It’s Not Good To Be Alone…So Don’t Be

Thank you for your comments. This contest is now closed.

Congratulations Sarah, Kelcey, Germaine, Elissa, Karie, Jessica C, Lina, Erin, Meg and Tiffany.

Genesis 2:18 says “It is not good for man to be alone.” The Christian world often jumps to the conclusion that it’s not good to be single, but that cannot be true because the Apostle Paul calls singleness a gift. The verse does not say it was not good for man to not have sex or not be married. It says it was not good for him to be alone. A more profound interpretation for both married and single women is that a lack of authentic intimacy in your life and mine is not good. God created us to function in community whether single or married. This is what makes our human sexuality so drastically different from the physical urges and fertile expansion of the rest of the animal world.
The authors of Authentic Human Sexuality describe the deepest of sexual desire in the context of a drive to community:

“Deeply embedded within each one of us is a divine longing for wholeness that sends us reaching beyond ourselves and to God and others. Sexual desire helps us recognize our incompleteness as human beings and causes us to seek the other to find a fuller meaning in life…Authentic sexuality urges us towards a rich sharing of our lives.”

I’m wondering, how do you as a SINGLE WOMAN experience a rich sharing of your life? I need practical examples and ideas and even a testimony of how you have learned to embrace singleness as a gift.

On Saturday February 22, I’ll be randomly selecting ten winners who post their experience to receive an advance readers copy of my April 2 release, Get Lost: A Girls Guide To True Love.

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35 Comments

  • I have been single for about three months now. It was a really hard break up, we had planned on getting married, we had everything planned out, then he dumped me and a month later was in a relationship with another girl. I felt lonely, lost, and discouraged. But over the past few months God has shown me how He is using my circumstances, emotions, and loss for His purpose. I have been able to encourage the women around me. Since I am not caught up in a romance with a guy, I have more time to plan Bible studies, minister to those around me, and focus on God. Maybe one day God will lead me to the RIGHT guy, but until then and even after that point in my life, I know that God is using me: my heart, my mind, my strength- to benefit His kingdom and to help His plan!

    • How wise you are Hannah. I have worked with countless women coming out of bad marriages who saw warning signs and ignored them either because they were insecure, needy, didn’t know The Lord yet. It is far worse to be lonely inside of a bad marriage than to be lonely as a single. Pray, love, and serve others until God confirms your mate. Hold out for His best!!

    • Proud of you for making a tough choice Hannah. I know it must have hurt deeply, but the Lord will heal up your heart and set you in the right relationship if he has one for you.

  • So true! As a single young woman, I am surrounded with so many people who are anxious to be in a relationship, have a boyfriend and jump on the dating bandwagon. Something my father has shared with me since I was young is the face that I do not need ‘many men’ or ‘many prospects’ lined up for me, because God only has one man chosen. While I wait for Him to show me who that is, I get to enjoy so much freedom of being single. I get to travel the world with the Gospel, share with my coworkers, spend a lot of time with my family, and I do not have to spend so much time worrying and over thinking everything that happens between me and the opposite gender. I want my life to be poured out so that when I reach the judgement seat of I AM, there is nothing left of me, but all they can see is Jesus because I am gone.

  • Some wisdom I have had shared with me is that God said it is not good for man to be alone, but lonely is a different matter. Loneliness can be used to shape us and get the focus beyond ourself.

    As a single I have found sharing meals with others is one of the best ways to share in other people’s lives. Meeting friends, single friends and older women, is such a great time to realize I am not alone and to invite other people into my life and be a part of others lives. Also, as a single I am learning I have to be intentional in sharing in my life. It’s easy to just keep to myself, I have to put effort in reaching out. Lastly, praying with other believers is also one of my favoritest ways to develop rich community.

  • This past year, God has taken me on a journey to embracing biblical ideas of womanhood, including how to glorify Him while single and how to set appropriate boundaries in friendships with guys. I’m 24 years old, and spent my high school and college years in a desperate search for love. This led me to do whatever it took to make myself attractive and pursue men. Rather than giving me what I wanted, this approach brought me so much brokenness, regret, and isolation.
    I’ve come to see my singleness not as a burden, but a GIFT from God at this season of life. While I do hope to marry and have children in the future, my days are no longer spent obsessing about how to attract and find my man. I’ve learned to spend time in the Word, worshiping, and becoming more active at church. Instead of spending last summer chasing guys, I spent it volunteering at VBS, helping with a disaster relief project, and reaching out to the elderly in my community. I’ve made an effort to be an investor in friendships instead of a consumer…while I’m definetly not perfect at this, the process has brought me so much joy. My relationship with God and my family members has grown so deep, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I think the key that’s helped me the most is trying to be more others-focused instead of self-focused, and learning to wait on God for my man instead of aggressively pursuing him. I never used to like the whole idea of biblical womanhood, but now I’m seeking to learn all I can about how to glorify God uniquely in this way! I must say, it takes a lot of STRENGTH to be a true woman in today’s culture….what a journey! 🙂

  • I still struggle with being single, but having very close friends is a wonderful thing. My group of friends loves to get together and talk. If we had the time, we could probably talk for hours and hours. We love meeting at interesting little cafes or just one of our houses. Our conversations go from light-hearted talks about funny things that have happened to us to deep topics about controversial things like Calvinism or abortion. The times that we get together are some of the most enjoyable times of my day! It always encourages me and lifts my spirit. I relish these times and while I’m away at school, I really miss it. These friends really embrace the biblical idea of a “friend that sticks closer than a brother.”

  • I’m newly single and working through my husband’s desire for a divorce. How I’m embracing my “singleness” is I’m taking this opportunity to explore and strengthen my faith. I’m volunteering more in my church and I have joined a social group in the town I live in. In the short few months that I have gone from a married woman to a soon to be divorced woman I have made so many new friends that I would not of met if I wasn’t single. My husband is in the Navy so we/I haven’t immersed myself in the communities that we have lived in and it’s so exciting to finally be able to call our town home and really put down roots. So as my old life comes to an end my new single life is just beginning and very exciting for my daughter and I.

  • After 20 years of marriage I found myself single again and trying to navigate a very much couples world. Over the past five years I have operated a support group called Care and Connect out of my home to reach out to other women who were separated and divorced. It has been a place of respite for fellowship, Bible study, prayer, food and fun. I recommend for single sisters that they find a place where they can have that kind of friendship and fellowship with other women. The very first thing I would recommend would be to make Jesus Christ their main man. He is to be our husband foremost and our provider and protector. If their source of strength and comfort comes ultimately from Him they will have a right perspective of their future husbands if one day (re)married. The next thing I would recommend, is to find a place where you fit in within your body of fellowship at their local church. We are not to be alone because it places us in a very strong place of vulnerability. I was in a married Sunday school class for 13 years and remained in that class and additional year after separating from my husband. It then became evident to me that it wasn’t a comfortable place where I belonged anymore, and I sought two other women to start a new Sunday school class. So my recommendation is if you cannot find a place to fit in start one. By starting this class we have garnered women who are both separated and divorced, women who have never been married both old and young, widow’s, women who attend church because their husbands are unsaved and do not attend with them, and women whose military husbands are deployed. And it’s been a true blessing. I would encourage single sisters to do similar things within their sphere of influence. Others will be blessed through your efforts. Next, celebrate where you are today. Celebrate your spiritual milestones. I knew that I would not celebrate a 20 year anniversary with my spouse and decided to have a 20 year spiritual celebration party for myself during Christmas of 2011. I invited all the women that I knew that had helped me in my spiritual walk and in my journey and celebrated the good things that God had done for me while being a Christian for the last 20 years. It wasn’t the kind of 20 year celebration I had anticipated but I celebrated what I could. The next thing I would recommend is that single sisters get involved in activities that they are intrigued by or interested in pursuing. I suggest always inviting someone to go with you because there are plenty of other sisters out there who would not try something by themselves but if you invite them and encourage them they will be glad to come along. Make it a journey with your friends. Next I would encourage having a prayer group and accountability partners. It is very important to have others to counsel with in order to make wise choices in life. It is a sign of strength not weakness. In order to make good choices in dating relationships, friendships, finances, jobs etc. we need to have council with others wiser than ourselves. Allow others to see your vulnerability and needs by praying for you, and learning to study areas that will create wholeness and healthiness in your life. My friends and I have studied topics such as establishing good relational boundries (townsend and mccleod), we have studied Andy Stanley’s love sex and dating, we have studied what abuse looks like in a relationship, we have studied parenting, biblical marriage, etc.. Knowledge is power and the word is very powerful. As Christian sisters we need to be seeking and asking for all the wisdom that we can garner from God and his holy word. Then our lives will be blessed. I would love to one day write a book of all of the incredible and powerful stories that have come out of the past five years and the support group I’ve started to demonstrate God’s faithfulness and his miracles. In trying, depressing, press down and shaken, situations I have seen God do the miraculous and as it says in my favorite Scripture verse in Hebrew 13:5 “He will never leave you not forsake you.”

    Dana I would love to counsel with you about how you started your ministry and found a book publisher. I would like to share the Care and Connect ministry with others who are floating around out there desperately trying to tear their own walls down in order to make bridges to freedom and wholeness. I feel a book and website with resources would be the easiest way however, I don’t have any contacts and would love some suggestions.

    My daughter and I loved the SecretKeeper event that came to our area-Fayetteville, NC. What a blessing!

    • Hello Friend!

      I encourage you to just keep asking the Lord for your next step. I never intended to begin a ministry. But one by one, the Lord directed me to hearts that needed healing. Just be faithful where you are and MINISTER. Don’t seek to begin a ministry. If that comes, let God lead you in it. He can open more doors than anyone else.

  • I’m 21 and have been single my whole life. I have learned that while I am single I have a lot more time for God and to serve others. I try to be involved where I can. I am currently helping with a youth group in the next town, I rotate teaching junior high Sunday School, am currently teaching our youth group about real purity, and I mentor some girls in high school. For me, each of those is an opportunity to pour out God’s love to those who need it and to find and make connections with others whole need them. Living as a Christian single is not a sad thing, like Paul says, it is a gift that we have the option to embrace or snub. This past year I truly learned to embrace it and in doing so I have created friendships that are centered around God in ways I never thought possible. Also, God and I have a fantastic relationship! He is my best friend and I knoe that I am truly content because I am using this time as a single to be His vessel of love and truth in this world! I am so happy with being single, I’m excited to see what God leads me to do next! By the way Dannah your books have inspired me to become the woman I am today! God really spoke to me through them, so thank you for following Him and spreading His message!

  • I’m 19 and I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve never kissed or held hands with a boy. It’s really hard to stay pure in a world that seems to tell young adults that the only way to get by or be liked is by having sex or dating someone. It’s just not true. It’s been hard to make it this far but I’m glad I did! Sometimes it really hurts to see young ladies, some several years younger than me, with their boyfriends and it makes me wonder what’s wrong with me but I always go back to the same thought: I’m single becuase God is not done preparing me for my future husband or my future husband for me. I am happy to say I’m still pure at 19 and I’m proud that God has given me the strength to stay that way. It gives me a chance to focus on learning more about my first, true love: God. 🙂 I know that when the time is right, God will bring my knight in shining armor to me. 🙂

  • Having spent my entire life as a single woman, it only took me about 22 years to realize what a gift that was. (I’ll be 23 in April.) Throughout all of those years, I had parents, family members, church leaders, coaches, camp counselors, and even friends who constantly reminded me that God had a good and perfect plan for my life. All of the things they told me were confirmed in my daily devotions and prayer time. I knew they were right. I knew God was enough. I even poured that same truth into the girls that I counseled at summer camps and those that I coached during the school years. But I didn’t truly believe it.

    For a long time, I felt like I just needed to serve in any capacity that I could. Filling up my schedule with opportunities to pour into others felt like the right thing to do. I enjoyed serving others and building strong friendships with those around me. I loved impacting younger girls and seeing lights turn on when they realized their true worth. It was incredible, but in the back of my mind, I knew that I only wanted these experiences to fill in a gap. These were good ways to serve until God brought the right guy into my life. Then, we could search for ministries to serve in together. We could encourage each other to draw closer to Christ. We could go anywhere for God. We could do anything.

    A few months ago, after doing some serious praying and reading a number of amazing books (some of Dannah’s included), I realized just how small I was thinking. Yes, I was a part of exciting kingdom work and yes, I was where God wanted me to be. However, I had completely failed to realize that I could do anything and go anywhere for God right now. I had amazing friendships that would provide me with the support to do this and endless opportunities to serve God, with very few distractions. I’m not sure that I can completely explain my thinking, but I realized that I already have enough. God’s not just going to bless me in the future; He’s blessing me RIGHT NOW!

    Although someday I think that marriage would be an incredible opportunity to serve God differently than I can as a single, I love where I’m at! God has chosen this time for me because He wanted to bless me with all kinds of open doors that never would have been available to a dating or married woman. Praise Him for giving me this time that so few truly have the opportunity to cherish!

    Just as a side note to my story: I would never have reached this realization without the friends that I found through the ministries that I have been involved in. One of my best friends is someone I met as a camper at a Christian camp when I was a junior in high school. We live ten hours apart, but because we are both single, we have been able to talk through things that never would have come up with our friends who are in relationships. Being single definitely doesn’t mean being in this journey alone!

  • In 2012, I finally surrendered to God’s call to go back to the Philippines and serve Him as a missionary, working with established missionaries over there, in a teacher’s role. It’s ironic, but several years ago, I would not have considered such a venture, as I wanted to be married first, before I would go back to serve as a missionary. God changed my heart. In 2004, I began feeling the tugging of God when I became good friends with this lady in my church and she would tell me stories about her life growing up in the Philippines. Miss Cindy and I would go door- to -door soulwinning, where we would knock on people’s doors and share with them the Gospel. We got to see several people saved that summer. God used these experiences of sharing the Gospel, combined with Miss Cindy’s stories to call me to the Philippines. The next summer, in 2005, I had the chance to visit the Sparks family who are missionaries out of my church, in Samar, Philippines. I got to help out with planning youth nights and leading singing for those youth nights. I got to go out soulwinning with some of their Bible school students, and meet the members of churches the Sparks had started over there. I can’t explain it to you, but I remember wriiting in my journal that “this was what I believed God had made me for- to reach the Waray-Waray people with the Gospel.” (The Waray-Waray people are a people who live in Samar and Leyte, in the Philippines, and their name means “Nothing-Nothing.” they have been told they are nothing and will amount to nothing by the rest of the world.)
    Anyway, meeting the people and the children there, it was amazing. When I came back, a friend of mine said that I couldn’t stop talking about the Philippines. I knew I had been called, but I also knew that I didn’t want to go back until I was married. That was a dream dear to my heart. But God changed all that, this last year. In January of last year, I finally asked the Lord what His will for me was- He told me that He wanted me to go back to the Philppines and help the Sparks. So here, I am. I turned 30 this past January, and though I wonder how my dreams and plans coincide with the plan of God, I am learning to put my complete faith and trust in God to show me the way. I have struggled with loneliness, but God’s Presence has been ever so near and a comfort to me, when I’ve made Him first in my life. Dannah, I admire your heart for God and your desire to be attuned to the needs of tweens, teens, and single ladies such as myself. Your messages are spot-on, and singleness is definitely a topic that needs more addressing of. It gets hard sometimes, but making Jesus our Very Best Friend -it’s definitely a Romance! Keep writing and God Bless!

  • I did not mention this, but God has given me opportunities to be able to present my ministry to different churches,(through sharing my testimony with them, how God called me, etc. and show them the Powerpoint presentation of what God has called me to do.) My goal Lord willing is to get to the Philippines to work with the Sparks in July of next year. He has given me the open doors to be able to share my testimony, encourage other young women who may be looking into the dream of working in missions, and come, March, I will be able to travel around again to different churches, and the Lord is giving me the opportunities to bring challenges to young people, as well as teach Sunday School at these churches. It’s a unique platform, but I’m thankful that God wants to use me.

  • hey dannah
    i 40 and single – always have been. engaged twice, and familiar with every battle that a single person has faced.

    i actually wrote a book about it coming out May 1 by Moody Press: Thrive- the single life as God intended.

    hope your readers will check it out. Trust me….being single is not a death sentence. It’s a gift that the older I get, the harder it is to consider ever exchanging it for anything else!

    here’s the link to the amazon page for Thrive: http://www.amazon.com/Thrive-The-Single-Life-Intended/dp/0802407145/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1361585151&sr=8-1&keywords=lina+abujamra

  • I’m a single mom with a 9 year old girl. How can I demonstrate to her that she is complete in Christ, if I am modeling the typical behavior of single parents who are “of the world?” With a close circle of godly friends, I am able to show her that she doesn’t need a boyfriend to be whole.

  • I am 22 years old, and I have been single for quite awhile! While I am so looking forward to having a marriage someday that’s main purpose is to show a beautiful picture of Christ and His love for His church (if it’s God’s will that I do!), I am also enjoying this season of singleness. During this time, God has revealed so much through His Word as well as wisdom from other mature Christians (reading “What Are You Waiting For?” “A Man Worth Awaiting For” “Lady in Waiting”). I have such a greater understanding of what it means to be complete in Christ and to not expect that my husband (or any other human) could complete me. Realizing that God is my ultimate need and desire has been the best part of my singleness! “It is not good for man to be alone,” and because of my relationship with a God who will “never leave me or forsake me,” I will NEVER be alone!! I’ve also found that building friendships with other Christians is important for me while I’m single. We need each other, I truly believe that! God has brought wonderful godly friends into my life to build me up, encourage, and sometimes gently rebuke me! I believe we can experience and demonstrate the love of Christ through friendships where both people love unconditionally and build one another up. In my life, my season of singleness has been difficult at times, but so, so sweet! Spend time with The Lord, who is the One who holds your heart and completes you! Spend time with godly friends! Build relationships with Christ as the center and show a world the fulfilling Love of Christ!

  • I’m 28 and single and often the message I receive from church is that I’m incomplete. No one knows what to do with me, or even know how to interact with me. Am I not a godly woman because I’m not married? Is being married a more glorified/sanctified state?

    The church has failed us in respects to modeling the gift and beauty of singleness. The church idolizes marriage and yet at the same time somehow devalues singleness. I’ve grown up in the church and have heard innumerable messages on marriage and family. Churches design programs for couples and children, but what about singles? Often times the programs that do exist for single people, are programs designed to find a mate.

    Let me be clear, that I strongly support marriage (I desire to be married and have a family), but my challenge to others is to have God’s view of singleness, not the churches. God doesn’t esteem one state above another, so why do we?

    1 Corinthians 7-Paul talks about the gift of singleness and the gift of marriage. It says, “Each man has his own gift from God, one has this gift, another has that.” So then why do we view singleness as a curse, or possibly the lesser gift that nobody wants? Not everyone will experience the gift of marriage, but everyone at some point in their life has the gift of singleness.

    What helps me to thrive at being single is remembering my calling in Christ Jesus. I’m called to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. Our ultimate calling is to serve and glorify Him in whatever gift He has blessed us with.

    Romans 8:28-29 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son.”

    That good? Is making us more like Christ Jesus. I’ve learned to trust in that “good”, knowing that God is making me more like Himself while I’m in this gift of singleness. Whether single or married, God wants the glory for how you live your life.

    I’m not going to wish away or waste the gift God has given me. I’m going to use it. I’m going to choose joy instead of sadness; trust instead of doubt; connection instead of detachment.

    More than my desire to be married is an earnest desire to know the Lord and be known by Him. My identity is in Christ Jesus. I am complete, I am worthy, I am loved…and you are too!

    • Dear Karie,
      Thank you for posting this. I agree- the apostle Paul was inspired by the Holy Spirit to write what he did about each man having one gift, etc. There needs to be more godly resources that address the needs of singles. God Bless you, Dear Sister, and keep Pursuing Jesus!
      In Him, Jessica C

  • I am a 37 year old single mother and 6 years post divorce. The question posed actually makes me reflect on my singleness prior to marriage. At that time many would preceive that I was handling my singlenes in a very godly manner. Heading up a sexual purity ministry, in ministrial leadership, and working hands on with the youth ministry. Did I mention I was on several committees at church,and attended every service when the doors of the church was open. Everytime I had an opportunity to teach before a small group my stance was “tight, but RIGHT” (at least that was my justification for my legalism). In short….BUT GOD! In His kindness and long suffering He delighted in allowing me to be an object lesson in mercy! Those boundaries I had set up….they were superficial! I was an opportunistic secondary virgin! The true of the matter is….I never delignted myself in the Lord. I didn’t believe Our Father would give me the desires of my heart, so I settle for the first man that came along who named the name of Christ and showed interested in me. I became pregnant our very first sexual encounter and proceded to marry him 6 months later. I know my life the ministry as I had known it was over. And it was! God aimed to change my heart of stone, mercy-less position, and loveless love into a heart that reflected His. Long story short…I went through years of guilt, shame, and rejecting the call that God had on my life. Believing that nothing good could come from me! I left my old congregation after being sat down from ministry and focused on my baby and my new husband. The husband didn’t work out, but my baby girl drew something out of me that I had never expereiced before…..a need to extend compassion and mercy! God used her and the circumstances of my divorce to soften my heart and put His heart and desires inside me. I am currently apart of ministry that goes after the heart of the hearer. I minister t many folks young and old and share the truth in love. I work as an Abstinance Presenter and take my daughter with me to my presentations. We have real talks and we show real love to those who feel as though the Lord has forgotten about them. I share my testimony and allow the teaching to be seasoned with truth and grace. If I can be salvaged anyone can!

    • Dear new friend:

      What a transparent and heartbreaking but beautiful testimony. You are so beautiful! I, too, found much strength in my baby girl when she was small. She is the reason I was able to embrace God’s forgiveness and extend grace to others as well. So proud of your work! Keep it up!

  • I’m almost 25 and have been single, well, basically always. I’ve never had a serious boyfriend, just guys who I’m friends with. I’m not one of the girls who has problems with men. I have a great daddy and a lot of wonderful, Godly men in my life. I am, however, the girl who grew up dreaming about her prince charming sweeping her off her feet and just knew that I’d be a wife and maybe even a mommy by the time I was 25. Single was never MY plan. Yet here I am. It’s been a long journey to get to this point by I’ve reached the point where I’m content to be single and have realized what a blessing it is at this point in my life.
    When I was 18, starting my first month of college (where I lived on campus) over an hour away from my church and home, God called me to teach the 1st and 2nd grade Sunday school class at my church. I loved it and gladly did it but there was this little part of me that was disappointed. God had “taken” my plans away from me. I was going to stay on campus on the weekends, find a church there and meet my prince charming! But now I was “stuck” at home all weekend, every weekend, in my rinky dink town because I “had” to teach Sunday school. (I’m smiling writing this and shaking my head at my 18 year old self.) Looking back now I see what a blessing it was to be “stuck” at home. I grew so much in God in those years of driving 3 hours round trip every weekend. I didn’t get to know any guys to marry, but I did get to know God better than I ever would have otherwise. When I was 21, God called me to lead the elementary age youth at my church. The amount of time thinking about, planning for, and doing things with these kids is phenomenal. I know without a doubt that if I were involved with a guy I wouldn’t have the time to dedicate to the kids that I do now. I’ve graduated college now and am teaching elementary school on top of my Sunday school class and youth group kids. I love all of these things and have a hard time imagining my life without these huge blessings. My class full of 1st and 2nd graders keeps me on my toes every week and my youth group kids are “the center” of my world (I use center lightly…more in reference to what I stay busy with the most. Jesus is the real center!).
    I can’t imagine how I could keep up with everything we do and still be able to have a serious relationship with a guy. I’m not closed off to the possibility and if God brings someone into my life I’ll certainly be open to it. But at the same time I’ll be sad to let the single phase of my life go. I love that I’m free to do whatever I need to, whenever I need to with my kids. I love that they never have to feel like they have to compete for my attention or that I don’t want them around because I have a boyfriend sitting next to me in church. A lot of times right now I have bunches of little kids sitting with me in church and climbing all over me before and after church and I’m free to give them my entire attention and make sure they know that they are important to me.
    All of this isn’t to say that there aren’t times I see everyone around me in relationships and don’t get a little bit jealous. But then I look at all of the wonderful things in my life that I may not have if I weren’t single and I’m thankful that single is God’s plan for me, at least for now, and just like anything else He brings into my life, it’s a blessing!

  • As a 17 year old Christian young lady, I believe it’s God’s plan for me to be single right now. I believe He’s using this time to prepare me for my future spouse, mold my character, and teach me more of His plan, and I’m thankful for my singleness. That doesn’t mean there aren’t moments of loneliness though, or times the the “normal” way of dating seems so much more comforting. That future husband can seem so far away, and the answers so unclear. But what God’s trying to get through to me is that *right now* is a gift, full of potential in His hands, and though I may not know the future, I know that I can’t let that uncertainty hinder me from what He has for me right *now.* Some examples in my life: I have 6 amazing siblings who train me everyday to set a good example, to love deeply, and to learn from them. I can learn respect and obedience from my parents, and watch my mother’s example to be a strong, Godly wife. My dad, who, while I’m waiting for my husband, is to be the man who holds my heart, I can give all my care and submission. I look for ways to bless him, like leaving “good morning” notes on his mirror before he leaves for work. My dad and I also keep a journal where we write to each other, which is not only a good place for guidance and developing a closer relationship, but also a special treasure while I wait for that communication with my husband.
    When those feelings of loneliness arise (and it’s oh-so-temping to turn on those love songs and just wish for a boyfriend), I try to direct those feelings into serving others who may be struggling with loneliness. God can use our very loneliness too! One thing I really enjoy is crocheting, and I’ve begun working on projects to give as gifts to others who might be lonely. As I sew I am praying that this person might be blessed and encouraged, and find myself blessed and encouraged as well. Handwritten letters to someone who could use some encouragement are another great way of channelling that loneliness into reaching out to others.
    Knowing that God uses our single time is such a cool thing – it’s a long journey, but so worth it, and so rewarding if I give this time fully to him. And hey, this “in the mean time” isn’t “down time”..it’s God’s time! He can do big things while we wait.

  • As a single woman, I have come to learn and experience the value of community and relationships. The journey for me has been about balance. Balance meaning not being a “lone ranger” by keeping people at a distance and refusing human help; nor (on the flipside) overemphasizing connections with people where they take the place of God, but recognizing that HE is the source of ALL of my needs. In the last year, this is the lesson I have learned…and still learning…Balance. In the same passage that you referred to about Paul expressing singleness as a gift, it explains what makes singleness a gift. Discovering this truth is what helps me and will help others to experience a rich sharing and to embrace singleness as a gift…not just in theory, but in APPLICATION.

    Paul makes it plain in 1 Corinthians 7:32 what the life of a successful godly single is to look like. When we really understand and take this to heart everything else will shift in proper focus. Paul said “…an unmarried man (woman) can spend his (her) time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please Him”!!! This should be theme scripture of every single. WOW!!!!…“doing the Lord’s work”!! This is exactly how I have learned to embrace my singleness as a gift and experience a rich sharing of my life. Doing the Lord’s work…pleasing the Lord…this is synonymous in that we can only please the Lord by doing His will. And the bible is full of “ideas” on what the Lord’s will is and how we can work for Him. James 1:27, Psalm 82:3-4 and Isaiah 1:17 are just a few good ones with the same theme of what work we can do as singles.

    As a single (or as I like to refer to myself… a free agent), we have been given such a blessed gift! To have the ability to focus completely on God without distraction is truly amazing to me! That’s my story–learning to allow God to be who He wants to be to me. By seriously seeking Him first, being enamored with His presence and experiencing the riches of His overflowing grace & love, I have developed a desire to share that with others. As He fills me, I fill others. Single Mothers, fatherless children and widows are those with whom I share my life with. Whether it’s just providing support by attending a band recital or sports game or hanging out with kids. Whether it’s just assisting with errands or chauffeuring children of a single mother. Whether it’s just being present, a listening ear or encourager for a young unexpected widow; or checking on an elderly widow from time to time. This is how I simply enjoy my free agency (singleness) on a weekly basis. I also enjoy mentoring others…depositing into youth and other young women. For me, the gift of singleness also brings the gift of time. In the last 3 years, I’ve been able to experience a rich sharing through missions by traveling to Nigeria, Dominican Republican then South Africa. I know it’s possible to do all of this married, but it may not be as easy for me to do these things not being single. By being a single (and a non-mother), I have TIME.

    Balance has been the key for me…“seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need (Matthew 6:33). It’s been a journey, but I have discovered that when my connection is strong with Him everything else comes into place…in time. My relationships are more meaningful because my perspective has matured. I no longer hold back or expect too much, but have learned to be vulnerable and to value authentic community by pretty much learning to…hmm…“Get Lost” in God. When this relationship is right, everything else will become right.

  • I’m 18, and I have never had an official boyfriend. The singleness that I experience gives me more time to serve my sisters in Christ and to minister to them in all aspects of life. It also allows me to further learn to trust God with my life and His timing. This purposeful singleness allows me to guard my heart and wait for the right, godly man to enter into my life. It allows me to serve my brothers without any uncertainty about where my feelings lie.

  • I’m in my mid/early 20’s and I’ve been single my entire life. Never had a boyfriend, never even really been on a date! People often have asked me why that was, and for a while I wasn’t sure how to answer them. Maybe because I was afraid, or shy, or hadn’t found a guy I really felt that kind of connection with, or didn’t have time, or maybe it was because I hadn’t really ever been asked before. Whatever the reason, after being questioned several times, I began to feel like maybe I was missing something. Why didn’t I have a boyfriend? It seemed as though everyone else did, or at least had had one before. What was wrong with me? These questions began boiling up inside me, and I began to believe that singleness was like some sort of disease I’d contracted – a sickness. Then one day God finally gave me some insight. Singleness is in no way a disease or even a negative thing. I believe God has a place and a purpose for everyone, and I do believe God has a man planned for my life one day, but right now I’m learning something so much greater through singleness. In my lack of a dating relationship, I’ve been able to fill that instead with a relationship between me and my Heavenly Father. I’ve been able to experience His love so great and so completely, and allow it to replace that “hole” I felt inside me. In my loneliness and search for affection, I found Him, which gave me so much more than I ever could have hoped for. After all, He is the real source of our longing anyway, right? Now I’m not saying I want to be single forever, but I’ve developed a peace and a trust in God, that His timing is perfect, and His plan for me is better than anything I could imagine on my own. Even if that meant I would be single for a while, or even (gasp) forever! I would be ok, because He’s got me, and I’ve got Him! That takes the pressure off dating so much, as well as the fear of being alone! Because we never are truly alone, and I’m so grateful that it gets to be just Him and me for a while! That way I know when the time does come to date, I won’t be at risk of falling into the wrong kind of relationship, or becoming needy and desperate – because I have God to fill those needs! It also allowed me to realize that I carry a lot of baggage, and by trusting Him, and building my relationship with Him – I’ve been able to feel that burden lighten! A lot of issues that may have prevented me from being a good girlfriend or wife in future, have been removed through His wonderful grace and mercy. I continue to see Him working in my life every single day, and I am blessed to be able to say that I am completely satisfied at present, and God has used it to build a bond between Him and me that I would never have otherwise! I’m not saying you can’t have that kind of relationship with Him while dating, but I’ve found that without the “distractions” of dating, I personally, have become closer to Him than I ever would have been able to if I did have them.

  • I was also truly blessed by all these personal accounts you ladies shared. You have all encouraged many (myself included) just by sharing your stories. I would also love to recommend “Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? : Trusting God With A Hope Deferred” by Caroly McCulley.

  • As one of the few men writing here let me say that coming from 2 divorces and an attempted suicide as a child I had some major trust issues and as a result have never married or had children. Though involved in numerous relationships from 23-50 I can say none filled the void in my heart. The last decade of purity with Christ alone has taught me that being single CAN be a gift and for those who are truly willing to be sold out to Christ it’s far easier single than married. Ultimately nothing compares to encountering God in all His Glory…and He wispered to me the other night… “Chip…even the best of this world is but tears & shadows to what is to come…”.
    Chaplain Chip Rohlke

  • this is so very much true for a man like me trying to find love again, especially after a divorce since my wife of 15 years cheated on me which i was a very caring and loving husband that was very much committed to her as well. and being so alone now is certainly very hard for me since most of my friends were so very blessed by God to have met the love of their life and have a family like i would had wanted as well. i feel that God is to blame, and he really doesn’t want me to have a love life again since i hate so much to be alone as it is. my aunt and uncle just celebrated their 65th year together, and it was certainly meant to be for them when they met in Junior High School.

    • Mike:

      I can understand that the anger for what your wife has done needs to be directed somewhere. But God probably isn’t the place you want to shake your fist. He loves us enough to give us free will. Your wife used hers poorly. And that hurt is so very deep. Sadly, her sin impacts your heart.

      I recently experienced some hurts that have lead me on the journey to wonder how God could possibly work all things together for good. I’ve served him well, but some things this year just have hurt so deeply. I say this only to tell you that I truly understand what it is like to question God’s goodness. But choose the path I’m taking. Ask him to answer the question of your heart and dig in deep the lesson suffering can teach. I’m confident it’s going to be a good one. And I’m not at the end of the road yet.

      Dannah

      • It certainly does hurt very much being alone like i have mentioned with my last comment, and with so many mean women out there nowadays it is very hard for me to meet a good one again. women today are much different than they were years ago, and with so many women that think they are God’s gift to men since they have their high paying job today, does make it much more difficult for me finding love again. I know other men that have the same problem too, which it is very sad for us. It is just too bad that we don’t have a real time machine to send many of these type of women back in time to see what it was really like when many men and women had to struggle to survive. thank you for your support. Peace.

  • Having been alone now for over 4 years, I find I have to trust God for all things, Financially, emotionally, and for strength to get through each day. I am putting my trust in God that he will direct my path. Having gone back to school and trying to make a living for my daughter and myself when your in your 50’s is a hard thing. I know God helps me everyday. I am grateful for it too. I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t trust him. I am thankful to have Him in my life. If God has someone for me he will have to make sure that without a shadow of a doubt he tells me! I have made bad mistakes in my life and I am not going to choose for myself anymore, I will let God choose for me. I will not be abused by men anymore. If I have to be single then I know God will be my provider and comforter. My very first scripture I claimed when I came to know the Lord was Rom. 8:28, All things work together for good…I know God has a plan for everything and so I trust him. He is good ALL the time.

    Les

  • The only problem with that is which meeting a Good woman for many of us Good men to share our life with is very Difficult these days since many of us are Not Single by choice.

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