nonSpeed Dating for Dummies: does he know the word of God?

nonSpeed Dating

 Take a breath. Slow down. Dating doesn’t have to be so rushed. It does have to be right.

[Bonus material from Get Lost.]

mikvahIn the darkness of night a twenty-something woman steps out of her plush towel sheet and dips her toe into a descending stairway leading to a secluded, spa-like pool. It is the night before her wedding and she is bathing for it in a special body of water. This mikvah, as the traditional Jew calls it, isn’t for just the traditionals any longer. More and more modern women are turning to the ritualistic cleansing bath to prepare them for their wedding day.

Down she dips herself. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven times. Each dunk cleanses her of her old life and prepares her for a new one as the wife of one man.

The pool is filled with with what is called “living water.” That is, it is water that has been in existence since the beginning of time. Usually, it is filled with rain water that has recycled and again and again through the earth’s atmosphere. In this way it is not unlike the water the water in ancient mikvah’s ancient mikvahthat existed during the time of Christ. Back then, the bride-to-be was making one of many trips to be re-cleansed for her marriage bed. She would return after each period to be cleansed before she could have sex with her husband. What a burdensome task!

But Jesus said something about “living water” when he was here on earth didn’t he? He told a sinful woman at a well of water, ““If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” HE is the living water. Maybe that’s one reason why the Apostle Paul took the cumbersome burden of a woman’s ritualistic bathing and replaced it with something different. In Ephesians 5 he charges husbands to make their brides holy “by cleansing her by the washing with water through the word.” As I wrote in What Are You Waiting For:

The apostle Paul’s language here is pure, 100 percent Middle Eastern, circa first century A.D. … The spiritual parallel is that Christ has washed his bride, the church, through His death. But his once-for-all sacrifice means the old ways of “making things clean” are gone.” So Paul introduces a new way to cleanse a bride. Now she will be cleansed ceremonially by one thing and one thing alone. Not water, but the Word…and not before marriage, but as a continual action after marriage.[i]

Now the husband is charged with the task of cleansing her with the words of Jesus. It is not the words of the husband, but the words of our Savior that should be drenching a woman’s spirit and cleansing her!

Cleansing her of what? I write about this at length in Get Lost, but we women are certainly prone to hang on to words that wound. For example, I remember clearly the words of a student leader who crushed my heart when I was a freshman in college. Having persistently asked for an allowance in where and how I interacted with another student, this over-stressed young woman eventually blurted out: “Dannah Gresh, your heart is black!” How I ruminated on those words through the years, letting them wound be even further.

Bob Gresh has helped me to heal. There’s nothing quite like waking up to someone who has chosen you.  Each morning, I roll over in bed to find that someone found my heart beautiful not black. But mine has been a man mindful that he alone cannot handle all of the aches in my heart. I fell in love with him most profoundly as a teacher of a college Sunday school class. There I could see that he was able to handle the Word of God. That he knew it. And loved it. On occasion, I would find a note in my P.O. box from my favorite Sunday school teacher explaining how the verse he taught on spoke of my gifts, my calling, my beauty, or my purpose. Few things have cleansed my heart as completely as those notes..and others like it that have come through the years.

A guy can’t grow into a man who will bring the Word of God to your heart unless he is putting it in his heart now. If you’re going to consider a guy worthy of a date, be sure that he knows and loves the Word of God. He doesn’t need to be a Sunday school teacher or trying to go to seminary. He just needs to treasure the word of God to be a worthy consideration for a date!


[i] Dannah Gresh, What Are You Waiting For: The One Thing No One Ever Tells You About Sex (Waterbrook Mulnomah, Colorado Springs, 2011), page 135.

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  • This is an awesome post to read! The last paragraph should be posted on billboards for single women young and old to read!!

  • Hi! I’m 14 (and homeschooled). Yes, too young for a relationship (that’s coming from me, not my parents, although my dad says I can date when I’m 25. Lol). I just finished Get Lost for the 2nd time. (Okay so the first time I just read through it without really doing anything and that was several months ago.) But there is this amazing guy at church I’ve had a crush on for a little more than 3 years now. (Hes homeschooled too) We had been getting to know each other a little through different stuff but then this past July he told me he liked me and got my number and we starting texting… like daily. He’s my best friend now. Outstanding Christian boy who knows the Bible forward and backwards and wonderful manners, perfect gentleman. I love his family (siblings and parents are friends) and my parents love him. His mom went Through a bunch of medical problems a few months ago (they almost lost her, she’s almost perfect now though, thank God.) I was the one he came to and I tried my best to be there for them. I don’t tell many people about this but I’d be leaving out a big part of the story… back in November we kind of gave in to the peer pressure and said that we’d “say” we were boyfriend and girlfriend so people would leave us alone about it. (I think we both had stronger inner motives though.) We agreed that it was just a word and that we would consult our parents when we actually wanted to start dating in a few years and that nothing would change from our friendship. We didnt really take time to think about it. It just happened. We saw each other the next morning …it was awkward… we “broke up” and agreed that we weren’t ready and that it was meant for us to just be friends at that moment. (When we did I had a mental break down about what his parents would think… and I still don’t know if they know it ever happened… but I guess I’m over it mostly… I still feel a little guilty and if I’m ever at church in a moment of insanity I might wind up running up to them and pouring everything that happened out followed by a big apology. [My mom did know.]) We kind of refer to it as a joke now, even though their is a tiny bit of hidden tension. Okay, so we still like each other (alot) and our friends still tease us about it and everyone lives happily ever after… until I dove into Get Lost again. Even before I did God had been nudging on my heart about something. And then I got sick for a few days and had time to really think about it. There was alot of stuff that went into it but I asked him if we could take a break talking for a little bit and briefly explained my spiritual standing and that something just wasn’t right and I didn’t feel like I was putting God first. He was extremly supportive about it and i felt like it was no big deal after we talked about it. And its that point when i came across Get Lost again while cleaning my room. Okay so we didn’t talk for about a week and a half to take a break. As little as I want to admit it, it hurt a little bit. Okay so more than a little bit and I cried… alot. Which caught me off guard cause I really didn’t think it would be that big of a deal since we aren’t in a “relationship” not did we like break up or anything, just took a break from talking. I think I put every thing back in the right place though. I feel like I’m closer to God and everything. We’ve started back talking some but I don’t feel like it’s a problem anymore. I was just curious what someone that I could get a straight and honest answer from would say about everything. Like just stepping back to see how this really looks. If you don’t mind.

    Oh and one more thing, I’m sort of a writer so I thought about attempting to write a devo. If I do, could I use some of the research and statistics if I give Get Lost /Dana credit? Or how does that work or should I just avoid it? Thanks!

    • Love the story you just shared. So honest and transparent. Thank you. As you write, you can always quote things up to 600 characters without contacting the publisher for permissions. You just have to provide citation.

    • Hi Anonymous! I was so blessed in reading your testimony! And the wisdom that you have as a 14 year old and your obedience to that wisdom is absolutely amazing that your age! I don’t know many who are willing to submit to these truths! Nor many who would seek wisdom from others about these things! I’m not sure what your convictions are about dating but I have a daughter in college who has kind of gone through this is same scenario of course some details different. Anyway she found herself becoming best friends with a young man she at this point is not necessarily ready to enter into a relationship with. We’ve always taught our daughters that it’s not wise to become best friends with the opposite sex because it does turn into more, more times than most! And that can lead to heartache for both parties. Also the other reason for that is if for whatever reason it doesn’t turn into more what happens when you do find your spouse and you have this male best friend? It does make for an awkward situation, well more than awkward, a very difficult and painful situation. The question is, should you continue to invest in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex without intentions of a courtship. At this point it can lead to emotional heartstrings being attached add it seems from your testimony may have already happened. I would encourage you to seek the Lord in this area and ask him if this is a relationship you need to continue to invest in at this time. I’m not saying you can’t be friends, I’m just saying that you may find that you don’t need to spend so much time texting and talking. And possibly only talk while in public without and anythingoutside of that shouldbefor only a specific purpose. If you were closer to pursuing a courtship it might be okay, but I think it really depends on how long it’ll be before you’re ready to pursue courtship. Bottom line is the Lord desires truth in our inward parts as he’s told us in the scripture. Truth is He knows us better than we know ourselves! As I stated earlier I would definitely encourage you to seek the Lord. Ask Him to show you truly what is in your heart to show you truth and to show you what it is that you need to do! That can be a very scary thing but he is faithful and he will give you truth if you seek it! Prayers for you add you seek out wisdom!

      BTW Thanks for the mentioning the study, Get Lost, I plan to look into it!

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