading the book Intended for Pleasure they said that condoms on average have a 17% failure rate! So how is that good? You only need it to fail once for it to cause problems. There are also many myths about the safety of birth control in general. They lie and tell you how good the rates are for Depo, the pill, IUD’s but what they don’t tell you is how many of these women end up with complications from these drugs. The statistics are skewed towards these methods being almost fool-proof but if you ask real women or get on chat boards with women who have used them and see how many of them tell you that their bc didn’t work. How many women who have had IUD’s that have migrated, gotten implanted in their uterus or have gotten pregnant while these devices were still inserted and then caused damage to the developing baby.

    These are just some of the reasons that waiting for marriage is important. Not that getting pregnant when not planned is not still hard, but you have more of a support system and more resources for help.

  • I think the idea of ‘safe sex’ has become one of the most successful myths ever. I am even a living example of it. I have gotten pregnant FOUR times on birth control. Two of those times I was using multiple complementary forms (pill+spermicide+ovulation charting/testing+pulling out+highest grade condom available). I was doing all of this at the same time every single time because I really and truly didn’t want to have anymore babies as my babies were all huge with big heads and I am allergic to painkillers. I was terrified and paranoid about getting pregnant. I even had a special alarm clock just to tell me when to take my pill. But I STILL got pregnant again and again. So, as you can see, I am a huge opponent of the safe sex myth.

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