Revenge of the Church Ladies

It’s rumored to be true, but I haven’t been able to document it.

Apparently, the findings of one of the nation’s most respected studies on human sexuality—which I can share with you in brief here—were so unbelievable in terms of religiously active women being happiest with their sex lives that a major national paper ran an article entitle “Revenge of the Church Ladies.” (“Well, isn’t that special!”)

A study conducted by the University of Chicago, and considered to be one of the most statistically accurate studies on sexuality available today, determined that the most orgasmic women in the United States are middle-aged, married, conservative Protestant women, with 32 percent claiming they climax with orgasm every time they have sex. Mainline Protestants and Catholics were just behind them at 27 and 26 percent respectively, but those with no religious affiliation claimed to have orgasms only 22 percent of the time. Furthermore, those having the most sex were not the singles, but women in monogamous marriages—and they liked it more than singles.

I have a Church Lady Challenge for all you girls out there in the Church.

As it turns out, a casual treatment of sex does not give a woman more but less. Those of you who are waiting and can’t wait: keep waiting because it will be worth it. As the Hebrew word I trace through What Are You Waiting For: The One Thing No On Ever Tells You About Sex indicates, true sex is much more about the spirit and emotion than the body. It takes a deep, intimate knowing and respect to experience anything more than a counterfeit that looks a little like sex but just isn’t. It takes more than buff bodies with fresh spring break tans to create the best sex on the planet! Without the knowing and respect, we can’t know the depth of physical pleasure.

Secular humanism. The New Age movement. Eastern religions. Many make claims on sexuality, but none compare to what the One True God created it to be. Take for example the Kama Sutra. Written by Vantsyayana, a Hindu philosopher, it claims to be the first book written on the art of lovemaking. (At a glance, it seems to be purely about physical pleasure, but it is rooted in Eastern mysticism and many of the sexual positions are modified Hindu worship positions.) In her applause for the book, Bobbi Dempsey, author of a tragically confusing book on sexual pleasure, says that “Christian and Jewish texts and teachings contain no mention of…sex. In fact, these two religions make little or no connection between sex and worship at all.”

Mind if I blow this out of the water?

In truth, of all the world religions, Christianity alone boasts the most radical of holy books. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? It’s called the Song of Solomon, or Song of Songs. This celebration of unashamed physical pleasure stands out uniquely among religious books. Written in approximately 970 BC, it beats Kama Sutra by 1,320 years. How’s that for a Church-Lady-thrashing? (For more on Song of Solomon see the last chapter of What Are You Waiting For?)

Church Ladies stand strong. Our decisions to abide by God’s standards of excellence and purity are not arbitrary. He had a plan. (Next week I’ll blog a little bit about that plan when I share the “Strangest Sex Fact Ever!”) But let’s not be the slightest bit ashamed of our decision to dare to believe that in waiting we can actually experience more. The gift of sex–and the holy treatment a Christian worldview wraps it in—is something we should shout about!

Take the Church Lady Challenge

Are you female?

Are you “religiously active”—embracing the death of Christ as your life?

Are you choosing purity in your life today despite any impurity that may have existed in your past?

If you answer “yes” to all of these, you qualify to take the Church Lady Challenge. Next Monday I will award one reading club pack of ten signed copies of What Are You Waiting For: The One Thing No One Ever Tells You About Sex to two individual winners which will be selected randomly. There are two ways you can qualify for the drawing.

Two Ways To Enter:

1.) You must be a public follower of this blog. Leave a comment telling me why you are choosing to live a life of purity.


2.) Blog, tweet, or facebook about this post. Your title should be “Proud to Be A Church Lady.” Then, leave a comment linking to your post or tweet.

Contest ends midnight Sunday, April 10th!

Our winners have been selected and notified.


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  • I love it Dannah! Thanks for what you do! 🙂 I just ordered my copy of your “What are you waiting for” book last week and I can’t wait to receive it! 🙂

  • I boldly choose the Church Lady Challenge!!! Choosing a life of purity is amazing. Good/great things come to those who wait and walk in obedience to God’s ways. Waiting is difficult for sure, but the reward at the end of waiting out way the so called pain that we think we endured while waiting on God’s perfect plan. I have been married now for 11 1/2 years to a wonderfully amazing Christian man and it was most definately worth the wait. I counsel my children and other young girls to wait on God and to remain pure, both physically and emotionally, and that God’s ways and obeidence most definately produce the abudant life that Christ talks about. I encourage them to not settle for 2nd best but to endure the waiting for God’s best in a man and to guard their hearts and not to give them away to anyone that isn’t worthy of it. Thanks again for all the work you are doing to build the kingdom!!!

  • I have chosen to live a life of purity because I know how ugly it feels to be pursuing men in an unholy fashion, and I’m so thankful that God saw fit to bring people alongside me to hold me accountable in my younger years. I am now reaping the benefits of a wonderful, godly Christian marriage. And yes, I can proudly say that I benefit in many ways from the path I chose, including the benefits of a satisfying sexual relationship with my husband.

  • Just became of follower of this blog. Would love the pack of books to share. I just went to the Secretkeeper event in MD Of course i am choosing to live a life of purity because it is the life God intended for me– his child whom he loves. I am looking forward to all He has in store for me–that’s why.

  • I loved this, and would also love to enter the giveaway!
    I am passionately living out a complete lifestyle of purity because I want to live out the pure lifestyle God calls all of us to live, and because I don’t want to fall prey to the cheap, worldly version of love. I want it straight from God–the One who created it! If its not in His will for my life, then I don’t want it!
    I also want to help encourage other girls to pursue the pure lifestyle, body, mind, and soul!

  • Dannah,
    Revenge is the Lord’s, but this “revenge” of sorts is sweet, isn’t it?
    I can attest to the fact that married, monogamous sex is far better than anything else society would have us try.
    Preach on, Church Lady!

  • I beg to differ – the Song of Songs predates Christianity as well, and belongs as much – if not more- to Judaism, which surely qualifies as a “world religion.” But otherwise I agree with your basic premise – sex belongs in marriage and not before.

  • I concur. Judiaism…the true root of Christianity…also has a claim in the Song of Solomon. My pardon for the oversight. I just have a hard time separating the two. I see them as one faith. I believe Jesus is the Messiah prophesied by the faithful Jewish forefathers!

  • I am PROUD to be a “church lady”! I boast in Christ and His suffering on the Cross so I could be a “church lady”! Thank you, Jesus for allowing me to worship the Heavenly Father in this way.

  • This book “saved my life,” so to speak. It “connected all of the dots,” in a way that made sense! Thank U Dannah, for being the “messenger who has uncovered this priceless information!

  • I love this! It makes me all the more excited for saving my purity!
    I was actually in a relationship with a guy that wasn’t very healthy. It started out great and we both loved God but we let some things get out of control, and God was no longer at the top of each of our priority lists. We began making a lot of mistakes physically. About seven months ago he broke up with me after about a two year relationship, and while it was extremely painful, I’m becoming more and more grateful each and everyday. Thankfully, I still do have my virginity, and if we hadn’t broken up, I don’t know if I would…. Praise God! 🙂 Maintaining purity can be hard but it is so worth it! And you can still do this even if you have made mistakes – I’ve learned this! 🙂 Thanks so much Dannah, you’re such an inspiration!

  • I, unfortunately, did not choose to remain pure before getting married…a decision I painfully regret. But praise God for His mercy and redemption! My husband & I are now raising 3 beautiful teenage daughters and are teaching them what God has to say about living a pure lifestyle–what I wish I would’ve known…what He has to say about purity and the why of it all! Thank you so much for the information you have added to our arsenal!!

  • I’m choosing to live a lifestyle of purity for more than one reason. It’s sort of hard to put into words! But to sum it up…
    A) I want to honor God in all parts of my life!
    B) I want to honor my future husband by protecting my purity.
    C) I don’t want to settle for anything less than God best for my life.

    (Dannah, you have all of my friends and I talking about Yada. We’re holding one another accountable as we’ve always done but after all of us reading “What Are You Waiting For” we finally have the whys! Such an encouragement! Thank You!)

  • Proud to be a CHURCH LADY……..think that sex saved for marriage is the purest form of a beautiful gift from our Lord that is sacert, beautiful and should be saved and treasured and deemed precious betweenr a husband & wife
    as a gift from God.

  • Dannah,
    Living a life of purity…! I am so sad to say that I honestly did not know the true and whole meaning of the word purity until about 6 years ago. I heard about your book And the Bride Wore White, read it, and was totally saddened by how little I knew. I was 30yrs old at that time with an 11yr old daughter. SHE was my driving force in learning what purity was and why God wants it for our lives. What a journey I have been on since then. I am totally passionate about the teens in our youth group. We have taught your purity curriculum twice and the teens love it. I have so many regrets about my past and they really aren’t that bad. My husband and I agree that when we were growing up, we were taught “don’t have sex because it’s wrong” period! NOBODY EVER TALKED ABOUT THE REWARDS!! THAT is worth waiting for!! I want to live a pure life because shame and guilt are the hooks that satan like to keep in our heart to keep me from letting God use me. I dont want those hooks in my heart and I want to minister to all the teens god puts in my path! Keep writing. Can’t wait to see what you put out next for my sons!!

  • I’m living a life of purity because it’s God’s way and the only way I’ve ever known. Thank you for this book, which so nicely details God’s plan for sex and his creation. We’ve already ordered 15 of these books, but I would love to win a ten-pack! I can think of so many organizations that would benefit from having this book in their library!

  • Dear Dannah,
    Thank you so much for the book. I recommend it heartily. I am a 51yr old “church lady” who was VERY lost until the age of 28. It has taken me many tears, much prayer and hours upon hours of counseling to become the “church lady” I am today and I say that proudly. God has worked miracles in my life. When I read your book, I had an aha moment! Yada just made sense to me. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. Then last night, I rec’d a call from someone I lent my book to that wanted to discuss Yada! Someone very dear to my heart that I have been praying for. My cup runneth over!
    All this to say, THANK YOU. May the Lord bless you and keep you, and multiply the blessings of others thru you!


  • I am living a life of purity because I believe that God delights in this. God’s plan for sex in marriage is a fabulous gift. I am PROUD to be a church lady.

  • I am boldly and proudly taking the Church Lady Challenge as like you had said there were choices in my past and I will not dwell on but I know that now I have found my right path with Christ again. I am doing this for myself and for my daughter so she knows that it is worth it. We live with my fiance and many things are a challenge and temptation is often but he knows how I feel and supports this decision as he is a good christian man whom I helped to find Christ. So 2 years down and 2 more to go but I know through Christ I will get past all the temptations.

  • I am a happily married mother of 4 girls and we have a 19 year old girl and her 2 year old living with us. I am so happy to be a church lady and love that I am working to be the Younglives Area Director for our county… I pray that all the YL girls choose to be church ladies 🙂

  • Good Stuff!! Thanks for sharing.
    I’m so thankful that God has lead me to live a life of purity. From the parents who raised me to believe that God’s way is the best way to the everyday decision to keep my mind and heart pure before God, His reward has been a wonderful husband, and beautiful children. I continue to choose to live pure so that my children (4girls and 1 boy, so far:) )will have an example of purity to make the right choice for themselves too! Proud to be a church lady!

  • So proud to be a church lady! Dannah, I praise God that you are not only saying wait because of physical consequences, but also sharing the why it is so important in spiritual and emotional areas as well! I also praise God that you don’t stop there but show how! I so wish I could have had this when I was young. Even though I was committed to purity and was a technical virgin I had crossed so many other lines because I did not understand so much of what you are sharing. I am comitted to share this with every young lady that the Lord allows me to! Thank you!!!

  • Hi Dannah, my daughter and I are enjoying the ‘8 Dates’ together and I pray she carries this message along with her into adulthood. I accept your challenge, and I would like to make a controversial statement…I am PROUD to be a church lady (I’m NOT old! Only in my thirties!) and I would like to say that we have the most absolutely BEST sex lives on the planet!! I choose a life of purity, as in, monogamous and devoted to my husband looking for happiness in no other in this world because I truly LOVE him. I am content and peaceful in my life with him. AND because long after the passionate moments are past, we can sit quietly together, have a cup of coffee and carry on wonderful conversation. I am fully satisfied in my marriage. And I can’t see that there’s ANY OTHER way to be! Off to post on my facebook wall!

  • I’ll say it loud and proud …..I’m taking the Church Lady Challenge!!
    Thank YOU for letting God use you and your ministy in such a wonderful way!! My daughter nad I where to out first Secret Keeper Girl event over the weekend ….and well, to put it in her words…WOW!!!! We had a womderful evening basking in God’s love for us!! Thank YOU for giving Mom’s tools that we need to help in taching girls about purity -and that it is a wonderful thing to stay pure til marriage! -and that Sex after marriage is a wonderful thing that God created between a husband and wife!
    Thanks again for your words of encouragment and teaching …praying God continues to bless and open doors for you!

  • I am choosing to live a life of purity because I feel it is what God requires of us. I would love to win the pack of books to share with a group of teenage girls!

  • As a young woman I believed my worth came from the attention of boys, and my choices reflected that belief. It wasn’t until I met my husband and made choices that reflected Christ instead of hiding Him that my life began to blossom. I hope I can instill in my children the perfection of God’s ways so that they can learn without making mistakes first like I did. It is a joy to live following Christ and his plan for marriage Every day:) Thank you Dannah for all your work and support of us!

  • I am so thankful for your ministry!! I unfortunatly did not “wait” but I’m thankful that God blessed me with a loving, Christian husband. We have been happily married 12 years now. God has also allowed me to work within our youth group and share with the senior high girls about Gods true love and the really meaning behing “waiting”. But I know now how important it is to guide our children much differently than just telling them the old “don’t do it”. Thank you!!

  • I’m choosing to be pure because it brings happiness. I’m married to a wonderful man I waited for, and we have a very fulfilling relationship in many ways. I’m grateful I waited, and now can enjoy the deepest commitment, selfless, wonderful monogamous relationsip. Intimacy is a beautiful part of our relationship, and mutually fulfilling, as we are not looking for selfless gratification or fulfilling lusts and animal desires, but expressing our deep love and attraction for each other.

  • Why have I chosen purity? Because I’ve seen what the world’s way of sexuality has to offer, and it’s shallow. I want to be able to give EVERYTHING — my body, my heart, every seductive glimpse — to my husband someday. I have this dream of him being the First and Only One… for everything.

  • I LOVED this article and I am very proud to be a Church Lady! I lead a Bible Study on Intimacy and I see how NOT remaining pure until marriage allows Satan a foothold on so many couple’s intimacy. I did not remain pure before but I agree with an earlier response that said NOTHING is better than monogamous married sex!!! I also work with youth and use your materials to help keep them on the road to purity. Keep sharing those “Dirty Little Secrets”!

  • I am a mom to 5 children and I have just celebrated 20 yrs of marriage. I choose to live a life of purity within my marriage. *which I feel is very important in our world today and a very difficult but rewarding task* I choose this not only because I love my Savior and want to honor Him with my heart, mind, and soul but also because I want to be a living example to my blessings (my sweet children). No one loves my children more than I do except Jesus. The world will lead them asstray and try to destroy them. It is my honor and duty to love and cherish and teach them. God has trusted me with that. I attended the Covington conference and bought the book “What are you waiting for?” I love the book and if I win these books I would like to give them to our youth at church. Thank you for you ministry and love for purity. May God continue to Bless You.

  • I want to live a life of purity, because it’s the best way to live. Both purity and sex are God’s idea. God wants us to live in purity, because he knows it’s best for us. And also as a rolemodel I want to share this good lifestyle with young girls and boys.

  • I don’t know i feel there’s no support for real celibates out there, including this article, it seems that even church is obsessed with sex. What about celibates older than 40 who don’t want to marry? how about people like me with little to no libido? We are left in the dark while everyone screw each other in the shadows and call sex “revenge” and other weird names, I’m so tired of being force fed sex at the end of the week I feel out of it and need several hours to calm down, because no one is there for the sensible , no is there for me so please do me a favor and call things by their name. Sex belongs in the bedroom, period, it’s not revenge, its not spiritual extasis is just is…

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