When Did Abstinence Become an Alternative Lifestyle?

Well ladies, the mass media seems to think anyone who’s still a virgin deserves the title of freak. So move over Tim Tebow and make room for Lolo Jones, the Olympic Hurdler who recently announced her virginity on Twitter.

Check out this panel discussing her decision. Sure the gang eventually comes around to affirm her, but why does it take so long? Why the hesitancy? Isn’t this “alternative lifestyle” the wisest sexual choice a person can make?


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  • As a 50 year old single female, I too decided to remain a virgin until I married. I adopted my daughter and want to show her that it is possible to wait even though society tells you something is wrong with you if you do decide to wait. I’ve had people laugh at me and ask me what is wrong, well nothing is wrong. They ask me don’t I crave for it. You can’t crave something you’ve never had before. I have male friends but I let them know upfront that if they’re looking for someone to sleep with then they will have to look somewhere else.

  • It’s so sad to hear them laughing about not being able to find anyone 18 or older that is a virgin. So sad!

  • It’s very sad that our lives are considered “alternative” in our society, and abstinence is a dirty word. I’ve been treated like a “freak”, even by some Christians (which was shocking and, at times, deeply painful!) No one knows what to think of a 31-year-old virgin who is waiting for marriage. They assume something is medically wrong with you, that you are a lesbian, that you don’t want to get married, that you don’t want to have sex, etc. I’ve heard it all! If I let it get to me, it makes singleness with the desire for marriage very emotionally difficult. It would be so much easier if people understood and if I didn’t stand alone, but, in the end, I know that I’m on a narrow road and that God is honored by purity. p.s. I’ll just keep on praying for marriage too! 😉

  • Agreed. It is awesome that she is setting this example. I wish there had been more role models like this when I was making these decisions.

  • Good for her! More young ladies would save themselves from much hurt and pain if they would realize why this lifestyle is the only safe route! How wonderful would it be to come into your marriage bed pure – no scars. Do you think our divorce rate would be so high? Shame on these reporters for calling her a freak! Glory to God for you Lola and for your strength and courage!

  • Sadly, virtue is not celebrated by our society. But, those of us who are believers do not need acceptance by this world. Continue to pray for your future husband and trust me you will get the last “laugh” because as a “one man woman” you will have an amazing intimate relationship with your spouse that most will never experience – look at it that way, and just smile when people call you a freak! :0)

  • Let me lead by saying I love this site, however, I believe if you are not familiar with this show this clip does not properly put into context the discussion. He was very much in support of her, as was everyone, except Bob Bekle, the only liberal on the panel (not surprising). His jest was at the media thinking this was so freakish and different and castigating her when she is obviously pretty amazing. Then they go on to say that this lack of focus on sex helps attain high levels of performance, because the focus isn’t shifted. I will agree totally with the poster that stated hearing that finding a virgin under 18 was impossible and laughing was sad. TOTALLY AGREED. That is precisely why we have the society we have…We are so lost and so hardened to the fallen condition of this world.

  • Good for her! I chose to remain a virgin until I was married, and I was blessed that my husband, who was 27 years old on our wedding day, had made the same decision. I had many people who were skeptical of our abstinence, especially his, because what man would intentionally wait that long? But our willingness to wait for the person God intended was our greatest gift to each other, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

  • Hey, guess who’s business a woman’s virginity is? Nobody’s but her own. This weird fetishization of cis!female virginity only contributes to oppressive ideals and the idea of women as sexually passive objects to be attained rather than real people with real needs who have their own sexual agency. A woman’s worth is not decided by how many people she’s had sex with. This controlling, misogynisitc, sexuality-shaming thinking sickens me.
    If a woman chooses to remain a virgin, good on her. If she chooses to have sex before what you consider the ‘proper time’, good on her too. Let people live their lives.

  • It is alternative because it is no longer normative. You mistakenly associate ‘alternative’ with weird or bad. You are falling into the trap of ‘othering’. I’m a bisexual. I’m in the minority. Doesn’t mean I feel bad about it. I’m completely fine with it. I could care less what the rest of the world does with their genitals.

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